All language subtitles for the_muppet_show_-_s04e16_-_mark_hamill

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show you're
about to see stars Mark Hamill and C

and R2 -D2.

Excuse me, Martin Luke, but what is this
strange world we've come to?

Beats me, 3PO.

Seems we've landed on some sort of
comedy variety show planet.

In this episode, they kidnap the pigs in
Spaceship, the swine track. They land

on a planet, Coosbane, and even do
battle with a mysterious villain who

himself Dirtnader.

Dirk Major.

Who? Who looks a lot like the great
Gonzo. The world will never know.

Frank Oz, who is the performer of Miss
Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, and a lot of

other characters, performed Yoda in
three of the Star Wars films.

For Star Wars fans and Muppet fans,
here's The Muppet Show starring Mark

R2 -D2, and C -3PO.

Angus McGonagall.

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr.
McGonagall.

Yes, sirree, Scooter, little buddy. I'm
raring to guess.

Whoa, look.

It's Luke Skywalker in C -3PO.

And R2 -D2 from Star Wars.

Oh, they'd make much better guests than
Mr. McGonagall. You're going to have to

leave. Sorry. Come on, let's go.

Excuse me, Master Luke, but what is this
strange world we've come to?

Beats me, Threepio.

Seems we've landed on some sort of
comedy variety show planet.

It's the Muffin Show with our very
special guest stars, the stars of Star

It's time to get things started. Why
don't you get things started?

You're looking a little sheepish.

It's time to get things started. I'm the
most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, palpitational.

Muppet Show and a very special show we
have for you tonight.

Because, until about two minutes ago,
our guest star was scheduled to be Angus

McGonagall, the Argyle Gargoyle, but we
have cancelled him.

This is an outrage.

I demand my spot.

Well, listen, I don't even know what an
Argyle Gargoyle does.

I gargle Gershwin.

The Argyle... gargoyle gargles Gershwin?

Gorgeously!

Will you get off the stage?

Off, off, off!

Now that Angus has been cancelled
because, believe it or not, with us

are none other than the stars of Star
Wars featuring special guest Mark

But first, in keeping with the mood of
the show, let us go where sheep may

safely graze, shall we?

Ding -dong.

Ding -dong.

Ding.

Dong.

Ding.

Ram -a -lam.

Ding -dong.

Ram -a -lam. Ding -ding -dong.

Ram -a -lam -a -lam -a -ding -dong. Ram
-a -lam -a -lam -a -lam -a -ding.

Ram -a -lam -a -lam -a -lam -a -ding
-dong. Ram -a -lam.

She's everything to me And I will set
her free Cause

she is mine, all mine I've got a

girl named She is kind to me

You won't believe That she is mine, all
mine

Bob Bob Bob Bob

And incidentally, why are you fellas
here?

We are searching for Chewbacca. Oh,
Chewbacca the Wookiee? Correct.

As Artem rightly says, he's been
kidnapped.

Kidnapped? Well, why are you looking
around here?

We received this hyperspace telegram
from him. What?

To Luke Skywalker, C -3PO on R2 -D2,
help, I am being held prisoner by a

of weird turkeys.

It does rather sound like your show.

Yeah, it does.

Remember all the...

Officer's upstairs.

3BO, you cover that exit.

What shall I cover it in?

Down with the Empire!

What was that?

That was my master, Luke Skywalker.

I'll try to calm him down. But you know
how strangely excitable these humans

are?

You're a strange resource.

And now a Muppet News Flash.

Here are the results of today's national
sheepdog trials.

All the sheepdogs have been found not
guilty.

I'm practicing for my big number in the
second part of the show.

I hope they love it.

Everybody's a critic.

Oh, hey, did you guys find Chewbacca?

Not yet, but he's got to be around here
somewhere.

Oh, well, you know, as long as the three
of you are here, how about you go out

on stage and do a song for us?

What? You must be joking.

Well, look, your little garbage can
friend wants to.

Oh, stop it, Arthur.

Don't be so vulgar.

You're not a song and dance droid.

Oh, come along.

Our job is to find the wookie.

