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You're watching CTF, family -friendly
television.
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James Coco!
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James Coco!
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Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Coco!
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Ah, thank you, Scooter. Would you tell
Wardrobe that I like this jacket
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Sure! Hey, Wardrobe, press that jacket!
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Anything else?
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No, no.
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Hang it off.
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It was just perfect, really.
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It's The Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, James Coco.
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It's time to put on makeup.
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It's time to dress up right.
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It's time to get things started.
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Why don't you get things started?
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Here's your script.
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Muppet Show, where our guest star
tonight is the wonderful and very
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James Coco.
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But first, first we're going to open
tonight's show with an underwater
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So without more ado, last one in is a
sissy.
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I'd like to be...
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Under the feet in an octopus's garden in
the shade.
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He let us in, knows where we've been in
his octopus's
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garden in the shade.
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I'd like my friends to come and see an
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octopus's garden with me.
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I'd like to be.
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Under the sea, in an octopus's garden,
in the shade.
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We would be warm, alone at dark,
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in our little hideaway beneath the wave.
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Resting our head on the seabed in an
octopus's garden near
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a cave.
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We would sing.
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Under the sea, in an octopus's garden,
in a tree.
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We would be so happy, you and me With no
one there to tell
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us what to do
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Well,
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that was different.
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Did you like it? No?
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Then it wasn't different.
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Did you get any water on the seed, Paul?
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Yeah, but it's okay. The next act will
take care of it. Okay, dancing sponges,
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you're on.
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Smart thinking.
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Oh,
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you were great in that last number,
Piggy. Thank you, Kermie. You know, I
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like the water.
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Oh, I'm glad.
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Which means after we're married, we can
live at your place.
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Yeah.
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Kermie, would you help me take this
mermaid outfit off?
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You mean to do the zipper back here?
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Oh, I think so.
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And now, our very special guest
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star, James Coco, portraying a medium
who will attempt to predict the future
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a character who has no future.
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Well done!
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Boy, oh boy, am I ever excited. I've
never been to a real gypsy clairvoyant
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before. They say that for $10, you'll
read your mind.
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I wonder what he'd see in mine.
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Three dollars change.
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Are you Dr.
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Coco the Happy Medium? That's right,
that's right.
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And you? Yes.
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You are Farty Bear.
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And I am Seasick.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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I've got to know one thing.
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Yes, I can.
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Can you predict the future? I just need
it.
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I want to know what my future in romance
will be. Let me see
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if my crystal ball will speak to me.
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Bad news.
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What, what, what, what, what?
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It spoke to me.
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You see a tall, cute stranger?
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It could be taller.
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It could be cuter.
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But it couldn't be stranger.
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Hi, Fozzie.
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Beauregard, I want to get my future
told.
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I want to get my hair down.
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I just want to get on with the sketch.
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But, but, but, but you're a medium.
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Are you kidding? Medium? I'm an extra
large.
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Howdy, y 'all. Are you the senior
citizens of Abilene?
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Oh, shucks. I'm Chester Pugh. I'm due to
show up at their seance.
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Are you late?
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Of course, I'm late, Chester Pugh.
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Never. Better late than never.
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But this isn't even a real seance. It
isn't. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
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Jimmy, you mean...
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He's not part of the sketch.
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No. This is a show.
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A show?
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I'll say, I'd like to say hello to Ma
and Pa and all the night shift down at
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Schneider's. Listen for everybody on the
other side.
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Oh, Danny boy.
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Huh? No good. Why?
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Well, it's just no rhythm, no pace.
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Not even good looking.
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Jimmy? Jimmy, is this supposed to go
this way?
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Of course not. I didn't know we'd get a
real ghost.
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Oh, look!
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The table is gravitating!
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I'm going to get killed!
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No, I'm going to get lunch!
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Well, what can we do now?
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But I'll be here in sunshine or in
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shadow. Oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy,
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I love you so.
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What was that? It's called the
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medium sketch.
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The medium sketch?
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Yeah, it wasn't rare, and it certainly
wasn't well done.
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That was disgusting.
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You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
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That sketch was the last straw.
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That does it. I am leaving.
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Well, don't you have anything to say to
me before I go?
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Oh, yeah.
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On your way out, would you empty the
garbage?
