All language subtitles for One On One s01e11 Thanksgiving It to Me, Baby

Daddy, I'm pretty sure you don't put
mayonnaise in something.

Well, how else is it going to stick
together?

Ah, gobble, gobble, people. Happy Turkey
Day.

Ah, some good smells in here.

And some disturbing ones, too.

Gwen, you change your mind about going
to homecoming this weekend?

Man, heck no.

High school was the worst years of my
life.

Why? You should want to go. I can't wait
till I graduate and come back to high

school rich, famous, and beautiful.

Oh, so that's why you don't want to go.

Speak to her, Flex. She don't know. I'll
fight a little girl.

Hey, hey.

Dee,

I think you should come to homecoming.
High school wasn't that bad. Have you

forgotten?

Belinda Hopkins, senior year, homecoming
dance.

How she lured me backstage, tricked me
out of my clothes, and then opened the

curtains.

You can only blame yourself for wearing
Spider -Man underwear.

Me and my spotty senses don't hear you.

I spit away and block you out.

Daddy, did you put mayonnaise in the
yams? You know it does not go with

everything. I don't give a yam what you
think.

You gonna eat them and like it, damn it.

And you know, you starting to sound just
like your mother, always checking and

double checking on everything I do.

Well, obviously, you need someone to
check after you.

Nicole! Hi, Mommy!

Tell me that's not my ex -wife here.

Okay, that's your baby's mama.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Spinning telegram, a brick through a
window, something to let a brother know

come into town.

Listen, it's like it's been three
months. The mother misses her child.

So anyway, there I was off the coast of
Nova Scotia studying the mating call

with Killer Whales when I realized I had
to see my little girl.

Killer Whales? How does it feel to work
with family?

Well, I'm glad that she's here. I miss
my mommy so much. Thank you, baby.

So what'd you bring me?

Got it.

years older.

But nothing but the best for my baby.

You know, Dwayne, I always get her a
Thanksgiving gift.

So what did you get her, Fleck?

I gave her life. How about that?

Oh, and you also gave her your knobby
knees.

And they're off.

Nicole's out to the early lead, but here
comes Fleck.

So, uh, how long are you staying,
Nicole?

Just through the weekend. Long enough to
spend some time with Brianna and go to

our homecoming. And you can relax. You
know, you look a little tense. I'm gonna

stay at the Ritz.

No, he should stay here with us, right,
Daddy? Oh, no, no, sweetie. Your mama's

from the hood. Don't take the rich away
from her.

But, Daddy, I want Mommy to stay with
us. And please help Daddy with the

hooking, please. No, baby, baby, I just
can't go and take over your father's

kitchen. That would not be polite.

That's right.

Now, all I have to do is add the hot
sauce to my famous sweet potato pie.

It'll taste so good, it'll make you want
to smack your mama.

Feel free, Brianna.

Get out of my way.

Who does she think she is?

Pushing me aside.

Baking my bird. Matching my potatoes.
Making everything smell all good.

I don't care what anybody says. I'll eat
my own pie.

Well, give me a slice of goat.

Teach my mama lesson for kicking me out
on turkey day.

Just because she got a new man who
doesn't like kids.

Dinner is...

It's beautiful.

Uh, Twain, would you and a turkey like a
moment alone together?

Well, Flex, you haven't done anything in
a while. How about you lead us in

prayer?

All right.

Dear Lord, thank you for the food which
we're about to receive, especially my

pie.

Bless everyone here, even the pushy
uninvited guests.

Also, bless the man who paid for that
expensive diamond bracelet that wasn't

returned when her marriage ended. And
dear Lord, thank you so much for the

market value she received when she
pawned it.

You did what?

Amen.

Oh, Mommy, this turkey is salami.

Mm -hmm. And this dressing is as moist
as a night in Venezuela.

Yeah, well, this is Josh Phoenix to me.

Well, it's a shame the meal you were
preparing couldn't rise from the ashes.

It's a shame you could.

Brianna, don't scatter your carrots
around the plate. I know you're not

them. Good looking out, Flex.

You know, she always used to hide her
veggies. When she was six, I would find

peas in her ears.

But I hate carrots. I'd rather do my
algebra.

By the way, have you done it? But I
haven't till Sunday. Oh, no, you have

Saturday because I have to go over it.

It's not.

Brianna, your father's right. Do what he
says.

May I just point out that you two agreed
on something?

It's not Thanksgiving. It's Christmas up
in here.

Well, I'm really looking forward to
homecoming weekend.

