All language subtitles for The Parkers s05e05 The Accidental Therapist

Kim? What are you doing?

Well, I was trying to memorize the
answers to my test, but Spongebob keeps

popping up in my head.

I'm worried about my boo.

We haven't been communicating lately.

Well, maybe if you'd stop reading his
mail.

Or sneaking into his apartment.

Hey, professor.

Don't talk to me. Don't touch me. Don't
even breathe near me. Okay, but you

didn't say I couldn't hug you.

Let go of me.

Grape nut.

Boo, wait.

Wait, now, we haven't been talking much
lately, and you've really been edgy.

Now, first of all, we just needed a
break. Break?

Yes, yes, yes.

Forever.

Then I thought what we need is couple
therapy.

We are not a couple.

See, you're in serious denial.

No, no, therapy, it would be good for
us. Now, I have a friend who just said

saved her marriage.

Now, come on, but we could use a little
help. Look, the only one who needs help

is you.

So go for it.

Hurry up and schedule that therapy
session, baby. I'll be looking at the

Mama, there's three people in the room.
Why do they call it couples therapy?

Well, at least your math is getting
better.

And they're horrible.

I told you not to wear that Louis
Vuitton outfit. You look like a giant

suitcase.

Well, look here. You can see a white
lady and her kids in the background.

Wait a minute. That's no lady. That's
Michael Jackson and his kids.

I can't be.

Oh, you're right.

And look, they aren't wearing any masks.

Those are his kids?

At least one of them should have his old
nose or a little color.

How can you get Michael Jackson in our
picture? Hey.

It was an accident, but a profitable
one.

You know how much money we can get if we
sell this to the tabloids? T, it is

always about money with you. What about
their rights?

Celebrities deserve their privacy, too.

You know what? Sometimes you disgust me.

Well, my friend sold a picture to the
National Tattler and made enough money

buy a bin. Okay, come on. I'll drive.
You guys go ahead. I'm going to study.

Officer, this woman ran the stop sign
and hit my car.

Officer, excuse me, but I have to let my
heart slow down. The doctor said it was

just a matter of time. See, I'm 90, you
know.

You remind me of my nana.

Oh, thank you.

Well, officer, this gentleman...

I'm Mrs. Stanley Ogilvie, his wife.

Why do you keep saying that, you psycho?

Hey, fella, you talk to your wife like
that, you should think about counseling.

Okay, look, officer, I swear, this woman
ran the stop sign, and I have a witness

who saw the whole thing. Go ahead, Ms.
Parker, tell him what happened.

Um, I'm not sure I remember.

Yes, you promised to go, too.

Couple's therapy.

Hell no!

Officer, I didn't see a thing.

All right. Driver's license,
registration.

Baby oil and a Luther CD?

I don't even want to know.

Why? It goes for the professor.

I want to try and loosen him up.

Why?

You got him tied up?

No, silly.

He slipped from a car accident.

I tried to rub him down earlier, but he
wasn't in the mood.

So he's in the mood now?

He will be, with a little help from Remy
Red.

What you going to do, hit him over the
head with him?

I was hoping we could catch that new
DeZell movie.

What's the name of it? It don't matter.
He in it.

Nah, I can't go, girl. I gotta go see
the professor.

See, we going through something.

And I gotta stay close to home.

Kim! I'm gone!

You have company!

Hey, guys.

Hey. I got the money from the picture.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. How did we do?

Well, it's not as much as we thought,
especially after it's split three ways,

but... Well, as long as I get my hair.

The publisher at the Tattler said we can
make some real money if we got a

picture of J -Lo.

Right, like we're just gonna run into
Jennifer Lopez.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shaquan's godmother -baby -daddy -cousin
used to be her assistant.

I'll just call her and ask her where she
hangs out.

Are you sure she'd know how to find her?

How do you think everybody found out
about Kobe and that girl?

Let's go, let's go.

Hey,

girl.

Hi, Professor.

You like my new outfit?

Yeah, well, there's a lot of it.

It's all for you.

And I was just on my way to my
appointment.

I'm glad I caught you.

Oh, well, you caught me at how long?

Five years ago.

Yeah, well, look, I need you to call my
insurance company. They think the

accident was my fault.

Well, it wasn't. That crazy old woman
hit you.

That's what I told them. So I need you
to call the insurance company and tell

them what happened so I can clear this
thing up.

Are we going to therapy?

No. Okay, well, then I'm not calling.

Come on, Ms. Parker. I can't believe
you're not going to call when you know

going to help my case.

And I can't believe you won't go to
therapy when you know it's going to help

relationship.

We do not have a relationship.

Love affair, romance engagement,
whatever you want to call it.

Ms. Parker, the insurance company is
threatening to drop me.

See? I'd never drop you.

You are a part of me for life.

All right.

I'll go to your stupid therapy.

Just make the call.

Thanks, Bull.

Okay, I'll call you as soon as I'm
coming from the car. Let's go.

I thought you said you had an
appointment.

We do.

Our therapy session starts in 15
minutes.

Welcome to Stacey's Day Spa. May I help
you?

Hell yeah.

I like your digits and a private
massage.

Yeah. We'll get back to you later.

Are you sure she's here?

Yeah.

