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Hi, I'm Brian Henson.
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This episode of The Muppet Show stars
Rudolf Nureyev. Don't you talk to
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strangers?
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Depends on how strange the stranger is.
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00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:24,460
Nureyev is one of the 20th century's
greatest ballet dancers, and perhaps the
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00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,960
last person you'd expect to find on The
Muppet Show.
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They contacted Nureyev to find out what
he wanted to do with The Muppets, and he
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said, I'd love to dance with Miss Piggy.
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Well, of course, with Miss Piggy, it's
kind of hard to do a ballet sequence
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00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:43,480
because she's generally only seen from
the waist up. So what they did was they
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built this crazy, big, kind of goofy pig
costume to dance with Nureyev.
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The dance floor was a little slick, and
Nureyev actually taught us a little
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trick. He said, you mop the floors with
Coca -Cola.
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So as you watch this episode, check out
the sticky floors and the extra large
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pig on The Muppet Show.
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Rudolph Nureyev?
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Rudolph Nureyev?
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Fifteen seconds, Mr.
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Nureyev.
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Uh -huh. I knew he was too smart to show
up.
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It's the Muppet Show with our special
guest star, Mr.
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Rudolph Nureyev.
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00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:58,040
It's time to get things started on the
most
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sensational, inspirational,
celebrational moment.
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I don't mind that so much, but me and
Robin are mad we have to wear these
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clothes. You and Robin? Where's Robin?
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Oh, right here.
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The only hat I could find.
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Attention!
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Beg pardon?
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Line up for inspection.
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Inspection? Yes, we must look proper for
Mr. Nureyev. At last, to have a man of
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dignity, a man of culture on this weird,
sick program.
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Would you wash your flippers?
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Yes, sir.
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Let's have a look.
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Will you please get off the floor?
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Will you comb your hair and polish those
shoes? Yes, sir, yes, sir.
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00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,360
And one more thing.
40
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Your hat's too big.
41
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,960
Sam, can I introduce the show now? Of
course, yes, but just do it with
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Yes, yes.
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To have the brilliant, talented Rudolf
Nureyev on our show.
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He's my favorite opera singer.
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00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:32,520
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi
there, and welcome to the Muppet Show.
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call that dignity?
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I'm sorry, Sam.
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00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:42,680
Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an
honor to welcome you to the Muppet Show.
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Tonight's guest star is one of the
world's great masters of ballet, Mr.
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Nureyev.
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Are you sure it's ballet, not opera?
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Positive.
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Six of one, half dozen the other.
Culture is culture.
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But here to get things started is Dr.
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Teeth and the electrician. What, Dr.
56
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,360
Teeth?
57
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:10,360
Sam, I know I promised you a very
cultural show, but don't worry. You see,
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00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:13,820
they're playing a minuet, and they have
promised to be very classy.
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00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:15,720
May I have that in writing?
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00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,640
Hey, what's this bummer called again?
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When you went to G -Major.
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They ought to send it back to the
miners.
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00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,980
Yeah, if I knew we were going to do
this, I'd have just stayed home and sent
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my suit.
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00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,460
The animal's not going to make it, man.
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get, the more I appreciate good music.
Yeah, what's it got to do with what we
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just heard?
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Nothing. Just thought I'd mention it.
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Not very cultural, guys.
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Not very cultural. That was awful.
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Mr. Nureyev must be shocked.
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Well, I doubt it.
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Well, of course he is. He is sensitive.
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He is creative. He is artistic.
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He is not here.
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He just phoned in. He's running a little
bit late.
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Oh, thank goodness.
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00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:05,020
Now, remember, when Mr. Nureyev arrives,
we must be dignified. We must be
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respected.
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I'm here.
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Not for long, you are not. We are
waiting for Mr. Nureyev.
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00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:22,260
I'll handle this. Get out of here, you
freak. You hit me. You weirdo gal.
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punk kids think they are.
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That one thinks he's Rudolf Nureyev.
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What? In fact, I was Rudolf Nureyev.
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What have I done?
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I think I'll go out and introduce
something cultural.
