Original subtitles

Yeah, send me over a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and make sure it talks.

Uh, who are you?

I'm Glenda Jackson and you must be Pops the doorman. And I'm Eric.

Glenda Jackson?

No, Eric.

Not the famous actress?

Yes. That's right, Eric, not the famous actress.

Beats me why you stars hang around with creeps like that.

I'm not his creep, I'm his limousine.

Drive on!

very special guest star.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise a curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know.

It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, motivational.

This is what we call.

And we have some wonderful things planned for the show tonight. We have

centipede tag team wrestling.

We have the singing marinated turnips. And best of all, we have the fabulously

versatile actress Glenda Jackson.

Yes, but first, but first, here is Gonzo the Great in a semi -autobiographical

extravaganza. Ladies and gentlemen, Gonzo the Great!

I had just got out from the county prison Doing 90 days for non -support

Tried to find me an executive position But no matter how smooth I

talk They wouldn't listen to the fact That I was a genius The man say we got

that we can use Now I got them

In an air -conditioned office in a swivel chair.

Talking some trash to the secretary saying, Here now, mama, come on over

And I'm stuck here rubbing these sandals with a rag.

And walking home in soggy old shoes.

With them deadly depressants.

I feel a tick, he should be smoking on a big cigar.

But till I get myself straight, I guess I'll just have to wait in my rubber

suit, rubber knees car.

Well, all I can do is to shake my head.

You might not believe that it's true.

Working at the end of Niagara Falls, it's undiscovered Howard Hughes.

Oh, Miss Leghorn, would you take a letter?

Forget the letter, Miss Leghorn. Let's think the afternoon.

what you say.

I thought I was dumb.

Maybe you're right.

Ahoy there.

Oh, ahoy, Glenda. May I come in? Come aboard, Officer of the Watch.

Pipe the frog aboard.

Thank you. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.

Me? Oh, any old port in a storm?

I'm sorry I've been so busy.

Bilge wash. I'm glad to see you run a tight little ship.

Glinda, do you have any connection with the sea?

Meet Black Jackson, the heartless pirate captain.

And I, B. Eric, the heartless pirate parrot.

That's silly. You're not a parrot. You're a penguin.

This be a disguise.

Oh, yeah? Well, take it off.

No.

What's the matter? Aren't you wearing your parrot suit underneath?

And get it, Crumple.

He do be a ruthless, heartless pirate, but he do like his privacy.

Wait a second. I didn't order that music sting.

No, I did. I'm taking over.

Oh, you and whose army?

One, two, three, four. You go stealthy now, and we do be masters of this tub.

Wait a minute. You can't take over my theater with this motley band.

They will have the help of short John Silver.

That too, sweetums?

Actually, I think he ate three. Perhaps you'd better count the chickens.

It goes with a hitch and hangs a lot.

That was not too terrific.

It'd not be our fault. No one showed us the ropes.

Oh, it's yours.

It's going to yours.

Oh, it's... I have

told you never to do that when I am giving orders.

How come he doesn't have that patch over his eye?

He's daddy and dick.

sure. No, we are not, you silly frog. We've cast off to look for buried

treasure. What?

Buried treasure. You know, pieces of eight, doubloons, 15 men on a dead man's

chest. Hold it, hold it, hold it. That's ridiculous.

I am not going to go along with anything ridiculous like that. Oh, yes, you are.

but he learns good.

Cast off the bow line!

Hey! Cast off the stern line!

Cast off the punch line!

Yeah!

Wait a second. This is a theater.

Oh, it is, is it?

Nice special effect.

You think we tied him too tight?

No, no, no. His eyes were always like that.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present that fabulous... Folks, things

little weird here tonight, so try and bear with us. And to help you bear with

us, we have a bear with us. The king of near -miss comedy, five...

Thank you and thank you. Hey, did you hear about the new sport they have?

you walk through five miles of poison ivy. It's called itch hiking.

I know, isn't it amazing? I could never pass my driving test, but all this seems

to come very naturally.

Come in!

Come in!

Puzzy, where's he doing your monologue?

Is the walloping window blind?

The wind that blew can dismay her crew. Or trouble the captain's mind.

The man of the wheel can't help but feel content for the wildest blow.

Though it often appears when the titan kills him.

The captain tickles the crew.

Not bad, but he's totally mad. It's on the after rate.

And why is the loose of the captain boots in the teeth of a raging gale?

one could be sweeter than my sweetie when I greet her in the morning

where the morning glories

twine around the door whispering

pretty stories pretty stories pretty stories I long to hear once more

back back back strolling with my girlie where the dew is pearly early in the

morning.

Butterflies will flutter up and kiss each little buttercup at dawn.

If I had Aladdin's lip for only a day,

I'd make a wish and here's what I'd say. I thought nothing could be

finer than to be in Carolina in the morning.

If I had a lens pack for all...

doing you're supposed to be setting up the next act oh i'm feeling a little c6

boss nonsense you never looked better

how to talk.

No, the first school for talking parrots began over 2 ,000 years ago by one of

Ben Hur's great aunts. Was it any good?

You mean you haven't heard of the famous parrots of Ben's aunts?

You know that pirate they call Peg Leg? He's a pretty good dancer.

Of course. I know I've seen him somewhere before.

Oh, where was that?

No. Well, all real pirates have a ring in their ear.

I never heard that.

I see. Well, can you tell us a little about yardarm hanging?

Well, the main thing is you've got to never look down.

That way you may get dizzy and fall.

Ah, yes, I can understand that. How high up is this yardarm?

Golly, I don't know.

Oh, this must be a hundred and something.

Feeling okay?

Why? Well, you look kind of green.

I'm always green.

Well, how do you know when you're sick?

Oh, good luck, Shaggy.

Don't do that.

Sorry. Who is he?

That's Shaggy Sanchez and his bomb balancing act.

We do the bomb balancing act?

Yeah. It's a good thing the sea is calmer than it was.

show must go on, but they never say why.

Well, right now, the show must not go on, because I quit. I give up. Our guest

star is a pirate. The theater is sailing out to sea, and I'm losing my mind.

No, you can't stop the show now, not before the grand finale.

What grand finale?

I'll do something terrible to your front.

Possibly. Oh, yes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm trying to get started with

you. Quick, hurry up there.

You know, Glenda, I really believe you're an honest business pirate.

Oh, really? That's very kind of you. Yeah, okay. Well, there she is. Now,

the real Glenda Jackson.

You're all...

this thing a crow's nest.

Get out of my nest, you dummies.