Listen, pal, we're on a mission. There's
no way we're going to be involved in

any third -rate variety show.

Second -rate variety show.

Hey, come here. Hold it, hold it.

You're my camel.

Yes.

Huh? No, no, no.

He's my cousin.

That's it.

He's my cousin, and he's right outside.

Oh, go get him. Hurry. Hurry. I want to
see him.

Run. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Hiya, Bobby.

Oh, wow. Hey, you know what? You could
be a guest on this very show, right,

Kermit? Oh, well, maybe.

What do you do, Mark?

Oh, well, you know, I've been known to
do impressions.

Hey!

Who do you do?

Oh, well, I just love impressions.

Ah! Oh, I just love doing them. Ah!

Who do you do?

Maybe I just better sing.

Oh, boy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give my love for only you can end this

yearning. Okay.

Well, Mark, actually, we have enough
singers on the show.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

How about a dancing comedian?

Hit it, Fozzie. Yes, sir.

just to cross the toad with a saxophone?

He got a frog horn!

He looks sort of green.

Well, uh, I don't know exactly how to
put this, Mark, but, uh, what else do

do?

I gargle Gershwin.

Mark, I know exactly how to put this.
Get out! Out of the theater! We don't

you! Thank you very much! And don't call
us! We'll call you!

I didn't get his autograph.

Unless you want to go through life as a
rug.

Oh, boy.

Isn't that Luke Skywalker terrific?

Oh, this stage is empty.

My chance at last.

Hit it, boys.

Hey,

down in the meadow in the little bitty
pool swam three little fishies and the

mama fishie too.

Swim, said the mama fishie. Swim if you
can.

And they swam and...

Fishes didn't want to be bossed, so
three little fishes went off on a spree

they swam and they swam right out to
sea.

All of a sudden, they met a shark.

All of a sudden,

they saw a shark.

Cried the little fishies.

As quick as they could, they turned on
their tails. And back to the pool in the

middle they swam. And they swam and they
swam back over the dam.

Our own scooter has prepared an act for
us. He can't play very well, but he's

worked really hard on this.

And after listening to Mark and Angus
Gershwin gargling, anything should sound

good.

Anyhow, so let's give a big welcome to
Scooter singing Six String Orchestra.

The

very

day I purchased it, I christened my
guitar as my monophonic symphony,

Six String Orchestra.

In my room I practice late, they leave
me alone.

My mother said you're nothing yet to
make the folks right home.

And so I dream a bass will join me and
fill the bottom in.

And maybe now some lead guitar so it
would not sound so thin.

I need some drums to set the beat and
help me keep in time. And way back

in the distance.

A horn would sound so fine.

And we'd all play together like fine
musicians should.

And it would sound like music, and the
music would sound good.

But in real life, I'm stuck with that
same old formula.

Be at my monophonic symphony. Sick
drink.

I'm taking guitar lessons, but my
teacher just took leave.

It was something about a breakdown or
needing a reprieve. I know I'll find

my future, so I will persevere and hold
on to my dream of making music

to their ear.

And so I'll dream a bass will join me
and fill the bottom end.

And maybe now some lead guitar so it
would not sound so thin. I need some

to set the beat and help me keep in
time.

And way back in the distance, some horns
would sound so fine.

And we'd all play together like fine
musicians should. And it would

sound like music.

And the music would sound good.

But in real life, I'm stuck.

Dancing on your love.

With my monophonic symphony.

Okay,

brah.

Someday I'm going to be a star.

Let's see. Next we have... Uncle Kermit!
Uncle Kermit! Just one second, Robin.

One thing at a time. That's how I'm able
to put on this show without falling

into a panic.

Next we have... Pigs in Space!

Pigs in Space next, please.

Now, what was it?

Well, I was trying to tell you the Star
Wars people have hijacked the swine

track.

They've hijacked the swine track?

Well,

at least they didn't panic.

And now, Pigs in Space!

The last time we saw the spaceship Swine
Trek, we hoped it would be the last

time. But it's back.

3PO, activate the navicomputer.

I'm not awfully keen on this spaceship,
Master Luke. It's so messy.

cakes, half -eaten sandwiches.

