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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,749 --> 00:00:04,810 Helen Reddy, 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Reddy. 2 00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:06,970 Okay, Scooter, I'll be there. 3 00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:08,210 Ready or not. 4 00:00:09,450 --> 00:00:12,090 Yeah. Did you mean to make that joke? 5 00:00:12,690 --> 00:00:15,150 Well, I meant to make that joke before someone else did. 6 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,270 You think we'd stoop that low? 7 00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:20,550 Hey, three to get ready. 8 00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:23,310 Low. 9 00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:30,490 It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Miss Helen Reddy. 10 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,510 Hey, there's chickens in our seats. 11 00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:33,080 Muppet Show. Hey, we've got a terrific show tonight because our special guest 12 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:38,280 one of the world's greatest singers, Helen Reddy. But right now, we whisk you 13 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:43,140 back through time and space to the Palace of Versailles where Marie 14 00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:46,500 bears a striking resemblance to our own Miss Piggy. 15 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,520 We'll be right back. 16 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,680 We could stay alive, stay alive. 17 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:38,240 Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking. Stay alive, stay alive. 18 00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:42,880 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Stay alive, stay alive. 19 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:46,320 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Stay alive. 20 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,760 Well, I'll feed it for them. What's that? 21 00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:02,900 They don't show favoritism. They offend everyone. 22 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,260 Oh, come on. Let us eat cake. 23 00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:09,460 Let us eat cake. 24 00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:12,740 Not only historically wrong, but hysterically wrong. 25 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,600 Suck the blue. 26 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,000 What does that mean? 27 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:17,420 Sacred blue. 28 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:23,460 What a mess this place is. Hey, Beauregard, I've got a job for you. Oh, 29 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:24,940 Just look at this mess. 30 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:26,900 Okay, that sounds easy enough. 31 00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,490 The floor needs sweeping. There's a broom around here someplace. 32 00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:33,170 Oh, yes, there it is. 33 00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,130 Well, step on it. 34 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:36,350 Okay. 35 00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:41,770 Hey, that's a neat trick. 36 00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:44,310 Use some elbow grease. 37 00:04:44,930 --> 00:04:45,930 Elbow grease? 38 00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:51,610 What did I think of that? 39 00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:57,820 And now, it's really an... honor to have with us one of the world's greatest 40 00:04:57,820 --> 00:05:02,540 recording stars, and here she is swinging up a storm at an informal 41 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:05,080 the Muppets' private studio. Ladies and gentlemen, Helen Reddy! 42 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:09,800 One, two, one, two, three. 43 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:23,660 When you can't find a friend, and the road doesn't 44 00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:25,080 seem to end, 45 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,480 And you're lonesome the whole day through. 46 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,240 How can you be happy? 47 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,940 How can you be smiling? 48 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:45,860 How can you be anything but loud and saggy and blue? 49 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,140 Hey, Roger, how's it going? 50 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,460 I think Animal's a little too loud on the drums. 51 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,220 Oh, okay. Hey, Animal! 52 00:06:24,390 --> 00:06:30,430 I watch the cookie bushes shine in the sun. 53 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:39,030 The smell of sweet vanilla lift glows in every breath 54 00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:40,030 of air. 55 00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:43,790 Doesn't anybody want me? 56 00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:45,950 Doesn't anybody want me? 57 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:55,210 And your fortune has all been told. 58 00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:59,010 And your nobody's eyes. 59 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,760 like Helen Reddy, I'd never be on the Muppet Show. 60 00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:03,160 Right. If you had a voice like Helen Reddy, you'd be in a sideshow. 61 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,260 Oh, hey, very good, Beauregard. That really looks great. 62 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,020 You've swept it spotless and polished it, too. 63 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,040 Well, I couldn't find any elbow grease. 64 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:19,740 I expect not. 65 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,140 So I used axle grease. 66 00:08:33,669 --> 00:08:34,890 What kind of an idiot are you? 67 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:37,970 Oh, I didn't know there was a choice. 68 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:40,830 Boyd, watch out! 69 00:08:41,110 --> 00:08:42,110 Hey! 70 00:08:44,169 --> 00:08:45,290 What a fag. 71 00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:55,670 Borgard, how do you manage to stay upright? 72 00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:57,950 Well, I'm wearing these special shoes. 73 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:01,490 You want to borrow them? I don't think I can get any place without them. 74 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,300 Good. Okay. 75 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,420 Let me get my flippers into these slippers. 76 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,840 These are non -slippers. 77 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,980 Yeah. Okay, what is the secret of these miracle shoes? 