Original subtitles

Well, listen, extremes, I'd like to welcome you to the show. I'm sure you're

feeling a little bit shy, but don't worry.

How's everything so far?

Well, you know, it makes me want to...

You know, I think you're going to fit right in.

Digit, roll the opening.

Hi there, and welcome to our very first show. We're all really excited about

this.

Almost all of us are excited.

Anyhow, this program will give you a chance to see a lot of different things.

represents the very best of the work we've been doing lately.

Now, our show is usually divided into two half -hours.

Tonight's second half is a beautiful, eerie tale from the storyteller called

Heartless Giant.

our show however we go to muppet television and the frog in charge of

old friend named kermit you remember kermit listen don't give me any trouble

kermit presides over a place called muppet central a huge control room into

which feeds every video source you can imagine and kermit has to pick and

the stuff he thinks will enjoy now he promises that tonight's episode is

going to be out there i don't know what that means but i assume it's a good

thing kermit Oh, yes, it's a very good thing, because tonight's show centers

around the theme of science fiction, and I'm relying very heavily on Digit,

since this whole area is very close to his heart.

Yes, when I die, I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

And so, without further ado... Wait, wait.

Amazing news. I'm picking up TV signals from deep space.

What? Yes.

Alien beings are transmitting TV programs not unlike our own.

But that would prove that there's intelligent life in other galaxies.

No, it just proves they have television.

Oh, listen, Digit. Why don't you see if you can feed the signal to our viewers,

and I will go cancel some of the boring parts of this show.

Wait just a minute there.

Oh, hi, Louie.

Did I hear you cancel my spot?

Oh, no, no. Not you, Louie. You see, we'll be getting you a little bit later.

Just wait right there in that monitor.

All right.

Do you have any magazines?

No, but you might find this pretty interesting because Digit's going to

some alien TV shows.

Digit?

Oh, that was no Norblick. That was my peen freeble. Oh, that's great. I tell

you, Kermit, this stuff is much more my kind of humor.

Is that thing the receiver?

Yes. It's coming through loud and clear from somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy.

Well, how do we get to see it?

Well, you don't. I'm using my head as a terminal, so the best I can do is

describe it to you.

What? Oh, I've heard of this. It has a name.

It's called radio.

Well, at least we've got an opening number. And here they are, the extremes.

I don't want to take any

more. Don't take it.

I just stay here locked behind the door. And throw away the keys.

There's just no time to...

Excuse me. I have to get ready for my number.

Okay.

Digit? Oh, Digit, are you still picking up television signals from the Andromeda

galaxy?

Shh, Kermit, the glinstroff is loose.

Oh, Lord, he's picking up the cupcakes.

Don't open the door.

Must be some sort of intergalactic horror movie.

Oh, no, don't do that.

What'd they do? What'd they do?

They cut the commercial. Don't you just hate that?

Good grief.

Oh, look, it's our guest star, Louie Anderson.

Now here's something we can actually see.

Geez, I didn't expect such an elegant place.

Though I was surprised that they made you put on that tie.

I know how you resent that sort of thing.

Did it upset you?

Coming to a specially selected theater near you, Louie Anderson's remake of a

film classic, My Dinner with Godzilla.

I mean, I really admire the way you can express yourself so freely.

I mean, look at me here right now.

I really wanted this steak well done.

But I have to go through this whole involved mental process just to bring

to send something back.

Oh, thanks.

But see, that's what I mean. You can act on your impulses while I sit here. I've

got my mother's voice in my head saying, hey.

What about your table manners?

I mean, do you ever have that kind of inner conflict when you're stomping down

cities?

This was a four -star restaurant. I think you just knocked it down to two.

That's what I admire about you.

You're so, I don't know, focused.

You know what you want, and you go after it.

Or am I just plugging into my need to see you that way?

Perplexing. Provocative.

Challenging. My dinner with Godzilla.

Let's see. You had Tokyo, right?

Boy, there's a movie to keep an eye out for.

