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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,360 Hi, I'm Brian Henson. 2 00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:13,860 Brooke Shields was the youngest guest star to appear on The Muppet Show. She 3 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,220 only 15 at the time. 4 00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:17,140 Hi, I'm Alice. Who are you? 5 00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:20,160 Oh, no time for that. I'm looking for a hole. 6 00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:21,580 Looking for a hole? 7 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:22,900 A hole what? 8 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:29,060 Because she was only 15 when she did the show, she was only allowed to shoot a 9 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:30,220 few hours each day. 10 00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,880 So when she wasn't shooting, she liked to hang around the Muppet Workshop and 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:34,960 help build characters. 12 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,200 In fact... 13 00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:40,070 There's one number in which she actually helped build the slithy toes 14 00:00:40,070 --> 00:00:41,070 characters. 15 00:00:41,890 --> 00:00:48,570 This particular sketch is described by Scooter in the show 16 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:52,370 as the weirdest thing the show has ever done, and he may be right. 17 00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:56,970 At least you're in the scene so you know what it is. Have you seen the scene? 18 00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:59,690 Even when you know what it is, you don't know what it is. 19 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:02,150 Here it is, Brooke Shields in The Muppet Show. 20 00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:14,230 I'm your guest, Brooke Shields. Oh, yes, Brooke Shields. 21 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:15,690 Here's your script. 22 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:17,370 Thank you. 23 00:01:18,190 --> 00:01:21,810 Gee, this is Alice in Wonderland. I thought I was doing something called The 24 00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:22,729 Muffin Show. 25 00:01:22,730 --> 00:01:23,930 Oh, dear, oh, dear. 26 00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:25,670 I'm late. I'm late. 27 00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:29,070 That answer your question? 28 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:30,890 No. 29 00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:27,290 It's time to get things started. 30 00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:35,680 I'm the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational mother... This is what we 31 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,400 call The Muppet Show! 32 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:45,300 Excuse me. 33 00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:51,080 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. And 34 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:55,180 going to have a very special show for you tonight. Our guest star is one of 35 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:58,680 brightest new talents in the film world, Miss Brooke Shields. 36 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,020 Yes, and with Brooke, we're going to tell you the story of... 37 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,520 Alice in Wonderland. You all know Alice in Wonderland. It's all crammed with 38 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,740 warm, lovable characters and cute, fluffy little bunny rabbits. 39 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,120 Look, either you tell me where the rabbit hole is or I tear your head off. 40 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,780 Just back behind the curtains. 41 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,100 Thanks. 42 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,260 And also cruel, heartless, violent little bunny rabbits. 43 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,460 Anyhow, something for everyone in Alice in Wonderland. 44 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,520 Oh, no time for that. 45 00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:48,980 I'm looking for a hole. 46 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,380 Looking for a hole? 47 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:51,780 A hole what? 48 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,200 I hate smart Alice's. 49 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,260 Oh, look, there it is. 50 00:04:38,850 --> 00:04:40,410 We're having a jam session. 51 00:04:40,710 --> 00:04:41,710 Want to sit in? 52 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:47,890 Hey there, Miss Alice, if you're near the palace, just drop in. 53 00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:51,210 I'm quite good at dropping. I've been practicing a long time now. 54 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:56,890 If you're really racing that rabbit you're chasing, get hot. 55 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,760 with a cook who keeps breaking the dishes. 56 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,320 A caterpillar on a mushroom who's smoking a hookah. 57 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,520 Hookah, hookah, hookah, the hookah. 58 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,340 That's very bad for your health, you know. 59 00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:40,460 A teapot that has a mouse in it. 60 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,560 Things get badder and badder by the minute. 61 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,660 Curiouser and curiouser is the expression, I believe. 62 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:51,760 Wait till the scene where the crazy old queen wants your head. 63 00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:55,590 I won't survive the fall. 64 00:05:56,310 --> 00:06:01,170 Feels like you're bound to a merry -go -round you can't get off. 65 00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:07,830 Don't be surprised if you meet Captain Hook. Cause our version won't. 66 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,520 Alice in Wonderland? 67 00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:19,340 I thought we were doing Peter Pan. 68 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,840 It's Alice in Wonderland now. Go change, Fozzie. Yes, sir. 69 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,340 Anybody got a can opener? 70 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,140 Hey, Carmen, I don't remember the Tin Woodsman and Peter Pan. 71 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,359 Oh, it doesn't matter. 72 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,280 Where's Miss Piggy? Is she in her Queen of Hearts costume? 