All language subtitles for one_on_one_s03e07_i_hear_white_people

I can't believe this. Nobody smashed our
pumpkins, egged our windows, put

shaving cream on our front door.

Yesterday was the worst Halloween ever.

Hey, remember last year when you dressed
up as a piñata and all those little

kids beat you until candy came out of
you? Yeah,

that's a good thing.

Because an uneventful Halloween means
the phenomena of four is upon us.

Don't you want to know what that means?

Go ahead.

My grandmother is from the old country.

She's from Harlem.

The old country.

Anyway, legend has it that if an
uneventful Halloween should come to

horrible events will befall the
innocent.

Wait, not when your grandmother told you
this? Was she befalling down drunk?

Girl, please, Halloween is over. Nothing
bad is going to happen.

Get down on the ground.

Who sent you? Weight Watchers? I
canceled my membership.

The lady just reported a break -in by a
guy wearing a red hooded sweatshirt.

But I live in the building.

Looks like we got ourselves a lazy
thief.

Hey! Hey, that kid's wearing a red
hoodie. Why don't you stop him?

We only need one.

Hey. Hey, man, what's going on? What
should I do with my man Dwayne?

Hey, you're Flex Washington.

I watch you every night.

You know this guy?

Yeah, you fellas must be new. He lives
right there.

Oh.

Sorry, Mr. Washington.

Flip flat!

What do you mean, flat at?

That, too.

Let's roll.

Man, I don't believe that.

There's a robbery in the building and
security comes and jumps all over my

But doesn't it make you feel good to
know they acted so quickly?

We gotta remember those guys ain't
Christmas.

You can feel all by yourself.

But I have a partner, but I can't tell
no one else.

Don't isolate yourself when there's
nobody else.

110 yards.

What club should I use?

Oh, yes.

A Canadian club.

This is the life, Hank, I'm telling you.

Beautiful sunshine at the most exclusive
country club in Maryland.

Why didn't I join this place 10 years
ago? What stopped me?

Could it be the sign that said no
smoking, no loitering, no Negroes?

Dwayne, behave.

Now that you got profiled by those
security guards, let's not make this

who's coming to tea time.

Hey, thanks for inviting me to tag along
with you boys.

With a Z.

Man, did you hear that?

Britney Spears called us boys with a Z.
Man, that's straight up racism. Hey,

man, don't use the R word in front of
the W people.

Woo!

Nice shot, Flex.

Oh, man, you know, you should think
about going pro.

You're going to need a new job after the
new regime cleans out. Ah, stop

stressing. Hank, they sold the station
over a month ago, and we all still have

our jobs.

Yeah, well, the evaluation team is
coming in, and word is, every time they

new station, their goal is to broaden
the audience. You know, younger, sexier,

whiter. Dwayne, don't use the W word in
front of the W people. They're very

sensitive about it.

Um...

Just how young and how sexy are you
talking, Hank? Because I'll drop a

And we'd appreciate it.

Hank, you better watch yourself.

You know what, Hank? I'm not so worried,
man. I'm so they want to broaden the

audience to get more advertising.

I transcend demographics.

Everybody likes me.

Hey, nobody's safe, Flex.

Some young MTV producer comes in with
his quick cuts and his shaky cameras.

right back on that cruise ship.

Didn't know I was an old song and dance
man, did you?

Why are you looking at me?

Oh, oh, oh, I get it. You and I are
supposed to relate on a song and dance

level, huh? Well, let me sing an old
golf spiritual for you.

Swing low, oh, drive and I... Dwayne,
come on, come on. It's your turn, isn't

it?

Man, you gotta stop. You're embarrassing
me, man. When are you gonna let this

thing go? I can't let it go, Flex.

Man, it hurts.

Those security guys threw me down right
in front of my own house.

I felt less than human.

Guess you wouldn't understand that.

Why wouldn't I, Dwayne? I'm a black man.

Man, you're a black man who's a
celebrity.

They ask you for an autograph, not an
alibi. So what if I'm a celebrity? That

has nothing to do with it at all.

I worked hard for what I got. And look
where it's gotten me.

Now hit the ball. People are waiting.
Let them wait.

I waited 400 years for this tea.

The truth is, my brother, racism doesn't
strike people like you. No, uh -uh, no.

He strikes people like...

Dwayne.

Wake up.

Hey, wake up, man.

Dwayne, are you okay? Wake up.

Doc, is he okay?

Let's see if we can get him on his feet.

Can you get up, son?

Hi. Hi, buddy. You all right?

Well, I'm glad he's okay.

I wouldn't want anyone to find out that
I'm not really a doctor.

That was cool.

You could see a skeleton in everything.

Hmm. I wonder if his fingernails were
black before this.

Hey, Dwayne, you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

All right, everybody, there's nothing to
see here. Just a guy who got struck by

lightning. All right? Go ahead.

Right on!

