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00:00:01,450 --> 00:00:02,450
Come in, knock, knock.
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00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:05,770
Spike Milligan? Yes. 30 seconds to the
curtain, Mr. Milligan.
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00:00:06,110 --> 00:00:07,510
It's 30 seconds to the curtain.
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00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:09,210
It's 5 foot 11 to the floor.
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00:00:09,530 --> 00:00:10,530
I'll take the curtain.
6
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:13,050
Say, what's that you're wearing?
7
00:00:13,350 --> 00:00:14,350
My family crest.
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00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:15,569
What's that?
9
00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:16,570
A coat of arms.
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00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:23,250
It's The Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Mr.
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00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:24,470
Spike Milligan.
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00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,360
to get things started.
13
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,680
very special guest is one of England's
wildest comedians, Mr. Spike Milligan.
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00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,620
We especially wanted Spike on the show
because tonight we're presenting an
15
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:34,320
international extravaganza. You see, we
just learned that the Muppet Show is
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00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,500
being shown in 108 different countries.
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00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,080
Uh -oh. Better get out your old army
uniform.
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00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,060
Yes, with 108 angry countries, there's
bound to be trouble.
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00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,280
Anyway,
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we're going to have on our show people
from every one of those 108 countries.
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And we're going to start things off with
a tribute to the land... of the rising
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00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:53,920
sun.
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00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,419
Am I
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00:02:10,419 --> 00:02:17,200
in the right
25
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,200
show?
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00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:27,040
I'm a homer every night. My honey lemon,
I sit alone and hop and
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00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,060
watch the hop making lazy.
28
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,360
Hey, listen, guys, I think it's a
mistake.
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00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,540
We've been wrong, fool, all right.
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And when we've been wrong, fool, it's
right.
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00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:39,920
And when we say,
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yeah,
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we're doing fine.
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Hey!
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I don't know. I never get up that early.
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00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:09,430
Okay.
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00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:12,350
Lovely number.
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Good.
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00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:15,510
Yes,
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00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:16,769
right.
41
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:18,570
Well,
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00:04:22,050 --> 00:04:26,890
there seems to be a hole in the schedule
right now.
43
00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:31,070
Boy, this alludes to all the nations
you're planning must really be a biggie.
44
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,300
Well, too big, maybe, Scooter. You know,
I thought you were in charge of
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00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,460
organizing all these people. Oh, yes,
sir, yes, sir.
46
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:42,000
Scotsman, Venezuelans, dressing room
two, Arabs and Eskimos, dressing room
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00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,300
three. Move it, boys. Hey, wait a
second. What are the Australians up to?
48
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:46,520
Huh?
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00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:49,820
We're up to this sport.
50
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,640
What do you yanks down to?
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00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,280
Come on, move it, Scotsman. Move it,
move it.
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00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,480
Ladies and gentlemen.
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00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:01,690
The American Eagle.
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00:05:06,590 --> 00:05:10,990
My subject tonight is our friends the
British.
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I have therefore asked a proper English
gentleman to talk to us.
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00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,390
Please.
57
00:05:19,890 --> 00:05:24,010
How do you do, sir?
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00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:25,650
Well, I'm coming up.
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00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:40,500
What? No, no,
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00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,279
no, no.
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00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:45,920
Please, sir. You are not speaking the
Queen's English.
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00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,620
Why, sure. She never speaks any of mine.
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00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,100
There goes the matter.
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00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,560
It's too late to get Laurence Olivier.
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You fool!
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00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,660
What? What?
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00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,520
What say you? Silence when you speak to
me. Listen, he talks the same as I do.
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00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:01,720
No. Yes!
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00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,700
He talks proper when he's on the stage.
Where's that pencil?
70
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,340
To be or not to be.
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00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:13,020
That is the question. See, he talks like
that so that you people in the colonies
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00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,020
can understand.
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00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:20,180
What? Sir, may we please change the
subject? May we, hmm? May we set him
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00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,980
French? Off, off.
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00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:26,160
Let us talk about the quaint English
custom of tea time.
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00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,160
My lord, tea.
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00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:35,660
Where did that come from? It comes from
Hong Kong.
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00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,500
Sir, sir, sir.
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00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:45,160
I thought to drink tea properly, the
English extend the pinky.
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00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:45,979
Of course.
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00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:50,440
The pinky, the greeny, the browny, the
bluey, and the reddy. Ready? Go!
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00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,740
Sir, sir, leave, leave the stage.
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00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,440
Leave the stage? Yes.
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00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:02,220
You don't think I'm going to take it
with me, do you?
85
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,220
Sir, you are a disgrace to England.
86
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,740
Let me tell this eagle creep.
