Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The Muppet fans are sometimes really crazy people. It's amazing.

Every crazy little walk -on character, they know the name. So, if you want a

facts that'll impress your friends, tell them about these characters.

Here's Wayne and Wanda. These two are an accident -prone singing duo who were in

the pilot but only actually lasted through the first season.

Or how about Betsy Bird?

She was a beautiful, eccentric dancing bird who appeared in several shows, but

she never really quite took off.

Or here's Fleet Scribbler, who's an abrasive tabloid reporter that the press

loved, but the show's writers couldn't stand.

Muppets banned press reporter thrown out by fraud.

He was soon written out of the show.

Just keep watching and you might see Fleet and a few other unsung Muppet

on The Muppet Show.

Sylvester Stallone?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Stallone.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm happy as a clam.

I'm so miserable.

I've got to walk over until midnight.

Well, happy as some clam.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Sylvester Stallone.

Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to the Muppet Show. And it's going to be

a wonderful show tonight because our special guest is a writer, director, and

the talented star of that popular film, Rocky, Mr.

Sylvester Stallone.

We're going to present a dance from Hawaii.

Is Sylvester going to wear a grass skirt? No, he's not in the number now.

back to your seats.

Curtain!

Puppet chose a great job for a pig. You all say, we could be working a loo

house.

Now we're off to a possibly decent start.

Oh, we're here. We're really here. We're here.

Good grief, it's Sylvester Stallone's groupie brigade.

Listen, girls, you're not allowed backstage during the show.

Oh, it's okay. We got passes.

Passes? We don't give out passes?

could be selling backstage passes around here 28 29 bucks yeah boss scooter i

want to talk to you okay uh right now i gotta go introduce sylvester stallone

but i want you to stay right here and don't move right see how valuable those

passes are girls the frog's gonna let us stay right here so we can see sylvester

up

Roman Colosseum, where brave gladiators sometimes looked like Sylvester...

Hold it guys.

And I say I'll eat you, bite you, beat you, bite you, eat you. Let's call the

whole thing off.

Before I say Augustus. And I say

Augustus. And I say Cuvares.

And I say we go.

Augustus. Augustus. Cuvares. We go.

You must...

had a serious talk.

Boss, I understand you don't want these groupies backstage.

That's true. I understand you're angry with me for letting them in. That's

too. Well, I wouldn't have if they weren't just so desperate to see you.

Me?

Where? Where?

Girls, girls, girls, you're going to have to leave. Kermit insists upon it.

Wait, wait, no. Well, leaving isn't what I insisted upon exactly.

Standing quietly over there near my desk will do just fine.

He fell for it. Okay, quickly, now up the stairs. We'll go to Sylvester's

dressing room. Come on.

Who's that small green man?

Say, Sly, could I have a word with you for a minute? Oh, sure, Scooter. Come on

in. Oh, great.

You see, there are a couple of your fans waiting outside. Well, they're not

waiting outside. Well, they wanted to... Touch me. Touch me, please. Touch me.

Oh,

look at all the bodybuilding stuff Sly has here.

Are you really a training Sly?

Well, no, not really. I mean, I'm not really a fighter. I made a movie about

fighting, but I like to work out and keep in shape.

few punches.

Silver, are you decent?

No, but my folks were. Come on in.

Rumor has it that there are a bunch of groupies loose in the theater. Oh,

really? Yeah.

You think I'm safe here?

Yeah, I think you can rest here.

You know, I noticed when you came here, you didn't arrive with much baggage.

Yeah, that's me. I travel light, no baggage. Yeah, that's you.

Traveling light, yeah. Well, listen, if you need anything, you just let me know,

huh? Well, thanks a lot, Link. I appreciate it. For instance, I mean, if

wanted my aftershave lotion, it's in the right -hand drawer. Well, thanks, Link,

but I don't. Yeah, my cologne is in the left drawer.

Well, thank you, Link. And the scented body talc is above the mirror.

Well, Link, you sure treat yourself well, you know that? Oh, can't complain,

know. Us guys, we've got to stay fit, you know.

Oh, Tommy the Worst. Did he mark me? Yeah, a little bit, I'm afraid.

Oh, no.

Hey, Link, Link, Link, Link, don't cry. Don't feel bad.

You still smell nice.

Excuse me.

You can't go out there.

That is the stage.

Well, I know that. Shh, shh, shh.

I know that. I'm playing in the William Tell Overture.

I didn't know you were musical.

I'm not.

Should have a lot in common with the rest of the band.

I'm once again for Veterinarian's Hospital.

Hey, when are we on? The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

All right, Nurse Janice, where's the next patient?

Oh, here he is, Dr. Bob.

Where's he from?

Hawaii. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?

Dr. Bob, that is the oldest joke since they renamed the islands.

What were they called before?

Sandwich. No, thanks. I might get crumbs on the patient.

The patient was in the opening Hawaiian number.

Why wasn't I in that number? I can do the hula. I've seen you do the hula.

You're no great shakes.

The patient misses Hawaii.

He's homesick. How can he be homesick when he's right here sick?

I mean he misses his home in Hawaii.

Oh, I can fix that. Hey, patient. Watch this.

I mean napples.

Napples? No, you mean apples.

No, napples. You put them on pies.

Oh, no.

Pineapples!

So, come to the end of another veterinarian's hospital.

Is he still up there? Tune in next week. Who is he? You'll hear Dr. Bob say...

Hey, listen, maybe he's not really from Hawaii. Let's take his temperature and

find out.

Oh, that makes sense.

He's from Hawaii. Look, 50...

man? Where is that?

No man is an island.

If you think that joke was bad, I'm going to go out there and introduce

And now, ladies and gentlemen, comedy magic with our own Fozzie.

I cannot do my song, a lady in half act.

How come? No song?

No lady.

Hey, come on. I got a song, a frog in half act.

You just start. I'll find you a lady. I'm not ready. And now, ladies and

gentlemen, Mr.

Fozzie Bear!

Hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Ha!

Yes, sir.

Fozzie the magician.

Uh, a box.

There's a box.

Ha, ha, ha.

Uh, uh, uh, say, uh, who was that box I saw you with last night?

That was no box. That was my luggage.

death out here, Kermit.

Don't worry, it's okay. I found you a lady.

Is she beautiful?

No, but she's willing.

Good enough.

All righty. Ladies and gentlemen, sewing and...

Beautiful assistant.

Into the box. Into the box.

The box.

Over here, the box.

You will notice that I did not touch or aid my assistant in any way.

Get back, you fool. Into the box.

Don't touch me. Into the box.

Just do the trick and wind it up.

Yes, sir.

shocking.

And here once again, ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest star,

Sylvester Stallone.

The ballroom was filled with fashion's throng. It shone with a thousand lights.

And there was a woman who passed along the fairest of all the sights.

A girl to her lover then softened cried there's riches at command

but she married for wealth and not for love though she lives

in a mansion grand

For youth cannot mate with age.

But her beauty was so.

For an old man's goal.

She was burdened or killed in change.

I stood in the church just at eve. When sunset adorned the west.

of the people who'd come to grieve for loved ones now laid to rest a

tall marble monument marked the grave of one who had been fashion's

queen and i thought she's happier here at rest than to have

people say when seen

that life or youth cannot meet with age.

I only hope I didn't hurt the talking punching bag.

What's that got to do with this show?