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1
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The Muppet Show with our special guest,
our Miss Lena Horne.
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It's time to play the music.
3
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,460
It's time to light the light.
4
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:22,860
It's time to meet the Muppets on The
Muppet Show tonight.
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00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,760
It's time to put on makeup.
6
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,760
It's time to dress up right.
7
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,140
It's time to raise the curtain on The
Muppet Show tonight.
8
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I bet on a horse that came in so late
they had to pay the jockey time and a
9
00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:40,410
half.
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00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:47,390
To introduce our guest star, that's what
I'm here to do. So it really makes me
11
00:00:47,390 --> 00:00:50,990
happy to introduce to you Miss Lena
Horne.
12
00:00:58,990 --> 00:01:02,110
But now let's get things started on the
most inspirational, inspirational,
13
00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:09,230
celebrational, Muppetational. This is
what we call the Muppet Show.
14
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:20,130
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys
15
00:01:20,130 --> 00:01:23,170
and girls, and dogs and frogs and pigs
and chickens, and welcome to the Muppet
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00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,690
Show. Hey, we are particularly happy
tonight to have with us as our special
17
00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:31,670
guest star the talented, the beautiful,
and the indefatigable Miss Lena Horne.
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But right now, we're going to start off
the show with an act that was discovered
19
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by George, our janitor. And here it is,
right from the cleaning room into your
20
00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:39,930
living room, the rag mops!
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00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:11,660
once in a lifetime, if you're lucky.
22
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Okay, okay. Good number. Good number,
you guys.
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00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,420
Good number. George, clean up your act.
24
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,380
Kermit? Hmm? Kermit, is it true what
I've heard? That I'm not doing my song
25
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:25,359
the show tonight?
26
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,279
Uh, that's true.
27
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,280
Oh, why?
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Well, Piggy, because Lena Horne is our
guest this week.
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00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:34,100
And, uh, how can I say this? There are
singers and there are singers.
30
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,440
You catch my drift?
31
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,470
Of course you're right. What a
considerate frog.
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00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:49,410
Ignorance is truly bliss.
33
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,010
Miss Horn on next. Miss Horn on next.
34
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,250
No, not you.
35
00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,030
The wrong Miss Horn.
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00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:04,010
And now it is my great pleasure to
present a performer whose name is
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with style, taste, and talent, the
incredible Miss Lena Horn.
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00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:40,300
Like the pine tree line in a winding
road, I
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got a name.
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00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,280
I got a name.
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00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:53,200
Like the singing bird or the croaking
toad,
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I got a name.
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00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:00,320
I got a name.
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I'm living a dream that he kept here.
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They can change their minds, but they
can't...
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00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:25,870
doesn't sing that. Not her style.
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00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:29,210
No, no, no. I mean I could listen to her
sing forever.
48
00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:30,930
Well, she doesn't sing that either.
49
00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:35,550
Why don't you just check yourself into
the old fool's home while I still have a
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00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:36,550
bed left?
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00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,910
I appreciate the fact that you find me
attractive.
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00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:06,050
Every frog wants to be needed. But there
is no room in my life for romance at
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this time. Thank you.
54
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Oh, I'm crushed.
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Oh, I'm destroyed.
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My life has no meaning. It's over.
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It's over. The sun will never shine on
this pig.
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00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,240
Aren't you just overdoing it a little
bit?
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Well, maybe.
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00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,740
Here's a Muppet News flag.
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Mrs. Lola Bramswell of Covington,
Kentucky, has come upon a most unique
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For the past ten years, she has eaten
nothing but seaweed.
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Tell us, Mrs. Bramswell, has eating only
seaweed presented any problems?
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00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,100
No, not really.
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Except that twice a day, I find myself
going in and out with the task.
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That's not easy to do in Kentucky.
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George! George!
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00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:19,510
Do you like circuses? Oh, I love them.
Oh, then you must like wringling. I
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00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:21,010
know. I'm never wringled.
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Will you love me forever?
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I don't know, baby. Ask me again in a
million years.
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00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:36,690
You know, my aunt has a chest that goes
back to 1700.
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00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,570
Well, that must make it tough on your
uncle.
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00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:47,210
You know, they say the children of today
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are the parents of tomorrow.
76
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:52,990
Well, I always thought it took longer
than that.
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Bugs me about you. What?
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You're Kemper. You're always blowing
your top.
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Oh, yeah?
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Bye.
