All language subtitles for the_muppet_show_-_s02e10_-_don_knotts

Seconds to curtain, Mr. Knott.

What are you doing out here behind the
table?

Listen, nobody told me I had to share a
dressing room. Didn't they tell you

about her?

Her?

What's the matter, sweetie?

You don't like chorus girls?

Things started on.

I feel like I made out of gingerbread.

Uh -uh.

Uh -uh.

Crumb pickin', lip lickin' gingerbread.

I finally got myself together now. Fresh
out of the pan,

sweet gingerbread man.

in the cane made of peppermint.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Nice icky hands, sticky peppermint.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Sponge sugary cloud, I'm floating on.

Sun spreading my soup, a sugar coating
on.

All tasty and tan, sweet gingerbread
man.

In town, sweet gingerbread man.

Flash out of the pan, sweet gingerbread
man.

I know what's wrong with this show.

What? It's the theater.

What's wrong with it? The seats face the
stage.

Thank you. Hi, hiya, hiya. Hey, hey,
hey. Listen.

letting me help plan tonight's show.

That's true, folks. He plans his parts
and I plan the good parts.

Come on.

I'm just kidding, Fozzie. Go ahead. Make
your introduction.

Oh, okay.

Moving right along.

We take you now for a trip into inner
space.

I'm very relaxed. I'm terribly calm and
tranquil.

I'm very, very relaxed indeed.

on the outside, but on the inside, I'm
like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel

within a wheel, a never -ending clock,
beginning on a never -spinning wheel,

just like a snowball down a mountain, or
a carnival balloon, or like a carousel

that's turning, running rings around the
moon, caused like a clock whose hands

are sweeping past the minutes of its
space, see that the world is like an

whirling silently in space, just like
the circles that you find out in the

out of your mind, just like a tunnel
that you follow to a tunnel of its own,

down a hollow to a...

never shown, just like a door that keeps
revolving in a half -forgotten dream,

or like the ripples from a pebble
someone tosses in a stream, just like a

that stands a -sweeping at the zenith of
its space. Even if the world is like an

apple, it's only in space, just like the
circles that you find here in the

windmills of your mind. Is it evil in
your pocket? Is it a tangle in your

Why did summer go so quickly? Was it
something that you said? See lovers walk

along the shore and leave their
footprints in the sand, or is the sound

distant drumming? Get the fingers of
your hands and sing in the hallway, see

fragment of a song, half -remembered
names and faces, but to whom do they

belong? When you knew that it was over,
you were suddenly aware that the autumn

leaves were turning to the color of her
hair, just like a circle in a spiral,

like a wheel within a wheel, never
ending, beginning on an ever -spinning

It's as if the damage doesn't wind, just
like a circle that you wind, you're in

the windmill of your mind.

I'm outside.

I'm very calm.

Well, how'd you like that opening
number?

Impossible. It was loud and rocket with
a screaming thing running amok.

How could you not notice it?

Well, in the future, I'll try to be more
observant.

Could you do that, please?

This is fun. Hey, I really want to thank
you for letting me help plan tonight's

show, Kermit. Yeah, well, I just wish we
planned something a little calmer for

the opening spot.

It looks calm enough to me.

Refer specifically to the closing
number.

Oh, boy.

Well, now, I tell you, this is not my
fault this time, see, because Fozzie

helped me plan tonight's show, and he
was the one that wanted the band to play

Lullaby at Birdland. That was Fozzie.

So this is the Bears doing, huh?

You bet. Oh, hi, Floyd.

Uh, isn't Lullaby at Birdland all right?

All right.

At last we got some decent music in this
year.

Ha! Why isn't the bear running things
around here?

Yeah, why isn't the bear running things
around here?

Yeah, why isn't the frog auditioning new
comedians?

Why isn't the bear keeping his mouth
shut?

Okay, right now, gang, it's time for
something good to happen, and that

something is tonight's very funny guest
star.

Welcome, please, the very relaxed Mr.
Don Knotts.

Thank you, boys and girls, and welcome
to Beast of the Week, the program that

presents the most hideous, repulsive,
and disgusting animals in the world just

to amuse you sweet little kiddies.

Now, tonight's creature was just
discovered, so it doesn't even have a

Shall we?

Cute little fellow, isn't it?

This is the first one ever born in
captivity, and it's also the first time

had it away from its mother.

I don't know quite what to expect
myself, so maybe we'll just learn

huh?

we've just learned that can get out of a
cage, which I was told was absolutely

escape -proof.

I better get him.

Oh,

look at that.

He's found something shaped like
himself. I believe he thinks they're

Isn't that cute, boys and girls? He's
trying to make friends.

I'll just get the glove.

the zookeeper pay off, you notice I
don't make any sudden moves.

It's getting less frightened of me.

I guess it likes me.

Stop it.

That tickles.

It's blowing in my ear.

Gotcha.

Well, boys and girls, that about wraps
up tonight's Beast of the Week.

We've got to get this little fella back
to its mother before she wakes up. You

see, the mother is very possessive of
its offspring.