I think it'll be good to see all of our
old friends.

We'll take a lot of photos because I
ain't going.

Dwayne, nobody remembers what happened
to you at some little dance in 1985.

Yeah, that's fine.

Spidey! Spidey!

Ready to go see Thanksgiving Day
Massacre?

You're supposed to spend the night at my
house, right? Oh, I can't. I didn't

know my mom was coming.

Oh, no, baby. Go ahead. Have fun.

I'll be here for a few days.

So you must be the infamous Arne.

Wait, you're talking about me to your
mom?

So you do dig me.

Now I see what you were talking about.
You must be spirit.

You know, your parents have given you a
very soulful name.

Actually, it's Close Hill.

So you can see why I went to the other
side.

Okay, Mom and Dad, I'll see y 'all
tomorrow.

All right, sweetie, but call before you
go to bed.

And wait, here, here, here.

Some homemade pie for all of you.

But, Daddy, these are my friends.

Your Uncle Blaine loved his.

Actually, you said it too close to the
edge, and it kind of fell.

And I think it's eating a hole in the
carpet.

30 minutes? What do you mean you don't
have no cab?

Forget the cab, girl. If you really need
to get to the hotel, I got a broom you

can hop on.

I'm just kidding, girl. I'll take you.

Oh, you will?

Yeah. Oh, thanks, love. I can't wait to
get out of these clothes. No need. The

ride was free, baby.

You know, Nikki, I appreciate you taking
over dinner. It made for a really nice

Thanksgiving. Affleck, when I saw you
putting hot sauce in a sweet potato pie,

figured what next?

Mayonnaise in a stuffing?

Yeah, that's crazy talk.

You know, Affleck, you're not much of a
cook, but you're turning out to be a

really great father.

Thanks. And you know I love having her
with me.

I know.

Who'd have thought you and I would make
something so good?

Not my mother.

But you're not the girl she met when we
were in high school.

The one with the big bamboo earrings, at
least two pairs.

That's all right. That's all right. I
was around the way, girl. I did my

Watch me now.

You know what, Flex? We've come a long
way.

Yeah. We have.

Better jobs.

Better personal lives.

Yeah.

Better parents.

But wait, Flex.

I guess we've gotten better at
everything, huh?

Are you sure?

Maybe we need to try again, make sure it
wasn't a fluke.

Well, you know what they say.

Third time's the charm.

It's 9 a .m. What?

Brianna will be home any minute.

We don't want her to catch us like this.
You're right, you're right. We'll have

a hard time explaining this one.

Uh -oh.

Flex.

I can't find my undies.

Oh, well, that explains why these are so
tight.

Give me my undies. Come and get them.
Yes, yes.

It was so scary. I've never seen so many
people get killed by one wishbone.

Watch your TV.

Yeah, yeah.

And your mother had an itch in her back,
and I was trying to scratch it. Where's

that? Right down there at the bottom.
Thank you so much.

Guys, I know what's going on. I watch
Sex and the City. You two are fooling

around.

Wait a second now. We're not fooling
around.

Look, I care for your mother a lot.

We have a lot of history together.

Yeah. Well, yeah, he's right. We have
you.

So this must mean you're getting back
together.

This is so cool. I want to do this as
long as I can remember.

You two don't have any clothes on, do
you?

Well,

you know what? All I was hoping for was
a great Thanksgiving.

I guess Mom coming to town wasn't the
only surprise.

If you have to ask, I must not have been
doing it right.

Why are we here?

We've been divorced for 12 years.

I don't know.

I just looked at you.

Something clicked.

Maybe it was the way you stuffed the
turkey.

I'm serious.

Our little girl thinks we're getting
back together.

Is that so crazy?

Yes. I mean, you know, I... I've got my
research in Nova Scotia, and, you know,

you and Brianna, you guys are building a
beautiful life here in Baltimore.

Maybe we shouldn't mess that up.

Look, let's just get through the
weekend, you know?

I really want us to try to make this
work, Mickey.

It feels right.

Should we go for it?

I'm already gone.

Exciting gaming. You know what? You two
are the best cheerleaders out there.

That's my baby. That's our baby.

Oh,

Daddy, can I have some money for snacks?

Oh, baby, you don't need any money.

I bought pie.

Go, go, go.

Uh, afternoon, alumni, alumnate.

Man, who you trying to be, Dee Diddy?

My business card.

Dwayne Knox, freelance astronaut.

See, success is the best revenge. And
since I'm just a used car salesman, I'm

pretending to be a successful spaceman
so as to get my revenge with Belinda.

