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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,480 The Muppet Show with our special guest, our Miss Lena Horne. 2 00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:17,540 It's time to play the music. 3 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,460 It's time to light the light. 4 00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:22,860 It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight. 5 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,760 It's time to put on makeup. 6 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,760 It's time to dress up right. 7 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,140 It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight. 8 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:39,410 I bet on a horse that came in so late they had to pay the jockey time and a 9 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:40,410 half. 10 00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:47,390 To introduce our guest star, that's what I'm here to do. So it really makes me 11 00:00:47,390 --> 00:00:50,990 happy to introduce to you Miss Lena Horne. 12 00:00:58,990 --> 00:01:02,110 But now let's get things started on the most inspirational, inspirational, 13 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:09,230 celebrational, Muppetational. This is what we call the Muppet Show. 14 00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:20,130 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys 15 00:01:20,130 --> 00:01:23,170 and girls, and dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens, and welcome to the Muppet 16 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,690 Show. Hey, we are particularly happy tonight to have with us as our special 17 00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:31,670 guest star the talented, the beautiful, and the indefatigable Miss Lena Horne. 18 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:35,010 But right now, we're going to start off the show with an act that was discovered 19 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:38,670 by George, our janitor. And here it is, right from the cleaning room into your 20 00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:39,930 living room, the rag mops! 21 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:11,660 once in a lifetime, if you're lucky. 22 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,620 Okay, okay. Good number. Good number, you guys. 23 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,420 Good number. George, clean up your act. 24 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,380 Kermit? Hmm? Kermit, is it true what I've heard? That I'm not doing my song 25 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:25,359 the show tonight? 26 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,279 Uh, that's true. 27 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,280 Oh, why? 28 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,240 Well, Piggy, because Lena Horne is our guest this week. 29 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:34,100 And, uh, how can I say this? There are singers and there are singers. 30 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,440 You catch my drift? 31 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,470 Of course you're right. What a considerate frog. 32 00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:49,410 Ignorance is truly bliss. 33 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,010 Miss Horn on next. Miss Horn on next. 34 00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,250 No, not you. 35 00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,030 The wrong Miss Horn. 36 00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:04,010 And now it is my great pleasure to present a performer whose name is 37 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:08,230 with style, taste, and talent, the incredible Miss Lena Horn. 38 00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:40,300 Like the pine tree line in a winding road, I 39 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,300 got a name. 40 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,280 I got a name. 41 00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:53,200 Like the singing bird or the croaking toad, 42 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,460 I got a name. 43 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:00,320 I got a name. 44 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:15,560 I'm living a dream that he kept here. 45 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,760 They can change their minds, but they can't... 46 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:25,870 doesn't sing that. Not her style. 47 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:29,210 No, no, no. I mean I could listen to her sing forever. 48 00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:30,930 Well, she doesn't sing that either. 49 00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:35,550 Why don't you just check yourself into the old fool's home while I still have a 50 00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:36,550 bed left? 51 00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,910 I appreciate the fact that you find me attractive. 52 00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:06,050 Every frog wants to be needed. But there is no room in my life for romance at 53 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,050 this time. Thank you. 54 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:11,670 Oh, I'm crushed. 55 00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,890 Oh, I'm destroyed. 56 00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:16,810 My life has no meaning. It's over. 57 00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:21,250 It's over. The sun will never shine on this pig. 58 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,240 Aren't you just overdoing it a little bit? 59 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,140 Well, maybe. 60 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,740 Here's a Muppet News flag. 61 00:08:38,159 --> 00:08:42,659 Mrs. Lola Bramswell of Covington, Kentucky, has come upon a most unique 62 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,480 For the past ten years, she has eaten nothing but seaweed. 63 00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:50,140 Tell us, Mrs. Bramswell, has eating only seaweed presented any problems? 64 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,100 No, not really. 65 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:57,580 Except that twice a day, I find myself going in and out with the task. 66 00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:00,670 That's not easy to do in Kentucky. 67 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:13,290 George! George! 68 00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:19,510 Do you like circuses? Oh, I love them. Oh, then you must like wringling. I 69 00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:21,010 know. I'm never wringled. 70 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:26,430 Will you love me forever? 71 00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:29,750 I don't know, baby. Ask me again in a million years. 72 00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:36,690 You know, my aunt has a chest that goes back to 1700. 