Oh, this beauty contest from outer space is fantastic.

Beauty contest?

What part are they doing? What part?

The swimsuit competition.

Did you, my friend?

There must, I say, there must be a way for all of us to see this.

Well, as a matter of fact, there might be.

Very thrilling point in this year's Miss Galaxy pageant. The judges are about to

announce our winner. They'll be awarding points for beauty, intelligence, and

genetic originality.

But while we're waiting, let's talk with two of our lovely finalists, Jo Beth

Goff to who? Miss Crab Nebula.

And Zsa Zsa Pork Mustard from the Planet Coos Bay.

Come on in.

Wait a minute. Now, Jo Beth.

Hi, Jo Beth.

Hi. Are you nervous?

A little. Well, you shouldn't be because you're lovely. You're lovely. Thank

you. What is your favorite thing about being a beauty queen?

Well, that's a hard question.

You mean there are so many favorite things.

No, I...

work with underprivileged children and then eat them.

Now, Zsa Zsa, for that talent spark, many of our contestants like to sing a

song. You chose instead to excrete ammonia while setting fire to your nose.

Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt. Hold that thought. This is the moment we've all

been waiting for. The new Miss Galaxy is about to be crowned, so it's over to

the judges.

Eating them.

And so, from the Hotel Swanky, Ursa Major, this is Marty the Earthling

may be tasteless, but at the moment, that's all that's keeping me alive.

Maybe a little hollandaise. Stay away from me.

Whoa, that was disgusting.

Let's eat some more of this stuff.

All right, but I need more power.

You got it, Digit.

Eat. That's good paper.

Here you go, Digit. Oh, thank you, Leon. Wait a second. That's the master input.

That table contains every video feed on the planet.

Whoa.

Lucy, I'm home.

And here's bachelor number two.

One of these days, Alice.

Pow, right in the kisser.

Dr. Welby, will he be all right?

Nanu nanu.

Cut to commercial.

Hey, Kerr.

How's Digit? Oh, well, he's still in bad shape, but Lindbergh is giving him

first aid.

Wait a minute.

Lindbergh is a TV repairman, a pipe fitter, and a cheap metal worker. The

perfect man to give Digit first aid.

I see what you mean.

Hey, what you doing?

Well, I thought I would check and see what was on the Heavy Culture Channel.

Heavy. Too heavy for me.

And now, a dramatization of Count Leo Tolstoy's classic novel, War and Peace.

This week, part one, War.

Tune in next week for part two, Peace.

Today's show was brought to you by the letter Friday, Joe Friday.

with more precipitation Saturday morning. And you are no Jack Kennedy.

I don't seem to be able to fix him. Are you a doctor?

Well, I'm an expert in first aid and plumbing.

If he dies, could you come in and take a look at my sink?

Kermit, I think I can help.

Prepare for surgery.

Waldo, what are you going to do?

I'm going in.

I'm ready.

Waldo, where are you now?

I'm in a big room with lots of dusty file cabinets and cobwebs.

Where's that?

I think Waldo's made his way into Digit's brain.

Let's see if you can find the motor reflexes. Is this it?

Right above that should be the emotion control.

Feelings, oh, feelings.

Wish I'd never met you, girl.

Turn it down, turn it down.

Hey, I'm drawing a blank, guys.

Can you zip me out of here, Lindy? No problem. I'll just hit this yellow

translocation button and it'll beam you right...

Okay, Bootsy, here's all the stuff you'll need for a whole new adventure.

Oh, Brad's going to be so surprised.

Come on, Bootsy.

I'm going nutty.

Let me see your new outfit.

I'm getting dressed, Brad.

This one's a little complicated.

So cool your retro rockets and get ready for it.

Reach for the stars.

I'd sure like to blast off with you, Boots, and catch that swingy space

And how about this dreamy Bootsy life support system?

Well, I guess it's pretty nice.

Hey, why so glum, Brad?

Well, I was just thinking.

