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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,160 Hi, I'm Brian Henson. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:12,060 The Muppet Show was originally shot in Elstree, just north of London. 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,500 And it was a wonderful process to watch. 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,360 You walk out of these dingy London streets and then you go inside the 5 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:22,520 There's brightly colored, crazy, frenetic energy. 6 00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:28,980 The way the show was shot, though, is it took three frantic days to shoot each 7 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,720 episode. One thing that was amazing is the audience, for some reason, always 8 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,060 thought that the show was shot live, which always astounded me, because if 9 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:38,480 watch The Muppet Show, every shot is a special effect. 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,500 There's a little trick going on everywhere, and it took a lot of time 11 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,060 of effort to sort of pull that together. 12 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,100 Of course, the real audience for The Muppet Show, as you see in the show, is 13 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:49,769 bunch of... 14 00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:53,830 muppet monsters and various creatures because we always knew they would flap 15 00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:57,830 the right times the monsters in the audience particularly enjoyed this show 16 00:00:57,830 --> 00:01:04,750 i hope you do too enjoy it's 17 00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:07,870 the muppet show with our special guest stars the mum and john 18 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,020 It's time to put on makeup. 19 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,020 It's time to dress up right. 20 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,260 It's time to get things started. 21 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,200 No, please don't make me watch it. 22 00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:41,180 It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, 23 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:46,420 celebrational, marketational. This is what we call. 24 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,760 Welcome again to The Muppet Show, and a rather unusual one we have planned, 25 00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:06,640 because our special guest stars are the unique masked theater group from 26 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,880 Switzerland known as the Momenchants. 27 00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:12,660 But right now, let's get things started with Floyd, Scooter and the Gang, and 28 00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:13,660 Mr. Bassman! 29 00:02:22,690 --> 00:02:23,690 Hey, Mr. 30 00:02:23,850 --> 00:02:26,290 Bassman, you've got that certain something. 31 00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:27,530 Hey, Mr. 32 00:02:27,570 --> 00:02:31,370 Bassman, you set that music pumping. To you, it's easy. 33 00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:36,350 When you go one, two, three, ba -ba -ba -ba -ba. You mean ba -ba -ba -ba -ba -ba 34 00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:38,250 -ba -ba -ba -ba. Yeah. Hey, Mr. 35 00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:43,530 Bassman, you're on all the songs with a ba -ba -ba -ba -boom -boom and a ba -ba 36 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,550 -ba -ba -boom -boom -ba -ba. Hey, Mr. 37 00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:48,690 Bassman, you're the hidden king of rock and roll. 38 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:51,970 Oh, 39 00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:55,410 well, it don't mean a thing when the leader's singing. 40 00:02:55,790 --> 00:03:00,250 Or when he goes, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Hey, Mr. 41 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:04,810 Baseman, I'm asking just one thing. Will you please teach me? 42 00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,030 Yeah, the way you sing, Mr. 43 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,750 Baseman. I want to be a baseman, too. 44 00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:12,190 Like this. 45 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,120 Now you. 46 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,720 With me. 47 00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:32,000 Well, it don't mean a thing when the leader's singing. 48 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,900 For when he goes, I hear it. 49 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:41,800 Mr. Bassman, I think I'm really with it. Hey, Mr. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, 50 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:42,800 boom, boom, 51 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,020 boom, 52 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:59,040 boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, 53 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,120 boom, boom, boom, 54 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,080 boom. 55 00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:10,290 Pinion! Pinion! 56 00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:11,790 Arthur! Arthur! 57 00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:13,310 A work of art! Brilliant! 58 00:04:13,650 --> 00:04:14,970 What was that about? 59 00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:17,870 That was about a minute and a half. 60 00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,990 Hello? Is this dial a joke? 61 00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:23,630 Fish got to swim. 62 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,270 Bird got to fly. 63 00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:30,610 I've got to love one frog till I die. 64 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,830 What is this? 65 00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:38,030 My dearest piggy. 66 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:42,480 You must know how much I love you. 67 00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:50,080 I cannot pretend any longer. I will wait for you in the dressing 68 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,180 room, mon cher. 69 00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:53,800 Oh, it has happened. 