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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,140 Oh, Marisa Berenson, 35 seconds to curtain, Miss Berenson. Thank you. 2 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:09,900 Oh, Scooter, who does all this luggage belong to? 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,400 Oh, didn't you know? It's a gift to you from the show. 4 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:14,200 Now, wait a minute. 5 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:18,060 This isn't some kind of weird Muppet luggage that's going to blow up or turn 6 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,360 into cheese like everything else on this strange show. 7 00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:23,720 No, no, no. It's just regular alligator luggage. 8 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:24,980 Oh, good. 9 00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:38,210 The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Marisa Berenson. 10 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,820 It's time to put on makeup. 11 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,780 It's time to dress up right. 12 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,020 It's time to get things started. 13 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,280 Why don't you get things started? 14 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,820 Why don't we leave? Where would we go? 15 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,280 It's time to get things started. I'm the most inspirational, inspirational, 16 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,460 celebrational, motivational. 17 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,520 This is what we call. 18 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,300 where tonight's special guest star is the beautiful international film star 19 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:44,260 Marisa Berenson. But first, on our show we've done traditional dances from many 20 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:45,780 countries, but never Russia. 21 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,260 Well, tonight their luck has run out. 22 00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,900 Thank you. 23 00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,010 Russian pig dance. 24 00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:36,230 Oh, boy. 25 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,370 If you like that act, you're going to love mine. 26 00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:41,330 Who are you? 27 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:44,750 New Zealand and his boomerang fish act. 28 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:46,150 Woo! 29 00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:51,790 New Zealand and his boomerang fish act? Oh, yeah. Hey, it's razzle -dazzle. 30 00:03:52,570 --> 00:03:55,570 I'm sorry, but I'm not booking any highbrow acts just now. 31 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,150 Well, think about it, okay? 32 00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:01,670 Come on, Seymour. You need a bath. 33 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,680 to me, can you? Well, I can, but it hurts a lot. 34 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,880 Is that the sketch there? 35 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,240 Yes, it is, yes. 36 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,560 Well, tell me about it. 37 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,299 It's a secret. 38 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,520 What? I'll tell you the title. 39 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,940 Okay, what is the title of the closing sketch? 40 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,900 The Wedding. 41 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,120 It's kind of busy just now. 42 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,760 Ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest star, the lovely and talented 43 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,180 Marisa Berry! 44 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,640 I'm sorry. 45 00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:52,390 Did you like that number? 46 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,710 Pick up! My hearing aid's busted! 47 00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:56,770 Did you like that number? 48 00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,410 I liked what I heard! 49 00:07:58,630 --> 00:07:59,750 What did you hear? 50 00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:06,170 Did you like that number? I tell you, it's terrific! 51 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:13,550 Yeah, you see, I throw the fish into the air, they sail away, and then 52 00:08:13,550 --> 00:08:14,970 they come back to me! 53 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:20,040 Yeah, well, I... I don't care about boomerang fish acts. Oh, you will. 54 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:21,420 They're coming back. 55 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:28,480 Oh, Miss Piggy. Oh, um, yes. Hello, Kermie. Piggy, come back here. 56 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,440 Oh, Kermie, how aggressive and manly you sound. 57 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,980 Never mind the sweet talk. I just want to know more about this wedding sketch. 58 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:38,580 I mean, I've got to learn my lines. 59 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:41,080 Well, you only have one line. 60 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:42,440 I do? 61 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,679 Exactly. 62 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,080 I mean. Besides, the thing you forget is that I don't. 63 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:52,020 Well, Kermie, it's just a simple comedy sketch. 64 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,500 Oh, yeah, well, I know that. 65 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,040 A comedy sketch, Kermie. 66 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,360 It's not as if you were a real minister. 67 00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:06,160 Now you are a real minister, right? 68 00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:17,530 you to the wild world of Muppet Sports. 69 00:09:18,170 --> 00:09:21,850 Today finds us at the National Wig Racing Championship. 70 00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:24,970 Wig racing? 71 00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:31,790 Well, luckily, I have one of the trainers here who may be able to 72 00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:33,430 Uh, yes, sir. 73 00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:40,370 Today is my first time out wig racing, sir, or do you call this a derby? Uh, 74 00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:41,730 sir. This is a wig. 75 00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:43,350 This is a derby. 76 00:09:47,530 --> 00:09:49,930 Well, I call this wig Greased Lightning. 77 00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:53,150 Because it's speedy? No, because it's greasy. 78 00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:56,290 Don't you use a shampoo? 79 00:09:56,850 --> 00:10:02,190 No, sir, I do not use shampoo for my wigs. Only use real poo. 80 00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,070 Nothing but the best poo for my wigs. 81 00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:51,620 Yes, 82 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:56,620 well, it's a traditional wedding, you see. Something old, something new, 83 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,180 something borrowed, and something green. 84 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,420 Sounds like a real wedding to me, rather than a sketch. 85 00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,220 Oh, well, it's, um... 86 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,660 Tighter? Tighter? 87 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,680 Tighter? I gotta go down three sizes. 88 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,400 I'm going to an awful lot of trouble. 89 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,040 How long does this sketch last? 90 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,080 Till death do us part. 91 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,140 All right, now listen, kid. 92 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,000 Just on the count of three, pull. Ready? 93 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,420 One, two. 94 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,800 Marisa, you're wanted on stage in a minute. 95 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,260 Then how do you know what I'm saying? 96 00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:02,580 I don't. Oh. 97 00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:11,320 Doe, a deer, a female deer. 98 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,340 Ray, a drop of golden sun. 99 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,580 See, a name I call myself. 