All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s03e17 - Danny Kaye

Hi, I'm Brian Henson. Let me tell you a
little bit about how we train to perform

the Muppets.

It's kind of an interesting process
because what we do is we watch a monitor

that shows us what the camera's seeing
and we reach up and we work the puppet

with our other hand.

And it's a complicated process. The idea
is that you're meant

to look into the monitor and bring to
life that character and be the audience

and the audience's point of view.

classy show here you can't treat me like
that i'll stick my pet barracuda on you

get her kevin of course it's real
difficult because when the character

the right but the camera sees it turning
to the left which means you always have

to think backwards of course it's the
muppets so thinking backwards comes

naturally here's the muppet show

danny k 20 seconds to

curtain, Mr. K.

Now, there's a real pro.

Most performers are a nervous wreck
before the curtain. He takes a nap.

Danny?

Yeah, yeah, Scooter.

Hi. 15 seconds to curtain.

Oh, that's fine. 15 seconds, it's okay.

15 seconds.

I wonder if that's how he took his first
nap.

Celebrational, celebrational,
Muppetational, this is what we call the

Show!

Thank you, thank you, hi there, and
welcome again

to the Muppet Show. Hey, we have a
sensational show for you because our

guest star is one of our favorite
people, Mr. Danny Kaye.

or in Waldorf. They're missing.

Hey. Hey, there they are.

Well, I tell you, it's almost as bad out
here as it is inside.

Yes. Either way, we're sitting around
looking at garbage.

Still, I'd rather be here for this show.

Yeah. Yeah, the Muppets are always about
the same.

But this week's guest star, who?

What's his face? Kane. Yeah, who?

I tell you, he is the worst performer on
earth.

performer on Earth.

Well, then who is?

Clive Coinga, the singing civil servant.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. He is pretty
bad.

What an act. He sings the whole pest
control code in the key of F.

Then he sings it again because he has to
do everything in duplicate.

But what's his face, Kay? He is a little
worse. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, yeah.

I think I need a little cheering up. Oh,
you should have been inside. Some guy

named Clive Coinga was knocking them
dead.

show. Stadler and Waldorf sit up here.
Show after show after show.

Now I see why.

You see why they come?

No, I see why they left.

Oh, okay.

Try this one.

That's the little black one under my
finger.

Ralphie, Ralphie. Now, we must do this
absolutely right. Mr. Danny Kane has

asked especially to sing this song avec
moi.

Miss Piggy?

Miss Piggy! Well, well, well. Hello,
Miss Piggy. Mr. Kane, can I call you

I couldn't wait to get here to work with
you because I have wanted to do this

for a very long time. Danny, Danielle.

No, I wanted to do it with you. No, I
wanted to do it with you.

Tell me, why is it that you wanted to

do this particular song with me?

Well, there's a very good reason for
that. You see, Piggy dear, I heard you

this song once before. Thank you.

Some time ago, I heard you sing this
song, and I thought the way you did it

was absolutely... Absolutely memorable.

I don't remember that.

Oh, that was years and years and years
ago.

Really?

I think I said something wrong.

What I meant was way back when you were
thin.

Talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. All right. Kitty, dear, why

don't you practice the song and I'll go
and change my clothes, huh?

Oh, Danielle, dear.

Oh, yeah. Yes, a true professional
doesn't need to rehearse. Well, in that

I shall go and practice changing my
clothes.

Stand by for cheek to cheek.

Yeah, well...

Okay, right on stage with that, guys.

I dearly hope. Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Piggy and Danny Kaye.

Heaven, I'm in heaven.

And my heart beats so that I can hardly
speak.

And I seem to find the happiness.

When we're out together dancing cheek to
cheek.

I'm so sorry. Excusez -moi.

Oh, well, that's all right, toi.

I just misjudged the size of your snout.

and to reach the highest peaks.

But it doesn't thrill me half as much as
dancing children.

I'm in heaven. And my heart beats so
that I can hardly speak.

And I seem to find the happiness I seek.

When we're out together dancing cheek to
cheek.

It's absolutely true, Toile.

And I want you to know, Miss Piggy, I'm
terribly sorry that I said I knew you

when you were thin.

Oh, Daniel, that's all right. Oh,
Daniel.

I never knew you when you were thin.

And I seem to find the

happiness I seek. When we're out
together

Out together Out together

Nice and easy. One, two, three, four.

Oh, it's lovely.

Jogging around the park in the dawn or
the dark tones you up and leaves you

bent.

Though it makes you puff and pant a bit.

Jogging down the street. Friendly folk
who I meet try to pass the time of day.

I can't stop who wants to anyway.

Goodbye those bulges up front and from
where I sit.

Feeling fit.

And I'm wanting to quit, but I'm
jogging.

Feeling great. Feel that blood
circulate.

It is a plea, happy to be jogging.

Wow, this is doing me a world of good.

I'm really enjoying it.

Hey, get over me. Fight me.

Hey, mister.

Come on, get in shape. You keep...

In my tracksuit. One, two, three, four.

And galoshes.

Hello. A pair of eyeballs sparkling and
clear. Healthy days are near.

