All language subtitles for The Muppet Show s05e13 Mac Davis

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

When you watch The Muppet Show, it's the
only show on air where you're actually

only seeing the top 18 inches of the
action.

And in a lot of ways, what goes on
underneath the camera frame is just as

exciting and sometimes more exciting
than what's going on in front of the

camera.

If you think about it, this is the way
it is.

The camera's shooting basically from the
top of your head up to your hand. And

that's the way all the performers are
working.

They're all watching monitors to see
what the camera can see. And it's great

watching the performers underneath,
watching them jockeying for position and

people reaching between each other,
trying to get to an arm run.

It's really, it's a bit like watching a
pit stop at an Indy 500 rain.

It's really quite impossible, which is
what makes it so much fun to do.

Here's The Muppet Show.

You cockroaches want to take up stamp
collecting?

Well, here's one to start with.

Hey, who are you?

I'm Mac Davis.

Kermit asked me to be his guest star
tonight.

Mac Davis, that's right.

You're the famous singer, songwriter,
actor, country western star.

That's great.

Well, it ain't great, but it sure keeps
the cockroaches away.

It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Matt Davis.

Yeah!

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise the curtain on the
Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here? I guess
we'll never know.

It's like a kind of torture to have to
watch the show.

It's time to get things started on the
most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, muppetational, this is
what we call The Muppet Show!

Thank you, thank you, and welcome again

to The Muppet Show! And it's going to be
a great show tonight because our

special guest is that great recording
star, composer, and singer, Mr.

Mac... Yes,

but before we meet back, here is another
opening number.

The overture is about to start. You
cross your fingers and hold your heart.

That was terrifying.

Every time it went wrong, I thought,
this is it, curtains.

Yeah, and it was Beaker's fault.

What is this thing, anyhow?

Oh, this is new from Muppet Labs.

It's our snazzy new copying machine.

And fortunately, my assistant Beaker is
eager to test it.

Sooner him than me.

Oh, Beaker, a copying machine is
completely harmless.

Well, Mr. Beauregard, it looks like
you've seen the light.

Okay, it is guest star time, folks, so
things are definitely getting better out

here. So here he is now, one of the
kings of country western music, ladies

gentlemen.

That look in your eyes And it's starting
to

worry me Cause

I ain't ready for no family ties

Nobody's gonna hurt me

I can't breathe.

Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me.

Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me.

Cause I'll just use you, then I'll set
you free.

Really think so?

Well, there's something about you. Oh,
the curly hair, the physique.

The flippers, right?

That's it.

I'm really into flippers, Matt.

Paint yourself green and you'll be my
kind of guy.

Girl,

you're a hot blood.

fish.

Okay, great number. Nice number, Mac.

Ah, thanks, Kermit. You know, that's the
secret to good songwriting.

What's that?

You gotta have a strong hook.

There go two great sets of flippers.

Beaker, I told you never to talk to me
like that.

Because I can't understand it.

Come on, Bob, move it, move it. I'm
trying.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs
where the future is being made today.

And what a sad day it is, too, for
Beaker, my fickle and wayward assistant,

gone missing.

So I guess I'll have to demonstrate
Muppet Labs' new copying machine a la

You got a few minutes for a fellow star?

Surely.

Watch it, watch it. You're getting dust
on my expensive but tasteful outfit.

You know, that is a mighty tasteful
outfit. I like it. Oh, well, thank you.

just threw it on.

Actually, I'm good at that.

Yeah, you're not bad at laying it on
either.

Well, thank you.

You know, I just wanted to tell you, be
sure and watch me in the police sketch

that's coming up.

Okay, you're pretty good, huh?

Good is not the word.

Yeah, I can believe that.

Terrific is more of the word.

Well, you know something, Link?

I've always thought that you had a
certain... A certain je ne sais quoi.

And I know exactly what it is.

Animal magnetism.

Yeah. You can say that again.

You know, I've got a song that's just
absolutely perfect for you. I'm going to

sing it for you. Sing along if you'd
like.

Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble when
you're perfect in

every way.

I can't wait to look in the mirror
because I get better looking each

day.

To know me is to love me.

must be a hell of a man.

Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble, but
I'm doing the best that

I can.

I know exactly what you mean.

I used to have a girlfriend, but I guess
she just couldn't

compete with all of these love -starved
women who keep

clamoring at my feet.

Well, I probably could find me another.

But I guess they're all in awe of me.

Who cares?

I never get lonesome. Cause I treasure
my own company.

Lord, it's hard to be humble.

Perfect in every way.

I can't wait to look in the mirror.

Cause I get better looking each day.

To know him is to love him.

He must be a hell of a pig.

Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble.

When you're blessed with a talent this
big.

