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1
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,360
Hi, I'm Brian Henson.
2
00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:11,100
This episode of The Muppet Show stars
Steve Martin.
3
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,880
It was a very different kind of Muppet
Show.
4
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,860
See, you're going to feel right at home
around here.
5
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,000
There was no laugh track, so you can
actually hear the Muppet performers
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,020
laughing along at what's going on.
7
00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:31,380
The episode features the talents of such
legends as the strange alien fazoos and
8
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:33,940
the flying zucchini brothers.
9
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:45,400
Marvin Suggs and his all -food glee
club. We have no bananas today.
10
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:47,300
Bananas today.
11
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,040
All this and, of course, Steve Martin's
balloon animals.
12
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:53,980
Puppy dog.
13
00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:58,820
Oh, I love that one. That's so cute.
Thank you very much. Here he is, the
14
00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:00,660
wonderful Steve Martin in The Muppet
Show.
15
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:04,539
Steve Martin.
16
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:05,700
Oh, Steve Martin.
17
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,100
15 seconds till curtain, Mr. Martin.
18
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,460
Thank you, Scooter. I'm almost ready.
19
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,440
Say,
20
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:16,180
you're going to feel right at home
around here.
21
00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:50,930
It's time to dress up right.
22
00:01:51,290 --> 00:01:53,090
It's time to get things started.
23
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,270
Well, I like the old opening better.
24
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:58,990
It's time to get things started. I'm the
most sensational, inspirational,
25
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,670
celebrational.
26
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:23,150
Muppet Show. Listen, I really feel bad
about this, but I have a special
27
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:26,330
announcement. Hey, maybe we've gotten
lucky at last.
28
00:02:26,670 --> 00:02:28,630
Yeah, maybe tonight's show's been
cancelled.
29
00:02:30,790 --> 00:02:32,450
Tonight's show has been cancelled.
30
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:37,230
Have I died and gone to heaven?
31
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:42,150
Well, you see, I just realized I misread
my calendar.
32
00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:46,350
Tonight we're scheduled to audition new
acts for the show, so I'm really sorry,
33
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:48,490
but there will not be a Muppet Show
tonight.
34
00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:52,510
You can all stay and watch the
auditions, but of course, I'm not sure
35
00:02:52,510 --> 00:02:53,650
be anything very exciting.
36
00:02:53,910 --> 00:02:55,310
When has there ever been?
37
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,790
Okay, you two, take the night off.
38
00:02:58,730 --> 00:03:01,410
We might as well bring up the house
lights and say goodnight to everybody.
39
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:05,830
I'll just go out into the house.
40
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:07,790
Oh, good grief, it's Steve Martin.
41
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:11,650
Yeah, it is, Kermit. How's it going,
little fella?
42
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:14,070
Well, fine, just fine, Steve.
43
00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:17,670
Say, I was sitting back in my dressing
room back there getting ready for the
44
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:18,670
next number, and...
45
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:21,150
I heard this rumor that the show had
been canceled.
46
00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:24,730
Well, yeah, you see, we have to audition
new acts tonight.
47
00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:29,030
Oh, oh, okay, fine. Hey, you know, I was
just supposed to be the guest star on
48
00:03:29,030 --> 00:03:33,230
tonight's show. No problem. Well, yeah,
I'm very sorry about that, really. Well,
49
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:37,790
you know, it's just a thing that I'm
sitting back there getting ready, and,
50
00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:40,910
know, I feel like some kind of sap back
there putting these clothes on for the
51
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:46,090
big number, and no one comes back and
bothers to say, Hey, Steve, the show has
52
00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:47,069
been canceled.
53
00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:48,150
What am I around here?
54
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:53,030
I don't know what to say. Well, I do.
55
00:03:54,530 --> 00:03:56,890
Excuse me!
56
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:01,990
Well,
57
00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:05,390
let's get the auditions going, shall we?
58
00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:06,930
Well,
59
00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:09,090
should we stay or go?
60
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:14,230
I feel the same as I do every week. I've
paid good money for this ticket, and
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00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,230
I'm going to use it.
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00:04:15,490 --> 00:04:16,930
The tickets are free.
63
00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:20,649
Oh, yes. Well, and overpriced at that,
too.
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00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,680
Okay, if we can get things started here
now.
65
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:35,040
Kermit, Kermit, hey, when you say you're
auditioning acts, you mean new acts,
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00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,320
don't you? I mean, you don't mean
replacements.
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00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,140
Oh, well, I don't really know, Fozzie. I
just thought maybe we could use some
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00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:42,140
new blood.