73 00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,570 Well, that must make it tough on your uncle. 74 00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:47,210 You know, they say the children of today 75 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:48,890 are the parents of tomorrow. 76 00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:52,990 Well, I always thought it took longer than that. 77 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,020 Bugs me about you. What? 78 00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:01,080 You're Kemper. You're always blowing your top. 79 00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:02,380 Oh, yeah? 80 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,600 Bye. 81 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,080 Hey, 82 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,200 Lena, you know, we are so pleased to have you with us on the show tonight. 83 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,000 have long been one of our favorites. 84 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:17,160 Oh, thank you. And I'm a big fan of you and the Muppets, Cameron. Oh, well, that 85 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,820 makes us all very happy because we on the... Hoo -ha. 86 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,440 Hoo -ha. 87 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,300 Excuse me, Lena. 88 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,469 Hoo -ha. 89 00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,470 Fozzie, what is it? 90 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:27,590 What is it? 91 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:30,870 It's us and we and ours. 92 00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:34,130 But only you, the frog, get to talk to the guest star. 93 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,530 Well, Fozzie, see, I'm speaking for everybody. 94 00:12:37,810 --> 00:12:42,730 Oh, sure, sure. But the guest stars only get to know you, not me. 95 00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:48,330 Yeah, but... That's right, that's right. You know, they will never know that I 96 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,330 am a great comedian. 97 00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:53,030 And they will never know that my family was in show business. 98 00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:58,530 And that I'm a sensitive... intelligent, and yes, I'll even say it, talented. 99 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:04,330 Well, look, Fozzie, it's just that... Excuse me, but aren't you Fozzie Bear, 100 00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:05,330 great comedian? 101 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:07,870 What? 102 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:13,150 A sensitive and intelligent person like you must be a great comedian. 103 00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:15,590 Oh. 104 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,570 There you are, Fozzie. 105 00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,650 Wow. You actually know me? 106 00:13:20,910 --> 00:13:24,630 Listen, when you've made a name for yourself in show business, Everybody 107 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:28,310 you, so it's only natural that I would know the great Fozzie Bear. 108 00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:32,410 Ah. Sure, just as it's only natural that you would know Lena Horne. 109 00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:37,010 Oh, Lena Horne? Oh, I love Lena Horne. Oh, yeah, she's terrific. I mean, she's 110 00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:38,010 great, don't you? 111 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:43,910 Yeah, I think she's terrific and great, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, she's 112 00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,030 going to be a guest on our show one of these weeks. 113 00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,770 Fozzie, she is a guest this week. 114 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,920 She's a guest this week? Yes. On this show here? 115 00:13:55,700 --> 00:14:00,000 Oh, wow, wow. That's great. I don't want to miss Lena Horne. Are you going to 116 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,999 stick around and see her? 117 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,300 I might just do that. 118 00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:05,060 Oh, yeah. I didn't get your name. 119 00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:06,780 Dave. 120 00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:07,940 Doris Dave. 121 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:10,620 Cute. 122 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:11,780 Cute name. 123 00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:13,980 You know, with a name like that, you should be in show business. 124 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,140 I'll wait for you outside, Miss Dave. 125 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,060 I'm sorry about that, Lena. 126 00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:24,240 Sometimes he's just unbearable. 127 00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:56,150 I don't know. 128 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:35,010 deep into his limitless repertoire, and has come up with an act the likes of 129 00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,410 which has never been seen before. 130 00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:38,290 So let's give a big hand to the great... 131 00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,910 Sometimes it takes a long time for an artist to be appreciated. 132 00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:28,810 But look, as long as one person appreciates you, you just got to keep on 133 00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,550 And as for me, I think you're fantastic. 134 00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,250 I don't know what to say. 135 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:40,990 In this world of ordinary people, 136 00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:47,770 extraordinary people, I'm glad there is you. 137 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:58,560 of overrated pleasures and underrated treasures 138 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:05,220 I'm glad there is you I'll live to 139 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:10,300 love I love to live with you beside me 140 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:16,859 This role so new I'll muddle through with you to 141 00:17:16,859 --> 00:17:21,420 guide me In this world 142 00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:27,890 Where many, many play at love and hardly any stay in love. 143 00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:34,890 I'm glad there is you more than ever. 144 00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:41,990 I'm glad there is you. 145 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:47,450 Thank you, Lena. You're great, Gonzo. 146 00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,139 Oh, boy. 147 00:17:57,140 --> 00:18:00,040 It sure is great being in the show business, Chief. 