All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s04e12 - Arlo Guthrie

Oh, Arthur. Arthur Godfrey.

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Godfrey.

Arthur Godfrey.

You better check with your boss. I'm
Arlo, Arlo Guthrie.

Oh, yeah, Arlo Guthrie. Of course. I'm
sorry, Arlo. Gee, I wish Kermit would

learn how to type. His handwriting's
terrible.

It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Arlo Guthrie. Yay!

What's this fish doing in our box?

The same as us.

Suffering.

the audience, and this is the Muppet
Show. It works out kind of nice that

And another thing that's nice is that
our very special guest star is that

singer of folk songs, Mr. Arlo Guthrie.
So we're just going to lay back, relax,

and spend a quiet family evening.

Welcome to our house.

Yep.

Yep, you can see everybody's gathered
around the old homestead here.

The family's here.

Granny and a baby.

And the bear. And the band. And over at
the piano, Mr. Arlo Guthrie!

I went down to the grocery store

to get in. I had to pay a dime or more.

I hadn't yet begun to start when I had
to pay the rent on the shopping cart.

I received a bell for the escaping.

Without this time that I was going to
sing, I went and picked the kids up in

other lane.

Put back the food and ran out of the
store.

I ain't going back to that place no
more.

Well,

I'm telling the truth now. I don't feel,
I don't mind no woman's live. But if a

woman don't want to go down to the
store, the family isn't going to eat no

do a solo.

They were afraid if they left him alone,
he'd make a run for it.

Okay, very nice guys. Very folksy, very
friendly, very homely.

Who are you calling homely?

Home light, home light.

Don't be so touchy.

Hey, Winnie.

What's the chef doing up there with all
those dishes?

Oh, well, when Chef and I heard you
having a big family gathering on the

we'd have thought you should have a...

Well, that's true. So we got out the
crockery, and now Chef can start

Yeah, but, oh, well, Chef, Chef, we're
having it catered.

It's just that, you know, I thought the
chef would like a day off, and I know

he's great caterer.

Chef, Chef, wait a minute. On the other
hand, Chef, hold it. Wait a second. I'll

change my mind.

You can cook dinner.

Be careful with those last dishes.

I'm calling these Swedish Noel cowards.

And now, correct from the Chicago
Livestock Board, here are the gestation

periods.

Gestation?

Yes. Anyhow, gestation periods.

Pigs, 113 days.

Cows, 284 days.

Horses, 337 days. And elephants, 645
days.

Elsewhere on the agricultural news
front, the recent bumper crop has been

causing problems for farmers.

Widespread dumping of produce has
resulted from this bumper crop.

Bumper crop.

I've come out here in the pasture to
prove a point.

And the point is that there's as much
sophistication and style out here in the

country as there is on Broadway.

Presenting Aunt Melba's Guernsey
Cotillion with a little elegance.

Misleading us, silver spoons were used
for feeding us. We got elegance, if you

ain't got elegance. You can never, ever
change it all.

Little cloth, don't speak of it. Death
warfare, we'll make of it. Some are born

with rags and patches, but we use
dollars for matches and...

We've got elegance.

You can never, ever carry it all.

We've got elegance. We were born to be
elegant. Have you noticed when

I hold my cup so short it never moves?
And the way I keep my pinky up

inlubitably.

Hey,

those heifers are pretty good hoofers.

Yeah, just hope it doesn't curdle the
milk.

Excuse him.

We skewer the turkey.

The turkey.

And over. Here we go. Here we go.

Turkey.

Ready?

Ready? Here we go. Ready?

Here we go.

One. Two.

I was wondering if you could help me
tune my guitar.

Oh, sure. Come in, Gonzo.

You know, I love guitars.

Yeah, well, this one's a beauty. It's a
custom job I had shipped in from Miami.

Wow.

A real flamingo guitar. Yeah.

Two for the show.

Grab your partner. Here we go. Now turn
to the left. Turn to the right. Hold

your honey and hold her tight.

Prettiest tune that's ever been played.

Swing your partner from a name.

A kitten's a cat.

A doe's a deer.

Take your finger and stick it in your
ear.

Now a man's right with a do -si -do.

Pins and needles, needles and pins.

Men get even. Kick them in the shin.

And he couldn't stand still. He ran
away.

When? One day.

Oh. And also, I'll run with him.

Hey, sing one.

