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Hi, I'm Brian Henson.
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This episode of The Muppet Show stars
John Cleese.
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John particularly became very close with
the Muppets, and he immediately created
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a bond with the writers on The Muppet
Show, and he wanted to get involved in
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writing. So together they came up with
this ridiculous concept where John
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doesn't want to be on the show. So the
great thing is that this whole Muppet
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Show is about the Muppets trying to get
John to be on the show, but John's
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trying to get off the show.
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He'll do us all.
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One great scene to watch for is where
John tries to fix Gonzo's arms and ends
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stretching them six feet long and ending
up knotting his arms all around his
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body.
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Are you done?
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But the more he hurts Gonzo, of course,
the more Gonzo loves it.
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And here's the episode. I hope you love
it.
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John Cleese?
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Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Mr. Cleese.
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Well, it's no use struggling, Mr.
Cleese. You can't leave until you've
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show.
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It's the Muppet Show with our special
guest star...
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We'll never get this started.
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It's time to get things started on the
most sensational, inspirational,
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celebrational, Muppetational. This is
what we call a Muppet Show.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi -ho,
and welcome to another Muppet Show.
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Hey, we're going to have a fan...
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is one of the reigning geniuses behind
Monty Python's Flying Circus, Mr. John
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Cleese.
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Here's a note from the stage hands up in
the rafters.
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Let's see, it says, Dear Kermit, we are
sorry we dropped that heavy weight, but
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we hope it doesn't do any damage when it
hits the floor.
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P .S., actually, we dropped two weights.
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Why is the opening number? I think I'm
going to lie down for a while.
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Somebody stole my gal.
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Somebody stole my pal.
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Somebody came and took her away.
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She didn't even say that she was even
leaving. Her kisses I miss so.
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I know.
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Miss Her Kisses.
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I got a sore thumb.
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Why don't you get it taken care of? That
keeps my mind off the show.
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And now, to appease the intellectuals of
our audience, the great Gonzo will
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catch a cannonball with his bare hand as
fired from a muzzle -loading cannon.
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What was that? A survivor.
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Hey, have you heard about the new police
show starring Gonzo the Great?
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Pig's claws.
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No pig's claws?
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Here we are. It says, I only work with a
frog. That's you, right? Check.
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The bear and the ugly, disgusting little
one who catches cannonballs.
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That's it. No pigs. And that goes for
monsters, too.
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which may go a long way towards solving
the world's food crisis.
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Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois
reports he has found a method of
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synthesizing Italian dinners out of
wool.
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At a recent press conference, Edgar
demonstrated his process by knitting a
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terrine of minestrone while his wife
Nancy crocheted meatballs.
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this bird's a great performer, but
tonight she laid an egg.
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And now, Pigs in Space!
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Following the acrophobic Captain Link,
Hogfrog, the illustrious First Mate,
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Piggy, and the sesquipedalian Doctor
Strange.
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as we join our story today.
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Oh, the
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loneliness
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of command.
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You can't be a pirate.
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Of course I'm a pirate. I've got a hat,
a parrot, and a hook.
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What else should I be? A management
consultant?
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spaceship. What?
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This is the swine truck bound for the
other side of the universe.
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You're supposed to be on an ocean ship.
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slipped boils.
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You suppose they meant it to be?
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Looks like the backstroke.
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So I says to the waiter, I says, waiter,
there's a fly in my soup. And the
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waiter says, what's the matter? You
ordered a mosquito?
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So I said to the waiter, I said, what's
this fly doing in my alphabet soup?
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And he said, standing in for the
apostrophe.
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My, what a tough night I've had tonight.
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Oh, yeah, me too. The chef ran out of
flies halfway through dinner.
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Just a song, you know, I don't have a
wife.
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Not yet. I don't intend to have one
either.
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Are you ready?
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Yes.
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There was I, waiting at the church,
waiting at the church, waiting
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at the church.
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When I found he left me in the lurch,
your power did upset me.
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All at once, he sent me round a note.
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Here's the very note.
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Now will you take a silly pillow out
from under your dress?
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I like it!
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And now, a musical duet featuring Gonzo
the Great and my own little nephew,
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Robin. Uncle Kermit, Gonzo says he can't
sing with a long arm.
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Oh, shall we cancel? No, no.