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I have spent my last moment in this
theater.
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Oh, that's too bad, Sam.
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You're going to miss my tribute to
Beethoven.
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I don't care as long as... Beethoven?
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Are you serious?
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What did I joke about Beethoven?
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He's my idol.
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See?
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Oh, Beethoven at last.
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Well, for Beethoven I'll stay. He's my
favorite playwright.
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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight.
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All he had was eight little notes, just
eight little notes. But, oh, what Mr.
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B did with Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti,
Do, Do.
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All he used were eight little notes,
just eight. Count them eight like these.
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He'd mix and match and hatch a batch of
catchy melodies.
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Now I could take two notes and come up
with nothing of note.
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Mr. B took a G and a flattened E and
wrote.
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Wouldn't that be fantastic?
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Though all he had was eight little
notes, just eight little notes like
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which goes to show that one man's scale
is another man's symphonies.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yet, all he had was eight little notes,
just eight little notes, just eight. But
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he wrote nine symphonies and also some
great quartets, quintets, fugues, and
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cantatas, plus an opera and a few
cantatas, using only eight little notes
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row.
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Okay, set up the kitchen. The Swedish
chef is on next.
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Oh, Kermit, you have a terrific show
here.
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00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:05,920
Oh, oh, well, thank you, James. It's not
exactly Broadway, but... Oh, you mean
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with all the girls and the glitter and
the rattle -dazzle? Yeah, I guess so.
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00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,060
You don't need it.
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I mean, this show moves. It's got pace,
pace, pace.
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You know what I mean?
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Pace? You got it. I mean, you only need
rattle -dazzle if you've got a dull,
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slow -moving act, you know? But I have
been watching this show. It is dynamic.
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It is full of sex appeal. It is fat.
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You do not need razzle -dazzle. You
have... What
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is that?
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The next act.
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You need razzle -dazzle.
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Musicians, chorus girls, dancers,
anything that moves. Yes, sir. Quick,
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quick. What can I do about the lights?
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Ah, switch.
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There you go.
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Fantastic.
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... ... ...
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...
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A banana split.
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A banana split.
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A banana split.
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A banana split.
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A banana split.
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00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,340
A banana split. A banana split.
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A banana split.
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A banana split.
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For no banana split.
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Well,
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the chef's done it again.
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Done what?
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Nothing.
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Is he going to be all right?
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I doubt it. He never has been.
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Well, what's next?
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Let's see. A singer. Oh, good. Now we
can relax. Singing is always good. Music
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is terrific. Catch a falling star and
put it in your pocket.
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Catch a... Kermit, we have a lot of work
to do.
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Catch a falling star and put it in your
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pocket. Save it for a rainy day.
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00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:37,470
For love may come and tap you on the
shoulder.
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Hey, your pants are on fire. One star.
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00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,890
What are you doing?
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00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:44,130
What are you doing?
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00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:47,410
Well,
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you can't win them all.
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I'd settle for a tie.
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What did you guys do to me?
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00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,360
I almost got killed out there.
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00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,640
Almost?
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00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:06,420
What's next?
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00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:08,660
Oh, well, it's the veterinarian's
hospital.
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00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
Veterinarian's hospital?
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00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:17,820
Yeah, it's this part where we tell bad
jokes and it's death.
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00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,760
Uh -huh.
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00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,460
Well, I have just the thing that'll
liven it up. It never fails.
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00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:24,780
Oh, yeah? Uh -huh.
208
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,160
Girl.
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00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,200
Girl, oh, yeah. Right.
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00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,140
Girl, say it. Girl. Girl.
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00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:41,660
Right now for Veterinarian's Hospital,
the continuing story of a quack.
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00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,760
Say cheese.
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00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:46,140
Oh.
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00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,700
Close enough.
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00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,320
Now,
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00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:54,300
yes, nurse, tell me, what's wrong with
this patient?
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00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,320
Oh, Dr. Bob, he has acute appendicitis.
I don't care how cute it is, it has to
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00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,320
come out.
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00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:04,260
Music, lights, dances, quick.
220
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:18,319
Dr. Bob, how can you concentrate with
those girls dancing by?
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00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,420
Easy, I never take my eyes off them.
222
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,040
Bring on the girls, quick.
