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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,559 --> 00:00:03,559 Cleo Lane? 2 00:00:03,740 --> 00:00:06,420 Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Lane. I'm ready. 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:10,420 Oh, I hope the Muppets like me. Like? Love! 4 00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:11,960 Love, Cleo Lane! 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,280 Love! 6 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,200 Hey! 7 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,540 Hate me a little, will you? 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:18,800 Love! 9 00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:20,260 Love! 10 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,700 It's the Muppet Show with our special guest, our Miss Cleo... 11 00:00:49,610 --> 00:00:50,870 It's time to put on makeup. 12 00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:52,850 It's time to dress up right. 13 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,090 It's time to get things started. 14 00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,290 It's time to get things started. 15 00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:25,550 one of the truly great stars. 16 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,510 Thank you, thank you. You are too kind. 17 00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:30,190 I am not kind and you are not the star. 18 00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:34,430 Can I talk to you for a second? My mother is in the audience. 19 00:01:35,070 --> 00:01:36,070 Hi, Ma! 20 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,010 Watch me tonight. 21 00:01:40,610 --> 00:01:47,610 In addition to our very funny bear, tonight's guest 22 00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:50,130 is one of the truly great singers, Miss Cleo. 23 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:53,280 Kermit, do you realize that my mother is in the audience tonight and I wasn't 24 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,540 even in the opening number? 25 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:55,760 I don't care. 26 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:58,160 You don't care? Well, why not? 27 00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:00,100 Because I'm all scrunched up. 28 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,280 You are scrunched up. 29 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:10,440 Hey, hey, but Kermit, you see, my mother... Fonzie, would you unscrunch 30 00:04:17,579 --> 00:04:21,180 My mother came here tonight, Kermit. Check. And so did Cleo Lane. I gotta go 31 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:22,180 introduce her. 32 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,060 But, Kermit, when is the bear on? 33 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,220 That's what I want to know. When is the bear on? 34 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,680 And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce a lady 35 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,040 with a truly remarkable voice. Kermit, Kermit, quick, look up there. 36 00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:38,940 What? 37 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,660 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Cleo Lane. 38 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,700 You know, it gives me great pleasure to be appearing here with Dr. Teeth and the 39 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,160 Electric Mayhem Orchestra. 40 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:31,980 Hey, thank you, Cleo. You know, I melt down those gold records and put them in 41 00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:32,859 my teeth. 42 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,400 It's called putting your money where your mouth is. 43 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:42,940 And here we have the man on bass guitar, the hippest of the hip, Floyd. 44 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:55,430 And then we have the weirdest man of the weird, the man on saxophone, Zoot. 45 00:05:56,650 --> 00:06:01,050 Yeah, it was written a zebra and a geranium should never use the same 46 00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:02,050 toothbrush. 47 00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:04,330 Fortunately, good, Zoot. 48 00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:10,370 And here on guitar, the lovely lady herself, Janet. 49 00:06:10,630 --> 00:06:11,850 Oh, wow. 50 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,490 I'm really honored to be here, really. 51 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:15,950 For sure. 52 00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:23,360 I'd rather not introduce him. Oh, he won't hurt you, Cleo. 53 00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:39,320 Must be time for me to go on, right? 54 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,040 Uh, no, no, now it's time for Pigs in Space. 55 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,600 What? Mm -hmm. Kermit, please let me at least be in Pigs in Space. 56 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,680 Uh, you can't. 57 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,420 Well, why can't I be in Pigs in Space? 58 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,100 Because you're not a pig. 59 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,720 Well, nobody's perfect. 60 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:03,380 Oh, if only I had an idea to get me into Pigs in Space. 61 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,200 Will somebody please bring me my Pigs in Space costume? 62 00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:25,980 featuring the Neanderthalic Captain Link Hogthrob, the overdeveloped first mate 63 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:30,200 Miss Piglet, and the tridecophobic Dr. 64 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,039 Julius Strangepork. 65 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:38,880 As we left our heroes last week, Captain Hogthrob had just ordered the Swine 66 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,799 Trek's biannual inspection. 67 00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:46,340 Dr. Strangepork, call the entire crew on deck for inspection. 68 00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:03,270 This ship is a disgrace. 69 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,430 Worse than that, it's like a pigsty. 70 00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,990 We thought it was kind of homey, Link. 71 00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:13,070 Doctor, you're out of line. 72 00:09:13,910 --> 00:09:20,030 I want this entire ship swabbed down from stem to, uh, from stem to, uh, uh, 73 00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:21,690 to the back part. 74 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,530 That's stern, Captain. 