All language subtitles for one_on_one_s05e02_moneys_tight_and_so_are_my_abs

Can you turn it off?

Yep.

Hi, Mom. Just thought you might want to
hear from Arnaz and I. Here we are at

our new house in California. It's right
by the beach.

And no, we're not having sex.

Oh.

Well, I just finished my first week of
college, and everything's going great. I

look so cute. Well, except for today. My
hair kind of needs a hot comb.

But, oh, Daddy's been helping me get
settled in. But he won't leave.

What? Dad?

All right. Now step inside and check out
our new home.

Who am I kidding? I look fabulous.

Call me if you're rich.

Uh, this is... This is for my mom.

Oh!

Hi, Rihanna's mom.

Good job marrying a celebrity and then
getting a divorce.

We should talk.

What's going on?

Oh, hi, D -Max. Say hi to my mom. I'm
sending her a video letter. Oh, yeah,

that's right. Your mom's in Africa. Yo,
what's up?

Hey, look, I just want you to know that
I, too, am from Africa.

By way of Malibu.

Yeah, I'm in Malibu because I was
snatched from my motherland.

I plan on coming there one day, but get
at me on the hotel situation, because

this brother don't do huts. All right?

Dignity.

And this is Cash. He's going to be a
filmmaker someday.

And I wasn't asked to shoot this video,
but my feelings aren't hurt, because I'm

better than that.

That's totally the wrong lens.

Hack.

All right.

And over here is our last roommate,
Lisa. We have art history together. So

that what you're studying right now? Uh
-huh.

I didn't know men wearing tighty
-whities was considered art.

Obviously, you haven't seen page four.

I'd like to frame and mount this guy,
huh?

Sure.

So, before we cut off, let's go get a
shot of our cute little porch.

Come on.

Oh, no.

And this is our landlord, Manny. You
might recognize him as Little Manny from

Manny of the House.

Oh, maybe my catchphrase will help jog
your memory.

It wasn't me.

Yeah, both his sitcom and his clothes
were last seen in the 80s.

All right, well, that's everything, Mom.

See, you have nothing to worry about. I
love you, and I miss you.

Hey, hey, and if you look anything like
your daughter, give me a ring -a -ling

-a -ling.

Little Maggie done grew up.

Little Maggie done grew up.

was chicken.

Tonight is shrimp.

Shrimp flavored.

Do you know what else is shrimp
flavored? Cat food. I'd rather eat that.

Well, I would too, but I can't afford
it.

You know what? I'm about to go check our
savings and see if we can have a decent

meal.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, move to California with your
spoiled girlfriend and no money. Good

call my dad and see if he can take us
out to dinner.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't toss the
noodles.

Are those shrimp?

Hey, guys, guess what's in Lisa's purse?

Expired condoms and an unopened box of
Tic Tac?

No, that's what's in your purse, Biatch.

All right, Daddy says we're on for
dinner.

Did it work?

It worked for me. I got his number.

No, Manny doesn't allow any pets.

Well, if we keep him away from the
liquor cabinet, Manny will...

his ex -wife. See, they my specialty.

Low self -esteem, low expectations, and
having somebody else's money.

Now I'm here on business.

Now I'm about to go upstairs and drink
my malt liquor martini.

Any of y 'all want to join me?

How about you, Hip Hop Barbie?

He's not trembling. He and the oven mitt
are getting it on.

Doggy style.

I'm tired of getting shot down at these
clubs.

Every audition is the same thing.

Wow, it's like you were there.

Watching Spanish soap operas. Noches
calientes.

Hot night.

You guys don't speak Spanish.

Please, I speak woman in any language.

I see Maria here is mad at Alejandro
because he doesn't spend enough time

her, right? So she goes and hooks up
with Carlos, the pool guy, to talk.

Next thing you know... She's getting her
pool cleaned.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Arnaz. Notice anything different
about me?

