All language subtitles for One On One s05e17 Recipe for Disaster

Here,

look at this dork. He's one of my
clients for my dating service.

Unemployed, lives with his mom in his
van, and speaks fluent Klingon?

Wait, Lisa, I think I found you a live
one.

Really? Let me see.

Ew, and a unibrow.

Thanks.

Who wants to come to a hot party in the
Hollywood Hills tonight?

Will there be women at this one, man?

Hey, I didn't know that was going to be
the Brokeback Mountain Rap Party.

You guys in or you out?

Well, that depends.

Are we going to ask Brianna and Ernest
to come? No way. They've only been

up for a few weeks. It'd be way too
awkward.

Yeah, exes can't be friends.

But they can run for governor and then
act like they don't know you.

Must be so painful for them every time
they see each other.

Painful for them? How about us? I mean,
all they do is talk about the weather.

High out today, huh?

Must be about 80.

82, the radio said.

15 % chance of rain.

Can't take this weather crap anymore.
Yo, Arnaz, why don't y 'all talk about

something more interesting?

Like the Middle East.

Right, fine, fine. Yeah, we can do that.

Did you hear that it gets as high as 125
degrees over there?

Huh.

Well, do you know if it's dry heat or is
there humidity?

Good question.

Okay.

I hate to bother you because I know
you're all torn up and stuff.

I'm fine.

Such a brave soldier.

Anyway, look, I made you something to
help you through this trying time.

All right? I call it my you were too
good for Arnaz anyway mix.

I'm every woman because you represent.

I will survive because I know you will.

And sexual healing, which I personally
think is the way to go.

Where's everyone going?

Nowhere. Oh, I don't need no man.

No, I don't need... Wait a minute. Where
is everybody going?

Nowhere.

Wait a second. You guys were going out
without me?

No. We were ditching our nights, too.
See ya.

Wait, why?

Just because we broke up, you don't
think we can't hang out with each other?

Pretty much.

But...

problem with it. Do you have a problem
with it, Arnaz?

Hey, if you don't have a problem with
it, I sure don't.

Just hope it doesn't rain.

Hey, will you stop checking out Arnaz?
Chris Brown is the one with the Rolex.

Actually, I was checking out D -Mag.
He's kind of hot.

Back off, sister.

I've been working that for two years.

Yo, this house must be higher up than I
thought because right now I'm looking at

an angel.

I know who I am, but I'm interested in
who you are.

I'm Brianna.

Brianna, Brianna.

It's kind of hot.

Uh -oh. Oh, but you're also only 16.

Age ain't nothing but a number. Tell me.
So, if you're not afraid of calling the

16 -year -old and afraid of a little
jail time, here's my card.

Oh, my God.

You just hung down Chris Brown.

He's 16.

So, by the time you decide to have sex
with him, he'll be 18.

Another prosciutto wrapped shrimp for
the lovely lady.

Compliments to the chef.

I thought I was pulled free.

You made these?

They're wonderful.

Keep them coming.

Oh, I plan to.

I'll take... nothing.

I thought I could handle this.

It's weird being at the same party as my
ex -girlfriend.

Especially when she's acting like we
never went out. There's a lot of people

here. You could go the whole night and
not worry about seeing her.

Oh, God, here she comes.

It's a beautiful view, great visibility.

It's probably not cloudy.

The bomber's been falling all day.

Okay, stop talking about the weather.

Why don't you both just admit that
you're uncomfortable around each other

can all get on with our partly cloudy
lives?

I have no idea what you're talking
about.

Not only am I good with our breakup, I
have so moved on.

Oh, so you moved on?

Just like that?

Well, of course.

That's what people do when they have...
have a huge fight and break up, they

move on. Haven't you moved on?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I'm more than moved on.

Uh -huh, I've moved on so much, I'm
actually back where I started.

Yeah, in fact, I've moved on so much,
I'm thinking about what to say to that

cute girl over there.

Okay, good for you.

And since I've moved on so much too, I'm
going to help you out with that by

introducing you.

Don't do it, man. The minute she says
hi, Brianna's gonna shank her with a

cocktail soda.

Don't be silly.

Now come on and let me do all the
talking. You're not so good at it.

I'm so well at it.

Excuse me.