78 00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:16,400 Oh, there's no secret. I just nailed them to the floor. 79 00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:48,200 It's a mistake. 80 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,360 Today is not my birthday. 81 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:04,300 And so my great -uncle Beauregard said to me, he said, Beauregard, you go into 82 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,740 show business and you'll clean up. 83 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,040 And you know something? He was right. 84 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,140 Were you named Beauregard after him? 85 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,340 About 40 years after. 86 00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,030 Oh, I'm working. 87 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,710 I'm working. That's what I was afraid of. Stop that polishing. 88 00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:24,250 But I've only done a little bit. Get off. Off, off, off, off, off, off. 89 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:28,410 And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to have a brilliant dance number 90 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,590 our own Fozzie Bear and friends. But excuse me one second. Fozzie? 91 00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,590 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, watch, watch, watch. Fozzie, be careful. There's a very 92 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,490 slippery place on the stage out here. Where is that? I don't know. It's right 93 00:10:37,490 --> 00:10:38,490 around here somewhere. 94 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,030 Right here. 95 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,710 Curtain. 96 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,140 Look careful, there's a wet spot right here in the stitch. 97 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,160 Careful, 98 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,640 it's right there. 99 00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:12,819 Terrific, guys. 100 00:11:12,820 --> 00:11:13,820 You look great. 101 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,300 Guys, look careful, there's a place right here. 102 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,560 Watch out, there's a wet place. Watch out, right there. 103 00:11:44,990 --> 00:11:47,290 Here is a bucket full of wine. 104 00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,610 Date wine, Silver Spring, Maryland. 105 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:55,550 At this very moment, Mr. and Mrs. George Laser of Silver Spring are attempting 106 00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:59,230 to break the world's record for overhand refrigerator throwing. 107 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,290 Helen, you did a song about, um... 108 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:09,160 Oh, I don't know. A few years ago. It's one of my very favorite songs of all 109 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,100 time. Really? Which one was it? 110 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,220 Well, it was called You and Me Against the World. 111 00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,940 Oh, sure. That was a song I did with my daughter. 112 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:22,300 Oh, yeah? Yeah. You did it with your daughter? Mm -hmm. Well, do you suppose 113 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:24,100 that you could do it with a frog? 114 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,480 You mean just you and me? 115 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,880 Yeah. 116 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,280 I think so. 117 00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:44,810 You and me against the world Sometimes it feels like 118 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:51,630 you and me against the world When all the others turn 119 00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:58,630 their backs and walk away You can count on me to 120 00:12:58,630 --> 00:13:05,270 stay Remember when the circus 121 00:13:05,270 --> 00:13:06,850 came to town 122 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:19,320 by the clown wasn't it nice to be around 123 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:26,160 someone that you knew someone who was big and 124 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:31,420 strong and looking out for you and 125 00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:38,280 me against the world sometimes it feels like 126 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,300 you and me against the world 127 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:52,260 And for all the times we've cried, I always felt that God was on 128 00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:53,360 our side. 129 00:13:56,900 --> 00:14:03,840 And when one of us is gone, and one of 130 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:10,760 us is left to carry on, then 131 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,860 remembering we'll have to do 132 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:19,480 memories alone will get us through. 133 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:48,919 Hey, Bo? 134 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:49,859 Yes, sir? 135 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,960 I see the floors are no longer slippery. 136 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,440 Oh, well, that's probably because Kermit told me to spread a little sand around. 137 00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:57,940 A little sand. 138 00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:01,100 Somebody ought to teach you the meaning of a little, though. 139 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,720 I don't believe this. 140 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,540 You believe that? 141 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:14,960 And now, Veterinarian Hospital. 142 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:20,920 The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dog. 143 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:22,640 Hubba hubba. 144 00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:27,800 So, where's the next patient? 145 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:29,280 Oh, right here, Dr. Bob. 146 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:31,460 Oh, oh, look at that. 147 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,960 Hey, he looks cold. We better turn up the heat. 148 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:39,540 Dr. Bob, those are not earmuffs he's wearing. He was in the recording studio. 149 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,780 Don't you know about headsets? Of course. The head sets on the neck. The 150 00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:44,780 sets on the shoulders. 151 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,650 I learned that the first year in doctor class. 152 00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:51,750 Dr. Bob, have you forgotten about the patient? 