Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:05,430
Teresa Brewer, 13 seconds to curtain,
Miss Brewer. Everything all right?
2
00:00:06,010 --> 00:00:07,590
Actually, I could use a hand.
3
00:00:07,850 --> 00:00:09,770
You want a hand? You got it.
4
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:13,790
Anything else?
5
00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:22,670
It's the Muppet Show with our special
guest, our Miss Teresa Brewer.
6
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,180
It's time to put on makeup.
7
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,100
It's time to drag a fright.
8
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,380
It's time to get things started.
9
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,420
Can I see your ticket stub?
10
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,640
It's time to get things started. I'm the
most mistaken, all inspirational,
11
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,540
celebration, all motivational.
12
00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:01,560
This is why.
13
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,380
Muppet Show, where anything can happen.
14
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,040
Unfortunately.
15
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,840
But on the bright side, our special
guest star tonight is one of the great
16
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,060
in popular music, and here she is now,
Miss Teresa Brewer!
17
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:27,949
was king.
18
00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:29,990
You can remember when Arthur was king.
19
00:04:32,810 --> 00:04:35,410
Okay, you guys really bailed out that
number.
20
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:36,810
Very nice.
21
00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:40,550
Hey, Kermit, have you decided what
you're going to do about Miss Piggy's
22
00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:43,810
ballet number next week? Yeah, Scooter,
I'm afraid we're going to have to cut
23
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:45,530
it. But why?
24
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:49,190
Well, have you seen Miss Piggy recently?
I mean, she's getting a little bulgy.
25
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,670
You know, the pork no longer fits in the
barrel.
26
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,770
Yeah, her wiggles are beginning to
waddle a little.
27
00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,310
old pork roll.
28
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:06,430
Hello, Kermit. Hi, Miss Piggy.
29
00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:13,310
I have a wonderful announcement to make.
I know it sounds silly, but I am going
30
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:14,310
on a diet.
31
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,550
A diet?
32
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,810
What a wonderful idea.
33
00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,890
How much weight do you plan to lose?
34
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:22,590
Oh, I don't know. Maybe five.
35
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,110
Ten. Ten.
36
00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,650
Do I hear 20? 20 pounds!
37
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:33,610
For my, uh, new ballet number!
38
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,430
You think she overheard?
39
00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:43,790
Now, Pig in Pig!
40
00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:53,630
Starring the indomitable Captain Link
Hogbrab, the flappable first mate, Miss
41
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:58,360
Piggy, and the inex... Implicable Doctor
Strange.
42
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:04,500
As we left our heroes last time, Captain
Holtrop had just discovered the awful
43
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,500
truth.
44
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:11,700
Yes, Captain? Our oxygen is almost gone,
fuel supplies are down to nothing, and
45
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,560
the water is all used up.
46
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,980
Oh, Captain, my Captain, what shall we
do?
47
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:21,200
Hey, Gad, we're out of water, fuel, and
oxygen. What could be worse?
48
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,580
Captain, we're out of swill!
49
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:39,280
fiction story. Yes, but we've got 25
adult pigs on this spaceship. We can't
50
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,740
survive without swill. What do you
suggest, Captain?
51
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,820
Miss Piggy, go cook us some swill.
52
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,340
Me? I'm the first mate. I'm supposed to
give orders.
53
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:53,080
Fine, then give us 25 orders of swill.
54
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,060
Good. Then give us 25 orders of swill
stroganoff.
55
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:12,940
All right, that does it. I refuse to
continue this sketch. You hear me?
56
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,460
What sketch? This is the swing truck.
We've lost an endless space.
57
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:21,100
This is a cheap shot comedy sketch, and
I'll lay you on the frog rodent.
58
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,200
Hey, you guys, Kermit says get on with
the sketch, okay?
59
00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:33,290
death -defying intellectualism never
seen before, the Great Gonzo will recite
60
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:38,530
Shakespeare while suspended by his nose
from a feather boa nine feet in the air.
61
00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,190
Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo!
62
00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:49,890
The Magic of Venice, Act One, Scene One.
63
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,450
Antonio speaks.
64
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:57,300
It wearies me.
65
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,200
I
66
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:09,600
was
67
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,780
wondering if I could ask your advice.
68
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,780
You know, woman to woman.
69
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,220
Why, sure, Miss Piggy.
70
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000
about being fat.
71
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:32,040
Oh, Miss Brewer, I've always known that
you were one of us skinny people.
72
00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:36,380
I thought that maybe you might have
heard something from one of your fat
73
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,380
friends.
74
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,900
Well, maybe I can help. I was just about
to have some lunch. Would you care to
75
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:42,900
join me?
76
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:51,360
You know, it's such a relief to meet
someone who isn't on a diet.
77
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:53,300
You know,
78
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,580
all they ever talk about is...
79
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,140
calories and exercise and lettuce
leaves.
80
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,140
Now you're talking.