Hi, my friend is kind of shy, but he
would really like to meet you. Oh, guy,

that kid doesn't have to be shy.

Really?

I like those jeans.

They look well on you.

Oh, thank you.

What country are you from?

Oh, word? More food?

Oh, this is great. Yo, I could eat this
every day.

No, no, no, no.

This is a beautiful lady.

I didn't get your name.

Sarah. Rinaldo.

And I'm Lisa, and I'm starving.

Don't worry, I'll make you a fresh
batch.

It's okay.

I am just as interested in the chef as I
am in the food.

You know, you're really good at what you
do.

I'm good at everything I do.

Do you do barbecue?

Excuse me?

Oh, don't pay attention to them. They're
just my roommates.

Oh, roommates who would like to invite
you to their barbecue tomorrow.

Yeah, you know, so you two can get to
know each other in a more relaxed,

environment on our patio, which happens
to have a grill.

So can you come?

Will you be there?

Yes. Then I'll come.

Can I bring anything?

Everything here tonight was good.

Good. Until tomorrow.

I look forward to it.

Hey, in case you guys didn't notice, I
have just hooked up Arnaz, which proves

have mood.

Now, if you and I were laying in bed
together naked, I'd believe you.

I'm not going to warn you again.

You sure your mama's white?

Sarah likes ribs, right? So make these
for her. Don't worry about Sarah. She

won't date you, I will.

That wasn't really the plan.

Of course Sarah will date him. Wait till
she tastes the cornbread.

I didn't make any cornbread.

No cornbread?

What, are you afraid of love?

No, I love love.

Sarah loves cornbread.

I'll make cornbread.

Okay, the lemonade is done. I guess I'll
move on to Megan's and Bunch.

Well, when I finish shucking this corn,
I'll move on to shucking whatever else

needs to be shucked.

Hey, how do I look? Because I just
checked Renato's credit rating and it's

through the roof.

Oh, great.

Oh, but you better hurry up because
you've got competition.

As soon as Cash tasted the ribs, he
wouldn't put on his best shirt.

That is a nice shirt.

Rise and shine, girls.

We've got work to do.

All done.

Now this corn is free from its
oppressive husk.

It's good to be free, doesn't it, corn?

Okay, now you're talking to the corn.

Well, it's not like we're talking.

You know what?

You're right.

This is silly.

We've been friends for too long to be
treating each other like this.

We should stop playing games and just
talk to each other like normal people.

No more dumb weather talk. No more
talking to produce.

Let's just be really honest with each
other.

Okay, I'd like that.

Could that be nice?

Ever since we broke up... Oh, wait, just
a second.

Oh, no, I got it. Oh, no, it's okay. I'm
closer.

No, really, I...

What are you doing here?

Arnaz invited me.

I'm sorry.

Did you say Arnaz invited you?

Yeah, I invited her last night.

Hi. Hi.

Can I put these sodas in the fridge?

Oh, I got them.

No, I'll get them.

No, I said I'll take them. Get them.
Give them to me.

Look, I invited her last night before,
you know, we decided to be real with

other. I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry? I don't have a
problem with it.

You don't?

I thought we were being honest with each
other.

You mean to tell me that you don't care
that I invited her here?

Of course not. Why should I?

I just hope it doesn't rain today.

Oh, great. Now we're talking about the
weather again.

For your information, there's only a 20
% chance of rain.

She's a 90 % chance of sunshine.

one's here because I'm not much of a
weather buff.

Oh, no. Everybody else is out back.

Come here. I'll show you.

Hey, everybody. Look who's here. It's
Alicia.

I guess she and Arnaz hit it off because
he invited her to the barbecue.

So come on, everyone. Let's say hi to
Alicia.

Hi, Alicia.

Hi.

Damn shame somebody that fine dying so
young.

Here, let me show you. Oh, no, no, no.
It's okay. I'll show her. I'll show her.

We always go in twos.

It's a girl thing.

What the hell were you thinking, Ernest?
Brianna's gonna kill that girl. Yeah,

we haven't even finished our appetizers
yet.

Brianna just got done telling me how
honest she wants us to be.

Now she's playing some kind of game like
she doesn't care that Alicia's here.

Well, I'm gonna make her stop fronting.

Even if it costs Alicia most of her
hair.

Oh, my God, what have you done with
Alicia?

She's in the bathroom.

