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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,310 --> 00:00:03,310 Oh, Carol. 2 00:00:03,350 --> 00:00:06,450 Carol Channing. 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Channing. 3 00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:11,050 Thank you, Scooter. Scooter, are you aware that it's freezing in here? 4 00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:13,550 Oh, yeah. It's got to be for the penguins. 5 00:00:17,610 --> 00:00:19,590 Well, why do we have to have penguins? 6 00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,610 So the walrus won't get lonely. 7 00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:24,990 Well, 8 00:00:27,350 --> 00:00:31,470 now I understand why my closet is full of dead fish. 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,860 show with our very special guest star, Carol Channing! 10 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,960 It's time to get things started. I'm the most sensational, inspirational, 11 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,640 celebrational, marketational. 12 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,660 The Muppet Show, where our special guest star is everybody's favorite musical 13 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,900 comedy star, Miss Carol Channing. 14 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:47,160 Yes, so here she is now in a Muppet salute to the wonderful world of 15 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,160 ophthalmology. 16 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,180 Creepers! 17 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:54,660 Creepers! Creepers! 18 00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:57,300 Where'd you get those creepers? 19 00:01:58,140 --> 00:01:59,140 Creepers! 20 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,100 Creepers! Where'd you get those eyes? 21 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,780 Gosh, oh... 22 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,100 How'd they get so little? 23 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:13,620 Gosh, oh, get up. How'd they get that size? 24 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:19,580 When you turn those heaters on. 25 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,400 But me, why? 26 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,000 You should get a prize. 27 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,900 How'd they get that size? 28 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:50,840 Where did you get those eyes? I, I, I, I, I, I like you very much. 29 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,120 I, I, I, I, I, I think you're beautiful. 30 00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:59,880 Why, why, why, why, why, why? When I feel your touch, my heart starts to 31 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:00,900 to beat the best. 32 00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:09,150 I put you the first time I looked into them there eyes. 33 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:14,790 You've got a certain little cute way of flirting with them there eyes. 34 00:03:15,330 --> 00:03:20,470 You make me feel happy. Never make me blue. 35 00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:27,050 Going in a big way for sweet little you. 36 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,150 Them there eyes. 37 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,860 Well, 38 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:13,860 what a great number. We can send roses back to Carol Channing. Why don't we 39 00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:15,200 the weird guys with the big eyes? 40 00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:16,769 50 lashes. 41 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:23,070 Okay, very nice. Nicely ogled. We were okay? 42 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:26,030 20 -20. Oh, Scooter. 43 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,870 Yeah, boss? Hey, Scooter, I got to change for the next number. I'll be 44 00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:29,930 back, okay? Check, chief. 45 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:31,490 Hi, Miss Piggy. 46 00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:32,550 Oh, hi. 47 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:36,830 Scooter! Yes, Miss Piggy? Scooter, will you help me? I can't go another step. 48 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,289 What's wrong? 49 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,970 I just bought these new shoes, and they are... 50 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,400 Killing me. 51 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:45,940 Help me get them off, will you? Sure, Miss Piggy. I can't. 52 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,440 Let's just pull. 53 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,640 That's one. 54 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:04,220 Never again. 55 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:06,960 What's wrong? Didn't they have your size? 56 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,160 Scooter, dear. 57 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:11,190 You wouldn't understand. 58 00:05:11,950 --> 00:05:12,950 You're not a woman. 59 00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:15,150 I guess not. 60 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:16,950 I'm not even a pig. 61 00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:22,610 Okay. Oh, Miss Piggy. Are these your shoes? They look new. 62 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:27,450 Yes, they are, but I'm taking them back. They're just not the right... Oh, 63 00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:29,690 they're not the right style for moi. 64 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:33,310 I wouldn't say that. They look very elegant. 65 00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:36,510 Sure, 66 00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:37,950 I bet you'd look terrific in them. 67 00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:45,280 Yeah? Promise you won't ask any questions. 68 00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:46,620 Okay, I promise. 69 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,040 Help me put the shoes back on. 70 00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,500 Are you crazy? You promise? 71 00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:57,880 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat tonight, because with us 72 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,340 one of the great stars of the silent screen. 73 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:04,320 Now, although you may not remember her name, she was once a superstar. 74 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,900 And here she is now to tell her own sad story. 75 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,880 My name is Cecilia Sisson. 76 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,540 Oh, boy. Cecilia Sisson, huh? 77 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:28,940 Certainly. S -I -S -S -O -N Sisson. 78 00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:35,200 Yes. Now, I understand that your last film was the world's first all -singing, 79 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:36,400 all -talking picture. 80 00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:43,080 Yes. I'd been on the silent screen for seven years. 81 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:50,340 Then I spoke and sang in Mississippi melody. 