Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars John Denver.

He was not only

a terrific performer, but also a good friend of my father's. In fact, he and

father had similar interests in preserving the planet.

In this episode you're about to watch, John and Kermit try to convince the gang

to go on a camping trip.

You expect moi to carry that heavy thing?

Sure. They don't have much luck on this show, but they did go camping several

years later on a special that we did together with John called Rocky Mountain

Holiday.

John Denver was a good friend of the Muppets, and we miss him.

But here he is on The Muppet Show.

John Denver, 15 seconds to curtain, John.

All right, Scooter, thanks.

Listen, Denver, you're a good kid. Let me help you get away so you don't have

do this crummy show.

Wait a minute. I want to work with the Muppets.

You do?

Well, yeah.

I think this is a terrific show, Waldorf.

You're beyond help.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, John Depp.

He wouldn't listen. They must have brainwashed him.

It's time to get things started.

Muppet Show, and it's going to be a terrific show tonight because our guest

is one of the great talents of the music world, Mr. John Denver.

And because John is such an outdoors lover, we're going to spend a lot of the

show in the country.

Kermit, Kermit, I haven't quite finished building the set yet.

Well, how much time do you need?

Thursday?

Well, we have to do the number now.

Well, okay, but it looks like a battlefield back there.

It's supposed to. Oh, then it's finished.

Ladies and gentlemen, our opening number!

We just can't wait until the war begins.

They keep a medal to you if you win.

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Why can't we be friends?

Don't ever ask a general what's it for.

Because he'd be out of work without a war.

Why can't we be friends?

Okay, soldiers, nicely waged.

All right, James, what is this important announcement you wanted to make? Hey,

listen, everybody.

John Denver has invited us all to join him on a weekend camping trip.

I'm in the mountains?

Well, actually, no. You see, John and I decided it would be fun to take you all

and show you the land of my birth.

You mean... Yes, it'll be a weekend in the swamp.

I just remembered I got a basketball game on Saturday.

Yeah, and the band's got three extra gigs this weekend.

Yeah, and I signed up for a seminar on mildew.

Now, now, now, listen, everyone.

A wonderful thing has just happened.

Our Kermie has offered to take us on a visit to his homeland overnight.

I think we should all be grateful to him.

Well, thank you very much, Miss Piggy.

Just how do you figure that?

If you go, I won't put you in the hospital.

Let's go pat those knapsacks, guys.

I wonder if they have room service.

Ladies and gentlemen, with us tonight is one of the good guys of contemporary

music, Mr. John Denver.

Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow.

All it takes is a rake and a hoe and a piece of fertile ground.

Inch by inch, row by row, someone bless these seeds I sow.

Someone warm them from below till the rain comes tumbling down.

Thank you.

Plant your rose straight and long. Temper them with prayer and song.

Mother Earth will make you strong if you give her love and care.

Old bro watching hungrily from his perch in yonder tree.

In my garden I'm as free as that feathered thief.

Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow.

All it takes is a ring, a hoe, and a piece of fertile ground.

Inch by inch, row by row, someone bless these seeds I sow.

Someone warm them from below, till the rain comes tumbling down.

Till the rain comes tumbling down inch by inch,

row by row.

You know something?

That was a sweet number. It sure was.

You know something else?

What? I hate sweet numbers.

Okay, very good, flowers.

Get to your dressing pots.

Can I meet... Oh, I am so excited about spending a weekend in

the swamp with Vu, the little green hunk.

Yeah,

well, very good, Miss Piggy, but you must remember that camping can be tough,

because we're going to be roughing it. Oh, I know. That is why I...

Four long dresses. And, of course, a dozen pairs of shoes.

And some apres swim togs. Wait, wait, wait. And my sun visor spectacles.

Figgy, you can't carry all that stuff.

Carry? I do not intend to carry anything.

But campers carry everything they need. Look, come here a second. What, what?

See, for instance, Floyd here has just packed his backpack. See that?

You expect moi to carry that heavy thing?

Sure, that's how you go camping.

Forget it? I am not going.

Okay, as you will.

Oh, Mr. Kermit, sir, when we get to the swamp, will you give me a swimming

lesson? Oh, sure, Annie Sue. It might be kind of fun to teach a cute little pig

to frog kick.

Thank you, sir.

Kermit!

... ... ... ... ...

... ...

We shake the tree.

Hiya, Gonzo.

Oh, hi, John.

How you doing, man? I'm doing fine.

Hey, I really enjoyed your last number.

Oh, thanks very much, Gonzo. I enjoyed that, too. Yeah, hey, listen, I wonder

you'd share some of the secrets of your success with me since we're both in the

same field.

Well, yeah, I'd be happy to. You know, you've got to take care of your throat.