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00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,760
Why didn't you tell me you wanted me to
bleed?
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00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,300
Okay, Scooter, what's the first act?
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00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:52,900
Oh, we got some really great talent
lined up, boss. First up is the LaTrek
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00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,920
sisters in the garbage can can.
73
00:04:56,140 --> 00:04:58,200
Oh, please don't let them be funny.
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00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:34,150
Oh, very good. Nice work, girls.
75
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:36,630
He liked the dancing rats?
76
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:38,790
What chances a bear have.
77
00:05:39,770 --> 00:05:43,850
Listen, Kermit, if you like the last
act, wait till you see the next one.
78
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:45,850
called Mary Louise and Friend.
79
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:16,780
Yeah,
80
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,460
right on. Now you're talking my
language.
81
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,740
Hey, can we have some quiet out there in
the theater, please?
82
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,260
What's next, Scooter? Oh, you'll love
this, boss.
83
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,060
Here he is, Steve Martin.
84
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,460
Steve,
85
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,180
you know, you really don't have to
perform here, you know. Well, I figured
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00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,580
I was here, I may as well do some stuff,
you know.
87
00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:44,750
Yeah, but you don't have to. to do this
because we canceled the show.
88
00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:49,110
Oh, well, maybe I could just, you know,
perform for the guys.
89
00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:54,710
Yeah. Okay, well, listen, if you want
him, you got him. Take it away, Steve.
90
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:56,790
Thank you.
91
00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:58,830
Thank you very much. Thank you.
92
00:06:59,130 --> 00:07:03,550
I realize a lot of you folks are sitting
out there saying to yourselves, sure,
93
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:06,290
he's great, but can he...
94
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:36,600
But I won't blow.
95
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:07,740
Well, actually, I get the balloons for
free. I go down to the balloon ranch
96
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:12,200
where the little baby balloons are
grown, and I, oh, steal them from the
97
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:18,080
What I do is the adult balloons who
guard them are very stupid, and I can,
98
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,080
easy to trick them.
99
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:06,870
is Terry Lewis.
100
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,230
It's an enriching experience.
101
00:10:48,610 --> 00:10:50,470
Yeah. Hey, Scooter, what's next?
102
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,750
Oh, it's a guy named Lenny the Lizard.
He's an emcee.
103
00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:55,350
What the hey?
104
00:10:56,670 --> 00:11:00,510
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
welcome again to another edition of The
105
00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:01,510
Muppet Show.
106
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:05,370
Well, we've got a great show for you
tonight, starring the incredible and
107
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:08,850
amazingly talented me, plus other good
things. Next.
108
00:11:10,030 --> 00:11:13,110
It was really interesting to see how
another emcee works.
109
00:11:13,470 --> 00:11:17,780
What? Yeah, you really... must feel
enriched, Kermit. Will you get out of
110
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:18,780
Fozzie?
111
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,680
On to the next act, Chief?
112
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,820
Yes, I'd love to. I should think so.
113
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,380
Anyway, it's a weird little act to Rick
from the planet Coosbane.
114
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:28,400
Here they are, the four fazoobs.
115
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:45,880
and Terry Louise.
116
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,740
Kermit. Not now, Gonzo.
117
00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:50,360
We had the fazoobs.
118
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,760
The fazoobs.
119
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:55,920
Kermit. What is it, Gonzo? Kermit, I've
got this great new act for you.
120
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:58,840
Not now, Gonzo. You see, right now I'm
in the middle of auditions.
121
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:00,600
Okay, we'll audition.
122
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:04,260
I've seen your acts, Gonzo. You see, I
don't want to see any more of them.
123
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,059
you. Okay?
124
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:07,680
I'll talk to you later. All right? All
right? All right? Scooter!
125
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000
Who's next, Scooter?
126
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:11,780
Well, look, at least let me tell you
about the act.
127
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,020
No.
128
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,339
Dancing cheese?
129
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:20,640
You were listening.
130
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,980
Will somebody find Scooter?
131
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,720
Oh, Kermit, she's a great dancer.
132
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,860
She? It's a female cheese?
133
00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:31,020
Of course it's a female.
134
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,660
You don't expect me to dance with a
male, do you?
135
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,180
No, no. That would look weird.
136
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:41,480
Yes, yes, I'm sure that would look
weird, Gonzo. Okay, you say you dance
137
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,560
her. You're getting interested, aren't
you? No, I'm just killing time until
138
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,479
Scooter gets here.
