All language subtitles for One On One s02e08 A Fla-Dap by Any Other Name

Hey, look at him, blocking the way to
our building. Hey, Fonzie, don't you

to take that across the street?

Oh, sorry about that.

It wasn't bothering me.

It was bothering her.

No, it wasn't so much that I was
bothered. I was concerned. I'm Brianna.

okay?

I'm Josh, and I'm fine.

Yes, he is.

I'll just fix this tomorrow. My mom will
trip if I'm late for dinner.

Oh, is she making something special?

Reservations, if I'm lucky.

So,

um, do you live here?

Yeah, part -time. With my mom, my
parents are divorced.

Oh, my parents are divorced, too.

Oh, well, my parents never got married.

Maybe I'll block your wagon tomorrow,
Brianna.

And spirit.

Yeah, spirit.

I think he liked me.

You know what? We had a deal that the
next time we both saw a cute guy

he was going to be mine.

No, but see, that law was superseded by
the location clause.

If he lives in my building, he's all
mine. Girl, did you get a copy of that?

Wait, wait, wait. Arnaz lives in my
building. That's right, girl. And he's

yours.

When there's nobody

Well, they delivered it last week.

Last week?

Yeah, well, I've been busy.

And it's been dark.

Hey, why is the door unlocked?

Any lunatic could just waltz right in
here. You're right, so why don't you

right back out?

I will.

I just wanted to give Brianna the
geography book she left at my place. And

wanted to ask you a question.

Who is the worst sports reporter in all
of Baltimore?

I don't know who.

Word is, it's you.

Another Howard McIntyre column trashing
me. Man, that guy has it out for me.

Just because I get the interviews, he
can't get.

Wait a minute, Flex. Listen to this.

Even with cue cards and a teleprompter,
the only thing more derivative and

cliche than Flex Washington's reporting
style is... Flex Washington!

That's all right. See, he's a hater. He
doesn't like the pro -athlete -turned

-broadcaster thing.

You know, he says we're nothing but
jocks with mics.

But I've done plenty of hard -hitting
exposés.

I can handle his criticism.

I hope so, dog, because it says right
here, how can Washington objectively

investigate athletes for point shading
or taking performance enhancers when

out partying with them?

I say it's impossible.

Washington isn't a journalist. He's an
athletic supporter.

He called you a jockstrap.

Poor guy.

You know who he is?

He's that kid at the playground who
always got picked last.

After the girls...

And the kid with the special shoe.

Hey, I could out -kick anyone.

Well, good morning, everyone.

Ooh, girl, are you going to school or a
rumble?

Okay, new look, lip gloss, new leather
jacket with the tag still hanging on his

sleeve. What's his name?

Josh, and he's so cute, and I think I
love him.

What happened to Arnie? He's so cute,
and I think I love him.

I'm this most sensitive, amazing,
wonderful, sweetest guy I've ever met. I

I could spend the rest of my life with
him. Oh, baby, tell me more.

So what's Josh's last name?

How would I know? I just met him.

Go to school. We'll talk later, okay?
Okay, bye -bye, Josh. I mean, Mommy.

You gotta see this, man. He is killing
you.

Dwayne, I don't care.

He can't kill me. And you wanna know
why?

Because I'm Flex Washington, and words
mean nothing to me.

Funny, because that's exactly what he
says right here.

You hold the record for most assists and
most goals, three years running, and

you deny the use of any performance
-enhancing drugs?

It's my asthma medicine.

Not a likely story, Amber.

And there it is, folks, another hard
-hitting expose.

on the Flex Five.

Mommy! Yeah, go tell your mother.

And I'll be back with my closing
comments.

And we're out.

How you like that, man? Bring them on.
Who's next? I'm ready to take on the

world. Flex Washington isn't pulling any
punches, baby.

Well, let's see.

Oh, there's the Senior Olympic
Synchronized Swim Team.

Due to advanced age and chlorine, most
of them are deaf already, so you'll have

to yell your insults.

I hear they're using Viagra as a
performance -enhancing drug.

Supposedly, it helps keep the man
afloat.

You know what, Flex? You just gave
McIntyre more fodder for his column

As your producer and as your friend.

Maybe he's your producer.

I encourage you to take the high road.

No, you're right.

The high road, like a mature adult.

And we're back in five, four, three...

I'd like to close out today's Flex Files
with a few words for Howard McIntyre of

the Baltimore Examiner.

I'm rubber, you're glue.

Everything you write bounces off me and
sticks to you.

Good night, Baltimore.

And we're out.

Way to take that high road, Flex.

Oh, yeah, I'm Flex Washington.

Perfect timing. I was just about to go
into my place.

All right. You have a good day now.