81
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,080
Hey,
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Lena, you know, we are so pleased to
have you with us on the show tonight.
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have long been one of our favorites.
84
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:17,160
Oh, thank you. And I'm a big fan of you
and the Muppets, Cameron. Oh, well, that
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makes us all very happy because we on
the... Hoo -ha.
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00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,440
Hoo -ha.
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00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,300
Excuse me, Lena.
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Hoo -ha.
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Fozzie, what is it?
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What is it?
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It's us and we and ours.
92
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:34,130
But only you, the frog, get to talk to
the guest star.
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00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,530
Well, Fozzie, see, I'm speaking for
everybody.
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00:12:37,810 --> 00:12:42,730
Oh, sure, sure. But the guest stars only
get to know you, not me.
95
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:48,330
Yeah, but... That's right, that's right.
You know, they will never know that I
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00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,330
am a great comedian.
97
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:53,030
And they will never know that my family
was in show business.
98
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:58,530
And that I'm a sensitive... intelligent,
and yes, I'll even say it, talented.
99
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:04,330
Well, look, Fozzie, it's just that...
Excuse me, but aren't you Fozzie Bear,
100
00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:05,330
great comedian?
101
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:07,870
What?
102
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:13,150
A sensitive and intelligent person like
you must be a great comedian.
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00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:15,590
Oh.
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There you are, Fozzie.
105
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,650
Wow. You actually know me?
106
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Listen, when you've made a name for
yourself in show business, Everybody
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you, so it's only natural that I would
know the great Fozzie Bear.
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00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:32,410
Ah. Sure, just as it's only natural that
you would know Lena Horne.
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00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:37,010
Oh, Lena Horne? Oh, I love Lena Horne.
Oh, yeah, she's terrific. I mean, she's
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00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:38,010
great, don't you?
111
00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:43,910
Yeah, I think she's terrific and great,
too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, she's
112
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going to be a guest on our show one of
these weeks.
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00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,770
Fozzie, she is a guest this week.
114
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,920
She's a guest this week? Yes. On this
show here?
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00:13:55,700 --> 00:14:00,000
Oh, wow, wow. That's great. I don't want
to miss Lena Horne. Are you going to
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00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,999
stick around and see her?
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I might just do that.
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00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:05,060
Oh, yeah. I didn't get your name.
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Dave.
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Doris Dave.
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Cute.
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00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:11,780
Cute name.
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You know, with a name like that, you
should be in show business.
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00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,140
I'll wait for you outside, Miss Dave.
125
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,060
I'm sorry about that, Lena.
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Sometimes he's just unbearable.
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00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:56,150
I don't know.
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deep into his limitless repertoire, and
has come up with an act the likes of
129
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,410
which has never been seen before.
130
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:38,290
So let's give a big hand to the great...
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00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,910
Sometimes it takes a long time for an
artist to be appreciated.
132
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:28,810
But look, as long as one person
appreciates you, you just got to keep on
133
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,550
And as for me, I think you're fantastic.
134
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,250
I don't know what to say.
135
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:40,990
In this world of ordinary people,
136
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:47,770
extraordinary people, I'm glad there is
you.
137
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:58,560
of overrated pleasures and underrated
treasures
138
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:05,220
I'm glad there is you I'll live to
139
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:10,300
love I love to live with you beside me
140
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:16,859
This role so new I'll muddle through
with you to
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00:17:16,859 --> 00:17:21,420
guide me In this world
142
00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:27,890
Where many, many play at love and hardly
any stay in love.
143
00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:34,890
I'm glad there is you more than ever.
144
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:41,990
I'm glad there is you.
145
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:47,450
Thank you, Lena. You're great, Gonzo.
146
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,139
Oh, boy.
147
00:17:57,140 --> 00:18:00,040
It sure is great being in the show
business, Chief.
148
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,900
Yeah, Scooter, but I tell you, this
isn't an easy job.
149
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,780
Sometimes in this business, you have to
be ruthless, merciless, and cruel.
150
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,560
In what way, Chief?
151
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,140
Well, I just cut Piggy's song from the
show. Why?
152
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:13,960
Because there's no way she could follow
the great Lena Horne.
153
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,240
She'd look ludicrous.
154
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:17,800
Yeah, but these are command decisions,
Scooter.
155
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,080
It's lonely at the top.
156
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,560
He's right. Yeah.
157
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,520
I've got to be ruthless, merciless, and
cruel.