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Now, in keeping with our tone of culture
and classicism,
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00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,740
kill time while we see if we still have
a guest star, we proudly present the
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love duet from the third act of The
Barber of Der Flatermus by Giuseppe
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Or Giuseppe Wagner.
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Whatever.
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see that.
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00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,980
You know, there's nothing like grand
opera.
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Yep, and that was nothing like it.
96
00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,020
Mr.
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00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,940
Lorena, will you ever forgive me?
98
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,460
He forgives you, Sam.
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00:08:56,500 --> 00:09:00,500
What? I just talked to him. He isn't
angry. He's putting on his costume for
100
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,500
big ballet number.
101
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,540
Oh, bless you, Frog.
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00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:08,540
Oh, thank you for these glad tidings.
And what ballet, may I ask?
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is the incomparable Mr. Nureyev going to
perform?
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00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:13,420
Uh, Swine Lake.
105
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,960
Culture. Yes, culture.
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00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:21,540
Dignity at last. Cl... Swine Lake?
107
00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:29,420
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, in the classic
ballet Swine Lake, a beautiful princess
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00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:33,040
has been turned into a pig by the wicked
magician Trichinosis.
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00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:37,860
Uh, unfortunately, the handsome
prince... There's a handsome prince in
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too. The handsome prince hasn't heard
about the change.
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00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:45,730
Here, then, the very princely Mr.
Rudolph Nerea.
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00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:59,440
I've got two wheels on my tricycle and
four toes on each foot. I've got six
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00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:06,360
in my week and up with this I will not
put. I'm a bath without a plug and I'm a
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handle with no jug.
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I'm a kiss without a hug unless you're
near me.
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00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:18,200
I've got three strings on my violin and
I'm an only twin.
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00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,940
Something's missing, something's
missing, something's...
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00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:35,260
Well, my cat has only got eight lives.
He chases two blind mice. On my
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when I get three cheers, they only cheer
me twice.
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00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:45,780
I'm an oil well with no oil, and I'm a
plant that has no soil. I'm a kettle
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won't boil unless you're near me.
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Two and two make three when I add.
You're an orphan, says my dad.
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00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,960
Something's missing, something's
missing, something's...
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00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:09,720
But whenever you come close to me, my
life is all complete.
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00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:16,400
For no longer do I have four toes, no
longer two left feet. I'm a playground
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00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:22,780
full of swings and I'm an eagle with his
wings. I'm a nightingale that sings
127
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,140
because you're near.
128
00:14:48,969 --> 00:14:51,610
And now, Veterinarians Hospital.
129
00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:57,460
On this special episode, our quack who
has gone to the dog. will pay tribute to
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00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:58,460
William Shakespeare.
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00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,700
Prithee, nurse, who beeth our next
patient?
132
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,220
Why, this little piglet, sire.
133
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:06,880
Not piglet, hamlet.
134
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,380
Remember, we're doing Shakespeare here.
135
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,320
Sounds more like bacon.
136
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:17,560
Say, this patient needs a transfusion.
What's his blood type?
137
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,240
Well, I think it's 2B, but I'm not sure.
138
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,260
Well, make up your mind. 2B.
139
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,150
this patient's heart.
140
00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:34,490
Zounds. Zounds what?
141
00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:35,790
Zounds terrible.
142
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,910
Hey, the frog wanted Shakespeare. He's
getting Shakespeare.
143
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,090
But you're a doctor first.
144
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:45,490
Right. Doctor first, Richard the second,
Henry the fourth.
145
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,450
Me thinks we should take our leave.
146
00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:50,930
Why?
147
00:15:59,850 --> 00:16:06,550
if the shrew fits. So we leave
veterinarian's hospital on Avon. Tune in
148
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:07,750
week when you'll hear Dr.
149
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,570
Bob say, Alas, poor pork!
150
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:33,090
Is there something wrong with it?
151
00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:35,870
Wrong? Why, it's... Oh,
152
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:43,650
at last, a mature and passionate love
duet between me and my Kermit.
153
00:16:44,030 --> 00:16:46,190
Well, you're not doing it with me.
154
00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:49,630
What? No, you're going to do it with
Rudolph and Araya.
