All language subtitles for The Muppet Show s05e15 Melissa Manchester

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:09,860 Who are you? 2 00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,460 I'm Melissa Manchester. 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:16,460 Maybe you can help me. My agent booked me onto this weird thing called The 4 00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,660 Muppet Show. Am I in the right place? 5 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,280 special guest star, Melissa Manchester. 6 00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:31,320 It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, 7 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,960 celebrational Muppet Show! 8 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:38,680 This is what we call the Muppet Show! 9 00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:50,960 Thank you, thank you, and welcome once again to the Muppet Show! And tonight 10 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:55,140 very special guest star is the great singer and songwriter Melissa 11 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:02,800 Through the miracle of costly special effects, we whisk you away to the high 12 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,620 Alps, so please welcome the Vienna Downhill Boys Choir with their alpine 13 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,419 Tumble and Tumble with Jim! 14 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:37,940 Thank you. 15 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:40,480 It's never too late. 16 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:43,160 Break a leg! Break a leg! 17 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,280 Oh, boy, it's a disaster. 18 00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:52,080 Doctor, will I ever be able to ski again? 19 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,580 Oh, what do you mean, again? 20 00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:56,700 Listen, you should have taken lessons. 21 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:57,799 Oh, I did. 22 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,120 I took lessons from the famous Klaus Neumann. 23 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,340 You did? Yeah. 24 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,040 Hey, Klaus. 25 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,320 Oh, hi, Charlie. How'd it go? 26 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,660 What do you think? 27 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,860 Did you do everything I told you? 28 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,160 Everything. 29 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:13,780 Figures. 30 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,640 Listen, Scooter, if I come up with any more dumb ideas like that, stop me. 31 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,000 Right. Shall I cancel the blindfolded, yodeling hang glider? 32 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,520 Of course not. I said dumb ideas. 33 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,880 Okay, well, now that we've gotten off the ski slopes and lived to tell about 34 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,020 it's time for some real entertainment. 35 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,980 Ladies and gentlemen, one of the truly great singers, Melissa Manchester. 36 00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:52,270 Baby cried the day the circus came to town Cause she 37 00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:58,830 didn't want parades just passing by her She 38 00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:05,830 painted on a smile and took off with a clown While she danced 39 00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:12,790 without a net up on the wire I know 40 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:18,950 a lot about her Cause you see, baby 41 00:05:18,950 --> 00:05:22,130 is an awful lot like me. 42 00:05:25,530 --> 00:05:28,510 Don't cry out loud. 43 00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:32,030 Just keep it inside. 44 00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:36,830 And learn how to hide your feelings. 45 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:45,560 you should fall. 46 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:51,180 Remember you almost had it all. 47 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:01,300 Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down, 48 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:08,320 they left behind her dreams among the litter. 49 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,580 That different kind of love she thought. 50 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:21,160 she'd found there was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter 51 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:27,840 but baby can't be broken cause you see 52 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:34,060 she had the finest teacher that was me 53 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:40,220 I told her don't cry out loud 54 00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:43,580 just keep it inside 55 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,480 I've learned. 56 00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,930 I was a kid. I left home to join a traveling circus. 57 00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:05,830 Well, were your folks upset? 58 00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:07,150 Are you kidding? 59 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,650 They're the ones who got me the job. 60 00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:15,710 Now, listen, guys. The show will take care of all of your medical expenses. 61 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,230 Oh, well, that's good. 62 00:08:17,510 --> 00:08:20,450 Scooter, did you cash that check I gave you? Oh, of course. Good. 63 00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:22,110 Well, at least probably. 64 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,790 What? Well, actually, no. 65 00:08:25,350 --> 00:08:27,890 What? Gee, guys, is there something wrong? 66 00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:30,070 Oh, no, nothing at all. 67 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:33,090 We just wanted to invite you to come to our... 68 00:09:12,490 --> 00:09:16,950 Wall Street today, commodity experts were amazed as beef fell dramatically. 