All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s04e19 - Jonathan Winters

Jonathan Winters?

Fifteen seconds are curtain, Mr.
Winters.

Please, why do they do this to me?

There's no time for that.

Don't you know there's an old gypsy?
She's put a curse on the performance.

I just can't appear tonight. I can't
appear, I tell you.

But, sir, there's no gypsy curse.

Oh, yeah.

It's always people like you that say...
There's no gypsy curse.

Well, there is a gypsy curse. I saw her
in the alley.

Frightway. A woman will tear her clear
out to here. One eye. That tells you

something. One -eyed woman. She looked
like she'd been hit from the back real

hard. It just popped out. She said,
there's a curse on the show.

What does it take for her to believe me?

Well,

that'll do fine.

Glad you took the brunt of it.

It's the puppet show with our very
special guest.

You called?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello
and welcome again to the Muppet Show.

boy, do you have a treat in store.

Because our guest star tonight is one of
your all -time terrific never -to -miss

comedians, the king of nuttiness, Mr.
Jonathan Winters. What good news?

Well, so much for the good news.

I thought lightning never struck twice.

Will you get these sandbags out of here?

I'm going backstage to unfrazzle. But
right now...

Oh, that tiger.

pressing hole in the wall.

We'll hide out here, butch.

Hey, wait a second. What are you guys
doing here? Your act just started.

Somebody stole our tiger.

Oh, good grief.

Scooter, what's on next?

Oh, Patty Saverne in her train chair.

Bernice earned her half horse half
watermelon egg. Oh, bad luck, Kermit.

the horse half just came down with hoof
and mouth disease.

Could we just use the watermelon half?

What a bizarre and disgusting thought.

I guess so. Well, what can we send out
on stage now?

How about, hey, how about Jonathan?

Jonathan, Jonathan Winters. Jonathan
Winters on stage please.

What is it, Jonathan? I just can't go on
tonight. I don't know about you,

whether you've heard this or not, but
there's been a curse put on by a

gypsy lady. A curse put on the show. No,
no, no. There is no gypsy curse on

tonight's show.

There's a curse put on the show, I tell
you.

Jonathan, if you'd just get out on
stage, please, and do your act now.

I'm not going to do my act. I'm not with
a curse on the show.

I don't care what you say.

There's been a curse put on the show.

That's the way she talks.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Is there an echo in here tonight?

It's a real honor to introduce our
special guest star tonight, ladies and

gentlemen. He's a comedy genius, a man
of a million characters, and here he is

now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Please,
please.

The gypsy curse is upon us. Can you...
All my props are gone.

I... I ruined... What do we do now?

I was so sad.

Can we declare an intermission?

I tried that once. The audience left and
they never came back.

I'll get my props. Jonathan can use
them. Oh, good. Hurry up and get them.

Just stay with us, ladies and gentlemen.

Jonathan Winters will be right out, I
hope.

Here you go. Here's my prop box.

You can use it all.

Oh, dear.

I was sure this would have held it.

Oh, good. You're ready.

Yes.

Um, uh, ladies and gentlemen, I think
we're all ready back there now. Uh, here

he is, uh, Mr. Jonathan Winters!

Thank you. Thank you, Chairman.

Bless your heart.

You don't have to wait back.

Ah, dear. Well, what I love to do is to
open the trunk, pardon my back, see the

light on my front, and, of course, it's
just full of things that I've collected.

from all over the world.

How dramatic.

Yes, let's hope this is the front.

Long time since I've been an officer.

Steady as she goes.

Elias, you do well at the wheel.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you. I wish I could make you out
in this bloody storm.

My turn.

Steady as she goes.

I hate to kill him, but it is my ship.

Terrific. Go ahead.

Oh, what a lovely day.

Margo, please, pay attention.

Shooting star.

My horse.

My horse is running.

Could I have your glasses?

Not those, the other one.

Poor nearsighted devil.

Charles! Lord Charles! Hello!

Hello!

Why does he do that?

Those things hurt.

To you.

That was terrific.

No, it wasn't.

I'll tell you when it is. Sorry.

what you say.

I'm not afraid.

Sure, there's 6 ,000 Shoshone.

You're walking there. Come here.

You got a lot of lines for an Indian.

This is going to be great.

Is it?

I think so. I'll be the judge, then.
Yes, sir.

So far, I'm the judge.

Ah.

My people,

and I, Chief Ironhand, will do a dance

for you.

Please take pictures of us.

That's an old joke.

Well, some things improve with age. You
don't.

It is murder out there. You know, we
must really be under that old gypsy

curse. Fuzzy, that's ridiculous. Now,
everything's pretty much as always.

Comet, how can you say that?

We are doomed.

Yes, what has to happen before you
realize...

something truly bizarre, hideous, and
unnatural.

