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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,490 --> 00:00:03,490 Shields and yarn now. 2 00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,890 Fifteen seconds for curtain shields and yarn now. 3 00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:31,730 Kermit's finally booked guest stars weirder than we are. 4 00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:43,130 It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest stars, Shields and... 5 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,139 wrong, police. 6 00:01:09,140 --> 00:01:11,200 I wish we were, but there's the frog. 7 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:37,460 The Muppet Show. Hey, do we have a good one for you tonight? Don't ask. Of 8 00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:38,460 course we do. 9 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:43,640 Tonight's guest stars are those phenomenal artists of mime, Shield and 10 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:47,160 Boss, boss, bad news about the guest stars. What is it, Scooter? They're 11 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,160 machines. 12 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,100 Shield and Yarnell are robots. 13 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,820 They are not. They are so. 14 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,560 They were just moving like this. 15 00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:00,040 Scooter, watch out for the orchestra pit. Whoa! 16 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,400 Right into the tuba. 17 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,380 Hey, Tiny, would you give a blast on that thing? 18 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:10,759 Good, are you okay? 19 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:15,860 Fine, boss. 20 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:17,380 Just fine. 21 00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:22,200 Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, our opening number, Take a Chance. 22 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,020 I did, I did. 23 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,320 Okay, Take a Chance! 24 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,040 Take a chance on me. 25 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,800 If you need me, let me know. Gonna be around. 26 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:53,300 If you got no place to go and you're feeling down. 27 00:02:54,820 --> 00:02:56,480 If you're all I know. 28 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,520 When the 50 birds have no money, I'm still free. 29 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:02,640 Take a chance on me. 30 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,400 Gonna do my best. Please don't make no noise. 31 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:10,820 You put me to the test if you let me try. 32 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:36,460 Take a 33 00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:44,800 chance 34 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,832 on me. 35 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:16,600 You keep asking, why are they doing that? 36 00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:23,700 Okay, nice number, Bird. Very nice. Hey, Kermit, do we get paid 37 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,400 extra for working on the high wire? 38 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,640 Uh, no. 39 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:28,760 Cheat! Cheat! 40 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,520 Hey, come here. Come here. 41 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:36,460 You know, Shields and Yonel have been teaching me the subtle art of mime. 42 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,720 Mime, uh -huh. Yeah, hey, watch this, okay? Tell me what it is. 43 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:48,790 Bear walking up stairs. 44 00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,210 Right. 45 00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:52,570 Okay, watch this, okay? Tell me what this is now. 46 00:04:58,950 --> 00:04:59,950 What's that? What's that? 47 00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,510 Fuzzy, look, I'm really kind of busy right now. Do it again. 48 00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:04,170 Bear going up escalator. 49 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,430 You got it. 50 00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:10,250 Okay, now here is my biggie, okay? Watch this. 51 00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:15,710 Bear walking against the wind. 52 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:19,449 You weren't even looking. 53 00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:22,770 I didn't have to. All mimes do walking against the wind. Fozzie, you've got to 54 00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:23,770 be more original. 55 00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:30,070 Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, our guest stars tonight are masters in the 56 00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:34,230 of mime. Here they are doing one of their classic sketches, robots having 57 00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:36,750 breakfast. Ladies and gentlemen, Shields and Yarnell. 58 00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:25,989 Is that their act? 59 00:08:25,990 --> 00:08:27,950 Yep. Well, how come they don't talk? 60 00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:29,390 Because it's mime. 61 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:31,650 I thought you said it was theirs. 62 00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:39,370 Hey, Floyd, what am I doing? What am I doing? Hey, 63 00:08:42,309 --> 00:08:45,910 man, I don't know what kind of trip you're on, but I hope you bought a 64 00:08:45,910 --> 00:08:46,910 ticket. 65 00:08:47,950 --> 00:08:49,390 What does that look like I'm doing? 66 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,060 It looks like you're feeding spaghetti to an elephant. 67 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,260 Yeah, right, right. That's exactly right. 68 00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,840 How many mimes have you seen doing that, huh? 69 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,700 Only one, and he got killed doing it. 70 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:06,260 Killed? Well, come to think of it, he wasn't a mime. He was just some guy who 71 00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:07,620 tried to feed an elephant spaghetti. 72 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:09,520 They hate Italian food. 73 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,380 That's a terrific idea for my finish in this act. Okay, here. I feed the 74 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,440 spaghetti, and the elephant takes it. 75 00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,440 and wraps it around my neck and it gets me knocked out. 76 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,380 The brain of the bear has gone bye -bye. 77 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:38,320 Hi, guys. Mind if I come in? 78 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,540 Boy, you look happy. 79 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:44,820 I'm not happy. 80 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:46,780 I'm miserable. 81 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:51,010 I gotta come up with an act for next week's show. 82 00:09:51,270 --> 00:09:52,990 You guys know the kind of acts I do? 83 00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,670 That's it. That's exactly what I do. 84 00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,830 Listen, if you were me, what would you recommend? 85 00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:05,910 He's gonna show me. 86 00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,170 Okay, I think I got it. 87 00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:22,430 Yes? 88 00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:24,070 This is... That's fantastic! 