Shaquan's godmother, baby daddy,
cousin's staying.

J -Lo's here every Thursday around this
time.

All right, cool.

Let's check out the walkie -talkie
feature on your cell phones.

Check one, check two. Yep, this one
works.

Kim, do you hear me?

Of course I...

Check the cameras.

Make sure they're ready to shoot.

It works all right.

All right, split up.

I'll split through the salon area.

Kim, you go to the pedicure room.

Stevie, you go to the choir room. And
we'll meet in the lobby in about 30

minutes, all right? All right.

I'm sorry. He was a codec moment.

I want to thank you both for coming.
Look, I'm only here because she made me,

and now I'm ready to go.

Uh, remember that little phone call I
made?

I can make another one.

Damn.

Well, most couples do have issues they
need to work through.

We do not have issues. We're not
married.

I know. You're engaged.

Well, we haven't set a date yet, but,
girl, the wedding's gonna be big.

There will be no wedding.

Come here, Stanley.

See, that's what I'm talking about,
Doctor. He gets in these moods.

I understand, Nikki. You know, sometimes
you just have to talk it through.

So, Stanley, tell me, does your lack of
feelings have anything to do with your

failing sexual performance?

Failing? We only had sex once.

Bingo. There's your problem.

You know you're right.

Maybe I should initiate more.

Good idea, you know. Take some of the
pressure off a lover boy.

All right, all right. This is
ridiculous.

I can't even believe you got me here.

Well, now, with a temper like yours, she
should have brought you here sooner.

He hasn't hit you, has he?

Oh, girl, hell no. He ain't crazy now.

I just love him, and I want us to make
this work.

Well, hang in there, Nikki.

A real man will appreciate a good woman
like you.

Okay, now, back to your sexual
dysfunction.

Kim should have been here 20 minutes
ago. Well, I think we better go find

Wait a minute. Is that J -Lo?

Where? I think that's her over there.

Follow that booty.

Yeah, she want that away.

Well, did you at least take her picture?
Hello?

Wet nails?

She gone?

Yeah, girl, I'm back.

Ow!

Nikki Stanley, it's been my experience
that role -playing allows couples to

express their innermost feelings.

So I want to start with you, Stanley.

You pretend to be Nikki.

You are the most beautiful, loving,
sexiest woman I know.

And without you, I am nothing.

Will you marry me? All right, all right.

I would never say that.

Stanley, please don't break character.

I'm being misrepresented here.

You know, you are harboring a lot of
hostility. You need help, maybe even

medication.

I bet you were a bed wetter.

I was not.

What age are we talking about?

It doesn't matter. What does matter is
that we get to the root of your

hostilities.

She is the root of my hostilities.

Stanley, why don't we explore the
relationship between you and your

Good idea. Come sit down. I thought that
was crazy.

So tell me, Stanley, did your parents
fight?

Of course they did. They were married.

Were you a latchkey kid?

Yes.

Yes, I was.

And I hated it.

My brothers got to go outside and play
when I stayed in the house and cleaned.

So how did that make you feel, Stanley?

Mad.

Depressed.

And what did that lead to?

I ate a lot.

And you became fat.

Yes.

So you stayed in the house and you ate
cookie, candy, burgers. Yes, yes.

And as a fat and bothered child, what
made you the angriest, Stanley?

They made me.

They made me. Come on, Stanley. Say it.
Say it. They made me.

a girdle oh oh oh professor oh suck it
up stanley look

your past is affecting your present
relationship with nikki and she's the

thing that has ever happened to you
excuse me quietly and this is important

stanley what you need is a good woman
And this woman has stood by your side

relentlessly. Yes, I have. If anything,
you don't deserve it. She's too good for

you. All right.

Now, wait a minute.

I feel like you're taking sides now.

And that's not fair.

Fair?

What's not fair is when you stand by
someone's side through thick and thin

you put them through law school while
you have to work two jobs and maintain a

home and then come home and have to wash
their dirty drawers. Oh, I think our

time's up. Shut up, Eugene.

This is important.

I'd work and then I'd have to come and
cook over a stove every single night. I

even ironed his socks.

And then he takes off and he leaves me
for some fake...

I want this marriage to work.

I can't believe we paid her masseuse all
that money and she gave us the wrong

room.

T, it was a dollar.

That's what I'm saying.

Kim, where have you been?

We called you ten minutes ago. I'm
sorry.

My cell phone fell in the hot tub.

Well, J -Lo hasn't left yet. I just saw
her Bentley in the parking lot. Thank

you!

Six o 'clock honey body scrub.

Kim, that costs $200.

Oh, let's go.

Wait, wait, wait.

What about the robe? Oh.

Got that picture of Jello?

Now, aren't you glad you went to see Dr.
Shepard? Yes, yes, and I'll be even

happier when I see her this weekend.

Oh, will you schedule another therapy
session?

No, I scheduled a session of fun in the
sun. We're going to Las Vegas.

Thanks, Miss Parker. I really do feel
much better.

Can you believe that hussy?

Now, she was supposed to be giving him
emotional healing, not sexual healing.

Mama, I need a ride home.

Well, hurry up.

Mr.

Parker, the insurance company is
planning to

drop me.

See, I never drop you.