100 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,620 Blah, a long, long way to run. 101 00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,320 So, a needle pulling thread. 102 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,560 Blah, I know to follow. 103 00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:32,720 A drink with Jim and Brad. 104 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,520 Me? 105 00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:39,100 Me, a name I call myself. 106 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,120 A long, long way to run. 107 00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:45,700 So, a needle pulling thread. 108 00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:49,280 La, ain't no two for those two. 109 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:53,180 Tea, a drink with Jim and Brad. 110 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,120 Go. Go, a deer, a female. 111 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,840 Go. Go, a deer, a female. 112 00:13:05,589 --> 00:13:09,670 A name I call myself. 113 00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:11,010 I should be bold. 114 00:13:12,650 --> 00:13:16,090 A beer, a female beer. Go away. 115 00:13:16,890 --> 00:13:23,790 Now just listen to me. 116 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,610 Me and my shadow. 117 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:47,530 To bring a note of culture to the show, is the set changed yet? 118 00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:48,810 Yeah, it's okay. 119 00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:53,350 Okay, here is the lovely and talented Miss Marisa Berenson. 120 00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:09,990 Well, a man came to our house, our house, our house. A man came to our 121 00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:11,250 sell us some rooms. 122 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:23,910 Yes, 123 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:33,790 you're always welcome in our house, and we hope you will stay. 124 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:48,900 The lady came to find out why I was not in school. So we asked her to come in 125 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:53,780 and we gave her some poison lemonade and hid her in the freezer where it's nice 126 00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:54,780 and cool. 127 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:25,120 The kid came into our yard to get his ball. So we asked him to come in and we 128 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:30,180 took him in the basement and we sealed him up inside the basement wall. 129 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:36,960 But you're always welcome in our house any time of the 130 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,180 day. Yes, you are. 131 00:15:55,530 --> 00:16:01,130 Come to our house We will have fun We will ask you to come in And we will take 132 00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:06,970 you in the kitchen We will put you in the oven Until you are done But you're 133 00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:13,170 always welcome In our house Any time of the day 134 00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:17,250 Yes you're always welcome In our house 135 00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:55,250 You know, I'll have to take one look at this wedding cake and I feel like 136 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:56,730 crying. Heaven knows why. 137 00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,750 Oh, well, Gaspard, there's a cake and a onions. 138 00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:01,189 You what? 139 00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:03,650 Onions. Well, onions and a wedding cake. 140 00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:04,869 Oh, yeah. 141 00:17:05,030 --> 00:17:07,329 Onions would be good for the sinuses. 142 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:09,210 Clears the head. 143 00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,450 Yeah. And this cake will clear the church. 144 00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:15,369 Oh, curse these flies. 145 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,839 Hear what you say? I like something on the side. 146 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,240 Well, there already is something on the side. 147 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:30,680 Yeah. 148 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:34,700 Yeah. 149 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,440 Aside from the raw onions, it's a nice cake, Chef. 150 00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:43,960 Yeah, because if you're into her, this is the piggy brady. 151 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:47,680 I can see it's just as light as a feather. Yeah. 152 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,800 Can't say the same for the bride. 153 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:05,800 Hey, hey, come on. Let me throw one fish. Just one fish. 154 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,040 Then you'll see. 155 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:12,380 Listen, when I book a boomerang fish act on this show, some very warm places 156 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,560 will freeze over. 157 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,380 Thanks a lot. 158 00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:16,880 I'll wait over there. 159 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:22,220 Hey, Kermit, there's this dear little old lady in the audience who wants your 160 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,980 autograph for her sick grandson. Sign here. Oh, okay, yeah. 161 00:18:25,909 --> 00:18:28,330 Hey, listen, is everything ready for this dumb wedding sketch? 162 00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:32,530 Sure. The set's on stage. Everyone's in costume. You sign the license. You sign 163 00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:33,530 the autograph. 164 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:35,410 Oh, nothing. 165 00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:36,930 Just go ahead. Introduce the wedding. 166 00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:39,410 Go ahead. 167 00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:44,930 Well, today, folks, Miss Piggy has prepared a silly wedding sketch. 168 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:47,630 Naturally, it's just for fun. Excuse me. 169 00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:52,010 What is it? Can we start soon? I'm saying Vespers at St. 170 00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,210 Anne's in half an hour. 171 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,860 And now the wedding sketch. 172 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:19,800 Oh, Marisa, do I look all right? 173 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,060 You look radiant, my dear. 174 00:19:47,340 --> 00:19:48,360 You sure this is going to be funny? 175 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,420 Trust me. 176 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:59,320 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this pig and this 177 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,660 frog in holy wedlock. 178 00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:06,560 I guess everyone cries at weddings. 179 00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:11,540 No cries at weddings. 180 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,720 Hey! 181 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:21,340 If there is anyone present who knows why this pig and this frog should not be 182 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:27,240 joined in matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace. 183 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:39,420 Do it! 184 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,120 Do you, piggy? 185 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,140 take this frog to be your lawfully wedded husband? 186 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,840 I do. 187 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,940 And do you, Kermit, take this pig to be your lawfully wedded wife? 188 00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:07,640 I... I am. 189 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:04,859 Biggie's wedding sketch. 190 00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:07,460 That's not the finish. This is the finish. 191 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:09,660 Well, 192 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,500 time seems to be running out not only for the show, but for me. 193 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:21,820 So let us quickly welcome back the lovely and talented Miss Marisa! 194 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:38,600 you mind saying good night for me me how exciting exciting marisa you ain't seen 195 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:43,880 nothing yet what do i say well we'll just say we'll see you next time 196 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,700 If you guys let me hide here, I'll give you tickets to next week's show. 14161