All language subtitles for The Muppet Show - s02e19 - Peter Sellers

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

This episode of The Muppet Show stars
Peter Sellers. It is I, Boris, with his

sobbing violin.

Do you have any requests?

Yes, but you're going to play anyway.

A very funny story about this episode is
Peter basically said that he wanted to

do anything in the show except for one
piece.

There was a piece called The Wall where
Kermit would interview the guest star

for 30 seconds just about themselves.

I thought we'd just sit here and chew
the fat for a while. Oh, Kermit. And

said, I can't do that. I can't be
myself.

Ask me to do anything, but don't ask me
to be myself.

I'll be Queen Victoria, but I don't know
how to be me.

Naturally, the Muppet Show writers did a
wonderful piece where they had him play

Queen Victoria.

Tell John Brown we are ready to receive
him.

Here it is, The Muppet Show with Peter
Sellers.

Peter Sellers?

Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Sellers.

Gonzo!

Fifteen seconds?

I should live so long.

It's the Muppet Show with our special
guest star, Mr.

Peter Sellers!

Get things started on the most
sensational, inspirational celebration.

asked him to play a demented gypsy
violinist.

Listen, I run the show and I don't
understand it.

Anyhow, here he is now, ladies and
gentlemen, Mr. Peter Sellers!

It is I, Boris, with his sobbing violin.

Do you have any requests?

A gypsy's blood is churning.

A gypsy's brain is learning.

A gypsy's roast is burning.

Even though you're playing, maybe you're
rotten.

Who said that?

Something's rotten, what's said here?
Nothing, nothing, boss. You're saying

rotten things here.

Oh, a gypsy's heart is aching, and a
gypsy's heart is tired, as he dances

to the beating's tambourine.

any more talk like that and I will play.

I

love

good gypsy music.

So? So I wish they'd play some.

nice, quiet Gregorian chant.

Oh, what a day this has been. If this
keeps up, I'm going to wind up talking

myself.

My, my, my, another scientific
breakthrough from Muppet Labs.

Bunsen Honeydew, what do you mean by
sneaking up on me like that?

What's going on around here? I've been
shouted at, run down by a... a

motorcycle, and now I think I'm going
to... Hey, Kermit, you're talking to

yourself.

Thank goodness we got a quiet song
coming up.

When the whippoorwill is singing in the
forest.

That's a whippoorwill.

When the little brook is murmuring a
tune.

When the mockingbird is chirping in the
wild wood and a lonely

wolf is howling at the moon.

When the leaves of the old oak tree
start a rustling

and a waterfall makes sounds like
woman's tears.

When the whole world is filled with
Mother Nature's noises.

That's the time to stuff cotton in your
ears.

Yeah, you never know when something
funny is going to happen on this show.

Did something funny happen?

Yeah. You'd never know it.

Well, that was supposed to be a nice,
quiet number.

receive him.

Peter, what is this?

It was to have been, my dear Kermit, it
was to have been a grand impersonation

of Her Late Majesty Queen Victoria
whilst on vacation at Bognor Regis in

year 1888.

But what went wrong?

I couldn't remember what she looked
like.

You know, I just love all your wild
characters, Peter.

But, you know, backstage here, you can
just relax and be yourself.

But that, you see, my dear Kermit, would
be altogether impossible.

I could never be myself.

Never yourself?

No. You see, there is no me. I do not
exist.

I beg your pardon.

Yes? There used to be a me.

But I had it surgically removed.

Can we change the subject?

Oh, certainly, certainly.

As a matter of fact, you might just be
interested in a new act that I have

recently perfected.

What is it? Well, it's original, it's
original.

I recite the soliloquy from
Shakespeare's...

Richard III, whilst and at the same time
playing tuned chickens.

You recite the soliloquy from
Shakespeare's Richard III whilst and at

time playing tuned chickens? You have
it, my dear Kermit, you have it.

Tuned chickens once more into the
bridge.

is the winter of our discontent.

May it be a glorious summer by the sun
of York and

all the clouds that lard upon our house
in the deep wood of...

Yes, that is really wonderful.

But you can't do that on our show. Why
not?

Well, because Gonzo just did it last
month.

I have died here.

It was terrible. I mean, they've got no
taste around here. Oh, but you're

absolutely right, my dear Gonzo.

They have no taste at all.

Where did he go?

You know, that's been happening all day
around here. I don't know why, but if

people or objects just suddenly appear
or disappear, just try to ignore them.

I cancel that last remark.

I have a pressing appointment.

Thank goodness he got away in time.

Unlike some people around here.

My foot is stuck.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, who choose
gum around here?

The great Gonzo also sings, and here he
is to sing an old favorite down memory

lane.

Ladies and gentlemen, the great Gonzo.

I am strolling down memory lane.

Down, man.

Some folks remember their mothers and
others their girlfriends

behind.

But I am strolling down memory lane
without...