Here you are, Bootsy the fashion model, Bootsy the career girl, Bootsy the

astronaut.

With all these high -powered careers, when are you going to find time for me?

Yes, I do have fabulous careers, Brad.

And a wardrobe to go with each one.

But there's one thing I need to make every outfit complete.

What's that, Boots?

You on my arm.

Oh, Boots, and I was worried.

Does that mean that we can be astronauts together?

Well, Brad, being an astronaut takes a lot of special training and tailoring. I

could learn.

Here, Bootsy, I made you a spaceship of your very own. Oh, okay, Brad. Get ready

for your first lesson.

In my new Bootsy Reach for the Stars Spacester. Wow.

Kinky wheels, Boots.

Hop on.

Wow. This astronaut's stuff is a gas.

Next time, I'll show you how to push the button that fires those zippy turbo

thrusters. This button, Boots?

Hey, Lindbergh, get us out of here.

I can't. I can't reach the yellow button from inside here. If we work together,

maybe we can get Digit to push the button.

We have to figure out how to move him.

I'll look for a motor control.

Hey, hey, come here. Look at this.

What's that?

It's a control marked locomotion.

Great. Push it.

Everybody's doing their brand new dance now.

Come on, baby, do the locomotion.

Flynnburg, turn it off.

Hey, I found the hand control.

The feet. Quick, find the controls for the feet.

Let me try these ones here.

No, no, push it the other way. I'll try.

Now, find the finger.

Finger here.

Now, the yellow button. Quick. Turn, turn.

Towards the yellow button. Here we go.

Getting closer. Here we go.

That was fun.

Now what?

I know I had a tool belt on when I went in.

Oh, no.

Oops. Oh, here's Louie Anderson.

Space Guy, the thrilling story of a guy in space.

When last we left Space Guy, he and his faithful crew of lobsters had just

escaped another harrowing experience.

Jeez, that was a harrowing experience.

I tell you, this is one space guy who's never going to mix antimatter and beer

nuts again.

Captain Space Guy!

What now, Lobster Debbie?

I'm picking up communications from an alien vessel.

Shall I put them on the view screen?

It's almost time for Bonanza.

Where's the remote?

The lobsters were higher in the paper. Look under the cover.

What was that?

Look, it's an alien being.

Actually, I'm an alien being.

Hello. I'm Commander Bunny from the planet Q -Tron.

What do you want?

I want to be your friend.

I've had friends.

Ah, what do you say? Do you want to sing a song or play a game?

Eat my socks, you little carrot sucker.

before my ferocious team of combat lobsters have to get robbed.

I'm Space Guy!

Lobsters? What a coincidence. We just found all this melted butter, right?

So long, space chump.

Hey, hey, don't take the remote.

So are we friends now?

I'll see you as rabbits do first, hairball.

You know, you wouldn't be so cranky if you were cute.

Maybe a little dose of the cute ray will cheer you up.

Gotcha. My nose.

What are you doing?

My hands.

I'll get you for this, you piece of garbage.

See? You just keep getting cuter and cuter.

Stop it. Stop it.

Oh, you won't make me cute. You won't.

Think of things that aren't cute.

Toxic waste.

Shotguns. Leonard Nimoy. Cigar butts.

The cutest, cuddliest, most pinkaliciously wonderful person in the

Pinkaboo? Pinkaboo?

Will you be my friend?

Maybe I set it too high.

Kermit, you've tried everything.

Poor Digit. Never mind Digit. What about my tool belt?

I love screwdriver.

Never mind that. We're almost out of time.

Kermit, there's a variety show from outer space you just have to see.

A variety show from outer space? We don't have time for that, Gonzo. We have

do something about a closing number. We don't have time for that, Osnog.

We have to do something about a closing number.

What did he say?

Why, what did you say?

Wait a second. Who are you?

I'm Tim Rick the Gorf, and we're the Tupums.

Hey, you don't have any idea for a closing number, do you?

