All language subtitles for One On One s03e09 Tears of a Clown

Your breakfast might have been fine with
Hank, but as your new producer, I want

my anchors lean and mean.

Smack my bagel again, Geraldine, and
I'll show you mean.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking
about.

Now, see, we're drinking our breakfast
this morning. You do know that's what

Hank fired, right? This is coffee, not
wild turkey.

And I believe it was driving his car
through the lobby that got Hank fired.

Well, in his defense, he did. Yo, watch
out, it's happy hour.

I'm really going to miss the guy.

Well, I'm not going to miss the lousy
ratings.

Hey, my ratings are fine.

I'm number one with men 25 and older. I
don't care about men over 25.

I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

The point is, we dump a lot of money
into your weekend flex files, and the

desired demographic is men 18 to 24.

Well, my desired demographic are women
who don't talk to me while I'm eating.

When there's nobody around.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be very thick and thin.

What a true love we are.

Baby, you and I.

Baby, one on one. One on one.

Can't nobody break this bond. Baby, one
on one. Baby, one on one. Now we're

having fun. Baby, one on one.

One on one.

So, Flex, what are we having for
Thanksgiving dinner this year? Oh, oh.

the trimmings. Turkey, homemade oyster
stuffing, yams, macaroni, cheese,

greens, and sweet potato pie.

Daddy, so when is all this being
delivered?

Noon, Thursday.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, let's get up in there.

Yeah,

take that right there for yourself.

What is it, store -bought maple syrup?

Man, I have a whole bucket of fresh
-tapped.

Where did you get a bucket of fresh
-tapped maple syrup?

Let's just say I'm no longer welcome at
the Botanical Gardens.

I'll go get it.

Uh, Daddy, you aren't going to wait for
Dwayne's fresh tap syrup?

Sweetie, there are no maple trees in a
botanical garden.

Hello, Dwayne. Hello.

Dwayne, calm down. Calm down.

I'm not Dwayne. I'm Julius, Dwayne's
flamboyant dog walker.

It's me, son. Your father.

Yeah, right.

Like I'm supposed to believe every
burglar who breaks in claiming to be my

father. Well, how do I know you're not
some swindler, some grifter, someone

trying to steal my fortune in an in
-home game of three -card Monty?

You got me confused with your mama's
brother, Uncle Wendell the Swindle.

Well, everybody knows about Uncle
Wendell the Swindle.

Does everybody know about those three
moles on your back in the shape of a

mouse?

You know about Mickey Mole?

Daddy, is that really you?

It's me.

Oh, Daddy!

Where the hell have you been?

Then why did you run away from me when I
went to your apartment looking for you?

I didn't know it was you.

All I knew was somebody tapped into my
computer and got my address.

But why did you break into my apartment,
leave your watch, and not even say hi?

I guess I was ashamed.

I wasn't ready to face you.

But why now?

Well, I've been there for three hours
and I still can't find my watch.

I'm not joking, Dad.

Where were you?

Son, when I first met your mama, I told
her I was not the settling down type.

We were both really young.

But I'm older now.

And let's just say it's time to set some
things right.

That's not good enough.

I got some bubble gum.

Daddy!

I just met with a recruiter from the
Fashion Institute, and he said that I

potential and could qualify for a
scholarship, but I have to come up with

original design by the end of this week.

Look at Arnett talking to that girl.

That's probably the hoochie he lost his
virginity to.

I can't believe I was going to give it
up to him thinking he was giving it up

me, only find out he gave it up to her.
Well, let's give it up for the hoochie.

Brianna, that's the cafeteria lady.

Girl, he won't tell me who it was. It
could be anybody. It's driving me crazy.

Oh, here he comes. Let's pretend like
we're not talking about him.

Oh, hey, Ernest. Hey, guys. What's going
on?

Nothing. We just had our college
interview.

Trying to figure out which co -ed dorms
I want to live in. I thought you didn't

want to go to college.