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We're two lost souls on the highway of
life. We ain't even got
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a sister or brother.
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But ain't it just great?
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Ain't it just grand?
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We've got each other.
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Two lost ships on a stormy sea.
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One with no sail and one with no rudder.
But ain't it just great?
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Ain't it just grand?
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We've got each other.
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On the highway of life And there is no
one With whom we would rather Say
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ain't it just great Ain't it just grand
We've got each other
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We've got a lot Because we've got
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Each other
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What is red and woolly and five feet
long?
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A mitten for Gonzo the Great.
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Good,
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yes, just what the world needs, humorous
hip persons.
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Mr. Cleese, what am I going to do?
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Which one are you? I'm the ugly,
disgusting one who catches cannonballs.
111
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me. Yes, it's horrible, isn't it? So,
not to worry, I know... plastic surgeon
112
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who can fix you up, give you a little
Roman number, something cute to buy.
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00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:27,050
No, Mr.
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Cleese, it's not my nose, it's my arm.
115
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Is it? Well, why is it in the middle of
your face?
116
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Mr. Cleese, just forget about the nose,
please.
117
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Well, I'll try, but I can't promise
anything.
118
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,690
Now, what's wrong with this arm of
yours? It's about five feet long.
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Isn't that enough?
120
00:18:55,240 --> 00:19:00,500
in the Himalayas, Gonzo, I met a wise
old man who taught me the ancient art of
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Daucho Chingua. Were both his arms the
same length? As what?
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As each other.
123
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:06,840
Oh, some of them were, yes.
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Now, lie down, please, and I want you to
keep repeating something.
125
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What?
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to the Cusbanian spooble.
127
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:40,130
Hi there, Kermit. Pleasure to be here.
128
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:45,610
You will note that the spooble is
composed almost entirely of liquid.
129
00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:49,050
You betcha. Or as they say on...
130
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TV interview, I should wear my crystal
vase.
131
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But, you know, I wanted to be casual.
132
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:19,050
Yeah, well, listen, the jar is just
swell. Oh, I'm glad it's not winter. I
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wearing those ugly thermos bottles.
134
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:25,090
Right. Okay, well, there you have it,
folks. Once again, it's been an unusual
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and informative visit with another...
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a Kuzbanian has been drunk on
television.
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00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:48,520
What do you suppose would happen to a
spooble if you put him in a kettle and
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turned the heat on under him?
139
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,580
Oh, he'd probably get steamed.
140
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,020
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is
our very special guest star to sing to
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dream the impossible dream.
142
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,800
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John
Kuzbanian.
143
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:13,310
Kermit? Kermit?
144
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:15,830
Could I speak to you, please?
145
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:19,010
Yeah, what is it, John? What's going on?
146
00:22:19,470 --> 00:22:21,570
Oh, well, nothing. You just missed your
cue, that's all.
147
00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:24,510
What? See, that was an eight -bar intro,
and then you're supposed to sing, to
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dream the impossible dream, you know,
like that.
149
00:22:28,190 --> 00:22:29,190
You can't be serious.
150
00:22:30,410 --> 00:22:32,510
Kermit, I don't do old show tunes.
151
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Oh, well, I'm sorry.
152
00:22:35,370 --> 00:22:37,890
That's our mistake. I'm sorry. We just
got confused.
153
00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:39,690
We'll just take it out. Curtains!
154
00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:47,540
very special guest star, Mr. John
Cleese.
155
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,680
Where's the frog?
156
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,420
Where's the frog? Shut up.
157
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:02,800
Shut up.
158
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:07,440
Kill the music. Cut the music. Where's
the frog? We didn't finish yet. No,
159
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,119
not going to.
160
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,600
I didn't get to do my potential.
161
00:23:10,580 --> 00:23:11,740
What is it, John?
162
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,160
Tell me, this is mad. I mean, the moment
the curtain...
163
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,000
You're lousy. Well,
164
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:24,220
what can I say, John?
165
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:28,020
I'm terribly sorry. It's all our fault.
We'll just take it again. Give us one
166
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:29,020
last chance, would you?
167
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,160
One.
168
00:26:18,690 --> 00:26:22,550
Well, see you next time. Yeah, unless I
get lucky and break a leg.
13879
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