All language subtitles for the_muppet_show_s03e20_sylvester_stallone

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The Muppet fans are sometimes really
crazy people. It's amazing.

Every crazy little walk -on character,
they know the name. So, if you want a

facts that'll impress your friends, tell
them about these characters.

Here's Wayne and Wanda. These two are an
accident -prone singing duo who were in

the pilot but only actually lasted
through the first season.

Or how about Betsy Bird?

She was a beautiful, eccentric dancing
bird who appeared in several shows, but

she never really quite took off.

Or here's Fleet Scribbler, who's an
abrasive tabloid reporter that the press

loved, but the show's writers couldn't
stand.

Muppets banned press reporter thrown out
by fraud.

He was soon written out of the show.

Just keep watching and you might see
Fleet and a few other unsung Muppet

on The Muppet Show.

Sylvester Stallone?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr.
Stallone.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm happy as a clam.

I'm so miserable.

I've got to walk over until midnight.

Well, happy as some clam.

It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Sylvester Stallone.

Thank you, thank you, and welcome again
to the Muppet Show. And it's going to be

a wonderful show tonight because our
special guest is a writer, director, and

the talented star of that popular film,
Rocky, Mr.

Sylvester Stallone.

We're going to present a dance from
Hawaii.

Is Sylvester going to wear a grass
skirt? No, he's not in the number now.

back to your seats.

Curtain!

Puppet chose a great job for a pig. You
all say, we could be working a loo

house.

Now we're off to a possibly decent
start.

Oh, we're here. We're really here. We're
here.

Good grief, it's Sylvester Stallone's
groupie brigade.

Listen, girls, you're not allowed
backstage during the show.

Oh, it's okay. We got passes.

Passes? We don't give out passes?

could be selling backstage passes around
here 28 29 bucks yeah boss scooter i

want to talk to you okay uh right now i
gotta go introduce sylvester stallone

but i want you to stay right here and
don't move right see how valuable those

passes are girls the frog's gonna let us
stay right here so we can see sylvester

up

Roman Colosseum, where brave gladiators
sometimes looked like Sylvester...

Hold it guys.

And I say I'll eat you, bite you, beat
you, bite you, eat you. Let's call the

whole thing off.

Before I say Augustus. And I say

Augustus. And I say Cuvares.

And I say we go.

Augustus. Augustus. Cuvares. We go.

You must...

had a serious talk.

Boss, I understand you don't want these
groupies backstage.

That's true. I understand you're angry
with me for letting them in. That's

too. Well, I wouldn't have if they
weren't just so desperate to see you.

Me?

Where? Where?

Girls, girls, girls, you're going to
have to leave. Kermit insists upon it.

Wait, wait, no. Well, leaving isn't what
I insisted upon exactly.

Standing quietly over there near my desk
will do just fine.

He fell for it. Okay, quickly, now up
the stairs. We'll go to Sylvester's

dressing room. Come on.

Who's that small green man?

Say, Sly, could I have a word with you
for a minute? Oh, sure, Scooter. Come on

in. Oh, great.

You see, there are a couple of your fans
waiting outside. Well, they're not

waiting outside. Well, they wanted to...
Touch me. Touch me, please. Touch me.

Oh,

look at all the bodybuilding stuff Sly
has here.

Are you really a training Sly?

Well, no, not really. I mean, I'm not
really a fighter. I made a movie about

fighting, but I like to work out and
keep in shape.

few punches.

Silver, are you decent?

No, but my folks were. Come on in.

Rumor has it that there are a bunch of
groupies loose in the theater. Oh,

really? Yeah.

You think I'm safe here?

Yeah, I think you can rest here.

You know, I noticed when you came here,
you didn't arrive with much baggage.

Yeah, that's me. I travel light, no
baggage. Yeah, that's you.