153 00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:55,310 No, the patient is the one who's sick. I learned that the second year. 154 00:15:56,550 --> 00:16:01,270 But, Dr. Bob, this patient, he's lost his hearing. 155 00:16:01,530 --> 00:16:03,030 Well, maybe he dropped it someplace. 156 00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:05,210 I'll look under the table. 157 00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:08,610 What kind was it, a clip -on or one of those pierced jars? 158 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:12,440 Not his earring, his hearing. Dr. 159 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:14,640 Bob. This man can't hear anything. 160 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,660 He's lucky I've heard every dumb word. 161 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:19,580 Well, let's get these off. 162 00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:24,920 There we go. 163 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,480 Can you hear me? 164 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,180 Of course I can hear you. 165 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:29,920 You? Him? 166 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,020 How can I hear him? He hadn't said a word. 167 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,180 If Florence Nightingale had to put up with this, she'd have been a waitress. 168 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,880 Well, I can't do anything about his hearing now. 169 00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:42,140 Call me. tomorrow. 170 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,560 No, Dr. Bob. 171 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:48,380 You're responsible for his ears. You're right. Call me irresponsible. 172 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:54,380 And so we come to the end of another veterinarian's hospital. 173 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,120 Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. 174 00:16:57,380 --> 00:17:00,060 Bob say... Ah! 175 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,740 No wonder he can't hear anything. 176 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,540 He has a tiny little drum in there. It'll have to come out. 177 00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:08,560 No, no, no, no. That's his eardrum. That stays. 178 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,210 What about the tiny little piano and bass? 179 00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:25,750 Call me kangaroo down, sport. Call me kangaroo down. 180 00:17:26,069 --> 00:17:31,290 Call me kangaroo down, mate. Call me kangaroo down. All together now. 181 00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:35,230 Call me kangaroo down, sport. Call me kangaroo down. 182 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:38,090 Call me kangaroo down, mate. 183 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,720 Well, 184 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,320 no more sand. 185 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,020 And the slipperiness is gone. 186 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,520 Hey, nice going, guys. Way to go. 187 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,700 Well, that takes care of the sand. 188 00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:07,100 Yep, and I'm glad to be rid of it. 189 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,560 Yeah, I swept all the sand out of here. 190 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:11,780 Now, where did you put it? 191 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:12,979 Next door. 192 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,060 But that's the stage. 193 00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:18,500 What are we going to do? 194 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:24,520 What can we do? Get some costumes, scooter, get a couple of tents, a palm 195 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,720 Bring back that camel. 196 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,600 You're lucky I just happened to have a palm tree here. 197 00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:37,990 Now, once again, ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest star. Are you 198 00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,370 ready back there? No, we're not ready. 199 00:18:39,690 --> 00:18:44,050 Oh, well, I'll just tell you something about Helen Reddy. I said we weren't 200 00:18:44,050 --> 00:18:46,010 ready. I wasn't talking to you. 201 00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:47,790 Okay, we're ready. 202 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,950 Ladies and gentlemen, Helen Reddy. Oh, I hope this works. 203 00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:11,250 We'll sing in the sunshine. 204 00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:15,630 We'll laugh every day. 205 00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:19,450 We'll sing in the sunshine. 206 00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:23,450 Then I'll be on my way. 207 00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:33,810 I will never love you. 208 00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:37,430 The cost of love too dear. 209 00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:45,550 But though I'll never love you I'll stay with you for a year 210 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:51,950 And we can sing in the sunshine We'll laugh every day 211 00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:58,770 We'll sing in the sunshine Then I'll be... 212 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:14,060 Each morning, I kiss you every night. 213 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,580 But darling, don't cling to me. 214 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:24,540 I'll soon be out of sight. But we can sing in the sunshine. 215 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,680 We'll laugh every day. 216 00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:32,740 We'll sing in the sunshine. 217 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:00,790 grown to like you, so we'll stop. 218 00:22:01,410 --> 00:22:05,750 But not before we say thank you to our wonderful guest star, Helen Reddy! Yay! 219 00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:14,290 Thank you, Kevin. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed working with the camel. 220 00:22:14,470 --> 00:22:17,810 Oh, you say you enjoyed it. I said I can't tell you that. 221 00:22:21,830 --> 00:22:23,570 Hey, lady, you like him? 222 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,010 He's yours. 223 00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:29,830 Good grief. What's his name? 224 00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:31,230 Sopwith. 225 00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:32,650 Sopwith the camel? 226 00:22:33,590 --> 00:22:35,910 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show. 227 00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:47,110 Tomorrow at 7 on The Muppet Show, 228 00:22:47,270 --> 00:22:51,730 things get a little bit country when country and western star Roy Clark guest 229 00:22:51,730 --> 00:22:56,750 stars. Coming up next on Happy Days, Richie is held hostage in Chicago. 230 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,900 what's that? after this show nothing hurts 16840