Original subtitles

Morning, brethren, sistren.

Guess who just happens to be my eighth cousin three times removed?

The guy who played Leroy on Fang?

Oh, my bad. He's got at least two feet on you.

Now, I was fooling around on this genealogy website, and I found out that

very blood running through my veins is the same as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

That's right.

You know what that means, don't you?

The information highway is gridlocked?

It means that I am descended from greatness, destined to be an activist.

I am picking up the torch of civil liberties and lighting the way for my

oppressed peoples.

That's y 'all.

Well, Dwayne, you gonna lift us up off from your mama's basement. You the man.

Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. Frank's on.

That old gas bag's the only thing standing between me and the lead sports

position. And one final thought.

To all my fans who have been so supportive over the last 20 years, I bid

farewell. You see, the aliens spoke to me through my navel last night, and this

reporter's been chosen to mate with their queen.

So until the next millennium...

I'm coming, Queen Tulipi.

Poor guy.

I hope he's all right.

But on the brighter side...

I'm in there. I'm moving on up like George Jefferson. Say what?

Say what?

Sometimes in the dark, you can feel all by yourself. Yeah, one, two, three. But

I have a partner, but I can't tell no one else.

So don't isolate yourself when there's nobody around.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be there to take advantage.

What a true love we are.

Baby, we'll use the world. Baby, one, no, one, one, one, one.

And it is a good morning.

Undip me, you dip.

Just had to ship Frank off to the Sweet Dream Sanitarium, and trust me, it's not

a very sweet place.

Anyway, Frank is gone.

I'm here.

Give me the job.

Black, it's not my choice. The station manager wants to see some other people

well. This is blatant racism.

I'll have you know that I'm a close personal friend of a man who's distantly

related to Dr. Martin Luther King,

Stacey, love.

Sorry I'm a few minutes late.

But then again, I figured, who else you gonna interview?

Flex, you know Red Galloway from Channel 14?

Uh -huh, yeah, yeah.

The man who exposed the use of steroids in figure skating?

Please, that wasn't news. That Romanian girl did a victory lap holding her coach

over her head.

You know, Flex, Envy Green is such an ugly color on you. But then again, so is

that shirt, bro.

We're talking about clothes. Shouldn't you return those shoes to the Bowlerama?

Uh, Fred, wait for me in my office, please. And by the way, sending me

Pretty transparent. Lucky for you, I like my butt kiss.

Daisy, I have paid my dues at this station. I shouldn't have to kiss your

for this job.

Although I'd be happy to visit it on my own free time.

Look, Flex.

The higher -ups want someone who will go the extra mile to get the story.

You saying I have to audition?

Yes. You and Red have a week to come back with a hot story. Best one gets the

job. I should quit.

I should do a lot of other things, too.

Good day.

when you did it all with real hair.

Attention!

I've made my decisions for Shakespeare Night, the selected scenes from The

Taming of the Shrew.

If you didn't get the part you wanted, get used to it. That's showbiz.

Oh, I got it, I got it! I got the part of Petruchio.

But aren't you the only guy who tried out? Yeah, but that girl from the field

hockey team was really good.

Congratulations, Brianna, you got the part of Catherine.

Oh, really?

No, I... It's cool. It's no big deal.

The hell it's not. I get to kiss you.

So I'm your understudy, which is almost worse than not getting a part.

No, being an understudy is awesome. See, you get all the fun while I get all the

pressure. Who's the lucky one here?

Thanks. Come here.

I guess I'll see you guys later.

Okay.

Never mind.

It may not be and it cannot be.

Let me entreat you.

Wait, hold up. I mean, who talks like this? What does entreat you mean?

Uh, I think it means we kiss.

Come on, let's show her how we do it. Go away.

Oh, excuse me, Daddy. This is the closed rehearsal.

Uh, Brianna, the only thing I want to see closed is your mouth.

Well, maybe we should rehearse in my house. Yeah. Nah, you know what? I'm all

Shakespeare now. Y 'all go without me. Okay.

Oh, and Arnett, can you try to say your lines without spitting on people? Thank

you.

Sweetie, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm just in a bad mood.

They're making me audition for the lead sports anchor position.

I shouldn't have to prove myself.

I am more seasoned than a Jeffrey Dahmer dinner guest.

Same here. I mean, what's wrong with the world? They don't know who we be. They

ain't know.

Black boys and black girl.

I have been to the promised land.

Ooh, was Tupac there?

Did you know we have a Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard in this very town? So

does any town with more than 20 black people.

My cousin needs a more substantial tribute.

That's why I give you the Harbor Tunnel. Makes sense.

Harry Tubman had a railroad.

Precisely. That's why I propose renaming said tunnel the Martin Luther King Jr.

Tunnel of Enlightenment.