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00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,660
England is not finished yet.
88
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,200
It's finished.
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00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,400
Now!
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00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:21,060
I love England, especially in this close
-up.
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00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,300
Then show it.
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00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:25,290
Sure. Yes.
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00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:37,650
Terrific. It's about time we had some
sophistication on this show.
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00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:42,230
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that was Mr.
Spike Milligan.
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00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:46,410
I hope I haven't offended any of my
people.
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00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:49,810
Well, you certainly didn't offend me. I
thought it was very funny. Right. It's
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00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:50,810
your fault.
98
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,580
not clever. Anyone can drop their pants.
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00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,600
I didn't know you were Lithuanian.
100
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,700
That man is a sicko.
101
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,580
Okay, what's next? Music of Scotland.
Music of Scotland on stage, please.
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00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,740
Right here, ready to go.
103
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:16,960
What are those?
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00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,200
They're my bongos.
105
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:23,380
We'll have a wee bit of primitive island
rhythm. A Bonnie Glasgow samba.
106
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,710
Oh, I got trouble up here, boss.
107
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,909
What? The Eskimos and the Arabs are
sharing a dressing room.
108
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:39,150
So? So the Arabs want it hotter and the
Eskimos want to turn on the air
109
00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:40,150
conditioner.
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00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:43,409
Listen, I have an introduction to make.
Try to get them to compromise.
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00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:45,230
Oh, they have compromised.
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00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:49,610
Yeah, the Eskimos turned on the air
conditioner and the Arabs set it on
113
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:53,070
Come on, boys, get out of there.
114
00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:02,940
extinguisher. And now, ladies and
gentlemen, continuing with our
115
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:07,760
review, here is the music of Scotland
played by... I hope you don't put that
116
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,920
fire out too soon, laddie. Why?
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00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:13,600
Oh, the heat feels good when you're in
kilts.
118
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:19,320
I don't think I want to hear about this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the music of
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00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,320
Scotland.
120
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,640
and welcome to Muppet News
International.
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00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:10,940
Yes, sir, welcome to it.
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00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,980
Simultaneous translation, bringing you
news and views across the language
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00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:16,980
barrier.
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00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:22,300
Hello. Are you going to tell them what I
just said? No, your secret is sacredly.
125
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,140
All right, here is the news.
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00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:32,740
Things look grim in the outback as rebel
127
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:35,120
forces continue to fight amongst
themselves.
128
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:45,830
First one side seems to be winning. And
then the other side gets on top.
129
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:49,710
And casualties have been very heavy.
130
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:57,250
And strong ties between the two factions
have been permanently cut.
131
00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:03,250
Eyebrows were raised today at the
auction rooms.
132
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:08,500
Where a priceless antique buzz... came
under the hammer.
133
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:15,180
Rumors of a cover -up affected prices on
the stock
134
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:20,420
market where woolens were hit badly,
135
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:25,300
eventually plunging to an all -time low.
136
00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:32,740
The search continues for a missing man
said by police to be dangerous and more
137
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:33,960
than a little screwy.
138
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,240
As the inventor of the pop -up toaster.
139
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,200
Next we have... Full fashion.
140
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:54,520
A newsman was attacked today by a mad
English
141
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,620
comic. Really? We must find him.
142
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:06,919
Oh, hi.
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00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,460
Yeah, hey, the band's all ready for the
big American jazz number.
144
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,520
Where's the little green poncho?
145
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,580
Well, he's trying to keep things
organized in the dressing room. It's
146
00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:17,620
mess around here today.
147
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:18,819
Oh, yeah?
148
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,720
Lack of international understanding?
149
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,800
Oh, I'll say. Nobody on the show tonight
can understand anybody else.
150
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:25,839
Oh, yeah?
151
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,500
Now you explain that.
152
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:33,760
Yeah? Yeah.
153
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,100
Oh,
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00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,520
man. I'm going on stage.
155
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,020
It's too weird around here for me.
156
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,960
Now, me and the band here are hip to the
international tone that our froggy
157
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,080
foreman is trying to lay on tonight's
show.
158
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,620
But that's no reason for not including a
little of the domestic product.
159
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,120
Now, from West Side Story, America.
160
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:50,200
What a multi -big session that was.
161
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,440
For sure.
162
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,820
Go get him, animal. Sick him. Sick him.
163
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,960
Well, have you met my Uncle Kermit? Oh,
hi, Uncle Kermit. Have you met Luis
164
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,700
Greco, the Morse Code flamenco dancer?
165
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:15,000
Oh, he says it's an honor just to meet
you and have a chance to say hi.
