Original subtitles

Crystal Gale, 15 seconds to curtain, Crystal.

Oh, thanks, Scooter. Would you do me a favor and cue me on my line?

Well, sure.

Uh, Crystal Gale, 15 seconds to curtain, Crystal.

Thanks, Scooter. Would you do me a favor and cue me on my line?

Perfect.

If it helps any, I didn't understand that either.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Crystal Gale.

Why did you invite these penguins?

Because the aardvarks have the flu.

Thank

you,

thank you, thank you, and welcome again to the Muppet Show. We call it that

because, um...

Well, we call it that because the whole show is just filled with Muppets, plus

one human being. And tonight it's a very special human being, the lovely

recording artist Miss Crystal Gale. But first, but first we present an old

German folk song.

And it's not from West Germany. It's not from East Germany. It seems to be from

South Germany.

Why not?

I love you, my dear old Swanee.

I give the world to be among the folks

in B -I -X -I -E.

Swanee!

We are coming back to Swanee!

Mummy!

Daddy!

I love the old fox at home.

that number? I can't talk about it. Why not?

I still have relatives in Germany.

Somebody stole my gal.

Somebody stole my pal.

Somebody came and took her away.

Hi there, Scooter. Oh, hi, Kermit. Hey, the Prairie Dog Glee Club really sounds

good. Yeah, well, they've been working really hard.

Yeah, they're still working pretty hard.

Scooter, what are they doing?

Guys, come on, cut it out.

Then take five.

I mean, stop it.

I'm sorry, Kermit. I guess they've got a little pack rat blood in them. They

keep stealing everything.

We can't have this on the show, Scooter. No.

You better talk to him. I got to go introduce Crystal Gale.

Okay, guys.

I'm going to count to three, and I want to see everything just in the place it

was. Okay?

One, two, three.

What the hay?

Okay, well, enough of this nonsense. It is sanity time here on the Muppet Show.

And here is our very special guest star, ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Miss

Crystal Gale.

Once again, with my suitcase in my hand, I'm

running away down the river road.

And I swear, once again.

With my suitcase in my hand, I'm running away down

the road.

And I swear once again.

Haven't changed my socks since World War II.

Last night for dinner, I ate a French potion.

There she goes home again With her suitcase in her hand No more

running away down River Road And I swear once

again

me the time I ran away from home. When was that?

Last night. The wife was driving me crazy.

Okay,

nice number, guys. Very pretty, Crystal.

Hey, boss?

Okay, yeah, the Prairie Dog Glee Club's ready.

Oh, good. I'll schedule their number in the second half of the show. Good. Uh,

did you talk to them about stealing, though? Yeah, but I think you better

to them. I mean, after all, you are the head honcho. I think they'd listen to

you. Okay. Hey, fellas?

Uh, Kermit wants to talk to you.

Listen,

gang, it's not nice to take other people's things.

You see, that's called stealing.

Guys!

They've taken everything!

Gee,

boss, I've never seen you naked before.

It's me, Miss Gail Beauregard de Janidor.

What can I do for you, Beauregard?

Well, um... Could I have your autograph?

Yes, you can.

Here you go.

Okay, thank you.

Wait, this is not...

It's upside down.

How did you do that?

And now, Pigs in Spain!

Listen,

the warning buzzer. Someone's outside the door.

Yes, I'm afraid he's... I'm resting. That was a difficult thing

to plan.

You must tell us, who has breached our security?

Who is outside of our door?

What shall we do?

What can we do?

Link's mommy wanted on the bridge.

Good morning, cousin.

Is it the other door?

For this week's Pigs in Space!

Lone Shark from Cincinnati, who comes daily to his fishery. Fish is what he

eats. Listen to this story.

Shrimps and rice are very nice.

Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, food rack a second. Want some

seafood, Mama?

Codfish and sauce, and then of course, I like oysters, lobsters too. I like my

tasty bit of fish. When I come home from work at night, I get my favorite dish,

fish. Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, food rack a second.

some seafood?

Shrimps and rice, they're very nice.

Hey, this is my kind of song.

What's G -Food, Mama?

Shrimps and rice, they're very nice.

Want some seafood, mama?

Codfish and sauce, and of course, I like kippers, mackerel too. And I like my

tasty bit of fish.

When I come home from work at night, I get my favorite dish, fish.

Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, hold tight, food, Rakusaki. Want some

seafood, mama?

Shrimps and rice?

Very nice.

Is that you, Kermit?

Yes,

ma 'am.

Do you often wear a bag over your head?

Those dumb prairie dogs, they took away my collar. So?

Well, you wouldn't want me to go around naked, would you? Well, no, it's family

show. It used to be.

Hey, we can put something else around your neck. We can find it.

Yeah, well, my other collar's at the cleaners. Well, let's find it. Look at

dog.

Hey.

I don't know. I feel kind of dumb.

No.

Why do you look dumb?

Come back here.

Oh, dear. I don't think I helped any.

Dick. Pop.

Dick. Pop.

60 seconds got together and they decided to become a minute.

and got together and they decided to become an hour.

Talk. Talk.

24 hours kept ticking away and they all voted to call

it a day. But darling, in a day there wasn't time to say how much

I love you.

They convinced and got together and they decided to become a week.

As they grew and grew, then 52 weeks decided to become a year.

That's why 60 seconds every minute, 60 minutes every hour. Every hour, every

day, every day, every week. Every week and a half.

Did you want to see me, Miss Piggy? Yes, come in, come in.

Can I talk to you from here? No, no, I want to show you something. Now get in

here.

See, I can explain about this outfit.

Who cares about your silly costume?

Look at this.

See my black wig that I wear for Latin numbers? It's missing.

And my long lavender gloves.

And my simulated pearls. Everything is all gone.

Well, you see, I've got to go out on stage and make an introduction. I'll

explain to you later.

Explain to me now.

You see, we've got, on the show, we've got these prairie dogs.

What? Yeah.

peek out here and introduce our next act.

It is the barbershop harmonies of our own singing prairie dog.

They're really terrific, so hang on to your hats, and you might also keep an

on your wallets. Ladies and gentlemen, the singing prairie dog!

all put you under arrest.

Wait, wait, wait, Deputy Bear. Surely you're not arresting these cute little

things there as common thieves?

But I have witnesses.

The bear's right.

The prairie dogs are thieves.

I'm Dr.

Bunsen Honeydew, this is Muppet Labs, and I'm Tickled Pink to announce our

solution to the banana problem.

As you know, once removed from the bunch, bananas cannot be

reinserted.

This results in extra bananas lying around underfoot,

where they can be hazardous to your health.

Such problems disappear with our new electric banana sharpener. Show them,

Beaker.

Say

goodbye forever

to dull bananas.

With this equipment, you can store bananas on any convenient vertical

You can even throw a whole bunch this way.

And that's all for today from Muppet Lab.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit's having what you might call costume problems

tonight, so he's asked me to introduce our very special guest star again.

Is the scenery ready?

Here she is again, Miss Crystal Gale.

We must believe in magic.

We must believe in the guy.

universe at your command.

Thank you.

If you believe in magic, you have the universe at your mouth.

end of another one, but before we go, sorry.

Okay, okay.

Well, we've just about come down to the end of another one, but before we go,

let us have a warm thank you for our very special guest star, ladies and

gentlemen, Miss Crystal Gale.

Thank you, Carmen, for a lovely evening.

Oh, it's been our pleasure, and instantly you can have your feather bowl

Oh, wait.

What's going on?

Well, so much for the prairie dogs.

Yeah, now we gotta worry about termites.