Uh, hair, fool. Don't you know anything
about women?

Wait a minute.

Where'd you get the money to get your
hair done?

I used my resources and intelligence.

There is nothing an independent woman
can't do.

Hey, baby, you left your bags in my car.

Oh, thank you for taking me shopping,
Daddy.

Hello, Mr. Washington.

Boy.

Look, I was wondering if I could call
you Flex and you could call me by my

Sure, as long as your name is Boy.

Sweetie, I don't... forget, I'm leaving
for Oakland for the weekend to interview

Randy Moss, so we are going to the Ivy
for dinner tonight.

Oh, cool. I always wanted to try that
restaurant.

Well, when you do, I'm sure you'll like
it.

Tonight is just for Brianna and her
daddy.

Yeah, when you're not around, she calls
me daddy.

What? What?

Speak up.

I said, when I get older, I'm going to
buy me a caddy.

Really? Because I have my money on you
becoming a caddy. Thanks.

Thanks for everything, Daddy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
see how my new fabulous hair looks with

my new fabulous clothes.

My daddy bought me.

Man, you need to get a job so you can
take care of your woman, homie. Yeah, if

you don't, she'll always go running back
to her daddy.

You think I don't want to provide for
Brianna?

You can go right outside and make money
playing on the boardwalk, dog.

You think I'm that good?

No.

make any money as a musician.

Just give me a sign.

Thanks for not putting wings on
elephants.

Wow. Hey, thanks.

Wow. So what song do you want to hear?

The sound of this oil being... lathered
across your six -pack.

I don't know that one.

Here, get to rubbing.

Okay.

I think he's missing. Why do you care? I
thought you didn't like the dog. I

don't. But every time something's
missing, she blames me.

See, now, if it was a black dog, she
wouldn't care.

Help your boy out, man.

Here, boy.

Well, we looked.

Ooh, you gonna be in trouble.

Why me? We all here.

Not me. I was at school back.

Here, doggy.

Stupid dog.

A worthless.

Can't even fight.

That cat whipped his ass yesterday.

Hey, guys, you rallied for school yet?

Why, yes, she did, Daisy Duke.

Uh, can you move out of my eyeline? I
can see your boss hog.

You mean boss hog as in Washington
Lincoln? And yes, a Jackson?

Wait a minute. Hold up, hold up. Tight
shorts, sunglasses, coconut oil.

You didn't go boogie nights on us, did
you?

Look, all I had to do was take off my
shirt and start playing the guitar, and

the next thing you know, women were
swarming on me like... like women to

That's what we're talking about. Maybe
now you can take your girl to a nice

restaurant. You know, one without a
playground out front.

Well, that's crazy.

What do we do before the dinner comes?

This cute little dog belongs to... Me!
He's mine!

We almost had a heart attack.

Both guys aren't secure enough to have a
little cutie like this.

What's his name?

Bentley. Like my car.

Yeah. It's Daddy's car.

Hi, my name is Cash.

As in, he don't have none.

And I mean money or debt.

candles and they're lit.

This place is for grown -ups.

You sure you can afford all this?

I have money now. I'm a hit on the
boardwalk.

Now I can finally give you the world.

First, I'm going to give you this.

Excuse me.

I saw you on the boardwalk and I loved
your show. You have an amazing body.

Of work.

Lots of music.

I have plenty of music to choose from.

They love it all.

Yes, we do.

Wow, baby, your first fan.

You know what? I'm so proud of you for
taking your music so seriously.

So when can I come check out the show?

You can.

I mean, it's a little kinky right now. I
mean, I'm working out the kinks.

But baby, I don't think I can wait.

Oh, so is it true?

Appetizers only. Baby steps, baby.

Baby steps.

Eat up, Bentley, and we hitting the mall
later.

And if you give me a date, I'll pay Lisa
to let you hump her leg again.

Wait, do you really think cruising the
mall with a dog dressed like 50 Cent is

gonna get you women?