Yeah, there's a lot of things I thought
I wanted to do, but I don't want to do

anymore. Maybe we should think about U
of A.

University of Arnaz.

Always accepting applications.

Yeah, that's the problem. I hear it's
very easy to get into.

Can we get back to my problem?

Okay, I only have a week to impress this
recruiter or else I'm going to wallow

in mediocrity for the rest of my life.

Why should your future be any different
than your past?

This is serious. Look, Brianna, you've
got your daddy, the TV guy, who can send

you to college. And Arnaz, you've got
those huge guilt payments from your

philandering daddy.

Me? My parents are two black hippies who
run an infant shop.

Okay, instance, cart.

But I have to get a scholarship to go to
college.

Okay, girl, what can we do to help?

Okay, I have to come up with an original
outfit. But what can I do? It's all

been done.

Wait, it's only all been done until
someone else thinks of it.

Take leather shoes, for instance.

People were walking around barefoot
until someone looked at a cow and

bet I could wear that.

Now all you have to do is find your cow.

Where am I going to find my cow?

Well, maybe our nest can help.

So what was the name of that hoochie?

Hey, Geraldine.

I worked on a little something to bring
in 18 - and 24 -year -olds. A new

opening for the Flex 5s. Check out the
little track I put together. It's hot,

it's hot.

Flex 1, Flex 2, the Flex 5s. It's Flex
Dream, y 'all. It's Flex and Lizzo. Flex

and Lizzo. Flex.

Yeah, it sounds Flex stupid.

What you need is what every man 18 to 24
needs.

One of those.

That's your new sexy sidekick. She
trained under Brokaw.

Interpret that how you will.

Everyone here at Winx is so nice.

Actually, it's just W -Y -N -X.

Oh, it's Winx.

Flex, I'd like you to meet Holly Spears.

Hi, Holly Spears. Any relation to
Britney Spears?

No, but I know a Britney who works at
Sears.

Isn't she great? She'll be the perfect
sidekick for you.

For this weekend's Flex Files, I need
you guys to work out a cute little bit.

Okay? Good.

So, what kind of bits do you want to do?

How about you don't talk to me and I
pretend you don't exist?

Am I doing it right?

That's me and Mama at the Salem tobacco
field.

I can hear your Mama wheezing.

So have you called Mama yet?

No, son. She doesn't want to hear from
me.

Good. I didn't want to have to be the
one to tell you.

So tell me more about you.

You're not doing any drugs or drinking,
are you?

Well, I do enjoy the occasional glass of
Merlot while I'm taking a bubble bath

like any other guy.

Right.

Hey, what's up, B?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had
company. Oh, he's not company.

He's my father.

You mean... That's right, man. My daddy
came back.

Oh, Dad, this is Flex.

How you doing?

Dwayne's dad.

Wow, Dwayne's dad.

So, what do we owe this long -overdue,
sudden, out -of -the -blue visit to your

son? Just cruise in the neighborhood?

I know what you're going to say, Flex.

But my son and I have agreed to put the
past behind us. Exactly. What matters is

that he's here now.

Oh, so, Dwayne, you're going to put your
past in the same box as your tears,

empty dreams, and broken promises?

Oh, I'm sorry. That box is full.

Yeah. Box of tears.

Told you he's a funny guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Speaking of funny, I got this riddle.

Where have you been for the past 30
years?

That's okay, Flex, all right? We've
already covered that.

We're just happy to be back in each
other's lives.

Right, Pop?

Right, son.

Ooh, I'm going to get some more photo
books.

He's something else, isn't he?

Yes, he is.

And I don't want to see him hurt again.

So if you're playing some kind of game
with him, you need to leave sooner

than later.

Some might call me a player, but I'm not
playing the game now. I missed my boy.

Hey, hey, look.

I found some old photos of you and Mom.

Look at you two.

That's not me.

Oh, what about this one? Oh, there you
are.

That's not me either.

What about this picture of you and Mom
in the hot tub?

