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All language subtitles for The Muppet Show s05e02 Joan Baez

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,499 --> 00:00:06,140 Oh, who are you? 2 00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:08,700 Uh, Joan Baez. 3 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,100 Oh, yeah. 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:11,980 The famous folk singer. 5 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,220 Well, that's a change. 6 00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:19,180 Oh? Yeah, we've had singing rats, flowers, penguins, horses, pigs. About 7 00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,180 they had some folks. 8 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,860 Well, at least you're unbiased around here. 9 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,100 Yeah. 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,920 The show can't get much worse than this. 11 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,960 recording star and folk singer, Miss Joan Baez. 12 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,759 Yes, but first, here is a talented group of folk singers. 13 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,740 Well, actually, they aren't that talented, and come to think of it, they 14 00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:14,739 even folks. 15 00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,940 But anyway, here they are, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah! 16 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:29,680 Let us put Ben and Oprah together to see which one is smarter. 17 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:31,720 Some say... 18 00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:11,570 to be clear. 19 00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,430 sleeping on the floor. 20 00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,850 Listen, boys, I've got to introduce John Baez. 21 00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:39,910 Would you just take care of these rats? 22 00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:44,690 Well, okay, rats, I'm supposed to take care of you. 23 00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:46,510 Now, what would you like? 24 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,080 policy. You believe that? No, I was lying. 25 00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:14,940 Okay, 26 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:20,380 pull. Fire. Come on. Yeah, forget it, guys. We'll never get this refrigerator 27 00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:23,340 open. Hey, can it, guys. Here comes Einstein. 28 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:32,160 Oh, thank you. Thank you. I hope you rats are making yourselves at home. 29 00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:53,170 this refrigerator officially open. 30 00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:57,290 Okay. I declare this refrigerator is open. 31 00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:02,330 Boy, this present job is fun. 32 00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:08,350 Hey, Joan, besides the songs we have planned for you, is there anything else 33 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:09,430 you'd like to do on the show tonight? 34 00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:11,130 I do imitations. 35 00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:12,770 Really? Who do you do? 36 00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:17,510 Oh, I do pretty good Marlon Brando's The Godfather. You're kidding. 37 00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:19,350 No, I'm not kidding. That's it. 38 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,450 Please. Take some moments of preparation. 39 00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:22,870 Okay. 40 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,540 on his piggy like that. Would you consider a lifetime contract? 41 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:09,260 If it's a contract you're looking for, Kermit, you've come to the right place. 42 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,700 And now, Pigs in Space! 43 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,980 When we last saw the spaceship's swine track, Dr. 44 00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:29,590 Strangepork was just outside the door waiting for his... You. 45 00:11:30,170 --> 00:11:31,170 You. 46 00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:33,470 you'd have to pass an intelligence test. 47 00:12:34,510 --> 00:12:35,650 Did he pass it? 48 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,170 Yes. 49 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,590 Oh, I see what you mean. 50 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,530 Well, listen, rat. 51 00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:44,630 You could never be in the crew of Pigs in Space. 52 00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:46,410 Why not? 53 00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:49,090 Well, you're too short. 54 00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,490 Why didn't you just say he wasn't a pig? 55 00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:54,350 Well, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. 56 00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:57,430 Hey, wait a minute, you guys. 57 00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,790 I can do anything that a pig can do. 58 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:00,990 Oh, yeah? 59 00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:02,630 Sure, I can say oink, oink. 60 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:04,450 I can wallow in the mud. 61 00:13:04,790 --> 00:13:06,430 I can eat garbage. 62 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,080 For this moment to be free. 63 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,520 Blackbird fly. 64 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,240 Blackbird fly. 65 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,160 Into the light of the dark black night. 66 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:51,040 dark black night Blackbird singing in the dead of 67 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:56,200 night Take these broken wings and learn to fly 68 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:02,880 All your life You were only 69 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:09,660 waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment 70 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:10,740 to arise 71 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,720 this moment to arrive. 