69 00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,630 Oh, no. 70 00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:28,170 Kermit, where did that cow come from? He seemed to fall right out of the sky. 71 00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:32,450 Yeah, well, you see, he said that beef was falling, and it's a little hard to 72 00:09:32,450 --> 00:09:33,450 explain. 73 00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:35,310 Why don't we just watch pigs in space? 74 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:36,810 Oh, no. 75 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,570 Don't worry. Things only fall on the newsman. 76 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,940 What did you say that next catch is called? Uh, pigs in space. 77 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,540 Oh, good. 78 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,840 I thought you said pigs from space. 79 00:09:49,580 --> 00:09:50,580 Not again! 80 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:59,740 And now... Pigs in 81 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,000 space! 82 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:10,340 The swine tractor is just about to be boarded by a sinister spaceship from the 83 00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,340 Crab Nebula. 84 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,350 Uh -oh. Oh, the crab nebula. I'm so frightened. 85 00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,890 There are all such mean baddies over there. 86 00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:19,430 There he is. 87 00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:23,590 Oh, help. 88 00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,010 Oh, help. 89 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,090 I'm trying to take a nap. 90 00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:34,950 But this weird alien from the crab nebula just boarded the ship. 91 00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:38,430 So what does he want? 92 00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:41,630 I don't know. I don't speak crab. 93 00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,060 Universal translator right there. 94 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,540 Knuckle brains. 95 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,720 I represent Flunko, the wash day miracle. 96 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:01,060 Guaranteed to turn your glooboos sparkling pink without rinsing. 97 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:04,200 Well, we knew it was important. 98 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,980 Sparkling pink, huh? 99 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,000 I'll take a dozen boxes. 100 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,060 You don't have any glooboos. 101 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,360 Make it happen. 102 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,320 Call you back during the commercial. 103 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,020 In Spain! 104 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,020 Pops and Fozzie. Pops and Fozzie on next. 105 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:39,220 Oh, Pops. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. 106 00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:42,420 Oh, it's going to be terrific, Fozzie. Why, back in 1948, 107 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,100 I played the Roxy with this number. 108 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,340 Yeah, but it's so complicated. 109 00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:51,320 And now, here they are, Pops and Fozzie. 110 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,230 With Once in Love with Amy. 111 00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:55,650 Aha! 112 00:11:56,930 --> 00:12:00,090 Once in love with Amy. 113 00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,350 With Amy! 114 00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:04,130 Always in love with Amy. 115 00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:07,150 Is this it? Ever and ever. 116 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:11,170 Fascinated by her. Set your heart afire. 117 00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:12,490 Stay tuned. 118 00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:15,650 Once in Love with Amy. 119 00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:20,210 Tear up your list. It's Amy. 120 00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:25,320 Fly her with bonbons, poetry and flowers. 121 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,780 Moon a million hours away. 122 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,180 You might be quite the fickle -hearted girl. 123 00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:36,360 So carefree and bold. 124 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,760 Who loves a girl and later thinks it over. 125 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:45,100 And just quits. Oh, follow me. 126 00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:48,580 Once in love with Amy. 127 00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:53,290 Always in love with Amy. Turn. 128 00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:55,730 Ever and ever. 129 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,790 Sweetly you'll romance her. 130 00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:04,710 Trouble is the answer. Will be. Will be. That Amy'd rather stay in love 131 00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:07,910 with me. I did it. I did it. 132 00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:12,890 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 133 00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,730 Pausing. Thank you. 134 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:19,170 You really got to hand it to Pausing. Hand him what? 135 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:23,800 Abuse. Hey, 136 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,700 Floyd, what are you doing? 137 00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:36,980 Oh, I'm playing the blues. 138 00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:39,540 Do you like blues music? 