73 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,420 Oh, that's another one of our problems. What? 74 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,400 because that's who you are. 75 00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:02,780 Queen of... Yes, queen of hearts. That suits us. 76 00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:07,020 If anyone can portray royalty, it is we. 77 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,820 Oh, Floyd, Floyd, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on stage. 78 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,680 Not in this jive caterpillar outfit. 79 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,400 I hate caterpillars. 80 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,300 Listen, Floyd, you can take your place on stage or in the unemployment line. 81 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:33,860 Thank you, Alice in Wonderland. We should have done something simple, like 82 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:34,860 and peace. 83 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:41,039 Kermit has very graciously asked me to introduce the next scene in Alice in 84 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:42,940 Wonderland. So he wouldn't have to come out here. 85 00:08:43,659 --> 00:08:46,840 So here it is, the next scene from Alice in Wonderland. 86 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,060 Scooter, tell them what it is. 87 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,160 Well, what is it? It's the caterpillar scene. 88 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,840 Oh, the caterpillar scene. 89 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:38,840 You eat. 90 00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:20,250 It looked like you were having a ball out there. I'll say. Of course, having a 91 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,870 ball is only proper for a caterpillar. Oh? 92 00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:27,130 Yeah, you see, my mother was a moth, and I'm sure you've heard of moth balls. 93 00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:31,130 Okay, mad tea party on stage next. Mad tea party. 94 00:10:31,370 --> 00:10:35,610 Kermit, Kermit, I refuse to go along with Brooke. Why? I mean, I've played 95 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:39,170 the big stars before, but she is definitely out of my league. 96 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:42,090 Oh, I know she's a big star. Do you know how big? 97 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,350 No, how big? 98 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,600 It'll do it every time. 99 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,480 What do I do now? 100 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,720 Well, let's go to your dressing room. We'll figure something out. 101 00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:00,700 Okay. Scooter, would you get somebody to stall on stage? 102 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:01,960 All right, boss. 103 00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:04,320 Gee, hey, Gonzo, who do we have? 104 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,660 Well, there's Humpty Dumpty. 105 00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:11,360 Oh, could you have all the king's horses and all the king's men standing by just 106 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,060 in case? No, don't worry. You'll be terrific. 107 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,340 Gritty! Come on, guys. 108 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,300 Say, was that a tie he was wearing or a belt? 109 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,700 I don't know. That's wardrobe. 110 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,120 It's not my department. 111 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:36,080 At the risk of laying a bomb with you, or at least a little bomblet, I'd like 112 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:41,800 to announce I'm preparing to play the lead in Shakespeare. 113 00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:07,600 They'll say that the way I tell jokes is very close to human. So tomorrow I go 114 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:13,260 to a studio to record my first record, 115 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,120 Albumen. 116 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,680 These are the jokes, folks. 117 00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:21,040 These are the jokes. 118 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:06,840 who produced the effect. 119 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,760 Oh, you better do something. I can't go through life this tall. 120 00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:13,740 I hear there's money in basketball. 121 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,460 Fine, son. 122 00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:21,340 Sorry. Don't worry, my dear. You should start becoming smaller any minute. 123 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,160 Oh, yes, you're right. 124 00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:24,840 Oh, thank goodness. 125 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,300 You're welcome. In no time at all, you'll be your normal size again. 126 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,320 I should have done the muffin show instead. 127 00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:53,940 Everything's going wrong. 128 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,580 Kermit won't let me play the Ken Woodman. 129 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,380 Bunton shrank the guest star. 130 00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,340 Old Humpty Dumpty's had an accident. 131 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,380 Now Dr. Bob is trying to fix him up. 132 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:03,580 Yeah, but that's good. 133 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,620 With sausage and chips? 134 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:11,120 Listen, Bear, you worry too much. Look at me. I'm always smiling. 135 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,080 Yeah, but you're the Cheshire Cat. You're supposed to smile. 136 00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:21,110 When you're smiling, yes, when you're smiling, then the whole world smiles 137 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:26,490 you. And when you're laughing, oh, when you're laughing, then the sun comes 138 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,490 shining through. 139 00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:29,770 Come on, Fozzie, smile. 140 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,050 Please, I'd rather be miserable. 141 00:14:32,590 --> 00:14:35,970 There are smiles that make you happy. 142 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:55,840 What's smiling got to do with the weather? Oh, a lot. 143 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,540 Great skies are bound to clear up. 144 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,320 Put on a happy face. Oh, yeah. 145 00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:03,620 Brush off the clouds and cheer up. 146 00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:05,880 Put on a happy face. 147 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,300 Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy. 148 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,320 It's not your style. 