158
00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:34,120
Oh, how kind my Kermit is not wanting me
to overshadow Lena Horne.
159
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:38,320
Oh, no, no, no. He cut your number so
you wouldn't look ludicrous.
160
00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:41,780
What?
161
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,520
I'm sorry. You see, I've got to be
ruthless, merciless, and cruel.
162
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,140
Cruel? I'll show you cruel, kid.
163
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,180
told me about this part.
164
00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:01,680
And now it's time for that riotous,
mirthful
165
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,740
bundle of laughs, Mr. Fozzie Bear!
166
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,580
Thank you! Oh boy, oh boy, what a
fantastic audience you are. No, I mean
167
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:14,560
mean it. I've seen audiences come and
I've seen them go.
168
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,260
Well, you're seeing them go now, right
out the door.
169
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,680
Says you.
170
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,880
That's right.
171
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,960
Says you.
172
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,480
That's right. Says you. Well, you better
have a way out of this.
173
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:26,680
I do, I do.
174
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:27,980
Says you.
175
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,400
Says you, Hayakawa.
176
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:33,860
Huh? Says you, Hayakawa, a great
Japanese actor.
177
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:40,480
And speaking of Japanese actors, did you
know Toshiro Mifume means no smoking in
178
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,480
Japanese?
179
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:48,200
Well, he's either brilliant or that's
the dumbest thing I ever heard.
180
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,040
Oh, you can't stop the old fuzzy
tonight.
181
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,950
I'm really cooking. I'm one rare bear.
182
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:58,190
You're a square bear that ought to be
served medium rare.
183
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:05,310
And now, my tribute to Marcel Marceau.
An impression of a man balancing himself
184
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:08,270
on one leg. Count them. One.
185
00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:09,530
Here we go.
186
00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:12,690
Now,
187
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:17,650
a man balancing himself on...
188
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,430
Oh, I could stay on forever.
189
00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:30,010
Yeah, you stay on any longer, you'll be
running into the prayer of the day.
190
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,690
Senior citizens one, bear zero.
191
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:42,390
Hilda, would you help me find my key to
the dressing room? Oh, I am so sorry,
192
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:47,130
Miss Horne. My head is such a pickle. I
left the iron on in the costume room.
193
00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:49,290
I'll be back in the jiffy.
194
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,290
Animal. Animal.
195
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:56,090
I was wondering, would you help me find
my key?
196
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:57,890
All right.
197
00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:03,210
Be flat.
198
00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:09,770
I'll tell you, monster standing by.
Monster standing by, please.
199
00:21:11,030 --> 00:21:14,430
Aren't you going to be standing by, too?
200
00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,090
No. Why?
201
00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:19,170
Because you're the monster.
202
00:21:19,950 --> 00:21:21,970
What you said at the beginning of the
show.
203
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:25,510
about Lena and me?
204
00:21:25,710 --> 00:21:28,470
I just got it, Al Greeno.
205
00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:33,330
You meant that I couldn't follow her.
206
00:21:34,690 --> 00:21:37,090
Well, Pitty, sometimes the truth hurts.
207
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,630
Hurt? I'll show you hurt.
208
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:40,550
You
209
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:47,670
know,
210
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:50,090
there's a children's TV show that I
really enjoy.
211
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,390
Maybe you've heard of Sesame Street.
212
00:21:53,190 --> 00:21:56,010
Anyway, here's one of my favorite songs
from that show.
213
00:24:01,390 --> 00:24:04,670
This week's Madness. Hey, we'd like a
special thanks for our special guest
214
00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:05,750
Miss Lena Horne.
215
00:24:07,970 --> 00:24:09,410
What a fun.
216
00:24:09,690 --> 00:24:10,629
Oh, good.
217
00:24:10,630 --> 00:24:13,010
I was listening to Piggy sing backstage.
218
00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:15,850
I think she ought to have her own spot
on the show.
219
00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:17,069
Oh, really?
220
00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,350
Well, maybe next time we'll let her sing
a song.
221
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:25,910
Oh, you do love me. Oh, give me a little
pork or a kiss on that chuck.
222
00:24:26,310 --> 00:24:27,870
Oh, that's very nice thing.
223
00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:35,860
Stop it, Joel!
224
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,540
Arthur! Arthur!
225
00:25:15,860 --> 00:25:16,920
Is he here? Who?
226
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,440
Arthur. Go back to sleep.
17880
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