Flat app.

Ooh, pottery barn.

Hope it's a salad bowl.

The next guy who comes along is all
yours.

What's up, y 'all? I don't want him.
He's used.

So, Arnaz, what brings you by for a
brief visit?

I got problems.

Oh, everybody does. Things will get
better. It's always a cloud with a

lining. It's always darkest before the
dawn.

Have a nice day. Thanks for coming by.

Are you really?

No. Bye.

Hey,

come with me, Arnaz, and tell Spirit all
about it. I mean, somebody's life has

got to be more pathetic than mine.

Who's Josh?

Cute hats. You look like you're ready to
go riding.

Okay.

I didn't mean with me.

Well, neither did I. There's plenty of
bikes in this town. Gotcha. Just

So was I.

Who's Josh?

Just a new neighbor of Brianna's with
bad taste in women. So what's this about

private? It's Ginger.

She always wants to be with me. She
smothers me. I didn't know it was going

be like this.

You know what your problem is? You got
with Ginger because you were mad at

Brianna. That is not true.

I like Ginger.

Just the calling me 20 times a day, I
can't stand.

At least Brianna left a little mystery.

With Ginger, we always know who's done
it.

So, when did you get the bike?

Ah, two Christmases ago with my dad.

It was a big guilt year. He was thinking
about moving in with his girlfriend.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean.

These earrings... I walked in on my dad
and his date. They were just holding

hands, but if I came in ten minutes
later, these would be real diamonds.

Well, I better get going. My mom's
microwaving a burrito for me, and you

what that means.

What? Breakfast at the hospital.

Well, you know, if you want a home
-cooked meal, I can always whip

for you. You can cook?

Of course I can cook. You can call me
Chef Boyardee.

me with dinner mommy helping you i fixed
the whole meal what did you

oh hi

i'm sorry i'm such a mess but i've been
in the kitchen cooking all day it

smells great what are we having

You Josh?

I'm Brianna's mother, Nicole.

I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, so you've been talking about me.
That's a good sign.

I don't believe this.

I'm getting it twice a day, in the
morning and at night.

Flex, okay, enough about your love life.
They're children present.

Nicole, this is not a good time. I'm at
war with Howard McIntyre. As if the

newspapers weren't enough, now he's
attacking me on the Internet.

You didn't tell me your dad was Flex
Washington.

Oh, by the way, my daddy's Flex
Washington.

I'm off the high road, I'm taking the
low road. Throw away all the soap, I'm

getting down and dirty.

Are you finished?

Because this is Brianna's friend, Josh.

Okay?

Hi.

Hey, yeah, I've heard so much about you.

I'm Flex Washington, Brianna's father.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Washington.

I'm a big fan of the Flex files. Hey!

Thanks, man. I like this kid.

Hi, I'm Howard McIntyre, Josh's father.

His mother said he was down here.

McIntyre? Washington?

Dad? Ma?

Flex?

Dad? Oh, my bad.

Go with your daddy.

Sorry, Josh, Howard.

I'm Brianna's mother, Nicole.

Um, why don't you guys come in for a few
minutes? Maybe it would help if we got

to know one another.

Forget it, Nicole.

He's the hater I can feel breathing on
my calves when I'm trying to do an

interview with an athlete in the locker
room.

Oh, big talk for a two -time NBA loser
with nothing but a pretty smile and a

cute card with complicated words like
fladap.

Dad, you're messing up everything.

Brianna. I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, no, no, no, you won't. My daughter
is not going to associate with the son

the slanderer who's trying to take the
food off of our table, the roof from

our heads, and the DKNY off your back.

Son, you are not dating the daughter of
the poster child of America's short

attention span.

A Washington by any other name would be
just as foul.

Come on, we're leaving.

Oh, oh, no, you're not leaving. I'm
kicking you out, George Jefferson style.

out!

Your life be not yours till you're 18.

Oh, my gosh, Josh.

Why, Josh, hello.

What are you doing out there?

I got you something.

You know, we never got to have dinner
together.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Look, I'm sorry about my dad. He's such
a dork.

I'm sorry about mine, too. He's a bigger
dork.

I can't stop thinking about you,
Brianna.

Oh, you know, if my dork finds out, he's
going to kill you.

I better go.

Try not to dream about me too much.

You didn't see that.

Ow!

Ow!

I thought you said you were taking me
out to breakfast.

Are we not out?

Is this not breakfast?

What is this?

Another McIntyre article.

Man, listen to this.

Faith smiled on me yesterday when I was
given the opportunity to visit Flex

Washington's home.

It's decorated in early Fred. Fred
Flintstone, Fred Sanford, Freddy

Pick a Fred.