Gee, I don't know. I guess things are about the same the whole galaxy over.

When you don't have a closing number, there's only one thing to do.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Pardon me, boy, is that the Chattanooga choo -choo?

Strike 29, boy, you can give me a shine.

I can afford to board a Chattanooga choo -choo.

I've got my fare, and just to try for despair.

Leave the Pennsylvania station at a quarter to four.

Read a magazine and then you're in Baltimore.

Dinner in the diner, nothing could be finer than to have your hammer next to

Carolina.

Well, there's going to be a certain party at the station.

Saturday.

I've merchandised you to 16 toy companies.

Get my agent on the phone.

When you hear the whistle blowing into the bar, then you know that Tennessee is

not very far.

Shovel all the coal in, gotta keep it rolling.

Woo -woo, Chattanooga, there you are.

There's gonna be a certain party at the station.

Saturday night, I used to call funny things.

She's gonna cry.

Some time ago, we got to wondering what it would be like to combine ancient

European folktales with the visual punch and pace of today's music videos.

Now, that idea gave birth to our series of programs called The Storyteller,

starring John Hurt.

He's with us tonight, telling a tale called The Heartless Giant.

On the whole, there's absolutely no need to be frightened of giants.

Giants are gentle, perfectly harmless, very affectionate.

Unless, of course, the giant has no heart in its body.

Think of all kinds of unpleasant things and add giant to them. And that's what

you get when a giant has no heart.

Such a giant once terrorized a country in the far north of the world near the

very top.

He'd hidden his heart. He gave him too much trouble, all those giant feelings.

In its face was a wasp's nest about to swarm.

this giant could crack a skull with his fist like a walnut, and frequently did.

Until at last, the old king of that country, as good as the giant was bad,

trapped him in a giant trap and locked him in a giant cell.

Good. Very good.

And there he stayed for many a year, and all would have been well but for a

small problem.

A small problem called Leo, youngest of the king's three sons.

He is so curious.

Now there's a dark place he's forbidden to visit.

His brothers tell him a giant lives there with no heart.

But he doesn't believe it. I don't believe it!

a giant?

It doesn't matter once if you're a giant and twice if you're not.

Do you have a heart then, once for yes and twice for no?

A giant with no heart doesn't spoil you.

Little Prince runs off. His imagination ablaze. He's so excited.

There's a giant with no heart living in the castle.

Next morning, he's up at the crack and running past his mother. Leo, where are

you off to?

Nowhere.

Can you hear me?

Yes.

Why are you down there?

Because. Long ago, I did some bad things.

This is my punishment.

I've been here for years and years.

Unless I'm let out soon, I will surely die.

Oh, don't worry. I'll go and tell my father.

No, don't tell anybody. Please.

Would you like to be my friend?

Yes, please.

Good.

Good.

He's bad, that giant.

Oh, yes.

Day after day, the little prince comes visiting. He wants to tell the whole

world about his friend.

But he can't. So he mustn't. So he won't.

And in the dark, dank black of the dungeon, the heartless giant plots.

The keys to my locks.

Do you know where they're kept?

I don't know.

Long ago, a guard said the king kept the keys to buy his bed.

Oh, those keys.

They're huge. They're massive.

I thought they must be for the crown jewels.

Oh, no.

They're for me.

They're for my misery.

Do you know something?

Think if I got those old queen and let you out, nobody would even realize.

No, that's not right.

This is my punishment.

I deserve it.

It's not fair that you're chained down there.

I bet that chain hurts your legs.

Only sometimes.

I don't care what you say.

Then go and get those keys.

And so, that very night, Leo crept into the room where the king and queen were

sleeping.

Snake, I've got the keys!

Who goes there?

Hurry! Hurry!

me.

He's escaped.

What's happening?

A giant has escaped.

Leo, go back to your room and help me.

How did he escape after all this time? He had the keys, my lord.

Someone helped him.

Someone betrayed us.

A madman.

Only a madman would help a giant with no heart.