You called?

Garnsall, you don't count. Now, I will
believe that there's a curse only if

we're visited by something absolutely
disastrous.

How about a meteor falling on your
zipper?

Fivey, listen, would you go out on stage
and fill for me?

I mean, you and Scooter could do that
song you were practicing.

All right, gotcha. Scooter!

I'm ready.

Here, get out there.

Oh, boy.

I bet nothing else can happen tonight.

Oh, bets are off.

Do not fear, Earthman. We come only to
observe and ask questions.

Fonzie, don't you think we should
introduce the number? Oh, yeah. It's

the On Her Doorstep with me and him.

When the heart is young and free and
spring is in full bloom, the young man's

fancy turns to love. We know.

There's a pair I often see as they stand
beneath the moon.

And the other night he just let himself
go.

What did he do?

He kissed her. Who did? He did. Where?

her doorstep last night. He hugged her.
Who did? He did. Where?

On her doorstep last night.

He said, you are my darling Kate. And he
squeezed her fingers in the garden.

Then he kissed her. Who did?

He did. Where?

On her doorstep last night.

I believe

it. The show is cursed.

Kissed her. Who did? He did. Where?

On her doorstep last night.

He hugged her. Who did?

He did. Where?

On her doorstep last night.

He set you on my darling cake.

And he squeezed her fingers in the
garden. And we did.

You did? We did.

Yes.

Yes, come right in.

Oh, interesting, interesting.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Jacques
Cousteau.

Would you open, please?

Oh. Yes, there he is.

Good luck to you. Thank you.

Ridding the world of evil, here comes
Bear on patrol.

Control Bear?

Yes, sir!

Listen, would you get back in uniform
before I put you on report?

That is not regulation headgear.

No, this is my prisoner, sir.

I caught him picking pockets at the
aquarium.

Did you catch him wet -handed?

Terrific.

Listen, Control Bear, I want you to book
him. Well, how? What do you mean, how's

that? Well, you know, take a set of
fingerprints.

What?

I start?

Well, you start with the pinky.

I don't think he has a pinky. I think
they're all greenies.

He must have a pinky.

Where would he wear his pinky ring?

Sir, could you just get another patrol
car?

Was that right?

Help!

Please, can we talk about this?

Something more important has just come
up, patrol bear.

I want you to release the patrol bear.

Would you release that prisoner, please?

You see, that call was from the
aquarium. I want you to go over there

it out.

Somebody stole a valuable octopus.

I wish you... Check,

Chief.

Let me tell you a story, my children.

Tell...

Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs
where the future is being made today.

Well, I have good news for you world
travelers who are always struggling with

cumbersome luggage.

Introducing the new Muppet Labs luggage
compressor.

My assistant Beaker will demonstrate.

Okay, Beaker, I see you've dressed like
a tourist to make the demonstration more

realistic. Very cute.

All right, put the bag on.

Okay.

Oh,

very good.

Now my assistant Beaker will show you
that it also works on large luggage like

steamer trunk.

Oh, come on, Beaker. Give it the old
college try.

Put you in an envelope and mail you to
the hospital.

Yes.

Excuse me. I am Jonathan Winters. Who
are you?

Just a moment.

I always have to check.

I thought I was Jonathan Winters.

What country are you from?

I'm from Earth.

Are you from Earth? Yes.

I'm a comedian.

Are you a comedian? Yes.

Steve Martin, gosh, you'll do anything,
won't you?

Beautiful costume.

When you walk

through a storm, hold your head.

What now?

I just met that old gypsy woman in the
alley. She made a dire prediction.

A dire prediction?

So what was the dire prediction?

The old gypsy woman said that in the
final stages of the curse, everyone

turn Swedish.

I don't believe it.

I mean some of my best friends

Is it true that everyone is turning
Swedish?

I interrupt this entertainment to bring
you an important news bulletin. Not

everyone on the show is turning Swedish.

I, for one, have remained my normal
self.

There is one type of person unaffected
by the curse.

I am that type. The boring and stupid
type person.

Oh, well, actually, I am sort of
starting to feel Swedish.

Smorgasbord, Stockholm,

Ingmar Bergman.

New Gavnorska breakfast news.

And I demand it now.

Wait a minute. I can talk. The spell is
broken.

We're saved.

It's just that your time is up. You guys
only paid me for the half -hour curse.

Well, thank goodness.

So wait a second. You mean you two
geezers paid for a gypsy curse to be put

our show?

Yeah, but I didn't think it would
include us.

Will you get off the stage? Come on, off
the stage, off the stage.

Yeah, you're $7, I promised.

So, you want the case back.

You got it.

Thank you.

One gonger spurs the blue deer. When you
spurs, you spurs the deer. One gonger

spurs my new gonger.