All language subtitles for Real Husbands s02e13 Season 2 Reunion

Coming up on Real Husband of Hollywood.

He fell!

I'm too famous to open, you hear me?

You're famous, but you're black famous.

Kevin is short, and people need to know
that his thing is big.

You tried to assassinate me. Kevin, what
happened to you?

Kevin, what happened? What happened to
you?

CBS coming to you live.

if you feel sorry for him. Go away.

Kevin Hart.

Is that you?

You don't know me.

You don't know me.

I'm set up. You smell like shit, Kevin.

And not me.

Well, apparently he's not the only one
who was on the corner all day.

Yeah, why don't you shut up?

Huh? To give a direct answer, as JB's
lawyer, I can say for him that he has

decided to pursue less opaque
opportunities.

Yeah, right.

Good for him. Yeah, he over there opaque
and then... All right, well, let's just

see what JB has to say for himself.

What's up, bitches?

trivia for you. What's black and white
with dollar bills shooting out of his

ass? No, not one of Kevin's strippers.

My new white show.

Everything around here is white. This
man right here is white.

Around here, we get five on the white
hand side.

Everything white. Unlike your show, I'm
the blackest thing around here.

Hey, brother, where you going at? For
me, I work.

white sheep. I didn't know J .B. was
left -handed. So I'll say this, fellas,

Espanol.

Adios!

Peace!

What's up, white girl?

Oh!

Way to go, J .B. Do your thing, baby.

Are those your toes?

It's a sock. That's your toenail. That's
a sock. That's not my toe.

Come on, man.

Kevin, seriously, what happened to you?

You're talking about what happened to
you.

Look at you.

Look at you. Look at your hair.

Look at your legs and your stupid face.

Really, Kevin, that is a question. I
mean, you had it all. You had the

You had the beautiful Victoria's Secret
model, Salida E. Banks. What'd you just

say? Salida E. Banks.

Hey, don't nobody bring that name up to
me. You hear me?

Who? I told the producers the only way I
was coming on that show is if nobody

bought that damn name. I mean it.
Listen.

Don't bring it up. Say it again.

Somebody say it again.

Say it again.

You know what? I'm done. I'm out. Get my
sandwich.

I want my sandwich and my soda.

What? What are you talking about? The
producers promised me that I was going

get a sandwich and a soda. They said I
was going to get a footlong.

Get my footlong. Did you check the green
room?

I checked the green. They wouldn't let
me in there. I'm not playing.

I saw outside going through the garbage
can. My God.

Looked like Kevin a little bit. That was
Kevin, unfortunately.

That was Kevin. Yeah.

pastrami and a BLP. That's the bacon,
lettuce, and pamper.

Bacon, lettuce, and ham.

That taste is that.

Oh,

looky, looky here.

If it isn't Chris Rock, a .k .a. my
opener.

Would you steal my spot, Chris?

I don't steal nothing, man. I endorse.

Thank you, the only one out here.

I just endorse these sandwiches, Chris.

You need to endorse them for breeze.

You smell like a rotten egg taking a
shit.

Why don't we go ahead and endorse a clip
and see what all of this fuss is about.

Step out here so I can really see it.
You like it?

Walk in it. Let me see you walk. I'm
gonna walk in it.

Oh, hell.

Like, uh, Chris's leaf?

I'm not paying that.

for no watch, so that's not going to
happen ever.

Then take it. Well, Chris, you got to
be... Hey, Chris. Chris.

Chris. When you reach my level, it's not
called stealing, it's called endorsing.

Wow. Watch out. Stop.

Chris Rock, I need your car. Chris Rock.

Get out. I got some show business to
take care of. Did you see that? Yeah, I

it. Don't care.

If you can't do this, you can't close.

Just saying something. There's nothing
that Chris Rock can do that I can't do.

You're no Chris Rock. You can do it.

Damn,

Kev. I don't know what hit you harder,
that car or life.

I'm going to go with life.

It's because of jokes like that that
he's always going to be my opener.

Oh, come on, man. Even your own attorney
says... I should be closing the show.

No, she didn't. She didn't say that. The
thing is, he's been around longer, and

you're eating out of a garbage can.

I ain't nobody's opener. You hear me?

I ain't nobody's opener.

Kev, what you got to understand is I'm
actually famous.

You're more black famous.

What? You know what I'm saying? Like, I
host the Oscars.

You hosted the Roscos.

Wow. I'm famous in Beverly Hills. You're
famous at the Foxhole Mall.

That's stupid.

What is it, Chris?