I must leave now so as to hasten my mission. I will see you at the

Good luck, bruh. We shall overcome, dawg. We shall overcome.

Ma 'am, I don't care if he is gay.

Those are not the kind of stories we do hear, WYNX.

Who's gay? And how soon can we get her on the air?

Uh, in case you haven't noticed, this is a news station, not Gossip Hour at Aunt

Clara's Press and Weave.

Man, you can learn a lot of good stuff at a beauty salon.

That's where I found out a certain New York shortstop has more illegitimate

than Sean Kemp.

You don't have any standards, do you? And you don't have any Emmys, do you?

No, but I have been Employee of the Month.

Yeah, it's red.

Look, I don't want to hear that crap.

Look, just get me something juicy on one of your buddies or my next report is

going to read star college athlete exposed for illegally accepting money

alumni loses promise in NBA future.

I know it's too long for a headline, Lou Grant.

Just give me the information.

I told you that Red was using sleazy tactics to get a story.

Really? Mm -hmm. Then I'd say the only job he's eligible for here is lead

anchor.

Okay.

I'll get no down and dirty.

I hope this doesn't keep me out of heaven.

whispering about.

I'm saving my voice.

It's a trick us stars do.

Me, Celine, Diana will miss Ross to you.

But what do you want?

I've rewritten the play.

It needed a little punching and updating.

But you can't rewrite Shakespeare. You're not even in the 10th grade.

Don't think of it as a rewrite.

Think of it as a remit.

I gave Big Willie Shake some flavor.

Look, I don't think this is a good idea.

Honey, your job is to understudy nothing.

Now run along and pass those out.

She's out of control. The girl has rewritten Shakespeare.

Did she cut the kiss?

Oh, it's still in there.

Oh, thank God.

Please take your marks for the beginning of rehearsal.

Let's start.

between Petruchio and Catherine.

Arnaz and Brianna, are you ready?

Catherine, or should I say Special K, I'll buy you Versace and Prada new. So

love me too, because this thug needs a shrew.

I love you, boo.

But I need a Benz too.

I know that I'm the finest in the nation.

But I... came due with all this hateration.

What was that?

I just made a few changes in the play. Just keeping it real.

Well, how about just keeping it Shakespeare?

You know, everything the man wrote wasn't gold. Was he a personal friend?

Is there anyone here who can explain Catherine's character and her

motivation? The non -Tupac version.

I was misunderstood.

She's a strong woman, but everybody thinks she's just a bitter shrew.

Actually, she's a sensitive soul who's always been second to her sister in her

father's eyes.

It's obvious you fully understand Catherine's character.

Spirit, you take over the role of Catherine.

Brianna will be your understudy. That's how I keep it real.

Run along with Miss Ross.

Okay, I heard Red say he was meeting his source here, and we need to find a

place to hide.

Hey, man, you're letting out all the heat.

Aw, man, I just got a page from Mama.

She said that City Hall denied our petition.

All right, so now we're either going to have a sit -in at the Harbor Tunnel, or

I'm going to have to ride Mama through the doors of City Hall.

Hey, man, that's Ishmael Porter, the All -American point guard from B State.

All right, kid, what you got for me?

You should check up on the football team.

Somehow, most of them are failing academically, but the NCAA isn't finding

about it.

Ish, I could kiss you right now, man. Hey!

You can blackmail me into talking, but no kissing. I gotta draw the line

somewhere.

I'm sick of doing this.

Why can't you get your own story?

I've got other things to worry about.

I'm sorry this is inconvenient for you.

My next exclusive will be how Ishmael Porter pays all his mama's bills with no

visible means of income.

And his headlines really are long.

Oh, Ishmael. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Mama, call 5 -0. Might get jacked.

Be cool, man. Be cool. Flex Washington, WYNX News.

Flat out.

Damn, not you too.

So how much did you hear? And what is it going to cost me? Hey, I'm not trying

to blackmail you, man.

But you've been accepting money from the alumni.

This is huge. If this gets out, you can be a serious trouble.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm in too deep.

It's either go with the flow or Red will end my career before it starts.

Man, I knew I should have gone to DeVry like my brother.

Just trust me, okay?

I'll figure out a way to get away from Red, okay? I don't know what it is yet,

but I'll find a way.

All right?

Hey, you up kind of late.

Can't sleep.

I can tell from that look on your face that you need me to do the Cosby thing.

Come on, sit down, Theo.

I just can't believe spirit will betray me, stealing my part like that.

Now, did she steal it, or did your ego give it away?

When Dr. Gilks called me tonight, she told me you had more attitude than

Jennifer Lopez, but one -third the booty.

Nobody understands me. It's tough being a diva.

Baby, I love you, but you're tripping.

Dad, whose side are you on?

Sweetie, you only get a handful of real friends in your life.

