Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The guest star in this episode of The Muppet Show is Liberace.

I think it's safe to say that he's actually more flamboyant than Miss

You know what? There's enough carrots here to feed all the rabbits in the

For some reason, my father thought it would be hilarious to put Liberace

together with all these exotic -looking Muppet birds.

During that number, you should keep an eye on Ralph the dog.

It was a complicated little thing that was going on because the number was

performed live.

And Liberace is playing the piano, and then he gets up and Ralph has to start

playing the same piano immediately afterwards.

You can imagine with a puppet, it's very hard to play a piano when you can't

actually see the keys.

So we had a performer off camera who was playing a piano when Ralph was meant to

be playing Liberace's piano.

Here is The Muppet Show starring Liberace.

Liberace? Uh, Liberace? 30 seconds to curtain, Liberace.

Thank you.

You know, Scooter, for years I've had piano -shaped finger rings and piano

-shaped swimming pools. Oh, I know that.

Well, I want to thank the Muppets for making my life complete.

I now have a piano -shaped house pet.

Whoa.

It wants to be walked.

Or tuned.

with our very special guest star Liberace

From the most sensational, inspirational celebration.

Okay,

good. Now listen, later on Liberace is doing an entire concert for us, so I'd

like some dignity on the show.

Hey, Floyd, maybe you better shorten his chain tonight.

Hey, boss, you better get on stage. The show's started.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to the Muppet Show. Hey,

you're going to have a real treat tonight because our very special guest

the one and only Liberace. And later on in the show, he's going to play an

entire concert for us.

Don't take it personally, Ralph.

Anyhow, right now, I'd like you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek

dancers because if you open them, you'll see this.

Oh, you can kiss me on him.

It is very, very good.

Oh, you can kiss me on a Tuesday, a Tuesday, a Tuesday. In fact, I wish you

would.

Oh, you can kiss me on a Wednesday, a Thursday, a Friday, a Saturday is best.

Never, never on a Sunday.

That's my kind of love.

The pigs are from Greece?

The pigs are greasy.

Okay, Piggy, you were good.

I was great.

I thought we were in a dignity night, Chief. Those guys left a mess out there.

Oh, that's true, but the next act will take care of the broken glass.

What's the next act?

Alfredo and Hildegard the Mop Dancers.

Hildegard, you look beautiful.

I'm Alfredo. Of course.

Great planning, Chief.

Excuse me, I'm looking for... Check upstairs.

The dressing room with the star on it.

What's that all about?

We see Liberace is planning his whole concert around our feathered friends.

auditioning birds in his dressing room.

Tell Sweetie Chef his percolator act is on next. Check.

Hey, Glennis, where's that fried egg I ordered? Oh, Chef, where's that fried

Floyd ordered?

Oh, there's birdie Floyd egg.

Great, just give it to me. Oh, Sweetie Chef, on stage for the percolator act.

Oh, I guess they're gone. I guess they're gone.

Oh,

wow, Dr. Bob. What's wrong with this man?

Oh, I think he has an advanced case of ingrown coffee pot.

Is it rare?

Yes, usually it's found in hedgehogs. In hedgehogs? Surely you've heard of

percupines.

On the other hand, pigs also suffer from it. Pigs? Yes, haven't you heard of

porculators?

So Dr.

Bob has made a house call.

Tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say... Dr.

Bob, shall we get him to a hospital?

No, just keep him away from policemen. Why?

He'll get a perking ticket.

Perking ticket?

Okay, I didn't understand that, but whatever it was.

Thank you, Swedish Hospital veterinarian chef. Well, so much for dignity.

Come in, come in, come in. Oh, boy, everybody here is really excited about

concert Liberace is doing with all birds.

So I've noticed.

Yeah, yeah, especially Gonzo. You're telling me I had to put a security guard

Liberace's dressing room door.

I've got to see my chickens.

Liberace ain't using no chickens in his concert.

Well, then maybe he'll see me.

He's only seeing birds.

I'm a bird?

Yeah, I'm a turkey.

You're not a real turkey.

Are you kidding?

Have you seen my hats?

Hey, Lee, I've got this real turkey to see you.

Here is a Muppet News plan.

Work was started today on the remod... of the Muppet News Studio, and it says

that... It won't be long now.

I'm down to the ten finalists in the bird auditions.

tonight's show to one of the world's most amazing performers.

Here he is in concert, what we've all been waiting for.

thank you very much I can't tell you how much fun it is doing this show Sure,

it's fun doing the show.

Try watching the show and see how much fun it is.

Hey, I've heard about you guys, and I'm not going to let you spoil things.

I'm going to do something for the first time.

I'm going to dedicate an entire concert to all the birds, and I think you'll

enjoy it. If we do, that'll be another first.

Well, listen, you guys, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything.

That's one way of keeping us quiet.

Good.

Well, before I get started, I just want to explain. I know perhaps you'll be

looking at my fingers and wondering if they're real.

They are real diamonds.

I'm glad you want to see them because, let's face it, you bought it.

You know what? There's enough carrots here to feed all the rabbits in the

Well, what do you think?

Yep, they're real all right.

Well, without further ado, let's begin our special concert dedicated to all the

birds. I can hardly wait.

Thank you, little fella.

Well, do you like what you've heard so far?

Yes. You've followed a perfect record.

I'm pleased you liked it so far.

Mr. Liberace. Oh, hello, Sam. How's everything?

So far, everything has been very cultural. And that worries me, sir.

Well, I thought you liked culture.

I played the nocturne, especially for you. I dedicated it to the birds. Yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes. But I know this show, and I have seen your work too,

Because you have now played Chopin, it follows as night follows day that soon

you will be wearing a rhinestone tuxedo and playing shameless boogie -woogie.

I promise you, Sam.

I won't be doing that soon.

No. I'm going to do it right now.

Eight foot two, eyes of blue, look at what those eighties can do. Has anybody

seen my bird?

All right, what a sight, feathered friends doesn't let you hide. Has

seen my bird?

That's your life, that bird is mine.

Well,

it's been a very special show, and we owe it all to our very special guests.

Thank you, thank you, Kermit. It's really been fun doing a special concert

you. But you didn't use my chicken act!

But, Gonzo, you didn't show Liberace that awful tap -dancing chicken act, did

you? Of course he did.

They do it in bunny ears.

I'm using it in my new Las Vegas act.

That's wonderful!

I've already ordered the rhinestone bunny ears.

to a good show.

Good. Can we please stop coming now? No!