I could die right here, but I'm jogging.

Doing fine.

Sniffing air, just like wine.

Pardon the cough. Gotta be off. Jogging.

Makes you healthy.

Jogging.

That's all they tell me.

I must be crazy.

Hey, taxi!

Okay,

now then, most of you probably didn't
know that the Swedish chef had an uncle,

and neither did we until he just showed
up. Ladies and gentlemen, the Swedish

chef and his uncle.

We have this evening an international
cooking festival, and we will prepare

something which my nephew, the Swedish
chef, will talk to you in just one

minute.

Ja, that's his name.

But we call him Tom.

All right, now you understand, of
course, Tom.

You understand, of course, what we are
doing tonight. We are taking an

international dish.

We will take a Swiss turkey.

And we stuff him with Chinese
ingredients and make a Yugoslavian

it. Oh, no, no, no.

Not Yugoslavian, Miss.

Swedish. I know you are Swedish, but we
are just only talking about the turkey

which we are going to take. No, no, me
not turkey. I know you're not a turkey.

We are trying to make an international
dish. You understand this? No.

Oh, all right. In that case...

All right, so we need a turkey now.

Yes,

we will have a turkey.

What, are you crazy? You're bringing a
live turkey here? I was supposed to cook

it.

How can you cook it with a live turkey?
What's the matter with you?

There's a nice turkey, but we can't do
it. First of all, we have to pluck all

the feathers.

So now, so now, so now, don't be
nervous. Then after we pluck all the

then we have to take out from him the
gizzards.

Look there,

you grew the live turkey. Then after we
take the live turkey, we will do

something with him. We will open up the
turkey, and we will stop him with chop

-chewing. Oh, yeah, chop turkey.

Oh, come on.

Oh, gosh, we're disappearing.

Hey, there's our turkey, Bob.

Let me have this here. I will shoot the
blunderbuss.

One, two, and boom.

There we are.

Already prepared to put in your fleece.

Okay, well, now, ladies and gentlemen.

The Flying Zucchini Brothers will hurl
themselves from a height of 200 feet

a water -filled bucket. Are you ready
back there? Yeah, yeah, we're ready. The

Flying Zucchinis!

Hey, look, that's my bucket on the
floor.

Hey, don't move that bucket.

Hey, guys, move it!

Move it!

Oh, wow.

Look, there's a bag full of fruits and
vegetables up here.

Hmm.

Pretend. Stantler and Waldorf were
thinking of throwing a party.

Well, this much food won't go very far.

Well, they only wanted to throw it as
far as the stage.

Oh, for sure.

Hey, Kermit, how are you? Oh, Danny, I'm
fine, thank you. You're fine, thank

you? Hey, are you making fun of the way
I talk? No, no, I love the way you talk.

Oh, oh, okay.

I love the way you talk so much that I
begin to talk like you, see? Oh, that

sounds very good.

Hey, listen, I was wondering if I could
talk you into doing one more song with

us. Oh, you wouldn't have to talk too
much, Kermit.

I'd love to do another song for you. But
I tell you what, instead of doing it

out on the stage, why don't we do it
back here, you see? And so it's a song

just friends, huh?

Oh, well, yeah, but there's nothing on
stage.

There's nothing on stage. Well, why
don't we get something on stage?

I could go on.

That's Clive Coinga.

a singing civil servant.

I know, Fonz, I know.

Clive, I've got a job for you. Oh,
great, but I should change.

No, no, no. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, for tonight's big
finale, the Muppet Show proudly presents

Clive Coinga singing to the music of
Mozart, the Municipal Vermin Abatement

Code.

infestation, the rodent populations in
an urban area.

Now, where were we? Where were we where?

Oh, you were going to talk about the
song.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've got a great idea. Why don't we do a
song we did in a movie called Hans

Christian Andersen. It's called
Inchworm.

Oh, we know that song. We can all sing
it, couldn't we? Of course.

Anybody here sing close harmony?

Oh, no, but a near miss.

Here we go.

Two and two are four.

Four and four are eight. That's pretty.

Eight and eight are sixteen.

Sixteen and sixteen are thirty -two.

See you next week.

Come on, up on my hand.

Up, up, up, up, up, up.

Pick your head up and look around.

Way up.

Oh, look, isn't that pretty?

Inch one, inch one, measuring

the marigold, you and your...

Measuring the matter Seems to me

See?

I've got to go and feed the parking
meter, Scooter, and I'll be back in just

few minutes.

Well, I wonder if that K has done his
act yet.

Well, thank goodness we're not there to
know. Imagine a tuned clam player.

I hate that Manny K.

Manny K?

Why, it's Danny K.

Sure. You're one of our favorites.

Oh, better than the tuned clam player?

closing, Mr. K.

I'll be right with you.

Don't be late.

Well, we've done it again, folks, and
it's been particularly sad to come to

end of this one because our guest star
has been the one and only Mr. Danny K.

Thank you.

Kermit, do you mind if I bring some
friends along?

What?

next time when our guest will be one of
the world's greatest tuned clam players.

Just say goodnight.

There was something thrilling about
being in the show tonight.

Yep. Not having to watch it.