70 00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:58,280 Oh, my Kermit has admitted his love for me at last. 71 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,460 And now he waits with... 72 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,700 Our special guest, the Momenchants, is a group of performers who, while they're 73 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,760 kind of distant cousins to the Muppets, they use a unique mixture of pantomime 74 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,460 and masks that's about as difficult to describe as to pronounce. 75 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:35,040 Ladies and gentlemen, the Momenchants. 76 00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:58,180 Fantastic. Incredible. 77 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,160 They remind me of puppets. 78 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,960 Puppets. I've always hated puppets. 79 00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:05,140 You're a traitor to your class. 80 00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:07,220 What class? I never even graduated. 81 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:18,620 She kissed me. She put her arms around me and she kissed me. It was a case 82 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,340 of mistaken identity. 83 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:25,300 Hug me, Miss Piggy. Hold me. I will not. 84 00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:27,670 Hug you, you twit turkey? 85 00:08:29,110 --> 00:08:31,550 Hold my hand, pig of my dreams. 86 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,890 Will you beat it, twerp? 87 00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:37,390 Just touch me, you hog of my heart. 88 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:41,730 Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard. Unready. 89 00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:50,110 She touched me. She 90 00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:53,510 swung her porky pinkies and she touched me. 91 00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:02,550 The moment shots do some very strange looking things. Things that look like 92 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:03,550 this. 93 00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:28,720 Then there's something that goes like this. 94 00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:44,900 And how about this one? 95 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,320 How long we been going together anyway? 96 00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,160 Oh, about ten years. 97 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,100 Well, it's time we got married. 98 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,140 Oh, gee, it's so sudden. 99 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,480 There is such riffraff here. 100 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,300 Wouldn't you rather be associated with a better class of people? 101 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:32,020 Yeah, but you were the only one not dancing. 102 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,480 Animal, 103 00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,600 my watch won't run. 104 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:42,810 Here, I run it for you. 105 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:52,150 You are one 106 00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:56,670 cute tomato, my little dumpling, my little cupcake, my little lamb chop. 107 00:12:56,870 --> 00:13:01,730 Oh, that makes me feel so, so... Amorous? Let's kiss. 108 00:13:02,050 --> 00:13:03,870 No, hungry. Let's eat. 109 00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:09,870 You know these jokes they give us each week? 110 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,970 You know, they make me so mad I can blow my top. 111 00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:14,290 Me too. 112 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:15,670 Ladies first. 113 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,910 Ah, I feel better now. 114 00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:34,970 Oh, my heart is beating wildly. 115 00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,450 And it's... 116 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:44,400 because you're here when I'm not near the fish 117 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:51,260 I love I love the fish I'm near every fin 118 00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:58,040 that flutters by me is a flame that must be 119 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,040 fanned 120 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:06,860 When I can't fondle the fin that I'm fond of, I fondle the fin 121 00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:08,180 at hand. 122 00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:15,860 I love every flipper of each little kipper, for each one is 123 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,520 hipper, my dear. 124 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:25,300 When I'm not near the fish I love, I love the 125 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,140 fish I'm near. 126 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,620 For herring, I'm caring. 127 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:55,640 For tuna, I swoon. I'm faithful to whoever's here. 128 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,060 When I'm not near. 129 00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:05,050 The fish I love, I love the fish I'm near. 130 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,100 spend a few moments talking to the guest stars, but in this case, the moment 131 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,680 shots don't talk, do you? 132 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,380 Yeah? Oh, well, in that case, say something. 133 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,340 I mean, say anything. 134 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,700 It doesn't have to be important. 135 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,640 You can say something silly. 136 00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:45,120 Ask for silly, you get silly. 137 00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:51,720 Does anybody have anything important to say? 138 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:53,680 Yeah? 139 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:13,030 that thought, we bid goodbye to the talk spot for another week. 140 00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,430 Bravo! Bravo! 