And if she should discover it missing,
she could get very upset.

but a terrible memory.

Fozzie, my main pair.

Mmm. What it is, you know everybody in
the band is so blown away by the fact

that you suggested we do Lullaby of
Birdland on the show.

Blown away?

Is this that good?

Good? Yes.

Fozzie, you're so hip, you make us flip.
In fact, we just took a vote and made

you a bonafide registered...

My shades.

Yeah, now, these are the official
Charlie Parker Lives super cool

Thank you. Welcome to Groovy Dunk.

Oh, will you please tell the band how
honored I am?

Oh, boy, I can't wait to tell Kermit.
Kermit!

And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the
continuing story of a quack who's

gone to the dogs.

Next patient. What seems to be his
problem?

I think he has flat feet, Dr. Bob.

Looks more like a flat tire to me.

I think it's a case of three left feet.

Three feet, Dr. Bob. What do you make of
that?

Oh, about a yard.

But is it serious, Dr. Bob? Let's face
it. This bird has one foot in the grave.

But he has three feet on the table.

Well, that's nothing. I left two feet in
Cincinnati.

That's six feet, Dr. Bob. What do you
make of that? Oh, about a fathom.

I certainly can't fathom any of this.

And so Dr.

Bob has performed another amazing
medical feat. Tune in next week when

hear Nurse Piggy say... Shall we call in
a specialist, Dr. Bob?

No, we'll just call a tow truck.

me jogging along, hardy and strong,
living on plates of fresh air.

I dress up in fashion, and when I am
feeling depressed, I shave

from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff,
stick my hat on and toddle up west.

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten
-thirty and saunter along like a toff.

I walk down the strand with my gloves on
my hand, then I walk down again with

them all.

I'm all ales and graces, correct easy
paces, without food so long I forgot

my face is, I'm Bert. Bert, I haven't a
shirt, but my people are well off, you

know. Nearly everyone knows me from
Smith to Lord Roseberry, I'm Burlington

Bertie Flambeau.

My poems, though ironical, shows.

That's my monocle, holds up my face,
keeps it in place, stops it from

away.

Cigars!

I smoke thousands. I usually deal in the
strand.

But you've got to take care when you're
getting them there or some idiot might

stand on your hand.

Oh, I burn it in 30, I rise it in 30,
then Buckingham Palace I view.

I stand in the yard while they're
changing the guard, and the king shouts

across, Toodaloo!

The prince of Wales' brother, along with
some other, slaps me on the back and

says, Come and see mother, I'm Bert,
Bert. The royalties hurt when they ask

to dine, I say no.

I've just had a banana with Lady Diana,
I'm Bertie Dunbertie from Poe.

Strange.

Fozzie told me to meet him here and we
could chat for a while.

Sorry,

lady.

Hi, Fozzie.

Oh, hello, Don. Good to see you.

Oh, hi, Don. Didn't see you.

Why don't you take off the sunglasses?

Oh, I couldn't do that.

The band gave me these. because they
think I am so hip.

Oh, I see.

I always wanted to be hip.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Well, personally, I've never had
that problem.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know how it is. When you got
it, you got it. I mean, when you're hip,

you're hip.

Don,

if you're so hip, where are your shades?

Shades? You want shades? I'll show you
shades.

I see trees of green, red roses too.

I see them bloom for me and you.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful

world.

I see skies of blue.

And clouds of white.

The bright sunny day.

And the dark cloudy night.

And I think to myself.

What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow. So pretty in
the sky.

are also on the faces of people going
by.

I see friends shaking hands, saying, how
do you do?

They're really saying, I love you.

I hear puppies crying.

I watch you grow.

You'll learn much more than I'll ever
know.

And I think to myself, what a

wonderful world.

Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful

world.

It is wonderful.

Wish I knew how to fuck.

Hey, Fuzzy, my man, Fuzzy.

Oh, Floyd.

Yeah, listen, you know, one of the dudes
in the band is so turned on by the fact

that you suggested we do Lullaby of
Birdland, he'd like to shake your hand

personally. Hey, I'd have sang.

I didn't know it hurt to be hip.

What's wrong with you?

It's either this show or indigestion.

I hope it's indigestion. Why?

It'll get better in a little while.

Just wish it came with a flashlight.

Floyd, it's time to do Lullaby of
Birdland.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of which, since I'm
playing vibes in this number, we're

to need another player for the bass.

Floyd, how can I find a bass player now?
You're on.

Hey, come back. No problem.

I have already found the perfect bass
player.

Floyd, you just go out there and start
cooking, baby.

introduce this number for my hip
brothers, Green Stuff.

Stickly, that is. Hi, Stick here. Tune
into Nickelodeon every weekday after

school for Nick in the Afternoon. That's
Hey Dude, Wienerville, Beetlejuice,

Wild and Crazy Kids, and me.

That's Nick with Stick. No, Stick with
Nick.

It's Nick with Nick with Cut.

Now, stay tuned for The Partridge
Family, next on Nick at Night.

This show is awful. Terrible.
Disgusting. See you next week? Of