155
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,880
the next introduction he's trying to get
156
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,660
Depends on how strange the stranger is.
157
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:53,980
What a wonderful sense of humor you
have. And you have a marvelous mind.
158
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,640
And the other parts ain't bad either.
159
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:58,860
Just think of it.
160
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,540
Last week I've been dancing with Natalia
Makarova.
161
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,740
And today I'm in a steam room with a
lady pig.
162
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,360
Oh, yes.
163
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,360
But isn't it heaven?
164
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,860
I don't think heaven is this one.
165
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,640
It's more like the other place.
166
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,780
i really can't stay cold outside i've
got to go away it's
167
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:39,640
cold outside this evening
168
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:04,790
Well, maybe just a little while more.
169
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,140
Implant.
170
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,210
this show he'll
171
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,370
Forgot you can, the library.
172
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,090
Keep playing.
173
00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:45,350
Sounds terrific.
174
00:20:48,270 --> 00:20:50,410
Thank you.
175
00:21:01,150 --> 00:21:02,270
Got a match?
176
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:04,850
Match. Match for the... Okay.
177
00:21:39,790 --> 00:21:41,250
I think it's all taken care of.
178
00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:43,650
You're going to have a beautiful candle
to play with.
179
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:52,750
Give it time.
180
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,570
Don't go!
181
00:22:02,310 --> 00:22:05,770
Rudolph, I want to tell you how
delighted we are to have you on our show
182
00:22:05,770 --> 00:22:08,110
tonight. I'm having a great time.
183
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,200
I'm afraid your friend the eagle isn't
too pleased.
184
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,120
Oh, that's just Sam. Don't worry about
him.
185
00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:17,440
Mr. Nerea, may I have your attention?
186
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,040
Yes.
187
00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:22,020
Well, maybe I'm not too sure.
188
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:29,000
I just want to apologize for the
disgusting things the frog has forced
189
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,000
on this show.
190
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,560
The frog did not force him.
191
00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:34,660
The frog didn't force me.
192
00:22:35,460 --> 00:22:38,020
What? No, I wanted to do that.
193
00:22:38,340 --> 00:22:39,460
And it was fun.
194
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,220
I can't believe that I'm speaking to the
real Rudolf Nureyev.
195
00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:47,600
Does that mean you're going to throw me
out again?
196
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,560
No, no, no, no, of course not, no.
197
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,860
There's one more number I would like to
do.
198
00:22:54,500 --> 00:23:00,560
Aha, I should have known. The first two
for the lowbrow element, but for your
199
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,980
finale, a brilliant interpretation of
classic ballet.
200
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:06,760
Exactly.
201
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,060
Is that a ballet?
202
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,220
costume. Trust me, Sam. You see?
203
00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:22,320
I am putting on my top hat.
204
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,040
Tying up my white tie.
205
00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:26,980
Brushing off my chain.
206
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:32,260
I am putting up my shirt.
207
00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:34,760
Putting in my shirt.
208
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,440
Polishing my name.
209
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,060
He's stepping out.
210
00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:44,010
simply rich with class.
211
00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:50,430
And we trust you will excuse his dust
when he steps on that gas.
212
00:23:53,710 --> 00:24:00,370
So I'll be there, putting on my top hat,
tying up my
213
00:24:00,370 --> 00:24:03,250
white tie, dancing in my tail.
214
00:24:26,969 --> 00:24:30,810
For I'll be there,
215
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:35,850
voting on my top hand,
216
00:24:36,670 --> 00:24:43,010
tying up my wife's tie, dancing in my
bed.
217
00:25:18,870 --> 00:25:19,870
Mr.
218
00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:27,530
Nureyev, I just want you to know that I
am sorry.
219
00:25:28,650 --> 00:25:30,390
You are sorry you threw me out?
220
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:33,390
No, I'm sorry I ever let you back in.
221
00:25:35,470 --> 00:25:42,310
this has been shocking oh cool it baldy
okay we'll see you all next time
222
00:25:42,310 --> 00:25:43,310
on the muppet show
223
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,840
Wasn't that a cultural show?
17402
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