You can't let yourself get too tired when you're singing. You've got to

Well, I don't need help with my singing.

I need help with my gardening.

You've got a garden?

Oh, yeah, John. I've got the world's biggest mold garden.

Mold garden?

Yeah, mold.

Far out.

How did you get into that?

Well, about a year ago, I went away on vacation and I forgot to clean out my

refrigerator.

Yeah? When I got back, the food was all green and fuzzy.

And it was just too cute to throw out.

So what's the problem?

Well... I don't have any privacy anymore.

Sometimes I think my garden is plotting against me.

You're kidding.

You know, you could be right. There is a fungus among us.

Bongo. What? The bulb in the refrigerator got busted.

How did that happen? Well, we were playing puffball and Reggie hit a long

All right, I'll replace it, but this is the last time. Oh, thanks. You're a real

spore. Yeah, yeah.

Nobody knows the truffles I've seen.

I think that I shall never

see.

as a tree a tree whose hungry mouth

is pressed against the earth's sweet flowing

in her hair upon whose bosom

snow

We would call you a pine in the neck.

With a voice like that, you won't be very popular around here.

If I couldn't sing any better than that, I'd leave.

Excuse me while I chop some wood.

Watch your step.

blue sky.

Piggy, is that a gold lame backpack that you're wearing?

Oh, you nuked it.

Well, it's hard.

Piggy, we are going to the swamp. Yes, the swamp, yes.

Yes, well, do you have everything? Do you have your snake bite kit?

What? Your snake bite kit. There are snakes in the swamp. They may bite you.

Well, yes, piggy snakes. And also, you need a short, sharp stick about that

long. Oh, a walking stick. Yes, I'm sure. No, no, no.

This is for the alligators.

Alligators? Why, yes, darling. The alligators, when they open their mouths

eat you, you jam the stick, and they can't close their jaws. Good.

Well, yes, and also, piggy, one other thing, and this is of critical

Yes? Every morning when you get up, before you put your boots on, be very

to shake them vigorously.

Why?

Well, Piggy, at night when you're asleep in the swamp, sometimes there are

spiders and little creepy crawly things, and they'll get on your boots, and if

you don't shake them out...

I think she needs a week in the country.

Poor Miss Piggy appears angry.

Angry? No, I am not angry.

Your star is not angry.

She is merely disappointed.

Disappointed? Yes.

You have not been honest with me, Kermit.

I haven't?

You never said there would be snakes and spiders and alligators.

Well, no, I was saving the best part for a surprise.

Surprise?

Kermie, you are out of your little green mind.

Well, Gina, speaking, you know, I was born in the swamp. My roots are there,

I just wanted you and my other friends to see it.

But we don't have to go back to the swamp.

We can, uh, we can go to back where to where to where you were born.

The sty.

You know, where your roots are.

Where pigs eat swill and wallow in the mud.

Remember that? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Remember this? Hi -yah!

Uh, uh, uh, uh, well, uh, ladies and gentlemen, once again, Mr. John Denver.

Little bitty boy, just a boy.

We used to go out to Grandma's house every month and so.

Hatchigan pie, country ham, homemade butter on the bread.

But the best darn thing about Grandma's house was the great big feather bed.

It was nine feet high and six feet wide, soft as a bed.

It was made from the feathers of four and eleven geese, took a whole boat full

of tick.

It hauled eight kids and four -hand dogs and a big leaf full of chips.

We didn't get much sleep, but we had a lot of fun on Grandma's bed of bed.

After supper, we'd sit around the fire, the old folks spit and chew.

All the talk about the farm and the war, I'm a great at singing ballad or two.

And I'd sit and listen, watch the fire till the cobwebs filled my head.

Next thing I'd know, I'd wake up in the morning in the middle of the old bed of

bed. It was nine feet high, six feet wide, and so good down in Jake.

Well, I love them all. I love my pa. I love grand and grandpa,

too. I've been fishing with my uncle. I wrestled with my cousin. I even kissed

Aunt Lou.

We'll be right back.

Okay,

well, it looks like we've come down to the end of another one. But before we

let us bring back our wonderful guest star, ladies and gentlemen, John Denver!

Kermit, it was an absolute thrill to work with you. Thank you for having me

the show.

Oh, it was our pleasure, John. But, you know, it looks like it's going to be

just you and me on that camping trip because everybody else backed out. Oh,

sorry to hear that. But listen, Kermit, never mind. We'll have a great time.

I'll teach you how to catch frogs.

What? Well, yeah, what you do is you wait until dark, you see, and then you

a flashlight and you shine it out in the water. John, I knew all about those

flashlights. How do you think my eyes got this way?

I'll find somebody else to go camping with me. We'll see you next time on The

Muppet Show.

Guys, it's just the three of us for a weekend in the swamp.

Oh, no!