166
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:27,250
I think you're stopping. What did
167
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:34,410
they
168
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:38,610
say? Bad news, Uncle Kermit. Spain and
Sweden have just declared war.
169
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,080
things weren't getting out of hand
enough, it's now my irresponsible
170
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,380
introduce our very special guest star,
Mr. Spike Milligan, doing a piece that
171
00:15:57,380 --> 00:16:01,800
has asked me to describe as being called
the intergalactic brotherhood of man,
172
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,880
including things.
173
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,840
Ladies and gentlemen, Spike Milligan!
174
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,680
comedy with her.
175
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,700
With a surprise ending.
176
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,580
Now, who came first?
177
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,440
Hey, can we have our chicken back,
please, mister?
178
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:40,480
That was the voice of Blue Zealand.
179
00:16:41,220 --> 00:16:42,720
Very good evening.
180
00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:44,760
They already know that you, Nana.
181
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:50,350
Mr. Seelan would only agree to reading
the part of the voice -off that says,
182
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:51,830
we have our chicken back, please,
mister?
183
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:55,810
On condition that he would then be
allowed to come on stage and show his
184
00:16:55,810 --> 00:17:00,070
the people that they would remember him
and care about, get this, care about his
185
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:01,070
career.
186
00:17:02,950 --> 00:17:05,910
And my boomerang fish act. What, what,
what, what, what?
187
00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:08,750
New Zealand and his boomerang fish act.
188
00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:11,130
Every night is Friday night.
189
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:17,569
Yeah, you see, I thought he fit away
from me.
190
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:20,329
Ice! It all comes back to me now.
191
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:21,690
Come on.
192
00:17:23,849 --> 00:17:25,670
Well, thank you. Hey, good night.
193
00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:27,390
Good night? They already know it's a
good night.
194
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,790
Hey, comedy.
195
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:30,410
Comedy? Comedy on this show?
196
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,310
Right again, it is comedy.
197
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:34,090
Now, get out!
198
00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:40,730
In the happy, relaxed atmosphere of
international friendship that exists,
199
00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:43,170
despite the presence of many foreigners,
200
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:49,210
We can easily overlook those alien
beings lost in the wastes of the
201
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:55,070
We must reach out for those forms of
life. Reach out and try... What
202
00:17:55,070 --> 00:18:01,570
was that?
203
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:02,990
That was very strange.
204
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:05,050
It was very weird. It was peculiar.
205
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,350
It was kind of amusing.
206
00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,230
Yes, it was rather funny. It was
incredibly funny. I loved it.
207
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:16,880
you jerk. You're good.
208
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:22,620
Kermit! Oh, Kermit, I just think it's
wonderful that you have organized this
209
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,260
parade of nations finale.
210
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:29,160
Yeah, well, it seemed like sort of a
nice thing to do. Nice? Kermit, it's,
211
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:35,720
it's, it's, it's humanitarian to have
the citizens of the world on our little
212
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:41,440
stage, all races and colors, hand in
hand, in brotherhood.
213
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,780
Stand by for the Parade of Nations.
214
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,220
Ladies and gentlemen, the Parade of
Nations.
215
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,980
Stand by for the Parade of Nations.
216
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:57,620
All right!
217
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,280
Lock it up!
218
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,960
It's the Brotherhood bit!
219
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,520
Thank you, Miss Piggy.
220
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,040
I'll go introduce it.
221
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:19,020
As a fitting climax to tonight's
international edition of The Muppet
222
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:23,520
is a parade of the nations featuring our
guest star, Mr. Spike Milligan, and
223
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,600
dedicated to one of our very favorite
countries, Disneyland.
224
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,320
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a small
world.
225
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,860
It's a world of laughter, a world of
tears. It's a world of...
226
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:50,500
that we share that it's time we're aware
it's a small world after all
227
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:53,420
it's a small world
228
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:18,050
There's so much that we share that in
time we're aware it's a small world.
229
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,660
refused to admit it. I hope you've
enjoyed our tribute to practically
230
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:14,400
And right now, let's welcome back our
fantastic guest star, the amazing Spike
231
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,400
Milligan! Spike!
232
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,220
Me! Me not go!
233
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,280
Me like it here! Me not say goodbye!
234
00:22:24,660 --> 00:22:26,120
Me say, hello, sailor!
235
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,780
Anyhow, we'll see you next time on The
Muppet Show!
236
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,160
Tomorrow at 7 on The Muppet Show, the
Muppets are smitten by the arrival of a
237
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,780
screened beauty and pigs in faith aim to
conquer another planet.
238
00:22:51,140 --> 00:22:56,580
Coming up next on Happy Days, Joanie
turns into a fool in love with Potsy.
18769
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