141 00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:19,310 What are you bravoing about? 142 00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:20,689 That performance. 143 00:16:20,690 --> 00:16:25,450 It was first rate. Yes, it was good, but only one act I've ever seen deserved a 144 00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:27,430 bravo. Oh, really? Who was that? 145 00:16:27,710 --> 00:16:30,990 Lady Beth McIntosh and her singing parakeets. 146 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,530 I'll never forget her closing night at the palace. 147 00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:34,770 What happened? 148 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:38,890 Well, she fell into a box of bird seed just before going on stage. 149 00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:41,570 and she was pecked to death by the parakeets. 150 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,750 That's a hard act to follow. 151 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,970 Yeah, well, I was there, and I cried. 152 00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:47,770 Really? What did you cry? 153 00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:49,230 Bravo! Bravo! 154 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,410 Oh, here she comes. Get down. Get down. 155 00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:56,750 Oh, hiya, Piggy, my dear. 156 00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:00,390 Did you call me my dear, Kermie? 157 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:04,250 Indeed I did. I was just wondering if you'd like to go to dinner after the 158 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:10,650 Quiet candlelit meal with soft music, perhaps some wine. 159 00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:14,790 And then go dancing and walk by the river in the moonlight. 160 00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:18,390 Oh, I would love those things, my dear. 161 00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:22,849 Good. So would Gonzo here. And I hope the two of you have a great evening. 162 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,270 Kissy kissy. 163 00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:31,510 I'm going to cut you in half for this, frog. 164 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:36,230 It is my distinct pleasure. 165 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:41,940 this time to present wayne and wanda of whom noted composer and conductor 166 00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:47,840 leonard bernstein wrote these two are a manifestation of the musical 167 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,920 mediocrity that passes for talent in our troubled times 168 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:10,100 Say it's only a paper moon hanging over a... 169 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:22,040 Hello, 170 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:30,520 I am Ventiface. Simply insert coin in slot, step 171 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,320 up to machine, and I will... 172 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,340 Phase one. 173 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,920 Is 174 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:56,220 this 175 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,220 good? 176 00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:15,930 Gonzo, wasn't it? 177 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:19,730 Well, well, Piggy, I suppose it was. Yeah, I'm sorry. 178 00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:21,010 Oh, really? 179 00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:26,570 Oh, how sweet of you to apologize so abjectly to your lover, Pig. 180 00:19:26,810 --> 00:19:29,650 Well, it wasn't exactly an abject apology. Get away! 181 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,240 Well, Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you 182 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,600 when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you. 183 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,460 Oh, then can I have her? 184 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:05,480 That is known as getting two turkeys with one chuck. 185 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,360 Here's a Muppet newsflash. 186 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,840 Date line Moscow. 187 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:21,900 Sergei... whom the Russians claim is the world's oldest living human, celebrated 188 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:25,500 his 196th birthday yesterday by taking a deep breath. 189 00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:33,700 Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren, and 228 great 190 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,700 whom visit him. 191 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:39,220 Said his youngest son, Leonid, he smells funny. 192 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,760 Ladies and gentlemen, the moment chance. 193 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,980 Well, that's about all the time we have. Oh, Kermit, my love, I am so sorry 194 00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:35,700 about my little temper tantrum. Old Buzzard Beak was driving me crazy. 195 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,160 What? 196 00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:40,400 You drive me crazy, Miss Piggy. 197 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,420 You know something, nasty nose? 198 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:48,820 I'm going to send you on a one -way trip to the geek farm, Cindy. 199 00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:00,800 course of true love never runs smooth. 200 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,100 But right now, let's have a warm thank you to our special guest stars, Andres 201 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:08,700 Bossard, Floriana Frosetta, and Danny Kirk, better known as the Muppet Show. 202 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,120 Thank you. 203 00:25:12,540 --> 00:25:13,540 It's been great. 204 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,020 Say, you guys really do work as a team. 205 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,220 We'll see you all next time on the Muppet Show. 206 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,520 Yes, it was. 207 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,500 I wonder if they meant it that way. 15252