Brianna, can you check and see if
there's any more mini -snickers left,

Crazy, you have to stop saying
everybody's name twice.

Crazy.

Sorry, Brianna, but that's what you have
to do to ward off the phenomenon of

four. If you start with a name, you end
with a name.

Brianna?

It also wards off the guys.

Not that you need any help with that.

Sure, make fun.

Don't... Protect yourself.

But Arnaz, Dwayne getting accosted by
those security guards was the first

horrible event in the P of F, Arnaz.

Speaking of embarrassing us in public, I
can't hang out with you girls tonight.

I'm chilling with Josh.

Wait a minute. Josh Josh?

My ex Josh?

You must be joshing.

Arnaz, I thought you two were sworn
enemies, Arnaz.

Not anymore.

He likes music. I like music.

Girls love him.

Girls love me.

Why wouldn't we hang?

You know, and I know, and they know,
this has to do with me. You know.

What's up, Arnisal? Ah, what up,
Joshizzle?

Yo, I met two girls at the hot dog
stand. They said they'd go to the movies

us, so we better hurry and catch up.

Wait a minute. My ex -boyfriends can't
hang out together.

That means they'll talk.

About me.

Brianna, I... I see that Josh and Arnaz
hanging out together is horrifying you,

which makes number two in the P of F,
Brianna.

What happened to him?

It's a combination of a bad gene pool
and being struck by lightning.

You know what?

Let me get you some aspirin, man.

Do you know what this is?

My daddy trying to get rid of the
aspirin before it expires?

No, the phenomenon of four.

Number... Here it is.

The girls are here.

Hey, Kathy.

Hey, Shantae.

I hope he knows a blonde chick is his,
because I do love the sisters.

Yeah, Josh, we all know you love the
sisters.

What? He said it, not me.

He didn't say anything.

Yes, he did.

You said you love the sisters.

How did that little man know what I was
thinking?

I was thinking to me this.

Ooga booga sna sna.

Ooga booga sna sna.

Hey, hey, Hank.

You're not dressed like that because of
your evaluation, are you? No, no, no. I

always dress like this when I'm big
pimping, yo.

Hey, hey, hey, Janae. What's that dark
cloud hanging over my favorite weather

woman? I just had my evaluation.

They let me go, Flex.

What? But everybody loves you.

I mean, who's going to say, make your
day with Janae?

I've got one last forecast for you.

There's a storm headed your way,
brother. And if the thunder don't get

the whitening will.

Colleen, did you hear? They just let
Janae go.

Oh, too bad.

But I'm staying.

And so are Becky, Chad, Chip, and Ernie.

I have got the worst cramps ever. Oh,
shh.

Flex, I need to talk to you. My head's
not right.

We know that.

Oh, look, there's Dave Smith, the guy
who's going to evaluate me. Now, look,

I'll talk to you later. I have to show
the man who's the man.

Flex, go, go, go.

I'm Flex Washington, Mr. Smith. Nice to
meet you, too, sir.

Can I talk to you now? Dwayne, this is a
bad time.

I think I'm going to lose my job. You
and Janae were right.

They're going to wipe me out.

Man, we both have problems.

Because I hear white people.

I have to be out of here by four.

I need better clothes.

Alexa always looks nice. I'm fat.

No, you're not.

Yes, you are.

Face it, you're a pig.

You're beautiful.

You're not fat. You're just a well -fed
swan.

You know what, Flex? I'm starting to
think that this power is not a curse.

a gift.

Cost me all my nose hairs.

But a gift nonetheless.

Man, enough with the gift. You're brain
damaged.

And I'm stressed out about my job. I
thought I was safe until the wicked wind

broadening blew my way.

Oh, my brother?

I can help you break that wind.

I have a gift. Allow me to demonstrate.

That's Ernie Brillstein.

He's a loner, expert marksman. Right
now, he's thinking of something sweet

fatal. Like, uh, hey guys, what's it
look like? What's it look like?

Hey guys, what's it look like?

He's so down.

Ooh, spooky.

I wonder if the eyeliner will make me
look younger. I wonder if he knows who's

next on the chopping block.

No, he's wondering whether or not
eyeliner would make him look younger or

Hey, fellas, have you seen the makeup
lady?

Oh, there she is.

Hey, Merce.

Look, do you have any masculine
eyeliner?

See that lady over there?

Her pantyhose are bunching up, and she's
deciding whether or not to, uh, adjust.

Don't stare. Don't stare.

Oh, I can't stand it.

We have a tug.

That was beautiful, Dwayne. Do you know
what this means?

Yes. It means I can use my power to
unite the races and create world peace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do that
tomorrow, but today you're going to save

job. White me out will write black Adam.
Give me a second.

Here, take the microphone.

Now, I'm going to wear this while you
hide in the closet and read Dave's mind

and tell me what he's thinking.

Okay. All right, now I'm going to go to
the conference room and make space for

you in the closet.