Traveling light, yeah. Well, listen, if
you need anything, you just let me know,

huh? Well, thanks a lot, Link. I
appreciate it. For instance, I mean, if

wanted my aftershave lotion, it's in the
right -hand drawer. Well, thanks, Link,

but I don't. Yeah, my cologne is in the
left drawer.

Well, thank you, Link. And the scented
body talc is above the mirror.

Well, Link, you sure treat yourself
well, you know that? Oh, can't complain,

know. Us guys, we've got to stay fit,
you know.

Oh, Tommy the Worst. Did he mark me?
Yeah, a little bit, I'm afraid.

Oh, no.

Hey, Link, Link, Link, Link, don't cry.
Don't feel bad.

You still smell nice.

Excuse me.

You can't go out there.

That is the stage.

Well, I know that. Shh, shh, shh.

I know that. I'm playing in the William
Tell Overture.

I didn't know you were musical.

I'm not.

Should have a lot in common with the
rest of the band.

I'm once again for Veterinarian's
Hospital.

Hey, when are we on? The continuing
story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

All right, Nurse Janice, where's the
next patient?

Oh, here he is, Dr. Bob.

Where's he from?

Hawaii. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?

Dr. Bob, that is the oldest joke since
they renamed the islands.

What were they called before?

Sandwich. No, thanks. I might get crumbs
on the patient.

The patient was in the opening Hawaiian
number.

Why wasn't I in that number? I can do
the hula. I've seen you do the hula.

You're no great shakes.

The patient misses Hawaii.

He's homesick. How can he be homesick
when he's right here sick?

I mean he misses his home in Hawaii.

Oh, I can fix that. Hey, patient. Watch
this.

I mean napples.

Napples? No, you mean apples.

No, napples. You put them on pies.

Oh, no.

Pineapples!

So, come to the end of another
veterinarian's hospital.

Is he still up there? Tune in next week.
Who is he? You'll hear Dr. Bob say...

Hey, listen, maybe he's not really from
Hawaii. Let's take his temperature and

find out.

Oh, that makes sense.

He's from Hawaii. Look, 50...

man? Where is that?

No man is an island.

If you think that joke was bad, I'm
going to go out there and introduce

And now, ladies and gentlemen, comedy
magic with our own Fozzie.

I cannot do my song, a lady in half act.

How come? No song?

No lady.

Hey, come on. I got a song, a frog in
half act.

You just start. I'll find you a lady.
I'm not ready. And now, ladies and

gentlemen, Mr.

Fozzie Bear!

Hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Ha!

Yes, sir.

Fozzie the magician.

Uh, a box.

There's a box.

Ha, ha, ha.

Uh, uh, uh, say, uh, who was that box I
saw you with last night?

That was no box. That was my luggage.

death out here, Kermit.

Don't worry, it's okay. I found you a
lady.

Is she beautiful?

No, but she's willing.

Good enough.

All righty. Ladies and gentlemen, sewing
and...

Beautiful assistant.

Into the box. Into the box.

The box.

Over here, the box.

You will notice that I did not touch or
aid my assistant in any way.

Get back, you fool. Into the box.

Don't touch me. Into the box.

Just do the trick and wind it up.

Yes, sir.

shocking.

And here once again, ladies and
gentlemen, our very special guest star,

Sylvester Stallone.

The ballroom was filled with fashion's
throng. It shone with a thousand lights.

And there was a woman who passed along
the fairest of all the sights.

A girl to her lover then softened cried
there's riches at command

but she married for wealth and not for
love though she lives

in a mansion grand

For youth cannot mate with age.

But her beauty was so.

For an old man's goal.

She was burdened or killed in change.

I stood in the church just at eve. When
sunset adorned the west.

of the people who'd come to grieve for
loved ones now laid to rest a

tall marble monument marked the grave of
one who had been fashion's

queen and i thought she's happier here
at rest than to have

people say when seen

that life or youth cannot meet with age.

I only hope I didn't hurt the talking
punching bag.

What's that got to do with this show?