Yeah, now that's me. I knew it. I knew
that one was you.

Man, I can't wait to dig into this pre
-packaged stuffing.

Uh, Dwayne Bear, how about sticking to
some white meat and some green

vegetables? Keep my boy strong and
healthy.

All these years I've longed for the firm
yet tender hand of guidance from a man

that Mama didn't meet at a racetrack,
and now I have it.

Maybe later you can give me a whoopin'.

That is so touching.

Yeah, you do love touching, don't you?

No, I just think it's really nice to see
a father and son show affection.

Too often men are afraid to show their
true emotions.

I think we'd all be better off if they
did.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh, he disgusts me.

Okay, everybody, before we dive in,
let's join hands and go around the table

saying what we're thankful for.

I'm thankful that I can eat Thanksgiving
dinner.

Without choking on incense smoke.

I'm thankful Mom finally started dating
again and is having Thanksgiving at her

boyfriend's house.

Okay, halfway house.

I'm thankful that I'm not government
cheese.

You know, something cheap and very easy
to get a piece of.

I'm thankful for my family and my
friends and that my best friend has

found his father.

Who I'm keeping this eye on at all
times.

I'm thankful to have such a wonderful,
loving, and healthy son with two kidneys

since I'll be needing one of them next.

I'm thankful that my fantastic daddy
came back and that he needs my kidney.

What? What?

My kidney?

You want my kidney?

Why don't you go on and carve my heart
out, too? Go on.

Dwayne, I don't see what the big deal
is. All I want is a little kidney.

I knew I was right about you.

I want my thankfulness back.

Son, it's not what you think. You know
what I think?

You didn't come back because you missed
me.

All you wanted were my kidneys.

Well, we're going.

Come on, fellas.

Let's go.

I better go talk to him. No, I will.

I know him better.

Dwayne, what are you doing? I need a
drink. Something to wash away the pain.

Some hard liquor to put some hair on my
chest and get rid of the hairs on my

back.

Cooking sherry.

I'm sorry, man. After all these years,
you deserve better.

Flex, do you know what it's like to grow
up without a father?

I mean, not to have someone to teach you
how to throw a curveball or how to talk

to girls.

Someone to tell you that when you shave,
the blade goes up and down and out side

to side.

Ooh, yeah, who could ever forget Bloody
Monday?

Man, you've been more of a father to me
than that, man.

You were there for all my birthdays.

You taught me how to drive.

Taught me how to whistle, how to skip
rocks.

You even took me down to the fishing
hole.

I think that was Andy Griffith, man.

Yeah, well, at least you were there to
watch it with me.

I'd give you a kidney before I gave one
to him.

I even give one to Annie Griffith. I get
it, Dwayne. Look, I'm just as shocked

as you are.

What if his life depends on it?

Maybe you should hear your father out
before you make any decisions.

Nope.

Made my mind up.

My kidney stays with me.

All right, look, you're my boy. And if
that's your decision, now I got your

back.

And if you try to get all urban legend
and take a kidney, this is gonna ruin it

for him.

Uh, Dwayne, alcohol messes up your
liver, not your kidneys.

Well, see, if I had a daddy, maybe I'd
know that.

What? What do you want me to do during
the show thingy?

Uh, leave the show thingies to me. You
just chime in when I cue you.

Stop it.

I'm not that kind of girl without dinner
and drinks.

Please, somebody wake me from this
nightmare.

Going to air in ten seconds, boys and
girls.

And five, four, three.

What's up, Baltimore?

Fleck Washington with the Fleck Files.
Today in sports... Right.

I'd like to introduce to you my new
side, my co, my... This is Holly, y

Mario and Jamal Lewis set a new rushing
record against the Cleveland Browns. The

question is, is Jamal Lewis the best
running back in the game? He's not the

cutest.

I'm sorry, Holly?

Well, I'm saying he can run it all, but
he isn't that cute.

Well, when it comes to smash -mouth
football, looks aren't everything.