Uh, Belinda. What's up?

Belinda, how are you doing, baby?

Do you remember me? Of course I do,
Dwan.

Dwan, not astronaut.

Why don't we go take a ride in my limo?

I'll tell you about my seven nights on
Saturn.

Did you just see that?

No, no.

Yes, you did. Don't lie.

Look, it's no big deal. She's just being
friendly.

See, that was always your problem, Flex.
You too damn friendly.

Oh, hold up now.

You always seeing things that aren't
there. Poof, there it is. Poof, there's

something else. I do not. Excuse me,
Grady. Can you mind your business?

We're not fighting, baby.

No, we're just talking with a lot of
emotion, baby. That's all.

Then why is Daddy's angry vein popping
out of his head?

That's my love bump.

It pulsates whenever I'm around your
mother.

All right, be still, BB.

Black, come on. We're going to be late.

You're always late, and you know I hate
being late.

You know, you've always... has been
impatient.

Nicole, you should just take a moment,
breathe, and relax.

Okay, let's go.

Where are my keys?

I left them right here on the coffee
table.

Oh, well, I put them in the kitchen
drawer. You know I hate clutter.

And you know I hate when you move my
stuff all around.

Look, you know what? Don't stop before
we go out. Hey, hey, okay.

Here are the keys.

That's a sound. Let's go.

Look, Nicole, I have a system, okay?

A place for everything and everything in
its place. Right. On the floor, on top

of... You know, Nicole, I've just...
Okay, hey, hey, hey!

Let's go party.

I

can't

believe you two are still together.

Star basketball player, class
valedictorian.

You two were such leaders.

And look at you, still achieving.

Thank you.

Well, I have a Ph .D.

I make more money than she does.

In that case, a donation to our building
fund is always appreciated.

Oh, sheesh, of course.

Honey, donate.

Well, I guess I could write a check for
a hundred. Oh, no, no, no, absolutely

not. Make it five.

We're not cheap people.

We're not cheap people.

Oh, it's easy to be generous when it's
not your money.

Oh.

Okay,

you know what? This is so embarrassing.

I always thought my parents getting back
together would be the best thing ever,

but look at them. They always fight.

Parents always fight.

In my house, it starts every Friday when
my mama wonders what happened to my

daddy's check.

My parents never argue.

In fact, they never talk.

There's a cool, eerie silence in my
house.

It's kind of cool.

I've seen them fight about everything.

I mean, yesterday, it was, should the
toilet paper go up and over or down and

under? Who cares? It all gets flushed.

So I said to him, Billy Boy, instead of
micro -hard, why not call it micro

-soft? Oh, Dwayne, why didn't I realize
how fabulous you were in high school?

It's the fur, baby.

Go on, pet me.

I'll be your real -life chia pet.

Ooh. Watch me grow.

You and your family, you always thought
you were better than me and my family.

How do I put this nicely?

We were.

You see what I mean? Uppity. Just stank
and uppity.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm sure you missed the days when
you drank Kool -Aid out of the jelly

jar.

Excuse me. Those were passed down from
my grandmother.

Ladies...

like to take a moment to thank the most
generous contributors to our building

fund, Flex and Nicole Barnes. Can you
believe they're still together?

Oh, Mom and Dad, please stop. You are
giving me a headache. I'm going to bed.

Why'd you have to go and upset her?

Me?

Sounds like you're boiling eggs up
there.

And you're always kicking at me, too.
No, no, no. I'm just honest with you

your fault. You know what? You're not as
perfect as you think you are, Fleck.

You know what, Nicole?

Who are we kidding, huh?

This is not working out.

You know, that's the first thing we
agreed on all night.

Look, there's no right or wrong here.

We're just not getting along.

And unfortunately, that's why we got a
divorce.

You're right.

You're right. Now I remember.

So how are we going to break this to
Brianna?

Like two mature adults.

She's going to break her heart.

Yippee! Yes, I love you guys. You made
me so happy.

Wait, you're not upset?

No, I'm relieved.

You guys torture each other. And if you
stay together, sooner or later the hate

will trickle down to me. And I don't
want to be trickled on.

Oh, I love you guys.

My parents have came to their senses.

The world is right again.

What's wrong with your child?

Nothing. I have her. It's cool.

Well, I guess I better get to the hotel.

Good idea.

Nicole, we were good together once.

Yeah.

We were.

Take your clothes off.

Nice underwear, Dwayne.

Yes, they are.

But this time, they're cowboys.

Love you too, Netta.