What, you not proud of being black, man?
Oh, I'm very proud of being black. I

just don't want to be paid. like I'm
black.

polite about me i'll make you disappear
next did you hear me from down there

okay now see this is gonna get you in
trouble you being late that's why i

book from the dealers well i hope you
play some beef wayne words like that

me want to come why did you throw my
beyonce wig in the

trash you know tomorrow night is sasha
fair's night

We just posted a new show. I told them
how we killed it today.

I told you we killed it.

Actually, yeah.

And you can watch it from the comfort of
your own home.

You're fired.

on this stage.

I got friends.

You ain't got no friends. I got friends.
What about Kobe?

Uh... Uh... Who else I hang out with? I
hang out with so many people outside of

this. And secondly, let everything be
clear.

It wasn't personal, okay? Right.

At the time, Kevin was hot as Gary
Coleman in 86.

decision. Running a network here.

Gary Coleman was hot as a moth.

Because, I mean, if a bad actor can't
play a bad actor, then who can?

Boris. Boris can play a bad actor.

Boris is not a

bad actor. There are other actors on
this stage right now who are far worse.

I'll say that.

Boris is German for bad. okay look

bottom line is no one compared to Wayne
like me that's

bulls**t Trina can do it that is true do
it Trina do it yeah you know I'm just

saying

I know nothing about talent. I just
think that's what it is. Nobody can play

Dwayne but Dwayne. Well, Dwayne, there
was that moment when Kevin took over,

there was a special moment that
happened. Don't talk about it.

You know what? Let's just refresh your
memory.

Hey,

Dwayne.

Nice jacket.

I see you got a job on the show anyway.

I'm here to claim what's mine, Kenan.
What's that, brother?

My woman and my name.

You relax.

Breathe. Breathe.

Breathe.

Take your time.

There was one where she sucked my bottom
lip.

Listen, and I was like this. I said...

of Jesus.

the real wives of the real husbands of
Hollywood.

Well, Tisha, what are our roles?

Well, you are obviously a gay man in a
woman's body.

No, you didn't. Nicole, you're playing
the role of the older, mature, mother

type character.

Older? And, uh, Bridget, yeah, you're
just ratchet.

Girl, I ain't ratchet.

What about me?

Oh, you play that spicy Mexican role.
I'm not Mexican, I'm Puerto Rican.

Not in L .A. you're not.

right into this. All of you look lovely,
by the way. Thank you. You too.

Thank you. Well, let's talk about how
you guys stole the spotlight from your

husband. Well, first of all, Rossi,
let's get something straight. I am

wife on this show.

Everybody knows that. I just had a lot
of great sex with Kevin Hart. Oh,

Which makes me a free agent.

Free agent is the truth, because you
have been traded to a lot of teams.

I'm an all -star player.

Roxy, do you see this? The young girls,
these new jacks, I mean, they're full of

a lot of energy, a lot of arachidness.

That's her.

And diet pills.

Golden girls, please don't hate, okay?
Because you can get your flame back. All

you need is an estrogen patch.

They have those for middle -aged women
now.

First of all, mija, okay, you need to
stop hating and take some notes because

from where I'm sitting, you could learn
a thing or two. Okay.

Make it plain. Two beautiful kids, five
carrots, and ten years.

It's expensive to get a green card,
okay? So Boris would have to do what he

needs to do to get it.

Tell you what she's not allergic to is
bullshit.

Yeah, and how can she be allergic to
shellfish when she's pregnant by a

Kevin's no shrimp.

Wait, what?

No, he's not. He's like this big, girl.

controversy you had, Tisha, planning
Salida's baby shower. Oh, no, no, no,

no, Roxy. There was no controversy.

You know, I just wanted to make sure
that Salida, my BFF... I thought I was

BFF, Tisha.

Anyway, I wanted to make sure that
Salida, my BFF, had the best baby shower

possible.

That is until Nicole brought in...

mass eloquence into the picture. I had
to, Tisha. You were in way over your

track. Why would you even say something
like that? That don't make no damn

sense. I was doing just fine until you
tried to assassinate me. I have

no idea what you're talking about.

Let's just go to the clip.

You tried to poison me. No, I did not.
Remember, I overheard you.

eloquent that Tisha likes her shrimp
blended. You said it, but I didn't say

that. Oh, yes, you did, sweetheart.
That's how I came up with the idea of

margaritas.

That's some shrimp for your ass. I told
you. I told you.

Oh.

I can't believe I would even call you,
my friend. I can't even believe that you

would throw piss on me.

That's a dissolved wine.

Okay, well, go to the desert and give me
some. I used to have this foolproof way

of getting rid of paparazzi.

You talking about, like, divorce and
holly?

Just mad because I get more f***y than
you.

Ladies, that was really nice of you.

Speaking of ladies, Boris, you drove the
women crazy

with your smoldering performance in
Mama, I Wanna Bust the Mood.