Look at this carjacker taking his time.

Hurry up with the bagel, my brother.

Tick -tock, tick -tock.

Who is this guy, anyway?

Haven't we reached our quoting yet?

Uh, tsk, tsk, Colleen. You shouldn't
judge someone before you get a chance to

know them.

What are you talking about?

You just called that man a carjacker
because he's black.

Oh, my God.

All I'm saying is you should judge
someone by the content of their

not the content of their skin.

I think it's the color of their skin.

So would I be wrong in calling you a
stupid black man?

I'm stupid because I'm stupid, not
because I'm black.

That's not the...

My entrance, fool.

Once they see me and all my... Fine,
then.

They have no choice but to fight over me
again and all this friendship nonsense

will be over with.

Hey. Hey.

What'd she want?

Nothing, Arnaz.

She just wants all of us to sit down and
talk.

Whatever.

No, you're being blinded by all this
fineness.

There's no spiritual salt in her eyes.

Hey, you look nice.

Whoa, you look better than nice. You
look hot.

No, don't fight over me like I'm some
rare, precious trophy.

What? Oh, get over yourself. We're
friends. We're not going to fight over

Yes, you are.

This is so sad.

This really is, Brianna.

Oop, shakala.

Fine, be friends then and just talk
about me behind my back.

We don't talk about you.

You don't?

Nope.

You mean not even to compare my soft,
gentle kisses?

Uh -uh.

I'm sorry, Ernest. I can't do this
anymore.

Brianna, I love you.

is because you are killer.

I can't believe they're really friends.

That means they're actually really over
me and I'm no longer the center of their

world. Yeah. Yeah, and you made a
complete fool of yourself in that sexy

And I got to see it.

The phenomenon of four is complete.

Chocolat.

Hey, took a little jolt. Are you all
right, man?

Oh, yeah.

I think so.

Do you mind if I take you to the
hospital after my interview?

Oh, thank you, man.

Thanks.

I think they don't want to be flexed.

Everybody stop thinking.

Are you sure? Try somebody else.

Nothing. She's a blonde, man. Try him.

I'm starting to think that shocking the
toaster made me lose all my power. Oh,

here, bite this. It'll recharge you. You
would risk my life just to get through

your interview?

Oh, all right, then. Come on. I'll put
it on the bagel.

Listen to yourself.

Did you learn nothing from my
experience? The power to change

from within.

Oh, how endearing.

Those words could save the world.

But not my job.

Dwayne, I need to know what Dave's
thinking, man.

What am I going to do without you?

What you've always done.

Just be yourself.

And don't let your fear of racism get in
your wake.

Okay, team, let's keep up the good work.

All

right,

Flex, this is all pretty standard. Look,
we'll just start with a few quickness.

Look, the bottom line is we have to make
some cuts.

Money's tight, and we're trimming the
fat.

So unfortunately.

Don't say it. I'm sorry, Flex, but it's
the reality in these economic times.

So I'm sorry to say... Wait, wait, wait.

Before you go any further, I have
something to say.

Go on, Flex.

Now, I've been so wrapped up in this
company's reputation for broadening that

let my fears get the best of me.

So before you evaluate me, let me...

Evaluate me.

I'm the best sportscaster in town.

Maybe even the world.

Yeah, yeah, I said it. The world.

See, I bring in the exclusives.

I bring in the numbers.

And sometimes, I even bring in the
donuts.

I'm Flex Washington.

And people love me.

All people.

Swat app.

Flip -flap.

Anyway, Flex, like I was saying, due to
the cutbacks, we're limiting cafeteria

vouchers to entrees only.

Are you okay with that?

Uh, yeah, I'll pay for my pudding.

Great, thanks for coming in.

So, that's it? I'm not fired?

No.

But there is one more thing.

Look, I would, uh, I'd like you to lead
a seminar.

On racial tolerance.

It seems our anchorwoman, Colleen, has a
bit of a problem.

Is there anything you'd like to discuss?

Well, earlier, when I said good morning,
you blew right past me, so I thought I

was out of a job.

I'm sorry, Flex.

Look, until I make my decisions, I treat
everybody the same.

With disdain.

Well, can I just ask why you fired
Janae?

It's not company policy to divulge that
information.

But between us, she racked up $5 ,000 in
personal long -distance calls on her

office phone.

Oh, y 'all check those?

Because I caught her making personal
long -distance phone calls from my

phone, too.

She was calling my mama.

Dwayne, why... Why are you dressed like
Dark Kent?

For moments just like that.

This looks like a job for...

Yep.

Tubby middle?

Make way for... Tolerance man!

Excuse me, ma 'am.

I'm here to teach you about tolerance.

I see that you thought that black man
was going to steal your purse.

You should get to know somebody before
you judge them. Communication is the key

to tolerance.

Sweetie, is everything okay? I don't
know. He said something about stealing

purse.

Love you too, Netta.