All right, think, think, think.

We wrap her body up in a shower curtain
and then dump it just outside of

Barstow.

Here, take the back roads.

Wait, why do I have to do it? I have a
date.

Okay, you two are scaring me. Why would
I want to kill her? He should have never

brought her to the house.

How many times do I have to tell you
guys? I have moved on.

Now, come on. Let's go enjoy the
barbecue.

You know,

your food is delicious.

My research indicates.

I mean, your catering company must do
very well.

Oh, it does, but my dream is to open my
own restaurant and share it with the

woman I love.

You mean as in share the net?

share everything just like my dad did
with my mom they're partners he cooks

cleans he drives to the fish market she
loads the fish barrels he drives home

she cleans and guts the fish she is
going to love meeting you oh my god the

woman's still alive uh will you excuse
me for the rest of my life

Things heating up with the love chef?

No, he doesn't want a girlfriend. He
wants a Gordon's fisherman.

Keep him away from me.

So did Sarah say anything about me?

She's totally into you.

But I think a chocolate mousse would
really push you over the edge.

Chocolate mousse it is.

I'll go start the car.

Cute bathing suit.

I told Alicia we'd get such great rays
from the patio. She might want to bring

bathing suit.

Thank you, bro.

Come on, Alicia. Sit down next to me.

Yeah, and don't forget your sunblock.

I wouldn't want you to borrow it.
Thanks, Brianna.

Arnaz, will you do me? I'll do you if
you do me.

Alicia before she gets too hot.

And that wouldn't upset you?

Not as much as our guest getting skin
cancer.

Now do her.

Since you insist, I'd love to do her.

Hmm. Is this what you want, Brianna?

Forget it. I cannot watch this anymore.

Yes.

Give me that lotion.

Ooh, here comes the beam. We're beat
down.

And once Alicia's on the ground, maybe
we can get in a few kicks.

Now, it takes a woman to know how this
is really done.

This is better than the... No, no, no.

Don't ruin this moment with words.

Okay, thanks for your help, but I'll
take it from here. Oh, no, no, no, no.

I want to help.

After all, I want to be polite to the
girl who you invited to our house, who

don't know, to come to our barbecue out
of the goodness of your hormones.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I meant heart.

Isn't this what you wanted? Huh,
Brianna? You're the one who introduced

You're the one who...

Thought she was so cute. You're the one
who's so happy that she's here. Okay,

okay, that's it.

I don't even know why I go to these kind
of parties. All you L .A. freaks want

to do is have orgies, and I am not going
to end up on the Internet.

Again.

I knew I recognized her.

I liked you as a blonde.

Alicia, please.

Let me explain.

Oh, this turned out to be a great day
for a barbecue.

Ooh.

even think about calling me.

And that goes for your little touchy
-feely girlfriend, too.

What the hell was that?

Why can't you just yell and pull out her
hair like a normal black woman?

Why? Is that what you wanted?

As a matter of fact, it was. Why do you
think I invited her here?

You're so cool with everything, it's
like you're not even hurting at all.

Like I am.

Of course I'm hurting.

I've just been acting, okay?

Because...

I thought if I faked it well enough, I'd
believe it and it wouldn't hurt so

much.

But, to be honest, seeing you with her
was killing me.

Really?

The truth is, I'm not really ready to
see you with somebody else yet.

I guess this is going to be harder than
I thought it would be.

Well, it didn't help you forcing Alicia
on me.

But you do have a good taste, though.

So what are we going to do?

I don't know. Maybe we need some rules.

Okay.

Um, what if the house was neutral
territory?

Off limits for dates.

Okay.

Here's one.

If you start dating another guy that you
like, you have to wait the previously

established five years before having
sex.

Deal?

Deal.

Here,

your chocolate mousse.

Sweets. I'm sorry,

I don't eat chocolate. It makes me break
out.

But the guy said it was your favorite.

They promised me it was the way into
your heart.

Oh, the guy said that, did they?

No, no, no, no, no, no. We said that she
loves the chocolate mousse.

That's my nickname around the house.

They call me Baked Alaska.

Who was I when we were all getting the
dessert nicknames?

You were shutting up, cupcake.

So, this is just a joke to you people?

You're just using me?

Let me leave you with one more of my
specialties.

Love you too, Netta.