He ran so fast he couldn't stop. He ran
into a barber shop and felt

exhaustionized. Now, with his I .T. Oh,
yeah?

In the barber's left shoulder.

Well, I went up in a balloon so big, the
people on Earth say it looks like big

like a mice.

They do.

Like Gaty did.

They done did.

Like flies did.

And like fleas.

What's that?

A balloon turned up with the top side
higher. It fell on the white public

country. It sparked and made a noise
like a hound dog.

Like a steam whistle.

And also like dynamite. A balloon.

What could you do in a case like that?
What could you do but stamp on your hat?

Or a toothbrush?

Or your grandmother?

Anything. Yeah, Bubba? That's helpful.

Well, that was different. I should say
so.

So many of these songs are long and
boring.

Yes, they finally managed one short and
boring.

Does that mean they're getting better or
worse?

I'm happy to sing this song to you
doggies tonight.

You know, that's what they used to call
you. It's not about dogs.

This is an old song, a cowboy song, and
it goes like this.

As I was out riding one morning for
pleasure, I

spotted a cow puncher, he riding alone.

His hat was throwed back and his purse
was jingling.

And as he approached me, he was singing
this song.

Whoopee -tie -io, get along.

If your misfortune ain't not of my

own,

whoopee -tide, yayo, get along, little
doggie.

You know that Wyoming will be your new
home.

Sounds like a nice song.

Tell you know the truth of it.

You know, these songs was sung by lion
cowboys. I mean, what's that mean? Whoop

-dee -tie -i -o, get along, little
doggies.

It's your misfortune, ain't none of my
own.

That means a cowboy, you've got a gun.

Them doggies is on art.

And he goes on to say, whoop -dee -tie
-i -o, get along, little doggies. You

know that Wyoming will be your new home.

A lot of bull, that is.

Wyoming's not going to be their new
home. They're going to be inside a tin

outside of Kansas City.

Now some of the boys go on the trail

for the pleasure.

But that's where they get it most
awfully wrong.

Nothing left of this song.

Or the cowboy that's coming.

Whoop -a -tie, get along,

little doggie.

If your misfortune ain't none of my own.

Whoop -a -tie.

You know that Wyoming will be

your new home.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Kermit, Kermit, I am ready to do my
Robert Frost poetry reading.

Posse, you can't do poetry on this show.

Kermit, look at all these cows.

This show needs every bit of class it
can get.

Anyway, Kermit, my poetry is just as
good as my comedy.

It's that bad, huh?

Kermit, I memorized a whole...

Okay, you can do your portrait, but just
make it snappy. Yes, sir. Thank you,

sir.

Hey, Kermit, I'm ready for my tango
number.

Uh, Gonzo, not on this show. Maybe next
week.

Kermit, Kermit, perfection cannot be
denied.

Hi.

by woods on a snowy evening by robert
frost whose woods these are i think i

know his house is in the village though
he will not mind if i stay here to watch

his woods fill up with snow my little
horse must think it's queer

You said you'd make it fast. Now, hurry
up. Yeah, but Gonzo just came in... Oh,

boy. Where was I?

Who cares?

Get to the good part, where I'll shake
my harness bell.

Oh, yeah, right, right.

He gives his harness bells a shake to
ask if there was some mistake.

Let's see. Oh, yeah.

The only other sound, the sweep of easy
wind and downy fling.

You... What?

Gonzo!

Gonzo, what are you... What are you
doing, Gonzo?

That's not... My dear papa.

It's called... Say, Gonzo, hide away.

Go away.

I once allowed... Make them to keep...
To

go before I sleep.

And must... To go before I sleep. Oh,
yeah!

Was that supposed to be poetry?

Yes. The bear has gone from bad to
first.

The veggie wedgie stew.

Okay, well,

while the chef sends out for pizza or
something, I

think I hear music coming from the
living room. The music of Mr.

Arlo Guthrie.

River.

day down here on the old homestead. And
as the sun sinks slowly in the west, the

entire family gathers around the
traditional table for a great feast. And

thank you to our very special guest, our
lady and gentleman, Mr. Arlo Guthrie.

Thank you, Colonel. You know,

I've had a wonderful time, but can we
carve the turkey now?

No turkey, but... What are we going to
have? Well, I'm certain that the Swedish

chef has cooked up something for us,
right, chef?

Well, as they say in France, adios.

That's Spanish.

I know. I don't speak French.