I can't really take all the credit. Only
about 99 % of it.

So, why do it, Boris?

Look, theater's my calling, alright?

I'm sure that somebody will agree.

Boris had some musical talent in this
clip.

Say what you want to say, but mama, I
want a bus move. That brought Boris

It broke records. Thank you very much.
And he sounded good singing as well.

Boris did not sound good singing. Boris
was lip -stinking. That's what he was

doing.

You mean lip -stinking. No, I mean lip
-stinking. That's what I mean.

Show them what I'm talking about, Roxy.
Show them.

Look at this. Boris singing right now?
Just watch.

That is Boris singing.

Talk to me and the song is still
playing. Because I was in the shower. It

microphone in the shower.

That's Ruben Sutter.

Ruben.

Ruben. Why did Ruben Sutter do this? He
doesn't like to be filmed when he's

eating.

First of all, I can sing, Kevin. You can
sing? Yes, I can. You can sing, Boris?

Yes, I can sing. Then prove it.

could sing right now, but Kelly Rowland
is in Africa.

Kelly ain't in no goddamn Africa.

Is there anybody in the audience that
knows how to sing?

I could do Kelly Rowland's part.

Anybody?

We can find somebody right here. The
cute. Come here, sweetie.

She's a page. She even works here right
now.

Can we get some mics, please?

Hello.

How are you?

Nice to meet you. You know the song?

Deanna. Deanna, now you walked up here
like you really know how to sing, like

you're going to do this. I can do this.

This is the question.

What happened?

Well, listen, one of us does fall.

Okay. Who?

Who was it?

I mean, I can't tell you all that. It
happened. You know what? I'm getting

of this and these boys.

I'm going to get this out of one of y
'all before the end of this show, okay?

But let's move on to the next topic.
Now, this season was really cool because

made a lot of sense. lot of people happy
since the King Bobby Brown came back

and became the throne.

Now, Nelly, you did a song with Bobby.

Can you talk about that? Or you can't
talk about that either?

No, we can talk about that. I mean, you
know, we can say after all these years,

the King is still smooth.

Jeez, Bobby Brown ain't been smooth
since the days of Underoos.

Stop messing with Bobby, man. Hey, man,
Bobby brought a good energy to the show.

Yeah, anybody can bring a good energy to
the show when they go do a substance

that rhymes with thugs.

That is not true. The king has been
clean for years. Bobby

ain't clean.

I know what they think.

His record definitely ain't clean. You
know that. Bobby is actually one of my

least problematic clients, okay?

DUI, you could learn a few things from
him.

Come on, you worked with Bobby. Were
there any problems?

Every relationship has its rough
patches, ups, downs.

We made it. Okay. Well, luckily, our
cameras caught some of those rough

Let's take a look.

Help us help you, Bobby. Right. Whatever
it takes to make you more comfortable,

we with it. There it is.

Roll the tape back.

Turn off all the lights. This is how I
usually work.

Watch, watch. I'm going to nail it now.

Dude.

Plenty of bottles is going down.

Plenty of models crowded around.

about you.

Roxy, you know what it is?

They just all want to be me.

I mean, kind of, but not like you're
saying.

I can prove it.

And I don't need Johnny Gill.

Drop that track for me.

aka Kevlita, will come face to face on
this stage.

took his shirt off. Question for his
test though, how'd you get that bird

Kevin Hart, definition of a jerk off.

Chocolate drop, your name Hershey Squirt
off.

Of course I do.

You still feel the same way about me?

Oh, you got your damn mind.

Hell no.

You don't think I knew that kiss was
fake?

Oh, honey, what about... I love you.

Yeah. I love you.

God,

you didn't mean that one either. Stupid,
stupid.

I hate it when she does that. She got me
twice.

I hate you.

We're going to take this back from the
beginning. Was it love at first sight

between the two of you?

Hey.

Hey, I didn't know you were going to be
here.

I guess that was one of Victoria's
secrets.

I was looking for a sucker, and I found
one.

Please. Please.

Okay, in my mind, I was getting one of
Nick's leftovers anyway, so I don't

to see what's left of him. What's that?

What, you gonna give me a fake ass
whooping?

Fake ass. Nick, you used to be engaged
to Salida. How did you feel when Kevin

and Salida hooked up?

I object.

This is not a courtroom.

This is an interview.

Yes, but my client's prenuptial
agreement states that if he answers any

like that, he will end up in a
courtroom.

Okay, Mariah don't plan it. No, she does
not.

I'm right.

Well, here we go. I want to know, whose
idea was it for the fake pregnancy?

Well, I mean, when you're having fake
sex, then you have fake babies.