149 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:16,040 You look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile. 150 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,980 Happy days are here again. 151 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:34,240 The skies above are clear again. 152 00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:39,860 Let us sing a song of cheer again. Happy days are here again. 153 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:46,620 Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. You made me so happy. Thank you all 154 00:15:46,620 --> 00:15:47,620 here. Yes. 155 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,240 I'm so depressed. 156 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,220 Lewis Carroll's most beloved poems. 157 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,820 Make this a good intro, Chief. This scene needs all the help it can get. 158 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,120 Well, at least you're in the scene so you know what it is. Have you seen the 159 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,160 scene? Even when you know what it is, you don't know what it is. 160 00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:11,080 Uh, uh, uh, ladies and gentlemen, Jabberwocky. 161 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:23,720 It was thrilling, and the slidey -toes did gyre and gimble in the rain. 162 00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:29,560 All mimsy where the boar goes, and among us outgray. 163 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:39,500 Beware the jabberwock, my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch. 164 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:45,320 Beware the jub -jub bird, and shun the frumious bandersnatch. 165 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:52,560 He took his vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxum foe he sought. 166 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,240 So rested he by the tum -tum tree, and stood a while and thought. 167 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:01,820 Hmm. 168 00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:08,260 And as enoughish thought he stood, the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, 169 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,900 came whiffling through the tolgy wood, and burbled as he came. 170 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,200 Burble, burble. 171 00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,460 Burble, burble. 172 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:16,800 Aha! 173 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,280 One, two, one, two. 174 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,520 And through and through, the Vorpal Blade went snicker snack. 175 00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:32,530 a lumping back. 176 00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:39,090 A lump, a lump, a lump, a lump, a lump, a lump, a lump, a lump. Ah, then hast 177 00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,850 thou slain the Jabberwock? 178 00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,890 Come to my arms, my famous boy. 179 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:45,990 Oh, frat, just stay. 180 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,410 Calloo, callay. 181 00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:49,390 He chortled in his joy. 182 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:55,530 Twas brillig, and the slidey toves did gyre and gimble in the wave. 183 00:17:55,790 --> 00:17:59,690 All mimsy were the borogoves and the momerats. 184 00:18:00,050 --> 00:18:01,050 Out. 185 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,280 I tell you, this is the weirdest thing we've ever done on this show. 186 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,220 It was an outrage. 187 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,480 Can I just put on my body and go home? 188 00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:16,300 Well, you should quit while you're ahead. 189 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,400 Brooke? 190 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:22,940 Brooke? 191 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,880 Listen, Brooke, you're so tiny now I'm scared I'm going to step on you. Give me 192 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:27,880 some idea where you are. 193 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,910 Not now, Piggy. But look out for the guest star. 194 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:40,950 Kermit, I would have been here earlier, but I was busy learning my line. 195 00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:44,890 Wait a second, Piggy. Don't walk over here. 196 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:47,270 One lousy line in the trial scene. 197 00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:48,510 Do you want to hear my role? 198 00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:50,090 No. Off with his head. 199 00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:52,410 Kermit, I tell you... Piggy, don't move! 200 00:18:53,870 --> 00:18:57,050 I'm sorry, but Brooke has shrunk so small that we can't find her. So watch 201 00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:57,989 step. What? 202 00:18:57,990 --> 00:19:00,510 Yeah, but don't worry, because I'm going to cancel the whole trial scene anyway. 203 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,160 Yeah, but how can we hold a trial without Alice? 204 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,620 Will you please be quiet? 205 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,360 Yeah, but what's the point? Hush! 206 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:40,719 Who are you? 207 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,720 I'm the... 208 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,280 Gas in. 209 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,330 She's her normal size again. 210 00:21:45,810 --> 00:21:49,450 Everybody on stage, that's it. The Mad Tea Party next. The show's not over. 211 00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:52,090 Well, you can't say he isn't flexible. 212 00:21:54,950 --> 00:21:57,850 Okay, well, here it is, folks, and it's going to be fantastic. 213 00:21:58,210 --> 00:22:02,630 The Mad Tea Party starring Brooke Shields. Oh, please let it be fantastic. 214 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:39,760 And it's not! 215 00:24:09,070 --> 00:24:10,070 We're here. We're here. 216 00:25:19,180 --> 00:25:20,180 you get the chance. 217 00:25:20,340 --> 00:25:21,340 Me too. 218 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,720 Anyway, congratulations on being the Muppet Show's youngest ever guest star. 219 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:19,440 What's that noise? 220 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,460 I think that's Lewis Carroll turning over in his grave. 16822