All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s03e05 - Liberace

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The guest star in this episode of The
Muppet Show is Liberace.

I think it's safe to say that he's
actually more flamboyant than Miss

You know what? There's enough carrots
here to feed all the rabbits in the

For some reason, my father thought it
would be hilarious to put Liberace

together with all these exotic -looking
Muppet birds.

During that number, you should keep an
eye on Ralph the dog.

It was a complicated little thing that
was going on because the number was

performed live.

And Liberace is playing the piano, and
then he gets up and Ralph has to start

playing the same piano immediately
afterwards.

You can imagine with a puppet, it's very
hard to play a piano when you can't

actually see the keys.

So we had a performer off camera who was
playing a piano when Ralph was meant to

be playing Liberace's piano.

Here is The Muppet Show starring
Liberace.

Liberace? Uh, Liberace? 30 seconds to
curtain, Liberace.

Thank you.

You know, Scooter, for years I've had
piano -shaped finger rings and piano

-shaped swimming pools. Oh, I know that.

Well, I want to thank the Muppets for
making my life complete.

I now have a piano -shaped house pet.

Whoa.

It wants to be walked.

Or tuned.

with our very special guest star
Liberace

From the most sensational, inspirational
celebration.

Okay,

good. Now listen, later on Liberace is
doing an entire concert for us, so I'd

like some dignity on the show.

Hey, Floyd, maybe you better shorten his
chain tonight.

Hey, boss, you better get on stage. The
show's started.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
welcome again to the Muppet Show. Hey,

you're going to have a real treat
tonight because our very special guest

the one and only Liberace. And later on
in the show, he's going to play an

entire concert for us.

Don't take it personally, Ralph.

Anyhow, right now, I'd like you to close
your eyes and think of exotic Greek

dancers because if you open them, you'll
see this.

Oh, you can kiss me on him.

It is very, very good.

Oh, you can kiss me on a Tuesday, a
Tuesday, a Tuesday. In fact, I wish you

would.

Oh, you can kiss me on a Wednesday, a
Thursday, a Friday, a Saturday is best.

Never, never on a Sunday.

That's my kind of love.

The pigs are from Greece?

The pigs are greasy.

Okay, Piggy, you were good.

I was great.

I thought we were in a dignity night,
Chief. Those guys left a mess out there.

Oh, that's true, but the next act will
take care of the broken glass.

What's the next act?

Alfredo and Hildegard the Mop Dancers.

Hildegard, you look beautiful.

I'm Alfredo. Of course.

Great planning, Chief.

Excuse me, I'm looking for... Check
upstairs.

The dressing room with the star on it.

What's that all about?

We see Liberace is planning his whole
concert around our feathered friends.

auditioning birds in his dressing room.

Tell Sweetie Chef his percolator act is
on next. Check.

Hey, Glennis, where's that fried egg I
ordered? Oh, Chef, where's that fried

Floyd ordered?

Oh, there's birdie Floyd egg.

Great, just give it to me. Oh, Sweetie
Chef, on stage for the percolator act.

Oh, I guess they're gone. I guess
they're gone.

Oh,

wow, Dr. Bob. What's wrong with this
man?

Oh, I think he has an advanced case of
ingrown coffee pot.

Is it rare?

Yes, usually it's found in hedgehogs. In
hedgehogs? Surely you've heard of

percupines.

On the other hand, pigs also suffer from
it. Pigs? Yes, haven't you heard of

porculators?

So Dr.

Bob has made a house call.

Tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse
Piggy say... Dr.

Bob, shall we get him to a hospital?

No, just keep him away from policemen.
Why?

He'll get a perking ticket.

Perking ticket?

Okay, I didn't understand that, but
whatever it was.

Thank you, Swedish Hospital veterinarian
chef. Well, so much for dignity.

Come in, come in, come in. Oh, boy,
everybody here is really excited about

concert Liberace is doing with all
birds.

So I've noticed.

Yeah, yeah, especially Gonzo. You're
telling me I had to put a security guard

Liberace's dressing room door.

I've got to see my chickens.

Liberace ain't using no chickens in his
concert.

Well, then maybe he'll see me.

He's only seeing birds.

I'm a bird?

Yeah, I'm a turkey.

You're not a real turkey.

Are you kidding?

Have you seen my hats?

Hey, Lee, I've got this real turkey to
see you.

Here is a Muppet News plan.

Work was started today on the remod...
of the Muppet News Studio, and it says

that... It won't be long now.

I'm down to the ten finalists in the
bird auditions.

tonight's show to one of the world's
most amazing performers.

Here he is in concert, what we've all
been waiting for.

thank you very much I can't tell you how
much fun it is doing this show Sure,

it's fun doing the show.

Try watching the show and see how much
fun it is.

Hey, I've heard about you guys, and I'm
not going to let you spoil things.

I'm going to do something for the first
time.

I'm going to dedicate an entire concert
to all the birds, and I think you'll

enjoy it. If we do, that'll be another
first.

Well, listen, you guys, if you can't say
something nice, don't say anything.

That's one way of keeping us quiet.

Good.

Well, before I get started, I just want
to explain. I know perhaps you'll be

looking at my fingers and wondering if
they're real.

They are real diamonds.

I'm glad you want to see them because,
let's face it, you bought it.

You know what? There's enough carrots
here to feed all the rabbits in the

Well, what do you think?

Yep, they're real all right.

Well, without further ado, let's begin
our special concert dedicated to all the

birds. I can hardly wait.

Thank you, little fella.

Well, do you like what you've heard so
far?

Yes. You've followed a perfect record.

I'm pleased you liked it so far.

Mr. Liberace. Oh, hello, Sam. How's
everything?

So far, everything has been very
cultural. And that worries me, sir.

Well, I thought you liked culture.

I played the nocturne, especially for
you. I dedicated it to the birds. Yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes. But I know this
show, and I have seen your work too,

Because you have now played Chopin, it
follows as night follows day that soon

you will be wearing a rhinestone tuxedo
and playing shameless boogie -woogie.

I promise you, Sam.

I won't be doing that soon.

No. I'm going to do it right now.

Eight foot two, eyes of blue, look at
what those eighties can do. Has anybody

seen my bird?

All right, what a sight, feathered
friends doesn't let you hide. Has

seen my bird?

That's your life, that bird is mine.

Well,

it's been a very special show, and we
owe it all to our very special guests.

Thank you, thank you, Kermit. It's
really been fun doing a special concert

you. But you didn't use my chicken act!

But, Gonzo, you didn't show Liberace
that awful tap -dancing chicken act, did

you? Of course he did.

They do it in bunny ears.

I'm using it in my new Las Vegas act.

That's wonderful!

I've already ordered the rhinestone
bunny ears.

to a good show.

Good. Can we please stop coming now? No!