Starting again.

Leo, I said get back to your room.

That's right.

Someone betrayed us. Only a madman would help a giant with no heart.

The boy's face swam with tears. So let down he felt. So

stupid.

And from that moment, the boy in him, the innocent heart, the joy in him,

they were gone.

Like his friend.

And they would never return.

Where are you going?

Going to get back the giant. Get back to bed.

Good luck.

I'm sorry.

But his brother didn't hear.

He'd gone to find the giant.

And he didn't come back.

Brother!

Where are you going?

To find our brother and to kill the giant. But he'll trick you.

Wish me luck.

Terrible, our boy felt as his brother rode off.

Terrible. And this brother didn't come back either.

Mother?

Your father says he intends to go off to fight the giant.

He can't. He mustn't. I've lost two sons already. He's too old. He's too ill.

Don't cry.

Leo, promise me. Promise me you won't hurt him.

But he can't promise. How can he? Were it not for him, the heartless giant

still be chained and locked and safe in the dungeon.

No, he did the damage. He must repair it. So off, madness.

Off, folly. Off, for goodness sake, to find the giant and put an end to his

cruelty.

And so the young prince Leo rides the land in search of his once friend, the

heartless giant.

Three winters come and go, their bitter shiver, until one day he comes to a

place and knows he's in the giant's cruel footsteps.

Help me, cries a trampled bird. The giant broke me, and now I cannot fly,

eat. Help me.

And Leo tended the bird.

fixed its wing, fed it bread soaked in milk, and soon all was well with it.

Thank you, cried the bird.

If you need me, I shan't forget.

Not long after, he stops at a stream, and he hears a flapping, hears a

thrashing, hears a slapping.

Help me, cries the choking fish.

Help me back into the water. I'm stuck here. I'm stranded. I'm beached up and

landed.

Now Leo's famished, and he loves a fish.

But he's suffered sufficient, this fellow.

Back he goes to where the salmon is king.

Thank you, cries the fish.

I'd have scoffed him if he was so hungry.

I like fish.

Would you?

Well, listen.

He goes on a little further, and now his horse gives up the ghost.

His old horse, who's carried the prince a thousand miles and more, sinks slowly

to his knees and rolls over on his side and dies.

So did the prince eat his horse?

No, he didn't. He couldn't.

He lay down beside it, famished and forlorn. He shuts his eyes, squeezing

back tears, drifting into dreams.

Ah.

It's his mother nursing him.

Licking up his wet cheeks.

Hugging him.

Don't move.

Terrible teeth glistening.

I've not eaten since the winter game.

Help me. Let me eat your horse. I'll eat it and be strong again.

Trust me.

But how can Leo trust anyone?

He's trusted before and been betrayed.

That's right, that's right. Let the wolf starve.

Please. Please.

Or I must surely die.

No, don't do it.

Eat your fill.

And if you must, then afterwards, eat me.

And the wolf eats the horse and sucks the bones until there's not a scrap

save the reins.

Master, come here.

Might you go now?

Yes, us both.

I'll help you.

On my back, sir.

Let's leave this place.

And he does, and they do, and they go a gray dash.

A day and a night and a morning.

Until they come at last to a garden full of statues.

Stone men, stone women, stone soldiers.

This is my brother.

This is the giant's work.

There is his house.

All who approach, he turns to stone.

Oh, no, look, you too.

It's so cold.

The giant was my friend. He really was.

He's no one's friend.

He has no heart in his body.

Then I must find his heart.

Did you get that drum?

It's mine. It's me, Leo.

Prince Leo.

Yes, it is you.

I can see now.

Well, are you the same as your brothers?

Come to challenge me?

No, I come in guilt.

If you will take me in.

Or I must go into exile.

Guilty? About what?

That you set me free.

You were a child.

I had to fool you to get the keys.

Otherwise, I'd still be there, rotting.

But stay if you like.

No tricks, though.

No traps.

Else, you'll end up the same.