Yeah, well, you know what? You may have
been having fake sex on your side of the

bed, but on my side, I was tearing that
ass up.

that she's not pregnant.

Don't you see her naked?

No, listen.

The issue, you don't understand, about
Salida the fake, okay? First of all,

she's not secure by the body, okay?
That's the first thing, because she

around the room, cut all the lights and
stuff out. She don't want you to see all

that. Excuse me, please.

Honey.

pregnancy scandal together.

I'm gonna have to step in there one more
time. I have advised my client not to

speak on this issue since there are
pending lawsuits.

Yeah, good. I should sue his ass, too.

All right, no, now, Kevin, be fair.

Come on, you can't do that because you
went along with the fake pregnancy.

I ain't going on the fence. It's his
fault.

Matter of fact, we got clipped.

If you name one of the twins Pennzoil,
not only will you get... Why would I...

which doesn't exist, by the way,
Pennzoil. Because they're going to pay

.5 million for the name and rights. For
the name and rights.

And $1 .5 a piece for the kid's name.

$3 million.

I'm in.

Ah! That's what I'm talking about. Show
me the money! Ah!

Listen, bottom line is this, okay? If
you had to wear the pants like I told

instead of wearing that damn dress...
Then we wouldn't have been in that

situation. You don't jimper in the high
-style environment.

My kid is jumping around. I'm too high
-style. Show me.

You know what? Watch this.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

I am the only person who disrespects my
ex -husband. Hey, hey, hey.

Tell me, why are you airing your dirty
laundry like this? Oh, your

laundry's dirty?

You know what? You know what? Actually,
I'm glad that you're up here, okay?

Well, I can tell you what happened to
him. To my knowledge, Nick went and

canceled that. He canceled the show?

Actually, that was our highest rated
show ever, so it didn't count.

What'd you say, Nick?

Highest rated ever.

Where the hell is the money, Dwayne?
Yeah, where's the money, Dwayne? Yeah,

Dwayne.

Where's Selina? Where's Silence over
there? Wait, wait, Selina. Silence over

there. You had the money?

I don't have the money. I gave the check
to Dwayne.

Okay, hold on. Okay, because unless
the...

I'm tripping right now, okay?

Where's the goddamn money? I'm out here
eating out of garbage cans, taking shits

and going for hoes, taking bird baths
and bird baths.

And you're telling me, you're telling me
I have my money out here on these

streets, cuz?

Where my money at, you ain't?

Huh?

Where is it?

Where's our money?

I plead the fifth.

Well, I guess I'm going to have to plead
the fifth to Duane.

That's right.

One.

What?

And Kevin, you ended up on the ledge.

How did you end up there?

Two reasons.

One is Salida.

And two is this Judas down there.

What?

What are you talking about? What am I
talking about? You know damn well what

talking about. Who fires their best
client?

Huh? Who? You were my best client? Yes,
I was your best client. Okay.

Yeah. First of all... That's not true.
Second of all, I should have fired you a

long time ago. For what?

What did I have to do to you?

Actually, we could show you a few.

You were supposed to be here at 6. Okay.

I'm black early.

You are not black early. You're just
actually late.

Okay, what you're going to do, you're
going to figure out a way to get in

of this. And if you do not get in front
of it, then I will get in front of a new

attorney. Is that what you want? Is that
a threat?

This is the academy on the phone.

What you can do, you can kiss me and my
eight million Twitter followers.

See?

Totally unprofessional.

What are you talking about?

You're unprofessional. You should have
been disembogled after that.

I think you mean disbarred. No, I don't
mean disbarred. That doesn't even mean

anything. I mean disembogled.

You don't even know law. She's stupid,
yo.

She's dumb. All right, so we get it.

Trina drove you up to that ledge, but
what happened next?

I'll tell you.

You weren't even on the ledge, Nick.

I wasn't on the ledge, but I saw the
whole thing.

Y 'all want to know who fell?

Well,

the person who fell.

Damn, that was a crazy dream.

Season three is going to be off the...

We'll

put some balls on you, nephew.

You told my son how to catch. I commend
you. Yeah, it's all in there.

Care to dance?

I'm waiting for a Michael Jackson song.

I'm gonna teach you right!

Heaven and heart.

Get that man out!

You can thank me later. Kevin, it's a
new sheriff in town.

I can convert the world.

Do I need to go back to my trailer?

Is that a problem?

Did you dig where I'm coming from? No, I
didn't.

In 2014, BET Hip Hop Awards hosted by
me, Uncle Stu, next Tuesday at

8. Only on BET.

Nobody's got you like we got you.

One week until the one -hour season
premiere

of Real Husbands of Hollywood, Tuesday
at 10.

Following the Hip Hop Awards only on
BET.