Not without the snuggly.

Look, just keep your dog away from my
shoes, okay?

The guy only has my size in his van like
once a month.

Just give it to somebody else.

Besides, I saw a really hot guy giving
away kittens.

You are staying your hot ass home.

Oh, I'm going to miss that little dog.

Well, not as much as the oven it is.

No way the dog stays.

He's a babe magnet.

Who's the little babe magnet?

I mean, uh, the dog's cool.

Fine. Then I guess I'll just have to
call Manny.

I wouldn't dare.

Watch me.

Oh, is it a problem with the plumbing?

Don't mind if I do.

Cash has a dog. What?

See, I knew there was a dog here. Hand
him over. That's the rule.

He is cute like me.

Well, I guess you guys can keep him if
you give me a $1 ,000 pet deposit.

Man, you know we can't afford that.

Okay, well, I'll take the dog. Come on,
doggy.

I can't believe you guys did this to me
after all I haven't done for you.

Come on, little frosty freeze.

Oh, look at you bubbling all up on me.

Thank you all for joining the musical.

I like to call Arnaz by the Pacific.

Any requests?

Take off your clothes.

Yeah!

Are you sure you don't want to hear a
song first? I've been practicing.

Take it off and we'll take it off for
you.

Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!

Is this what you wish?

Yeah!

Come on!

Okay, you guys, stay in front of me. I
don't want Arnaz to see me. I make him

nervous. He's a little...

money and being the man in the
relationship, you're going to keep

your dad.

You know how hard it is to compete with
your dad? He buys you everything.

Boo!

What? My daddy loves me.

Well, I love you too.

Why do you think I'm doing all this?

He's doing it for me.

Okay, this is your last warning before I
get East Coast on you.

Look, baby, you don't have to compete
with my dad. You can't. He has a lot of

money and I'm his only daughter.

Of course, maybe I do need to wean
myself off of him, but let's be real,

no daddy patch.

But it's going to be hard, but I know we
can do this without you having to take

your clothes off.

That's a relief to hear.

I thought I was going to have to buy you
clothes and buy you shoes and get your

hair done.

Of course you don't have to, baby.

But if you want to, I am not going to
stop you.

pool cleaned a lot.

Hey, baby.

Oh, hey, Daddy. You ready for dinner? I
got us reservations at Spago's. I just

told them I was Marlon Williams.

Uh, actually, Daddy, there's been a
change in plans.

Arnaz, my man, is taking us out for
dinner. He got a new job.

Little Philip Michael Thomas works?

Yes, Arnaz does.

In fact, we're having dinner at his
place of employment.

Okay, Mr. Washington, let's hear the
jokes.

No, jokes on me, man. I mean, who would
have thought that you would have been

responsible enough to get a job?

Is that the best you got?

No, uh, you want fries with that or
speak loud into the clown, please?

No, I'm serious.

I want someone to help take care of my
daughter.

And for some reason, she insists on it
being you.

Yes. All right. All right, let's go.

Let's go eat.

Hey, so, uh, do we get out of the car or
will the waitress on a roller skate

serve us?

Aw, look at my boo. He gets his first
paycheck and buys everybody ice cream.

Can I borrow five bucks? I don't have
enough.

What? Yo, lunch wasn't cheap.

You wanted cheese and your dad got the
monster fries.

Hey, there's Manny with our dog.

Poor thing traded down from the oven,
then.

Hey, kids.

Don't hey kids us.

You dog jacked us.

Yeah.

Dog jacker.

Oh, that sounds like a movie.

I could sell that over at Paramount.

Yo, I see you guys are out for a walk.

Have you done your business yet, Manny?

Oh,

no, but I'm about to get to business.

Little Manny here's a babe, Manny.

Yeah. No kidding.

Watch the match.

Look at that cute little dog.

He's almost as cute as you.

You want to go behind the dumpster and
make out?

Love you too, Netta.