75 00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:27,190 You bet that's stern. 76 00:09:27,930 --> 00:09:29,470 I'm sick of sloppiness. 77 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,020 First mate, Biggie. Yes, sir. 78 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,360 Did you shave this morning? 79 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,800 No, mon capitaine, I did not. 80 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,000 Well, see that it never happens again. 81 00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,160 Mark, we're only acting, don't worry. 82 00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:48,040 What? Nothing, just, you know. 83 00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:50,740 Okay, well, that goes for the rest of you men, too. 84 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,200 Dismissed. Dismissed. Except for your first mate, Biggie. Except for me. Yes, 85 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,700 sir. Oh, mon capitaine. 86 00:09:56,190 --> 00:10:00,550 I, First Mate Piggy, would love to be of service to Mon Capitaine, sir. 87 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,070 Ah, you would? Yes, sir. 88 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:08,150 Well, uh, let's step over to the console here. Walk this way. 89 00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:10,090 I try. 90 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:15,090 Uh, First Mate Piggy. Yes, sir. 91 00:10:15,370 --> 00:10:16,930 Stand next to me. Yes, sir. 92 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,670 Look deep into my eyes. Yes, sir. 93 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:21,990 Give us a little kiss, Porkchop. 94 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,730 Yes. Holy ha -ha! No, sir! 95 00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:41,030 For another confusing episode of Pigs in Space. 96 00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:49,050 Okay, where is Fozzie? How dare he steal my costume? 97 00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:51,310 I'll chop him into bear burgers. 98 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,880 Uh -oh. 99 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,180 Hiya, hiya, hiya. Hi, Ma. 100 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,680 It looks like it's just you and me for the rest of the evening, folks. 101 00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:32,280 Thought I'd come out and tell a few jokes. 102 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:33,750 Sing a few songs. 103 00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:35,810 Bobby, will you get off the stage? 104 00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,050 That too, yes. 105 00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:39,550 Let's see now, where was I? 106 00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:43,870 Ladies and gentlemen, it's very seldom that we have a guest puppeteer on the 107 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,350 show. In fact, between you and me, it's rare that we have any puppeteers on the 108 00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:48,350 show. 109 00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:52,930 So it gives me great pleasure to introduce a very talented young man, Mr. 110 00:11:52,930 --> 00:11:53,930 Schwartz. 111 00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,480 That puppet looks so alive. 112 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,940 Well, that's more than I can say for you. 113 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:59,400 Here we go now. 114 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:04,500 In tropical swamps there are certain times of day when all the citizens 115 00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,240 to take their clothes off and perspire. 116 00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,480 It's one of those rules that the greatest fools obey. 117 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:13,240 Because the sun is far too sultry, and one must avoid the sultry violet rain. 118 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:21,240 The natives grieve when the white men leave their hut. 119 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,380 Because they're obviously definitely not. 120 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:30,040 Mad dogs and Englishmen go out and admit they're done. The Japanese don't care 121 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,800 too. The Chinese wouldn't dare too. 122 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,660 Hindus and Argentines, they firmly fall to one. 123 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,280 But Englishmen detest a siesta. 124 00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:41,110 In the Philippines, there are lovely streets to protect you from the glare. 125 00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:44,390 In the United States, perhaps I'd taste which the Britishers won't wear. 126 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,410 At 12 noon, the natives swoon and know for the work is done. 127 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:50,610 But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. 128 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,330 Oh, very good. 129 00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,330 It's such a surprise for eastern eyes to see. 130 00:14:56,710 --> 00:15:00,150 What? That though the English are extinct, they're quite impervious to 131 00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:03,180 When the white man rides, every native hides in glee. Why is that? 132 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:07,200 Because a simple creature's hope he will impair his soul or to be on a tree. 133 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,020 It's a bunch of shame in the English clean, yeah? 134 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:21,660 That they give rise to such hilarity and... Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in 135 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:22,499 the midday sun. 136 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,640 The smallest melee rabbit deplores his awful habit. 137 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,660 In Hong Kong, they strike a gong and fire up a new day gun. 138 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,160 To reprimand his inmate, who's in late. Serves him right. 139 00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:35,140 In the mangrove swamps with the tithon rafts, there's peace from twelve to two. 140 00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:38,280 And caribous lie around and snooze, there's nothing else to do. 141 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,440 In Bengal, they move at all, he sells me for every time. 142 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:45,880 But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday, out in the midday, out in 143 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,240 midday, out in the midday, out in the midday, out in the midday, out in the 144 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,240 midday, son. 145 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,260 Okay, Kermit, now you're going to introduce me, right? 