82 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:54,080 And then what happened? 83 00:06:54,760 --> 00:07:01,560 Overnight, I hit the skid, so 84 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,560 to speak. 85 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:09,160 Yes, that's certainly an amazing story, Cecilia. They seemed to feel that there 86 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,160 was something wrong with my voice. 87 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,140 No. 88 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,240 Sadly so. 89 00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:22,820 Now, as I look back, I say, Cecilia, if 90 00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:26,120 you'd only learn to keep your big mouth shut. 91 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,840 Thank you, Cecilia, and... 92 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:48,300 Cinderella, who sold you the slippers? A shoe salesman or a sausage stuffer? 93 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:55,360 My dear, before you say anything more, why don't you 94 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,180 just jot down your next of kin? 95 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,760 It'll be easier for the authorities. 96 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,380 Oh, Biggie. Oh, hi, 97 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:10,440 Kermie. Oh, I see you're wearing your new shoes. 98 00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:14,770 They look very nice. Thank you. Hey, let me see you just walk around a little 99 00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:15,770 bit on them. 100 00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,510 Just walk around a little bit. Let me see the backs of them. 101 00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:24,650 Nice. 102 00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:26,650 Hey, can you dance in those two? 103 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:31,070 What? Sure, let's just dance a little bit. Here we go. 104 00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:40,630 Oh, the next number's on. This is one of my favorite numbers. 105 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:42,690 What's that? 106 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,620 Your feet's too big. 107 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,900 My, oh, my, don't you look nice. 108 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,280 Why, thank you. 109 00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,140 Oh, you got such a... 110 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:13,350 Pretty face. 111 00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:14,670 Ow! 112 00:09:16,810 --> 00:09:19,530 I love your shape. 113 00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:20,930 No. 114 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:28,270 Matter of fact, there's only two things wrong with you. What's that? 115 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,530 I'll tell you about it. 116 00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:35,590 Stay up in Harlem at a table for two. 117 00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:37,850 There were four of us. Me. 118 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:43,700 Your big feet and you. You're such a tease. From your ankle up, I'd say you 119 00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:44,700 sweet. 120 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:50,440 From that down, they're just too much feet. And your feet's too big. 121 00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:54,740 Don't want you, cause your feet's too big. 122 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,200 Can't use you, cause your feet's too big. 123 00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:04,180 I really hate you, cause your feet's too big. 124 00:10:10,430 --> 00:10:12,170 Where'd you get them? 125 00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:14,230 Spotted them. 126 00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,950 Your girl, she likes you. She thinks you're nice. 127 00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:18,989 Well, I am. 128 00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:21,930 Got what it takes to be in paradise. 129 00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:29,250 She says she likes your face. She likes your red hair. But man, oh man, them 130 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,810 feet are too big. 131 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,910 Your feet's too big. 132 00:10:34,230 --> 00:10:37,230 Don't want you cause your feet's too big. 133 00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,470 That should cause your feet too big. 134 00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:46,710 I hate you. Cause your feet too big. 135 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,790 Come on, move them gumballs around. 136 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:56,470 You know, I bet if you had any shoes, you could rent them out as storage 137 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:05,790 Oh, yeah, your 138 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,770 pedal extremities are... 139 00:11:11,530 --> 00:11:12,530 Just like a fossil. 140 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:16,850 You got me walking, talking, squawking. 141 00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:21,510 Oh, yeah, because your feet's too big. Oh, yeah. 142 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:25,750 Too bad you ain't got dainty little feet like me. 143 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,150 Bet you need tow trucks to move them around. 144 00:11:31,530 --> 00:11:34,350 Oh, don't think you got a lot of soul, honey. 145 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,560 You want to hear some penguin music? 146 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,880 Hey, Bo, let's play some penguin music. Make this little dude feel at home. 147 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,820 Waves. Penguin music? 148 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,120 Oh, that one. 149 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,600 Don't you get out of the way! 150 00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:58,440 You'll recall that in our last episode... Wait a minute. Miss Piggy 151 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,379 yet. 152 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,500 Start without me. I have a little problem. 153 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:07,320 Captain, you'll recall that in our last episode, the crew of the swine track was 154 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,320 being held captive by an invisible force field. 155 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,860 This is serious, Captain. Some terrible force field is preventing us from 156 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:16,860 leaving this room. 157 00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:17,980 Look. 158 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,340 That's dreadful. I'll try this door over here. 159 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,580 Maybe if I got a running start. 160 00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,360 Oh, I wouldn't do that. 161 00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:35,860 Here I go. 162 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,980 That's fine. I wouldn't do that. Oh, this is terrible. Here we are, trapped 163 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:47,500 forever. Nothing can penetrate this invisible shield. 