I asked Ricky Williams what he thought.
Now, Ricky Williams is a cutie pie.

Nobody cares about cuteness. My
girlfriend's using what to not be care.

She says he's got a cute butt, tight,
like the conga drum. You know the conga,

right, Flux?

What does that have to do with anything?
Everybody loves conga!

Management just called from upstairs,
Flux.

They love her.

Wait for you to get left behind.

had an epiphany.

Whatever that is.

Anyway, I give you trousers created by
spirit presenting trousers.

Pants that look like sneakers.

You know what? Those aren't bad. I like
them.

Oh, yeah, of course you would. Pants
that come with laces. Easy to get them

You know what, Brianna?

You've been making these digs in me the
last few days.

You got something you want to say to me?
Just say it.

I don't know what you're talking about,
Arnaz.

Okay, this is driving me crazy. Arnaz,
she wants to know who you've been

around with.

Spirit, how could you say that? I told
you that in confidence.

So, Arnaz, who's the girl with no
standards?

Dwayne!

What are you doing here?

I'm trying to talk to Dwayne, but he
doesn't even want to talk to his own

Yeah, with all due respect, Mr. Knox,
you may be Dwayne's father, but you're

his daddy.

With all due respect, Flex, why don't
you mind your own business?

Dwayne is my business, and he's been my
business for the past 30 years.

You don't even know what his favorite
cereal is, or what he's allergic to, or

what movies make him cry.

Any man can be a father, but to be a
daddy, you've got to know your own kid.

Who are you to judge me?

How are you going to tell me what kind
of daddy I am?

You're right.

Flex can't tell you what kind of daddy
you are, but I can tell you what kind of

daddy you aren't.

You're not the kind of daddy who takes
his son to the hospital after he breaks

his arm.

You're not the kind of daddy who holds
his child after they have a bad dream.

And he had a lot of those.

And you're definitely not the kind of
daddy who comes back into his son's life

because he loves him.

I don't blame you, Dwayne.

Who am I to think that I could show up
after 30 years and expect you to forgive

me, welcome me with open arms, give me a
vital organ?

It was nice meeting you, son.

Look, look, I know I've been hard on
him.

But he is your father.

I mean, maybe he's telling the truth.

My favorite cereal is Crunch Berries.

I'm allergic to peanuts.

And any movie where Nicole Kidman dies
makes me cry.

Son, I may have had selfish reasons for
leaving you and your mom, but my reason

for coming back to find you is love.

The kidney just gave me an excuse.

You really don't need a kidney?

Oh, yeah, I need a kidney.

But I need you more.

I'll, uh, leave you alone with your
daddy.

All I ever wanted was to get to know
you.

Maybe find out more about who I am.

You are Dwayne Odell Nock, my son.

Your grandmother named you Dwayne.

You've got her eyes.

And her facial hair. Oh, yeah.

And hers growing uneven, too.

We've gotten more calls on this
afternoon's Flex Files than ever. I knew

would hate her. Is she fired?

Sorry, the fans love her. That bimbo is
not going anywhere.

Oh,

Holly. Hi, sweetie.

Don't patronize me, sweetie.

Listen, we need to renegotiate my
contract, and here's how it's going to

down. I want you to lock me in for two
years with a third -year option and

forget about the no -compete clause. I
am not some neophyte who can be

constrained by the verisimilitude of an
ironclad contract.

Holly, you're not dumb.

You're not an idiot.

You're smart.

Don't insult me.

I'm brilliant.

I have a master's in journalism from
Columbia. There's a Mensa calendar where

I'm every stinking month.

Do people want the smart chick?

No. They want the bimbo.

So I dumbed it down like a California
governor.

Now, we have 20 minutes before air flex,
and you might want to stretch.

We're doing the limbo tonight.

The Flex Files is my show.

We're not doing the limbo.

Brooks passed for over 300 yards this
week, leading the Saints to a 24 -10

victory. By the end of the game, his arm
was as limp as a piece of macaroni.

Love you too, Netta.