146 00:15:58,590 --> 00:15:59,349 Uh, no. 147 00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:02,910 But, Kermit, my mother is in the audience. When do I go on? 148 00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:06,710 When do you go on? You've already been in all the introductions, Pigs in Space, 149 00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:07,889 and everything else. 150 00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:08,930 What do you want, star billing? 151 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:10,830 That would be nice. 152 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,420 You look like a very understanding person, and maybe you could solve my 153 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:39,540 for me, you see. I hear singing and there's no one there. 154 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,720 I smell blossoms and the trees are bare. 155 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:49,980 All day long I seem to walk on air. 156 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,400 I wonder why. 157 00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:54,380 I wonder why. 158 00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:58,080 Can you tell me why? Because of your behavior. 159 00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:17,450 let's get this together shall we 160 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:17,949 What's that? 161 00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:20,710 Cooking is the second worst thing he does. 162 00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:26,450 And now, ladies and gentlemen... Come here, please, Nami, please. 163 00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:28,210 Yes, now. 164 00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:29,410 Thank you, thank you. 165 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:34,670 Now, ladies and gentlemen, due to an overwhelming demand from him, if not 166 00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:39,070 the rest of us, here is our own furry funny man, Fozzie Bear! 167 00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:43,850 Hey, hey, thank you, thank you, thank you, and thanks. Yo! 168 00:18:44,350 --> 00:18:45,550 Yes, tonight. 169 00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:50,710 because there is a certain someone special in the audience, I will do a 170 00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:51,710 act. 171 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:53,330 Framology. 172 00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,330 Fram what? 173 00:18:55,490 --> 00:18:59,930 And for this demonstration, I will need a volunteer. 174 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:04,170 Fuzzy, what are you going to do? Trust me, it's for my mother. 175 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,250 Okay. Okay, gang. 176 00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:12,990 Framology. The art of reading a person's fortune by feeling the bumps on his 177 00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:13,990 head. 178 00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:16,890 Okay, now, here we go. 179 00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,030 Well, 180 00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:21,750 I can tell you're a very flexible person. 181 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:29,950 Yes, okay. Okay, here we go. I can see in your future, tomorrow, yes, 182 00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:32,730 tomorrow, you will have a stiff neck. 183 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,470 You're going to get another job tomorrow, too, I tell you that. 184 00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:39,410 Do it for Mom. 185 00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:40,890 Okay, here we go. 186 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:44,530 Bob, you got some nice Bob's frog. 187 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,620 Bump. Bump. Wonderful. 188 00:19:46,940 --> 00:19:51,280 Except your, your, uh, your bumps for intelligence are very small. 189 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:55,140 What? Yeah. That's okay. It's okay. I can fix that. 190 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,660 You're gonna what? You're gonna what? 191 00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,100 What? 192 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,180 Hi. 193 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:11,780 Uh, Uncle Kermit's kind of busy right now, so I don't think he'd mind if I 194 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:16,620 you that here now... accompanied by the puppet artistry of Bruce Schwartz, is 195 00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:18,900 the lovely Miss Cleo Lange. 196 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:29,600 If a 197 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:35,800 picture paints a thousand words, then how 198 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:41,060 can I paint you the words? 199 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:49,360 would never show the you I've come to 200 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:55,560 know if a faith could launch 201 00:20:55,560 --> 00:21:02,320 a thousand ships then where am I to 202 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,400 go there's no one 203 00:21:16,519 --> 00:21:22,100 And when my love 204 00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:28,200 for life is running dry, 205 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:33,180 you come and pour 206 00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:38,840 yourself on me. 207 00:21:52,590 --> 00:21:58,970 Tomorrow and the day beside 208 00:21:58,970 --> 00:21:59,970 you. 209 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,640 Then... 210 00:24:00,810 --> 00:24:04,430 Before we go, let's have a warm thank you for our special guest star, ladies 211 00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:05,670 gentlemen, Miss Cleo Lane. 212 00:24:09,050 --> 00:24:10,810 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 213 00:24:11,570 --> 00:24:14,310 Thanks, Kermit. It's been a lot of fun, really. Oh, yeah. 214 00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,990 Hey, Fozzie. Did your mom enjoy the show? 215 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:20,590 Oh, I don't know. I haven't even had time to ask her. Oh, listen, Fozzie, why 216 00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:21,590 don't you ask her? Okay. 217 00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:24,730 Hey, Mom, how'd you like the show? 218 00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:19,830 Well, shall we call it a night right as well certainly wouldn't call it a show 16299