72 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,900 I took a train to Richmond that felt it was the time. 73 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:35,410 question for you i think you don't like singing singing schminging this is 74 00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:42,370 important you want to be an honorary rat do i have a choice it'll come in 75 00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:48,930 handy to be a rat when we take over hope you guys aren't planning anything 76 00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:49,930 violent 77 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,040 I think you guys could probably learn a lot from the teachings of Mahatma 78 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,040 Gandhi. 79 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,080 Mahatma what? 80 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:06,720 Gandhi. He wrote a whole book on nonviolence. I had it around here. 81 00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,180 Oh, yeah. 82 00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:09,500 Can I have that? No! 83 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,480 Get out! Get out! 84 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:13,599 Mahatma Gandhi! 85 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,099 Well, that's what happens when you take Gandhi from a baby. 86 00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:24,800 Okay, and now it's comedy time with our own Fozzie Bear. 87 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:26,020 Tonight, the... 88 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,870 it might help his monologue if he did it on his own home turf. 89 00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,910 So here he is out in the backwoods. Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie! 90 00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:39,550 Hiya, hiya, hiya. This is Fozzie Bear out in the open air with funny jokes to 91 00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:41,530 spare. So laugh, don't stare. 92 00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:42,870 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 93 00:17:45,050 --> 00:17:49,350 But seriously, I love working in the woods. Yeah, that's because I know all 94 00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:53,690 trees. See, there's the cedars and those are the pines. 95 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,480 And, oh, these are the funny trees. 96 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,240 The funny trees, you ask? Yes. 97 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:00,640 These are the oak. 98 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:08,880 Oh, here's my friend the weasel. Yeah. You know, he's the 99 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,480 one who tells me when it's time to quit work. 100 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:11,760 You know why? 101 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,500 He's the five o 'clock weasel. 102 00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:17,500 You see his whistle? 103 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:20,700 These are the oaks. 104 00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:29,790 I was born a stone's throw away from here. In fact, my mother still lives 105 00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:34,350 Thanks a lot, Mom. 106 00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:37,490 I get the hint, but I'll quit when it's time. 107 00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:40,190 What do you want, Weasel? 108 00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:49,730 What's up, Weasel? It wasn't even five o 'clock. 109 00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:52,470 Oh, Beauregard. 110 00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:56,530 Yes? Did you take care of those rats? Yep. I just brought their chicken dinner 111 00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:57,530 then. 112 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,790 Beauregard, I want them out of this theater. 113 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,470 Well, I can't do that. They're my people. 114 00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:06,630 I don't care whose people they are. They made me president. 115 00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:09,090 Beauregard, they make me angry. 116 00:19:09,570 --> 00:19:11,330 Let my people stand. 117 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,370 Beauregard, they are rats. 118 00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:16,010 They are rats, Beauregard. 119 00:19:16,210 --> 00:19:18,110 Now listen, you're going to have to choose. 120 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,680 too tough on him? I don't know. 121 00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:46,209 bread happiness. 122 00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,210 Do you get to eat? 123 00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:51,290 I guess so. You got it. Come on, guys. 124 00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:55,710 Where are they going, Bo? 125 00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:58,470 I don't know. I quit my job as president. 126 00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:02,330 Final number. 127 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,850 All right. Final number. Everybody on stage for the final number, please. 128 00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:11,090 Mr. Kermit. Oh, please, Mr. Kermit. We're sorry we haven't done our share of 129 00:21:11,090 --> 00:21:12,470 entertaining and spreading happiness. 130 00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:39,759 We've got pigs. 131 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:40,619 We've got chickens. 132 00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:41,620 Why not rap? 133 00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:22,090 But, you know, if I were you, I'd keep a very close watch on those rats. 134 00:24:22,390 --> 00:24:24,370 Oh, well, actually, those rats, they're nice guys. 135 00:24:25,150 --> 00:24:28,630 Maybe, but not so long ago. They were really planning on taking over. 136 00:24:28,930 --> 00:24:30,310 The rats could never take over. 137 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,100 Thank you. 9755