As your brothers.

No tricks, no traps, agreed the boy, and went inside.

He's a servant now for the heartless giant.

For weeks he cleans, for weeks he scours, until spic where spec was and

where squalor.

Each evening, the giant returns from his wild outings to find the fire lit, the

hearth swept, and his trousers pressed.

He likes this.

Very nice.

Very nice.

Thank you. I should have had a servant before.

And I don't treat you bad, do I? For a heartless giant.

So what happened to your heart?

It's in safekeeping.

Can't feel without it, can I?

Can't get hurt.

Can't die from the breaking of it. Clever.

So where is it, then?

Elu Pryze is prone to die.

Do you follow me?

Yes.

But I'll tell you if you want to know.

My heart's in that.

In the cupboard?

His own heart pounds.

And he can hardly wait until the morning.

But no heart.

Oh, no. The heart's not there at all.

I'm back.

Smell? Polish.

What are you polishing that old cupboard for?

The home of your heart. It should be polished.

Did you really think I kept my heart in a cupboard?

What a dimble!

It's not there, then.

Of course it's not.

Under the step.

So the next morning, off stomps the giant, and out goes our boy, digging out

steps. Stone, dust, roots, but no heart.

I'm back.

What's that?

Oh, you must have trodden on the step. I painted it.

What? A dapple box.

You thought my heart was under the step.

Have these off, then.

The fact is, no one can find my heart.

I'll tell you exactly where it is, and you'll still not be able to find it.

Far away. So far.

You cannot fathom it.

So high you cannot climb it.

It's a mountain.

And in the mountain is a lake. And in the lake is an island. In the island is

church. In the church is a well. In the well is a duck. In the duck is an egg.

And in the egg is my heart.

See?

No! Not so easy, little thief, eh?

Not such a diddle and a dawdle as you thought.

No. Your father tricked me once.

And I shan't be tricked again.

An egg in a dock in a well in a church in an island in a lake in a mountain.

Impossible.

But that night, Leo steals away and calls for his friend the wolf.

Up he gets.

Tidy homes, and off they go, headlong a breathless blur of world flashing by.

And they're at the mountain, clambering, scrambling.

And then, there's the lake, and there's the church.

But the church is locked, and the door will not budge. Look, said the wolf,

and there, impossibly high, dangled the key.

We'll never reach it.

And in they go, into the church, where they find the well.

And sure enough, in the well swims a duck. Come on, come on.

Oh, no.

Now what?

What's that?

It's the fish.

It's my fish.

Catch it. I've got it.

I've a good mind to crack your ears.

I've a good mind to set you there with your brothers.

Stop that!

Years ago, sir, you broke my heart.

Now I shall break yours.

No, be careful.

Please, don't break that.

I will, I will break it. I will squeeze it and squeeze it to bits. Unless you

release my brothers and all these poor people.

Nurse! I'll do anything you ask.

Look, I'm doing it.

Now.

Brother, you rescued us.

The Lord, our little brother.

Praise the Lord.

Now, quick, smash the egg. Don't give it back.

Don't be stupid.

I've done as you bid.

Can I have my heart?

You can, sir, as I promised.

For I know that with your heart in place, you could not be as you are now.

Not now.

It would be years I've stood here helpless and watched your cruelty. The

he's beaten. The vile murder.

Please, don't leave.

Life with life.

Spite with spite.

The pain you've caused, I now repay.

You promised.

What's happening?

There was a wasp's nest where his heart should have been.

And where the giant fell, a hill grew.

And in time, and when much was long forgot, the place was still known as the

Hill of the Heartless Giant.

But he would have changed that giant.

He would have reformed with his heart back.

Yes, I know.

Cruel.

Do you know?

Prince Leo lived to be a great age, became king, had 42 grandchildren, and

told them all that tale.

But in his story, the giant got back his heart and made amends for all his

wrongs. Because, you see, despite all that took place, a little boy once met

a giant, and they became friends.