Hey, if you're Fred Flintstone, does
that make me Mr. Slate?

I killed him in the coffee room.

Hey, my daughter hates me and is
probably going to run off with the son

man who's making me the laughingstock of
Baltimore.

Not mine was funnier.

What I don't understand is, what's this
guy's beef with me?

Oh, it's simple, Flexi. Since the Dada
Man, or what I like to call the early

80s, there's been this battle between
print journalists and broadcast

journalists. Tell us more, media man.

You see, your print journalists are
generally smarter, but not the most

attractive folk.

Bordering on Carney.

Looks like a little Benazuri of circus
freaks, if you will.

Well, there's only one way to deal with
a little circus freak. I'm going to go

over to that newsroom and pound that
little freak into a little freak. That's

what I'm going to do. Hold on, Flex
here. Hold on. You can't go around

up little people or bowling them or
offering them $50 to sing Ding Dong the

Witch is Dead at your divorce hearing.

You know, but what you can do is show
them what it's like to dance your dance.

Really. Challenge him to a sports duel,
if you will.

Oh, I get it.

I get it.

invite McIntyre to join me on the flex
files, and I can show him how it's done.

Yeah, this way we'll go head -to -head.

Or in his case, head -to -knee.

No, mine was funny. Yeah, it made me
laugh.

Get the door! Get the door!

How did they accidentally deliver Mr.

Washington's coffee table to your
apartment?

How'd you accidentally back into the
door frame?

What?

All those different stores with the
wrong address.

Okay. I have a confession to make.

No.

Well, see, I had a big date. My first
one since Stacey and I broke up. So I've

been borrowing Fletcher's things.

So, uh, we can just keep this our little
secret, huh?

Sure.

For 50 bucks.

Each. Y 'all can forget that.

Welcome to a very special edition of the
Fletcher. Oh, this is the big show Don

Brown was telling us about.

With me today is noted Baltimore sports
journalist Howard McIntyre, or as I like

to call him behind his back, Little Mac.

I've invited him on this special edition
of the Flex Files so he can teach me

how to do my job.

Howard? Thank you, Flex. It's a pleasure
to be here.

And here.

And now I'll turn things over to our
station manager, Hank Hampton, who will

the stage for tonight's sports
challenge. Take it away, Hank.

Thank you, Flex.

Well, the challenge is quite simple.

I've selected two clips from the Super
Bowl between the New York Giants and our

beloved Baltimore Ravens. Our two
newsmen here, Mr.

McIntyre and Washington, will do a
highlight commentary.

Mr. Washington, you won the toss
backstage. You go first.

Thanks, Hank.

All right, sports fans.

Dilfer, with a three -step drop, looks
off to safety like he's flirting with a

guy. This man is sick.

He hits Stokely, who's more open than
Shannon Sharp's mouth. Then he takes it

the his -house.

A 38 -yard touchdown pass that has the
people of Baltimore forgetting all about

the dreadful day when the Mayflower
Trucks herded the Colts out of town.

Flat out. It's all yours, Howard.

Okay. Okay, the ball is snapped.

Dilfer drops back.

Wait, I think that's Banks. And it looks
like he's making an early deposit.

Or is it a withdrawal?

Wait, can you rewind that?

Never mind.

And it looks like the guy caught it like
the flu.

Achoo!

God bless you. No, no, no, that's my
flat app.

Achoo!

Oh, we're out.

Oh, my God, I suck.

It's so much easier when I do it in my
basement.

What is it now, Ginger?

I miss you, wish you toozy woozy.

Okay, bye.

Okay, that's it, all right?

I've had it. It's not how it's supposed
to be.

I need someone who's going to give me
some space.

Someone who's independent.

Someone who's...

Not named after a spice.

If it's so funny, I'd like to see you do
what I do.

Look, man, I respect what you do. I
didn't make fun of you until you started

making fun of me.

Why? You make it look so easy.

And I hate that Fladap thing.

Just like I hate Kevin Costner.

I don't know why, I just do.

Look, man, it's not as easy being me as
it looks.

For example, I have to watch my weight.

You, on the other hand, can let yourself
go even more.

Listen up, guys.

The kids have something to say.

Daddy and Mr.

McIntyre, we could disobey you guys.

And sneak around and see each other.

But we need our allowances.

And I really like Rihanna a lot.

Hey, man, we need to bury the hatchet
for the kids' sake.

You're taking all the fun out of it,
Washington.

But I'm going to be the bigger guy.

For the kids' sake.

Howard, you can never be the bigger guy.

Spirit, I've made up my mind.

I want Brianna back.

She's a girlfriend of mine.

That was so close. We're getting good at
this.

I hope you're good at running!

Love you too, Netta.