One.

Seventy -two.

Seventy -three.

Somebody call for some medicine?

Oh, yes, Doc.

Good.

Well, I'm just here to try to...

Loosen up your another little body, you
know.

Good, Doc.

I shall start here.

How does that feel? Oh, nice. You like
that?

Oh, yeah.

Now, the next thing I must do, Link, is
to test out the elasticity of the

tendons in the leg areas.

It's quite easy.

By the use of this simple little thing.

I'm sure that it missed you. I tried a
good shot, you know.

Tell me, Link, if you can feel that the
blood is flowing in there.

How is that?

And again, he's on this one here.

How is that?

Oh, Dr.

Medvednik, he is pleased, you know.
That's a very unusual feeling.

No. I'm going to try both of them.

Oh, it's dead.

You can feel that?

Oh, yeah. Is it doing you good, Linky?

Hey, I got it.

Oh,

Linky, let me see if that has done what
I...

Yes.

Yes, yes.

I think it's necessary, Link. I am
prepared for a little bit of

here. I'm just going to easily bring
this leg around to the front.

You did not feel that, Link. Oh, no.

The muscles are in such good condition.
I can tell a good muscle when I feel

one, Link.

And this one will have to come the other
side.

That is leaving your arms free at the
moment you know this.

But it's necessary when in this position
for the vertebrae and the outer

deltoids, you understand, to bring this
arm here and the other arm there.

I'm putting this here like this.

Hey, Link, you've got my arm in here.

Let go of me, Link.

Let go of my arm, Link.

Well, uh... Thank you, Link.

I can see you like to keep it when
you've got it, huh?

Wait while I put this here.

Is that my foot?

Oh, Linky, how do you feel?

Oh, yes, well, very different, Doc.

Is it circulating nicely around your
body?

Good, I can see that you're in real good
condition, Ali.

At the same time, it's sweet to me.

What?

No.

Go check the next act, please. Yes, sir.
Hey, Kermit, take it easy. Come on now.

Oh, Kermit, that's the best massage I've
ever had.

That Peter O'Toole is good.

Peter O'Toole? What is

this? I think I'm going crazy today.

Kermit! Oh, Kermit! Kermit! Oh, no.

The next act.

Canceled. What?

But that was a terrific act. That was
Prunella and her prancing poultry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kermit, see, about that poultry,
yesterday, duck hunting season began.

I don't want to hear about it. I will go
and explain to the audience.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know how
to tell you this, but frankly, the next

act can't make it.

They're otherwise engaged with a lot of
orange sauce, I'm afraid.

Anyhow, I don't have anything to replace
it.

Oh, boy.

You may have noticed that we're not
terribly well organized around here, and

tonight I'm just barely making it. I
don't know.

Sometimes it's very difficult.

Being green.

Having to spend each day the color of
the leaves.

When I think it could be nicer being red
or yellow or gold

or something much more colorful like
that.

It's not easy being green.

It seems you blend in with so many other
ordinary things.

And people tend to pass you over because
you're not standing out like flashy

sparkles in the water or stars in the
sky.

But green's the color of spring.

important like a river or tall like a
tree

when

green is all there is to be it could
make

you wonder why but why wonder

why I wonder.

I'm green and it'll do fine.

It's beautiful and I think it's what I
want to be.

Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the
future is being made today.

Well, I am just bubbly with excitement.

We have just been testing our new Muppet
Labs teleporter, and it works

perfectly.

You see, a teleporter is a device which
instantly transports people from one

place to another.

So that's what's been happening around
here. You have been zapping people in

out of my theater.

Please, Mr. Kermit, I'm in the very
midst of an important demonstration.

Oh, yeah? Well, listen, I'm in the midst
of a nervous breakdown.

You cannot go zapping people around.

As I was saying, our new teleporter
works perfectly.

A few minutes ago, I sent my assistant,
Beaker, hurtling through space to the

deepest jungles of Africa.

And now we will bring him back.

There. Back to Africa they go. And now,
just Beaker will return.

That's all today from Muppet Lad.

I am going to make this introduction.

Ladies and gentlemen. Now is the winter
of our discontent.

You're supposed to be in your costume
for the next number. Oh, I beg your

pardon. Oh, wait. By the way, the show
is running a bit long, so try to be

short. Short, yes. How about this?

He takes things so literally.

Ladies and gentlemen, I take pride in
presenting the incredible Peter Sellers.

Hey, preachman, dear friends, you're
about to... receive on John Barleycorn,

nicotine, and the temptations of ease.
Oh, yay!

Oh, it's so good, let's hear it! You
will, brother, you will.

The melody's quick.

How I was happy and I had a good life.

I had enough money to last me for life.

She taught me to smoke and to drink.

in his face.

That's my definition, believe.

Take warning, dear stranger, take
warning, dear friend.

Well, what did you think?

Yeah, I know what you...