Oh, Lord,

it's hard to be humble. When you're
perfect.

When you're perfect in every way.

Can't wait to look in the mirror. I
can't wait to look in the mirror.

I can't wait to look in each day.

To know me is to what?

To know me is to love me. I must be a
hell of a man. I must be a hell of a

Oh, Lord, it's hard. Oh, Lord, it's hard
to be humble.

What are we doing? We're doing the best
that we can.

One more time. I didn't hear you.

We're doing the task that we can.

All right.

Now,

ladies and gentlemen, I would like to
play at this time Liebster Jezu Mein

Verlanger. Johann Sebastian Bach.

That's Bach.

Then...

Beauregard, what are you doing?

Well, I promised Kermit I would clean.

You can't clean out here.

Well, I'll clean back there then.

I'm only Dusty.

Get out of here.

I'm

only

Fender, Dusty.

Oh, please, Mr. Chef, sir. I'm hiding in
here. My assistant Beaker is ganging up

on me.

Poor boy don't need electronics to make
no rock and roll.

Poor boy got boogie boogie born right in
his soul.

Come in.

Oh, great. You must be the background
singers I sent for. I sure hope you're

in good voice today.

Hold it. I'll tell you what. Instead of
singing along, why don't you just eef

along with me? I'll show you what I'm
talking about. Poor boy got rhythm.

Poor boy got booze.

Poor boy got boogie woogie. Born right
in his shoes. Now watch this.

Now you do it.

Well, at least I don't have to listen to
him sing anymore.

And now... Ridding the world of evil,
here comes Bear on patrol.

All right, you, come on, come on, go,
go, go. Sir, I just booked this person

an 803.

Oh, he could get 20 years for that. Yes,
sir. What's an 803?

Sir, it's making funny noises in public.

Make that 25 years.

Did you read him his rights?

Not yet, sir. Okay, listen. You have the
right to remain silent.

Sir, I don't think he understands.

Let me handle it.

You have the right to remain stupid.

Lock him up, Patrol Bear. Yes, sir. All
right, you move into that jail cell.

That's it. Get in there.

Patrol Bear, I told you to lock him up.

But, sir, I did.

Oh, wait, wait. Look, the briefcase.

It must be his lawyer.

What's he saying?

I don't know. Who understands lawyer
talk?

Lock him up, Patrol Bear. Yes, sir. Get
in there, you. Get in there. All right,

both of you, just stay there.

Patrol Bear, they've escaped.

No, but what the hell?

I'd like a head count. Now bring those
two out of there. Yes, sir. All right,

you two, get out there. Let's get a head
count.

Come on, move it. Everybody line up.
Come on, line up.

This is serious business.

All right, one, two, three, four, five.

That was quick thinking.

Well, that's why I'm sergeant.

The mustache twirling contest has been
canceled this week.

Shh! I am not what I appear to be, Mr.
Kermit. It is really I, Dr.

Bunsen Honeydew, and I'm hiding from my
assistant, Peekers.

Why are all of him mad at you?

I don't know. I've always been a regular
sweetie to each of him.

Well, the secret of your identity is
safe with me.

I think I'd better introduce Mac Davis.

Special guest star, Mr. Mike Davis.

You

know,

I've had a wonderful time doing the
Muppet Show tonight.

But there's a part of the show that
never seems to get enough attention as

as I'm concerned. I'm going to take care
of that right now. I want a big round

of applause for the band.

Yeah, that's mighty big of you.

Big Mac, Big Mac.

Would you guys join in with me on a song
I wrote a long time ago? I sure would

appreciate it.

Oh, it'd be our pleasure, Mac.

You lay it down, we pick it up.

I could just sit around making music all
day long As long as

I'm making music I know I can't do
nobody wrong And who knows, maybe

someday I'll come up with a song That
makes people want to stop their fussing

and fighting Just long enough to sing
along I believe in

music

I believe in love.

Help me out.

I believe in music.

You know that I, oh, I believe in love.

Well, music is love, and love is music
if you know what I mean.

And people who believe in music are the
happiest people I've ever seen.

So clap your hands.

Stomp your feet and shake your
tambourine and lift your voices to the

loves you when you sing. Let me hear it.
I believe in music.

God knows it. I believe in love.

Don't it make you feel good? I believe
in music.

music is the universal language and love
is the key to brotherhood and peace

and understanding living in harmony so
take your brother by the hand

and sing along with me and find out what
it really means to feel young

and rich and free

audience. Let me hear you real loud.

to know it's been a real pleasure doing
your show. I really have enjoyed it. Oh,

good. But who is this?

Oh, this guy I caught in my dressing
room. I thought he looked suspicious.

Why?

Well, he's wearing a disguise.