139
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,860
Oh, well, anyway.
140
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,400
She's featured. We do a flamenco.
141
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,640
I just click my heels a little.
142
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:53,660
The cheese does the fancy steps.
143
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,000
The cheese does the fancy steps, huh? Mm
-hmm.
144
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:59,540
Gonzo, I don't think I want to hear any
more about it. But Scooter's not here
145
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:00,980
yet. I don't care.
146
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,820
Oh, here he comes now. Oh, Scooter! Just
remember it.
147
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,059
Yeah, sure.
148
00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:05,939
Yes, Chief?
149
00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:07,100
Scooter, who you got next, huh?
150
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,780
Oh, Gonzalez and Yolanda.
151
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:41,890
that we've got some truly new and
different acts for the rest of the
152
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:45,830
Here's the first one, Carrie Louise in
Friend.
153
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,230
Oh, man.
154
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:56,270
Ribbit.
155
00:14:57,410 --> 00:15:02,370
I keep telling you, I'm the girl singer
on this show.
156
00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:04,030
Move it, move it.
157
00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:07,890
Okay, nothing too different so far.
158
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,720
This one, Kermit, he's a rambling guy.
159
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:20,460
Okay, let's not waste any more time.
Let's go.
160
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,220
How much was it to get in?
161
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:24,960
Three. Okay, you're going to get your
money's worth on this.
162
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,200
Thank you.
163
00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:42,570
Yes,
164
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:44,569
here, here.
165
00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:45,870
Oh, wholesome, wonderful.
166
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:50,790
I'm glad you enjoyed that act, Sam. Oh,
Kermit, it was good, old -fashioned
167
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:55,630
entertainment. With that act, the Muppet
Show finally turns the corner and
168
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:58,890
becomes a normal, decent, moral program.
169
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:00,490
Please, Sam.
170
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:01,909
What's next?
171
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:04,910
Oh, Marvin Suggs and his all -food glee
club.
172
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:10,570
For one brief moment, there was light at
the end of the tunnel.
173
00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:12,070
Thank you.
174
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,800
in my heart out.
175
00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:23,840
Oh, what is wrong, Miss Spanigan? I feel
naked without my hollandaise.
176
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,520
A dinner.
177
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,360
Yeah, Soprano looks delicious.
178
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:13,240
Okay, Chief, next up is a guy you'll
love. Remember Ramblin' Guy?
179
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,800
Here's Jugglin' Guy.
180
00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:22,580
And now it's time for a little juggling.
181
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,720
First of all, I juggle one.
182
00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:50,349
Okay, take it.
183
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,830
Toss it up in midair, okay?
184
00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:53,070
Okay.
185
00:20:57,230 --> 00:20:58,310
Oh, no.
186
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,830
Oh, no.
187
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:04,890
I've killed it.
188
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:07,430
Oh.
189
00:21:08,370 --> 00:21:09,370
Oh.
190
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,360
when you say very funny, do you mean?
191
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,780
Fozzie, listen, don't worry about it.
Nobody is going to lose their job.
192
00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:31,000
Oh, that's terrific.
193
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:36,140
Excuse me, Kermit. I got one last act
back here. It's a human cannonball act.
194
00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:37,220
The Zucchini Brothers.
195
00:22:39,260 --> 00:22:42,520
Yeah, it sure does, Steve. Listen, I
hope you're not mad that we canceled the
196
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,620
show. Oh, no, I'm just a little
disappointed I didn't get to do the
197
00:22:46,620 --> 00:22:47,760
rehearsed with your jug band.
198
00:22:48,140 --> 00:22:50,260
Oh, I didn't know you'd rehearsed a
number.
199
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:54,520
Oh, it was going to be good, but no
problem, no worries. Yeah, well, I would
200
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:55,520
have liked to have seen it.
201
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,100
I knew he'd fall for it.
202
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,000
No!
203
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,320
Well,
204
00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:16,780
you know, this is the time when I
usually say the show is over, but it
205
00:25:16,780 --> 00:25:18,740
kind of silly since the show never
actually begun.
206
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,860
But if it had begun, I'd be saying,
let's have a special thanks for Mr.
207
00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:23,860
Martin.
208
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,200
Tell you what, a pleasure it's been for
me not being on your show tonight.
209
00:25:32,110 --> 00:25:33,270
for watching. We'll see you next time.
210
00:26:15,790 --> 00:26:16,529
That was different.
211
00:26:16,530 --> 00:26:18,410
Yep. Lousy, but different.
16623
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