223
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,280
That's the girls?
224
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,040
Why do they keep dancing that way?
That's the way they get their kicks.
225
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,070
I'd love to be on Broadway.
226
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:46,110
Yeah, I can see your name in lights.
227
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:47,590
25 watts.
228
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:50,290
Oh, 25 watts?
229
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:51,990
That's not very bright.
230
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,250
Look who's talking.
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00:17:57,490 --> 00:18:03,670
This is good. This is excellent.
232
00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:08,050
I've changed my mind. I am not taking
out the appendix.
233
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,550
What are you taking out? The blonde on
the end.
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00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:17,090
And so we come to the end of another
veterinarian's hospital.
235
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:21,450
Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse
Piggy say... Dr.
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00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:26,190
Bob, you cannot go out with a chorus
girl. What about the patient?
237
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:28,710
Why should I go out with someone who's
sick?
238
00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:35,430
Any luck? No, I checked all the doors.
239
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:36,750
They got us locked in.
240
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:40,550
Okay.
241
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:45,480
with those showgirls? Well, we just kind
of threw them in. Yeah, well, throw
242
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,480
them out.
243
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,980
Yes. Herman, I'm ready for my closing
number.
244
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,240
Oh, good.
245
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:55,640
Listen, you know, I realize things have
been a little ragged so far, but just
246
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,780
wait till you see the closing number we
have planned for you. It's a wonderful
247
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:02,420
thing. We have staircases and
waterfalls. We have colored lights and
248
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:05,940
machines and 38 chorus girls. That's the
fact that you're shaking your head from
249
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,720
side to side mean what I think it does.
That's right.
250
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,040
I would really like...
251
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:14,390
I'd like a change of pace. I'd like to
do something simple. You know, something
252
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:18,730
small. Yeah, but closing numbers are a
big extravaganza. No, no, no. Small.
253
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:20,110
Small, Kermit.
254
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:21,770
Small. Small.
255
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:23,810
Yeah, but... No, no, no, Kermit.
256
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,110
Really small.
257
00:19:25,310 --> 00:19:26,310
Really small. Yeah, small.
258
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,870
Small. Trust me. Just introduce me.
259
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,830
Kermit, you're going to love it. I
promise you, you're really going to love
260
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:33,950
Now, Kermit, just introduce me. What?
261
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:40,270
Well, here once again, ladies and
gentlemen, is our guest star, James
262
00:19:40,270 --> 00:19:41,950
very small, gigantic finale.
263
00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:43,290
Hit it, guys!
264
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:53,770
Hi,
265
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,310
guys. You look gorgeous.
266
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:04,210
Terrific.
267
00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:12,510
Short people got no reason. Short people
got no reason. Short people got
268
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,290
no reason to live.
269
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:21,750
They got little hands and little eyes
and they go around telling great big
270
00:20:21,910 --> 00:20:26,570
They got little noses and tiny little
teeth. They wear platform shoes on their
271
00:20:26,570 --> 00:20:30,250
tiny little feet. Well, I don't want no
short people.
272
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:33,030
I don't want no short people.
273
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:36,460
I don't want no short people. people
around here.
274
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,860
Short people are just the same as you
and I.
275
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,560
All men are brothers until the day they
die.
276
00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:00,360
Short people got nobody.
277
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,060
Short people got nobody.
278
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,120
Short people got nobody to love.
279
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:13,740
They got little baby legs and they stand
so low. You got to pick him up just to
280
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:14,519
say hello.
281
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,200
They got little paws that go beep, beep,
beep.
282
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:22,540
They got little voices going peep, peep,
peep. Grubby little fingers and dirty
283
00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:23,539
little minds.
284
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:28,840
They're going to get you every time. I
don't want no short people.
285
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,580
I don't want no short people.
286
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,380
around here.
287
00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:38,900
I hope I haven't offended you. You know,
I was short once myself.
288
00:22:19,059 --> 00:22:22,080
Oh, Kermit, thank you. I really enjoyed
myself tonight.
289
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:26,260
Oh, I'm glad. I just loved your number
with the short people. Did you? You
290
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:29,920
think they resented it, do you? Oh, no.
They loved it. Right, short people?
291
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,540
Why should we leave now? The worst
part's over.
21760
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