Don't let your ego make you lose one.

Okay? Do the right thing.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night, Theo.

Oh, good thing you're here.

You need to talk to Spirit.

She's so nervous, I think she's going to lose her stomach. And I have to kiss

her. I'm good, but I ain't that good.

Oh, all right, I guess that's my cue.

Is my tail properly placed between my legs?

Uh, yeah.

I can't do this out of my way, I'm bouncing.

Spirit, you can do this.

You know this part better than Dr. Guilt, and she's the day Shakespeare.

I can't go out there with all those people looking at me.

But you've done plays before.

I was a munchkin in the Wiz and a tumbleweed in Oklahoma.

You have never been the lead.

Wait a minute. When did I start speaking to you?

Barrett, I've been watching you rehearse.

You're a great actress.

I know you're going to go out there and be amazing. You really get this

Shakespeare stuff.

I'm scared.

Don't. I'll be right here in the wings if you need me.

Go ahead, girl.

Break a leg.

Come, sit on me.

Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

Women are made to bear, and so are you. No such jade as you, if me you mean.

Alas, good Kate, I will not burden thee, for knowing thee to be but young and

light. Too light for such a swain as you to catch, and yet as heavy as my weight

should be.

they're undefeated on the field but baltimore state's football team takes an

academic beating which strangely enough does not show up in any ncaa records

we'll see you guys on the sideline if you can read the directions to the next

game this is red galloway reminding you that if red galloway isn't on your tv

then your tv probably ain't really on

Rat, that was a fabulous audition.

Well, Red Galloway does not disappoint.

Remember that when you're eating soup for one on Saturday night, baby.

So what happened to Flip?

Well, if you mean Flex, I guess he's a no -show.

Maybe he just isn't hungry.

Oh, no.

Flex is hungry.

In fact, he's hungry for some red pie.

I got a little surprise for you.

Red, you remember Ishmael Porter, don't you?

You don't know who you're dealing with, kid. You don't want this to get ugly.

Uh, looked in the mirror lately? Too late.

And we're back in five, four, three... Good evening, Baltimore.

This is Flex Washington, and tonight I'm joined by B -State's star point guard,

Ishmael Porter.

Ishmael, it's come to my attention that you've been involved in accepting money

from B -State's Booster Club.

Yeah, I accepted money to help my family.

But you realize NCAA rules prohibit student athletes from accepting money. I

know that.

And I was wrong.

I got in over my head, and then someone started blackmailing me.

Oh, really?

Would it be that man?

The man known as Red Galloway?

blackmailing Ishmael in a dark, dank alley.

I wouldn't know, because I wasn't there.

Yeah, but I got a good friend and a man in the dumpster who could prove you

wrong.

So tell me, Ishmael, what made you come forward?

Well, you cornered me in that alley. After that, after that.

Well, it was one thing, accepting money.

But when Red had me dropping dime on my friend, it wasn't cool.

So what are you going to do now, Ishmael?

Well, maybe DeVry might be starting a basketball team.

I wish you luck, Ishmael.

This is Flex Washington saying, keep your noses clean, Baltimore, or I have

wipe them.

Is that it?

And we're clear.

Yo, you cannot do this to me. Man, I'm Red Galloway. I'm the one that... You

leaving. Flex beat you, Red.

Better luck next time.

You heard the lady. Get to stepping. And we're not validating your parking

either.

Okay, okay.

I'll tell you what. You may not like what I do, but you'll never beat me to a

story. Oh, and bowling either. Why are you wearing no shoes again?

Hey, Ishmael, look, if you need me to say anything to the disciplinary

committee, just let me know, man. Hey, thanks, Flex.

I feel like a waistband lifted off my shoulders and I can start over.

By the way, for $50, I can tell you all about the athletic director. Uh, bro,

uh... Oh, sorry.

Force of habit.

Flex?

Congratulations. You are the new Leeds Force anchor.

And we're going to run this story on Live at Five.

Well, I'm very pleased. And thanks for the opportunity. But I have to get back

to you with my answer.

You are kidding, right?

Oh, you know it, baby.

I'm the man. I'm the man.

Leeds Force anchor.

Mr.

Untouchable.

Can't push me around anymore.

Yes, but I'm still your boss.

I can work with that.

Hey, what happened to you, man?

Man, sit -ins ain't what they used to be.

It was just me and my mama, and we both got hit by cars.

Robert Tunnel, what's next? Trains and the subway?

Man, a navigator took me out.

But I'm afraid that you going to hit my mama didn't fare so well.

Hey, look, at least you embraced the cause and you stuck to it. Your cousin

would be proud of you.

Yes, he would.

Although we didn't get the tunnel named after him.

But you know that stretch of highway that runs along the middle institution?

Yeah. Thought they named after Mariah Carey.

Love you too, Netta.