139 00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:42,360 Only when I'm depressed. 140 00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:44,920 You get depressed often? 141 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,200 Only when I play the blues. 142 00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:48,980 You're weird. 143 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,000 I may be weird, but you're beautiful. 144 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,620 It's funny you should feel that way, because I've always had a thing for 145 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,620 weirdos, man. 146 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,100 Now, how can I tell when you're being serious? 147 00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,900 Whenever I call you friend, friend. 148 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,780 Okay, friend, let's communicate. 149 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:23,390 Whenever I call you friend, I begin to 150 00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:29,810 think I understand, anywhere at all, you and I have 151 00:14:29,810 --> 00:14:33,650 always been, forever and ever. 152 00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:41,150 I see myself within your eyes, and that's 153 00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:45,990 all I need to show me why, everything I do. 154 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,100 Always takes me home to you. 155 00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:33,110 Sweet love, shining in my life. 156 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:34,690 Sweet love. 157 00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,540 Okay, next we have the Flying Teeterini Family. 158 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,040 Okay, on stage, the Teeterini Family on stage, please. 159 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,099 Hey, scoozy froggy, you tell me where the teeterboard is. 160 00:17:18,339 --> 00:17:21,500 Oh, there's no room for it. Hey, that teeterboard's supposed to be on stage, 161 00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:25,000 Fozzie. No, as I'm saying to you, there's no room for it on the stage. 162 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,240 Why not? Because there's a set in the way, sir. 163 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,780 Well, why is the set out there? Hey, can we clear this out, please? Clear that 164 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:34,760 set? You don't need to shout in the talky -talky thing. We're standing right 165 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,280 here. Can we please put this down? 166 00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:38,169 Right here? 167 00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:39,170 Okay. What? 168 00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:42,210 Can you guys get on stage, please? 169 00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:47,710 You expect the famous Teeterini family to perform on stage without their famous 170 00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:51,470 teeterboard? Listen, is a teeterboard really a big part of the act? 171 00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:53,270 Watch this. 172 00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:53,450 Chef will prepare spring chicken. 173 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,340 best spot they've ever done. What do you think? 174 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:51,900 When will you ever learn? You're no spring chicken anymore. 175 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,860 Chickens? Would you guys keep still? What's with these chickens? 176 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,500 Boing, boing, boing, boing. 177 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,000 You can control over this show's slipping. 178 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,320 Skiers on crutches and chickens on springs. 179 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,500 These are a few of my... 180 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,010 This show is now officially out of control. 181 00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:20,130 I'm going to introduce the final number, and then it's every frog for himself. 182 00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:23,590 Hey, come it, come it, come it. Hey, why did the chickens cross the road? 183 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,270 Because an angry Swede was chasing him with a cleaver. 184 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,750 That's not it. 185 00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,390 Hey, wait. Yours is better. 186 00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:35,730 Ladies and gentlemen, backstage is a mess. 187 00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:39,250 I've got angry skiers springing chickens and bouncing Italians. 188 00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:44,130 So let us leave all that behind. Come with me now to the... Peace and quiet of 189 00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,049 sunny Spain. 190 00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:48,910 There to hear the beautiful soothing melodies of Miss Melissa Manchester. 191 00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:24,960 Your cheating heart will make you weep. 192 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:32,100 You'll cry and cry and try to sleep. 193 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:39,620 But sleep won't come the whole night through. 194 00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:46,980 Your cheating heart will tell on you. 195 00:23:51,950 --> 00:23:53,370 and talented Melissa Manchester. 196 00:23:53,890 --> 00:24:00,750 Thank you, Kermit. I've had a great 197 00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:02,350 time. Oh, I'm so glad. 198 00:24:02,670 --> 00:24:08,890 When I wasn't being hit by flying skiers or jumped on by spring chickens or held 199 00:24:08,890 --> 00:24:13,230 to the back of a... Well, actually, you're lucky because next week we're 200 00:24:13,230 --> 00:24:16,090 a yodeler who works blindfolded from a hang glider. 201 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,420 That's next week! 202 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,840 Watch out! 14611

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