89 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,500 I might pick up every girl. 90 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:07,300 You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not. 91 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:18,060 Everybody knows my name. But it's just a 92 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:20,900 crazy game. Oh, 93 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,020 it's lonely at the... 94 00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:39,170 They're playing just for me. 95 00:11:47,110 --> 00:11:52,590 Listen to the people praying just for me. 96 00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,350 I'll just see what these two buckaroos want. 97 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:33,350 What's the matter? Never seen any like a couple cars before? 98 00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:35,910 Before, yes. Now, no. 99 00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:39,630 Mark Tender, get us two sarsaparillas. 100 00:13:39,970 --> 00:13:41,090 Yes, sir. 101 00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:43,810 Okay, let's play some poker. 102 00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,350 All right. 103 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:22,770 in here mister? 104 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,940 My father, his finger went off accidentally. 105 00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:14,920 all ready with my mime app. 106 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,560 Oh, good, because you're on next. 107 00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:20,320 Yeah, yeah. Hey, I've really got some original ones, too. My opening is 108 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,400 dynamite. Watch this. 109 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,680 Bear watching a tennis match between two turtles. 110 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,080 Fuzzy, that's a little slow for an opener. 111 00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:39,120 You're right. I'll switch it to giraffes. 112 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,380 That's better. 113 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,400 Much better. 114 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,460 Well, it's better. 115 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,080 Then there is this classic. 116 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:51,980 The 117 00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:59,660 frog 118 00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:00,660 is shaking his head. 119 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:05,780 Shaking his head at the classic bear going to drive -in movie with porcupine. 120 00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:09,230 Fozzie. Yes, yes. 121 00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:12,530 You see, Shields and Yarnell have made a career out of mine. Yeah? They've 122 00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:15,630 worked very hard to perfect it, and if you go out there... Oh, yeah, yeah, 123 00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:17,329 right. They'll suffer by comparison. 124 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,670 I understand. 125 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,369 You do not want me to show up your guests. 126 00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:22,829 Tell you what. 127 00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:24,690 I'll lay back a little. 128 00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:26,510 No, no, no. Don't do that. 129 00:17:27,430 --> 00:17:31,830 You're right. I'll give it my best shot. Come it. It's a cruel business. 130 00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:35,110 It certainly is. I'll go introduce you. Okay. 131 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:37,560 walking on stage. 132 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:45,260 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, tonight our own Fozzie Bear is making his debut in 133 00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,880 the classic art of mime. 134 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,020 Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear! 135 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,820 Hey, hey, hey, thank you, thank you, and thank you, Mr. 136 00:17:54,060 --> 00:18:00,960 Frog. All right, here is my first mime. Picture, if you will, a bear watching a 137 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,500 tennis match between two giraffes. 138 00:18:10,410 --> 00:18:11,410 Between two turtles? 139 00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:12,530 Huh? 140 00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,750 He is slow. 141 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,270 All right. 142 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:23,530 Now, picture, if you will, a bear at a drive -in movie with a porcupine. 143 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,790 Hey, what's the name of the movie playing at the drive -in? 144 00:18:27,510 --> 00:18:29,330 I don't know. What's the point? 145 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:35,970 You'll find out if you're there with a porcupine. All right, moving right 146 00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:39,690 As you all know, elephants hate spaghetti. 147 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,920 So with that in mind, picture, if you will. Wait a minute. Italian elephants 148 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,040 don't hate spaghetti. They love it. 149 00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,980 This is not an Italian elephant. 150 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,100 This one hates spaghetti. Do you mind? 151 00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:58,880 See? And then he's got me by the throat. And then he's trying to kill me. 152 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:02,680 You might as well. You've been dying all night. It'll put you out of your 153 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:03,680 misery. 154 00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:05,580 It'll put us out of ours, too. 155 00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:28,640 Why doesn't he do something clever like walking upstairs or walking against the 156 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,380 wind? No way. The bear's got no imagination. 157 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,300 Okay, 158 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,880 well, so far we have certainly proved that our very special guest stars are 159 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,460 masters of the art of mime. Well, here they are now to show you they do 160 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:44,380 everything else good, too. Ladies and gentlemen, chills in your nose! 161 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:19,000 Okay, you want comedy? You got it. It's animal impression time. Do I hear any 162 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,000 regrets? 163 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,320 How about a gorilla? 164 00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,260 No, no, no. 165 00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:18,010 last line. Ladies and gentlemen, feeding spaghetti to an elephant. 166 00:23:18,590 --> 00:23:21,370 Please hold it. This man stole my big head. 167 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,460 the Muppet Show. But before we go, let us have a warm thank you for our very 168 00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:59,680 special guest stars, ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Shields and 169 00:23:59,780 --> 00:24:00,780 Yay! 170 00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:08,300 Herman, we had an incredible time tonight. 171 00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:12,220 Yeah, we did. And we want to thank Fozzie Bear for giving us that classic 172 00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:14,720 sketch, feeding spaghetti to an elk. That's okay. 173 00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:18,260 I figure you need some quality material in your act. 174 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:19,500 We do. 175 00:24:20,180 --> 00:24:24,020 And thanks for showing me that chicken trick. It really works. 176 00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:25,900 Come on, girls. 177 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,240 What? 178 00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:30,100 Hey, Gonzo, it looks like you've really been busy. 179 00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:32,700 Well, my coop runneth over. 180 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,840 We will see you next time on The Muppet Show. 181 00:25:13,550 --> 00:25:16,670 Just when you think this show is terrible, something wonderful happens. 182 00:25:16,910 --> 00:25:18,230 What? It ends. Oh! 13213