Will you stop? You don't hear R2
complaining, do you?

Yes,

I do. He just said it's like a pig die.

Hey, what's going on here?

I'm Captain Link Hogthrob and this is my
spaceship.

That explains everything.

Why don't you let me explain?

I'm Luke Skywalker.

My friends and I have just borrowed your
spaceship so we can rescue our friend

Chewbacca the Wookie.

It's Luke Skywalker. Skywalker.

One of the heavenly bodies.

I'll change.

Now, is there anything else you'd like
to know?

Yes, I have one very important question
I'd like to ask you.

What's that?

Who's your tailor? I love that outfit.

Link! Link, what's happening?

I'll explain later. Right now I'm
talking to Luke.

Luke? Now, perhaps if I give you my
measurements.

MC3PO. And that is R2 -D2.

I'm Dr.

Strange Pork.

Oh, my. And I thought our names were
weird.

Hey! Oh, boy! Hot diggity dog! Son of a
gun!

Oh, boy! Oh, look at that! Hey, could I
play with your toy robot?

He's not a toy robot. It's a
scientifically programmed droid, and

play with. Oh, come on. Let me just push
one button. Don't be disgusting.

Well, I did... Well,

you've got my jacket size.

Forty -four long.

And your head size.

Forty -two thick.

It

is

I, the princess.

Princess? Yes, yes, I have just escaped.

Well, the evil fiend must feed his
prisoners well.

What?

Well, what I mean is it looks like
you've put on... Look,

Skywalker. Go along with this or I'll
cut you in half.

Look, it's the princess.

Doesn't look like a princess to me.

Watch it, hardware.

Master Luke, we're about to make a
landing.

And look who's there.

Who?

Stay tuned for part two when the Swine
Trek lands on Coosbane and we learn the

true identity of this arch -thief.

The world will never know!

Here's a bulletin from the Muppet
Newsroom.

The spaceship Swine Trek is about to
make a soft landing on a distant planet.

In other planetary news, Venus is about
to make a hard landing on the Muppet

Newsroom.

That doesn't make sense.

When last we left our intrepid van, the
spaceship Swine Trek was about to make a

soft landing.

You call that a soft landing?

I sprained my solenoids.

Well, you were in the driver's chair.
You forgot to push the stoppy thing.

It's called a break, dummy.

Excuse me, Master Luke, but shouldn't we
be looking for a safe refuge on this

planet? Exactly right, Threepio.

I know. We could hide in that cave over
there.

Ah, a good plan.

It's, it's Darth Nader.

This is Darth Nader?

Yes, isn't he just a hickey?

Well, what do you want of us, Nader?

Well, why don't you say something?

Speak!

Who's your tailor? I love that outfit!

All right, Nader. Take this!

At last you know the awful truth.

This here, my dear friend, is a crypto
-anagon transmitter.

It can totally neutralize any blaster.

This means we must resort to the
ultimate weapon.

And hoity -toity, what pray tell might
that be?

Chewbacca the Wookiee.

Yes! Yes!

Chewbacca the Wookiee!

The jig is up. Nothing can stop good old
Chewie.

One thing can.

What's that?

Our weapon's useless, and now we're
being tortured by gargling gershwins.

What could possibly get us out of this?

What else? A song and dance number!

You are my lucky star.

I saw you from afar.

You opened heaven...

That's the song part. Now comes the
dance. Take it, Chewie and R2.

C -3PO, you're next.

That needs to be done. No, but this is
our big ending.

Lucky I won sort of Fred Astaire film.

Okay, that was really wonderful. Okay,
Luke, you're next.

Oh, not me. I'll go get my cousin.

Huh?

of their sea

Don't you think we ought to introduce my
cousin?

Sure. You want to go out and send him
in?

That won't be necessary. Ladies and
gentlemen, Mark Hamill.

Thanks for having us, Bernard.

That goes double.

It certainly does.

Say, Luke, who's your tailor? I love
that outfit.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I guess that
wraps it up. We'll see you next time on

The Muppet Show.

You think there's life in outer space?

There's certainly none in this theater.