148 00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,900 Yeah, Scooter, but I tell you, this isn't an easy job. 149 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,780 Sometimes in this business, you have to be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 150 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,560 In what way, Chief? 151 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,140 Well, I just cut Piggy's song from the show. Why? 152 00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:13,960 Because there's no way she could follow the great Lena Horne. 153 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,240 She'd look ludicrous. 154 00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:17,800 Yeah, but these are command decisions, Scooter. 155 00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,080 It's lonely at the top. 156 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,560 He's right. Yeah. 157 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,520 I've got to be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 158 00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:34,120 Oh, how kind my Kermit is not wanting me to overshadow Lena Horne. 159 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:38,320 Oh, no, no, no. He cut your number so you wouldn't look ludicrous. 160 00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:41,780 What? 161 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,520 I'm sorry. You see, I've got to be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 162 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,140 Cruel? I'll show you cruel, kid. 163 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,180 told me about this part. 164 00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:01,680 And now it's time for that riotous, mirthful 165 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,740 bundle of laughs, Mr. Fozzie Bear! 166 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,580 Thank you! Oh boy, oh boy, what a fantastic audience you are. No, I mean 167 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:14,560 mean it. I've seen audiences come and I've seen them go. 168 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,260 Well, you're seeing them go now, right out the door. 169 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,680 Says you. 170 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,880 That's right. 171 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,960 Says you. 172 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,480 That's right. Says you. Well, you better have a way out of this. 173 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:26,680 I do, I do. 174 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:27,980 Says you. 175 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,400 Says you, Hayakawa. 176 00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:33,860 Huh? Says you, Hayakawa, a great Japanese actor. 177 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:40,480 And speaking of Japanese actors, did you know Toshiro Mifume means no smoking in 178 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,480 Japanese? 179 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:48,200 Well, he's either brilliant or that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 180 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,040 Oh, you can't stop the old fuzzy tonight. 181 00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,950 I'm really cooking. I'm one rare bear. 182 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:58,190 You're a square bear that ought to be served medium rare. 183 00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:05,310 And now, my tribute to Marcel Marceau. An impression of a man balancing himself 184 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:08,270 on one leg. Count them. One. 185 00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:09,530 Here we go. 186 00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:12,690 Now, 187 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:17,650 a man balancing himself on... 188 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,430 Oh, I could stay on forever. 189 00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:30,010 Yeah, you stay on any longer, you'll be running into the prayer of the day. 190 00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,690 Senior citizens one, bear zero. 191 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:42,390 Hilda, would you help me find my key to the dressing room? Oh, I am so sorry, 192 00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:47,130 Miss Horne. My head is such a pickle. I left the iron on in the costume room. 193 00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:49,290 I'll be back in the jiffy. 194 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,290 Animal. Animal. 195 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:56,090 I was wondering, would you help me find my key? 196 00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:57,890 All right. 197 00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:03,210 Be flat. 198 00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:09,770 I'll tell you, monster standing by. Monster standing by, please. 199 00:21:11,030 --> 00:21:14,430 Aren't you going to be standing by, too? 200 00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,090 No. Why? 201 00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:19,170 Because you're the monster. 202 00:21:19,950 --> 00:21:21,970 What you said at the beginning of the show. 203 00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:25,510 about Lena and me? 204 00:21:25,710 --> 00:21:28,470 I just got it, Al Greeno. 205 00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:33,330 You meant that I couldn't follow her. 206 00:21:34,690 --> 00:21:37,090 Well, Pitty, sometimes the truth hurts. 207 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,630 Hurt? I'll show you hurt. 208 00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:40,550 You 209 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:47,670 know, 210 00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:50,090 there's a children's TV show that I really enjoy. 211 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,390 Maybe you've heard of Sesame Street. 212 00:21:53,190 --> 00:21:56,010 Anyway, here's one of my favorite songs from that show. 213 00:24:01,390 --> 00:24:04,670 This week's Madness. Hey, we'd like a special thanks for our special guest 214 00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:05,750 Miss Lena Horne. 215 00:24:07,970 --> 00:24:09,410 What a fun. 216 00:24:09,690 --> 00:24:10,629 Oh, good. 217 00:24:10,630 --> 00:24:13,010 I was listening to Piggy sing backstage. 218 00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:15,850 I think she ought to have her own spot on the show. 219 00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:17,069 Oh, really? 220 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,350 Well, maybe next time we'll let her sing a song. 221 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:25,910 Oh, you do love me. Oh, give me a little pork or a kiss on that chuck. 222 00:24:26,310 --> 00:24:27,870 Oh, that's very nice thing. 223 00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:35,860 Stop it, Joel! 224 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,540 Arthur! Arthur! 225 00:25:15,860 --> 00:25:16,920 Is he here? Who? 226 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,440 Arthur. Go back to sleep. 16877