164 00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:51,660 Oh, sorry, I'm late. 165 00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:54,620 Don't do that. The invisible shield. 166 00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:57,840 Who cares about the invisible shield? 167 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,580 All these shoes. 168 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,880 But the invisible shield, that's part of the sketch. 169 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,620 I don't care. 170 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,980 I'm in great pain, though. 171 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,620 This sounds like a job for Dr. 172 00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:13,860 Bob. 173 00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:17,000 The invisible shield. 174 00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:19,280 Now then, what's the trouble? 175 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,400 Oh, Miss Piggy's in big trouble. 176 00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,080 Of course she's a big pain. What else is new? 177 00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:29,580 That does it. Just get out of the sketch. 178 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,180 Yes, ma 'am. Yes, ma 'am. 179 00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:39,200 I've been trapped here for all eternity. 180 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,400 Get me out of here. 181 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,440 How will we ever get out of a... 182 00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:59,580 It's time for another adventure of Pigs in Space. 183 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,620 You know, we have him at the hospital, too. 184 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:10,080 Come in. 185 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:49,200 You know, I've had troubles like this myself, and I read somewhere that if you 186 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,280 soak your feet in pickle juice, it shrinks them. 187 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,500 Pickle juice? Yes. 188 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:01,860 Carol, I can't do that. I mean, people might say that I have... Oh, don't say 189 00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:02,860 it. Of course. 190 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,000 Pickled pig's feet. 191 00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,599 How could I be so gross? 192 00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:14,329 I tell you, darling, what you need is to have these enlarged. 193 00:17:14,849 --> 00:17:15,849 Timmy! 194 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,530 Yes, ma 'am, Miss Carroll. 195 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:24,290 Timmy, could you please put these on your feet and run around the block 196 00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:25,730 times like a good boy? 197 00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:27,710 Okay, Miss Carroll. 198 00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,030 You sure that'll work? 199 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:36,910 Sure. Just this morning, I had him stretch a pair of false eyelashes for 200 00:18:03,419 --> 00:18:05,820 Good meat. 201 00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:08,440 Good meat. Meat's meat. 202 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:17,620 Give me back my shoe 203 00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:47,570 Timmy Monster to stretch your shoes for you? Shh, shh, shh. 204 00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:51,450 Comey, I'm just about ready for the number with Carol. 205 00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:53,810 Oh, good. I just have my hairdo to do. 206 00:18:54,290 --> 00:18:55,289 Uh -huh. 207 00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:57,010 Piggy, you're not wearing those cute shoes. 208 00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:03,110 Um, well, Comey, I just sent them out to be... Stretched. Polished. Yeah. 209 00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:23,050 And among the other people there, we will... 210 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,320 what I wanted to tell you about. 211 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:24,360 A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a 212 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,880 girl's best friend. 213 00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:33,340 A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat 214 00:20:33,340 --> 00:20:35,300 or help you at 215 00:20:49,390 --> 00:20:52,510 These rocks don't lose their shape. 216 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:57,030 Diamonds are a girl's best friend. 217 00:20:58,530 --> 00:21:01,610 Um, will you excuse me, girl? 218 00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:03,570 You mean this? 219 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:31,310 when a hard -boiled employer thinks you're awful nice. 220 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:35,530 But get that ice or else no dice. 221 00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:40,470 You're done when stocks go high. 222 00:21:40,790 --> 00:21:43,730 But beware when they start to descend. 223 00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:51,130 It's then that those louses go back to their spouse. 224 00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:27,360 It's been wonderful playing the palace. 225 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:32,460 But before we go, let us bring back our fantastic guest, our lady and gentleman, 226 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,660 the terrific Miss Carol Channing. Yeah! 227 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:48,320 I did want to thank Miss Piggy. Oh, Carol, here I am. Oh, thank you. 228 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,160 Miss Piggy, dear, you wear diamonds. 229 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,860 So well, doesn't she? And you sang the song just beautifully. Oh, thank you, 230 00:23:55,860 --> 00:23:57,320 to tell you the truth, I have a confession. 231 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,340 The diamonds are not mine. 232 00:24:00,420 --> 00:24:01,259 They're not? 233 00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:03,500 Yes, they're rented. We have to return them in the morning. 234 00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:08,420 Oh, but couldn't she just keep one little diamond? 235 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,160 Well, uh... Oh, it would be such a nice present for her. 236 00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:16,680 Oh, well, uh, okay, I guess. 237 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,320 she chose an engagement ring. 238 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:29,480 What? 239 00:24:29,780 --> 00:24:30,780 Congratulations. 240 00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:35,460 That's not an engagement. This is going far enough, ladies and gentlemen. We're 241 00:24:35,460 --> 00:24:36,099 just kidding. 242 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,920 We'll see you next time on The Muffin Show. You're all invited to the wedding. 243 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,240 That's not an engagement. 244 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,780 With friends like these, who needs emeralds? 17484