Original subtitles

Shields and yarn now.

Fifteen seconds for curtain shields and yarn now.

Kermit's finally booked guest stars weirder than we are.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest stars, Shields and...

wrong, police.

I wish we were, but there's the frog.

The Muppet Show. Hey, do we have a good one for you tonight? Don't ask. Of

course we do.

Tonight's guest stars are those phenomenal artists of mime, Shield and

Boss, boss, bad news about the guest stars. What is it, Scooter? They're

machines.

Shield and Yarnell are robots.

They are not. They are so.

They were just moving like this.

Scooter, watch out for the orchestra pit. Whoa!

Right into the tuba.

Hey, Tiny, would you give a blast on that thing?

Good, are you okay?

Fine, boss.

Just fine.

Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, our opening number, Take a Chance.

I did, I did.

Okay, Take a Chance!

Take a chance on me.

If you need me, let me know. Gonna be around.

If you got no place to go and you're feeling down.

If you're all I know.

When the 50 birds have no money, I'm still free.

Take a chance on me.

Gonna do my best. Please don't make no noise.

You put me to the test if you let me try.

Take a

chance

on me.

You keep asking, why are they doing that?

Okay, nice number, Bird. Very nice. Hey, Kermit, do we get paid

extra for working on the high wire?

Uh, no.

Cheat! Cheat!

Hey, come here. Come here.

You know, Shields and Yonel have been teaching me the subtle art of mime.

Mime, uh -huh. Yeah, hey, watch this, okay? Tell me what it is.

Bear walking up stairs.

Right.

Okay, watch this, okay? Tell me what this is now.

What's that? What's that?

Fuzzy, look, I'm really kind of busy right now. Do it again.

Bear going up escalator.

You got it.

Okay, now here is my biggie, okay? Watch this.

Bear walking against the wind.

You weren't even looking.

I didn't have to. All mimes do walking against the wind. Fozzie, you've got to

be more original.

Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, our guest stars tonight are masters in the

of mime. Here they are doing one of their classic sketches, robots having

breakfast. Ladies and gentlemen, Shields and Yarnell.

Is that their act?

Yep. Well, how come they don't talk?

Because it's mime.

I thought you said it was theirs.

Hey, Floyd, what am I doing? What am I doing? Hey,

man, I don't know what kind of trip you're on, but I hope you bought a

ticket.

What does that look like I'm doing?

It looks like you're feeding spaghetti to an elephant.

Yeah, right, right. That's exactly right.

How many mimes have you seen doing that, huh?

Only one, and he got killed doing it.

Killed? Well, come to think of it, he wasn't a mime. He was just some guy who

tried to feed an elephant spaghetti.

They hate Italian food.

That's a terrific idea for my finish in this act. Okay, here. I feed the

spaghetti, and the elephant takes it.

and wraps it around my neck and it gets me knocked out.

The brain of the bear has gone bye -bye.

Hi, guys. Mind if I come in?

Boy, you look happy.

I'm not happy.

I'm miserable.

I gotta come up with an act for next week's show.

You guys know the kind of acts I do?

That's it. That's exactly what I do.

Listen, if you were me, what would you recommend?

He's gonna show me.

Okay, I think I got it.

Yes?

This is... That's fantastic!

I might pick up every girl.

You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not.

Everybody knows my name. But it's just a

crazy game. Oh,

it's lonely at the...

They're playing just for me.

Listen to the people praying just for me.

I'll just see what these two buckaroos want.

What's the matter? Never seen any like a couple cars before?

Before, yes. Now, no.

Mark Tender, get us two sarsaparillas.

Yes, sir.

Okay, let's play some poker.

All right.

in here mister?

My father, his finger went off accidentally.

all ready with my mime app.

Oh, good, because you're on next.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, I've really got some original ones, too. My opening is

dynamite. Watch this.

Bear watching a tennis match between two turtles.

Fuzzy, that's a little slow for an opener.

You're right. I'll switch it to giraffes.

That's better.

Much better.

Well, it's better.

Then there is this classic.

The

frog

is shaking his head.

Shaking his head at the classic bear going to drive -in movie with porcupine.

Fozzie. Yes, yes.

You see, Shields and Yarnell have made a career out of mine. Yeah? They've

worked very hard to perfect it, and if you go out there... Oh, yeah, yeah,

right. They'll suffer by comparison.

I understand.

You do not want me to show up your guests.

Tell you what.

I'll lay back a little.

No, no, no. Don't do that.

You're right. I'll give it my best shot. Come it. It's a cruel business.

It certainly is. I'll go introduce you. Okay.

walking on stage.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, tonight our own Fozzie Bear is making his debut in

the classic art of mime.

Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear!

Hey, hey, hey, thank you, thank you, and thank you, Mr.

Frog. All right, here is my first mime. Picture, if you will, a bear watching a

tennis match between two giraffes.

Between two turtles?

Huh?

He is slow.

All right.

Now, picture, if you will, a bear at a drive -in movie with a porcupine.

Hey, what's the name of the movie playing at the drive -in?

I don't know. What's the point?

You'll find out if you're there with a porcupine. All right, moving right

As you all know, elephants hate spaghetti.

So with that in mind, picture, if you will. Wait a minute. Italian elephants

don't hate spaghetti. They love it.

This is not an Italian elephant.

This one hates spaghetti. Do you mind?

See? And then he's got me by the throat. And then he's trying to kill me.

You might as well. You've been dying all night. It'll put you out of your

misery.

It'll put us out of ours, too.

Why doesn't he do something clever like walking upstairs or walking against the

wind? No way. The bear's got no imagination.

Okay,

well, so far we have certainly proved that our very special guest stars are

masters of the art of mime. Well, here they are now to show you they do

everything else good, too. Ladies and gentlemen, chills in your nose!

Okay, you want comedy? You got it. It's animal impression time. Do I hear any

regrets?

How about a gorilla?

No, no, no.

last line. Ladies and gentlemen, feeding spaghetti to an elephant.

Please hold it. This man stole my big head.

the Muppet Show. But before we go, let us have a warm thank you for our very

special guest stars, ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Shields and

Yay!

Herman, we had an incredible time tonight.

Yeah, we did. And we want to thank Fozzie Bear for giving us that classic

sketch, feeding spaghetti to an elk. That's okay.

I figure you need some quality material in your act.

We do.

And thanks for showing me that chicken trick. It really works.

Come on, girls.

What?

Hey, Gonzo, it looks like you've really been busy.

Well, my coop runneth over.

We will see you next time on The Muppet Show.

Just when you think this show is terrible, something wonderful happens.

What? It ends. Oh!