81
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:09,940
Oh, Miss Brewer, listen, I thought that
number was so great, that cotton field
82
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,260
thing. It was just beautiful.
83
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:15,380
Thank you, Kermit. Uh, Piggy, you're
supposed to be on a diet.
84
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:19,960
You weren't thinking of doing anything
with that cake there, were you, fat
85
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:20,960
stuff?
86
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,940
but carrots three times a day.
87
00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:00,300
Oh, how's it working?
88
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,700
Fine.
89
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:08,220
As far as I'm concerned, being fat is
all in your head.
90
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,500
I don't think it's all in your head.
91
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:36,970
Amazing, Teresa. You got the autograph
of every big star in show business in
92
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:37,829
that book.
93
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:41,430
Well, it's a hobby of mine. I started
when I was just a kid. I always get all
94
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:42,990
the autographs of all the people I work
with.
95
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,750
Oh, look at that. There's Bing Crosby.
96
00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:47,890
You got Bob Hope and Louis Armstrong.
97
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:51,030
Wait a second. Whose autograph is that?
98
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,770
Crazy Harry.
99
00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:04,170
of us Muppets. Of course.
100
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:08,790
I think I've got just about all of the
Muppets autographs. Well, you haven't
101
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:09,790
gotten all of them.
102
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,310
You know, you're right.
103
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,650
I'm missing the most important one.
104
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,530
Well, gee.
105
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,770
You know, the collection would be
worthless without it.
106
00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:21,750
Yeah, well, I don't know what to say.
107
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:24,890
Well, just tell me how to get animals
autographs.
108
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,840
Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the
future is being made today.
109
00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:46,180
And it's breakthrough time here at the
labs again.
110
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,520
Well, here it is, the all -new Muppet's
electric nose warmer.
111
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,860
Yes, how many times have you been
outdoors on a cold nippy day and gotten
112
00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:57,860
nose cold?
113
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:03,160
Wouldn't it be nice, you thought to
yourself, if I could warm it
114
00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:05,460
Well, now you can.
115
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:08,670
as my assistant Beaker will now
demonstrate.
116
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:10,770
Come on in here, Beaker.
117
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,310
We're just going to slip... Come on over
here.
118
00:14:13,510 --> 00:14:15,870
We're just going to slip this on your
nose, all right?
119
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,030
There you go. All the way up.
120
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:21,230
There.
121
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:25,730
And now with the nose warmer in place,
we have only to turn on the electricity.
122
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:34,790
And there's Beaker with a nice, toasty,
warm nose.
123
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,060
You really should stop smoking, Beaker.
It's very bad for me.
124
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:50,400
That was great.
125
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,720
Fantastic. Yeah, I didn't like it.
126
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,220
Well, what would you know, you old fool?
127
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,720
Don't call me an old fool. I'll give you
the evil eye.
128
00:14:58,940 --> 00:14:59,940
Oh, I'm scared.
129
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,860
You can rock it, you can roll it, you
can stomp it, even throw it at the hop,
130
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:21,180
hop, hop, hop, hop. The record's got you
spinning, you call it so when you're
131
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:25,840
kicking at the hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.
The do the dancing station, it is
132
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,360
sweeping the nation at the hop, hop,
hop, hop, hop.
133
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:50,990
It's been 20 whole minutes I've been on
this diet.
134
00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:56,590
Well, let's see. I hope I haven't lost
too much weight.
135
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,440
girl swing monster bit again. They tried
to sneak it past us.
136
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,260
Sorry. Sorry.
137
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,520
I think you're getting seen.
138
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:11,100
Well, chubby, ready to lose a little
lard?
139
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,420
Ready to lose a few tubes?
140
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,700
A little exercise, shall we?
141
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:21,280
Okay, chin up, chest out, deep breath,
touching toe.
142
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,300
Next exercise, running in place.
143
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:01,900
Here we go. Ready?
144
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:08,720
Run. One, two. One, two. One, two. One,
two. One, two. One, two.
145
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,100
One, two. One, two. One, two.
146
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:11,820
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
147
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,760
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
One, two. One, two.
148
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,020
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
149
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,279
One, two.
150
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,280
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
151
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,800
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
152
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:19,840
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.
153
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:20,840
One, two.
154
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,320
One, two.
155
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,440
One,
156
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,580
two.
157
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:26,359
One, two.
158
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,360
One
159
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:37,120
Now we really hear some music. Yeah,
what music?
160
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,820
Put another nickel in.
161
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,560
I put nickel in. What music?
162
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:45,080
Put another nickel in.
163
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:51,280
I put nickel in. What music? Just
listen, fuzzy face.
164
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:52,620
What music?
165
00:22:10,990 --> 00:22:14,250
jokes we have left for this show, but
before we go, let's have a great big
166
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,250
for Miss Teresa Brewer.
167
00:22:18,310 --> 00:22:22,270
And now, how about a nice big hand for
Kermit...
168
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,920
Well, they did it again. Yeah, whatever
it was.
13393
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof