All language subtitles for My Little Princess s01e02

Once upon a time, there was a little
girl who was the apple of her dad's eye.

As she grew up, many boys tried to woo
her, but none were good enough for dad.

So now, to help find her one true love,
dad and daughter have both agreed to

enter a fairytale realm of romance, full
of hot single boys.

who, upon entering this magical kingdom,
are transformed into handsome Prince

Charming.

My name's Lisa, I'm 19.

I've been single for over a year now.

I'm the perfect guy to have, like, long
-ish dark hair, little green eyes,

possibly a musician.

It's like, I don't know, I want someone
that, like, I feel like I can, like,

look after, and, like, because I've got,
like, kind of, like, a motherly, like,

nature.

That there was a catch, for in this
wondrous world, it would not be the

picking up its charming, it would be the
true ruler of this land, an armed and

dangerous retired chemical engineer,
otherwise known as Dad.

Despite the fact she's nearly 20 years
old and she's an adult, I still feel

protective towards her. I spend a lot of
time shooting with rifles and shotguns,

so I'm quite handy with a shotgun and I
can hit moving targets.

So any boy wishing to win the heart of
the princess must first endeavor to

impress her dad by surviving a series of
terrible, twisted tests of love.

Has my little princess had a boob job?

or a nose job.

Entering the world of My Little Princess
is a nightclub hostess called Lisa

Coulter and her dad, Jerry, a 58 -year
-old karate black belt from a land not

far, far away called Watford.

I think your taste in men and, how can I
put it, their perception of things and

their intellectual level is a lot to be
desired.

Your ideal guy for me would be someone
that goes hunting, wears tweed, do you

get what I mean?

The kind of guy, the perfect guy for me
that I would want you to choose for me

would be someone who's preferably
veggie, into conspiracy theories, into

philosophy, and can have in -depth
conversations about the world and

Hoping to impress Dad and win a date
with his daughter are a brave bunch of

-hungry hunks.

that all live together in a princely
village.

Last week, I left first round. I was
pretty gutted about it. But now I'm

I'm a lot more determined to win and
make sure that I win the princess.

Recently, my brother's just had a baby,
my twin brother, baby Hugo. She really

opened my eyes about what there is in
life, you know, and I'm really hoping to

get a girlfriend to settle down, have
these nice things in life, share them

someone special.

New to the princely posse this week is
22 -year -old Prince Kyle, a club

promoter from the merry town of Windsor.

Celebrities I get compared to, my main
one is probably Cristiano Ronaldo.

My perfect princess would have to be
someone very much like me, very real.

Her personality's got to be nice and
laid back, nice and chilled. And

ultimately, she's got to impress my mum.

Only one prince will win a date with
this week's princess.

But what virtues did Dad Cherry hold
dear?

Back at the princely village, a list of
this week's dadly demands were

dispatched for all to read.

I would prefer Lisa to be going out with
someone who's got social skills, the

sort of guy who holds a regular job,
does regular things, relatively sort of

smart and presentable.

It's an old -fashioned view, probably.

The princes were not gifted a picture of
this week's princess, so they knew not

what she looked like.

But propelled by the mere possibility of
love, a band of princely heroes set off

to apply for the job of Dad's Prince
Charlie.

I think Luther and I have different
ideas.

She would probably prefer more
outrageous hippie types rather than

holds down a regular job.

and the word i said when i said i love
you

For our princely hopefuls' opening
challenge, it was a simple task to make

good first impression on Dad upon the
terrifying catapult of

compatibility.

In order to survive the deadly catapult,
all our brave young princes need do is

think exactly like Dad's little
princess.

Do this well enough?

And Dad will not only think them most
suited to his daughter, but will also

refrain from lobbing them into the Lake
of Losers.

So with everyone sitting comfortably, it
was time for Dad's examination of

compatibility. To begin.

If my little princess had a baby boy,
would she call him Levi or Jack?

Levi.

Levi.

Jack.

If

I

had a baby boy, I'd call him Levi.

He'd wear Levi's jeans and...

I just really like the name.

Basically, I don't like the name Jack
because I've seen this guy called Jack.

He's really horrible. He'd constantly
criticise me.

He'd be like, your eyebrows are too
dark, your beard is too small.

Jack.

Jack.

Now only five princes remain to face
question number two

from Dad.

Does my daughter believe that the world
is secretly controlled by reptiles, or

does she believe that a meteorite from
outer space will destroy it in ten

time? Oh, no.

That's not something you hear every day,
is it?

I'm going to throw it out there. I think
your daughter thinks that the world is

controlled by reptiles.

It's secretly controlled by reptiles.

Meteorite?

She believes that a meteorite will
destroy her in ten years' time.

This will be interesting.

I believe the world's secretly
controlled by reptiles.

By that I mean...

High -ranking politicians, like
celebrities within the royal family,

came from a different planet before the
dawn of time. Some examples would be

Nicki Minaj.

In a normal interview, they were just
filming her, and her eyes started shape

-shifting. And, like, for example,
there's a picture of Angelina Jolie, and

can see, like, scales here.

Well, you learn something new every day,
don't you?

Anywho, so just Prince Martin, Prince
Navid and Prince Karl now remain.

Has my little princess had a boob job or
a nose job?

Your little princess has definitely had
a boob job.

A boob job.

Nose job.

And then a hero comes along with a
strength to carry

on.

Basically, I've already had a boob job.
I got it done last year.

Before the boob job, I was actually like
a triple A.

I felt really boyish. I thought I was
hermaphrodite.

So I feel a lot more confident now.

Thanks to the newly acquired 34DD
breasts of our princess, we are now left

Prince Navid and Prince Kyle.

But who will walk away the winner from
this catapult of compatibility?

Which sex in the city character does my
daughter say she is most like?

Samantha or Charlotte?

So who will our princes plump for?

Samantha the slutty one or Charlotte the
uptight one?

Charlotte.

I'd say our daughter, I think she's more
like Samantha from Texas City.

I'd say I'm more like Charlotte at all
characters. I'm quite conservative.

I don't really like talking about sex
with friends. It makes me feel quite

uncomfortable when I go into graphic
detail.

Defeat for Prince Kyle means that this
week's most compatible prince is...

Prince Navid the Thoughtful. I think
relationships are very important in

You basically learn how to be with
another person. You're less egocentric.

understand people.

You learn how to love. You learn how to
trust.

Prince Navid's victory means his quest
for love will go on. But for Dad Jerry,

he must now decide which of the other
six princely losers to banish from his

kingdom. But who will it be?

Return to us with Godspeed, my friends,
for the answer as the story of My Little

Princess continues.

The girl in the pink dress is quite big
anyway, so she's going to naturally have

a big breath.

Welcome back to My Little Princess.

Previously, Dad, Jerry, had tested the
honour of this week's princely

on the catapult of compatibility.

It was now time for him to choose which
princely loser to lose.

Jamie and Jordan were the worst two. In
fact, they got the first question wrong.

I would have to make a decision which
one's got to go.

Personally, my gut feeling is I would
prefer Jamie.

Can you not take the other one?

Well, what have you got going for him?
He just sounds, like, funnier to get on

with than Jamie.

But I just think that Jamie is probably
able to articulate

himself and explain things a bit better
than... Than Buff Daddy.

Than Buff Daddy.

All right, OK, well, we'll go with what
you think first.

Yeah.

Dad's first impression of Prince Buff
Daddy and Prince Jamie was indeed

and his mind was now made up.

Last week I did really well. I got all
the way to the final.

I was this close to getting a date.

He's been a bit of a disappointment.

He's not really impressed me. I don't
think he's suitable from my point of

So I think I'm going to have to kick him
out.

Don't even get to meet the princess now.
What's that about?

And so Prince Buff Daddy's watery end
means he must try again next week to

his one true love.

But what of the young man that Dad had
shown mercy upon?

Well, if romance was a business, then
meet the boss.

I am a bit of an entrepreneur, and I'm
always looking for the next big thing.

Even when it comes to women. I do
sometimes get compared to Daniel Craig.

I've been single for four years now.
There's a reason because I don't

go out with girls unless I've been
seeing them for a long enough amount of

to know they're good enough to be in a
relationship with.

Within the castle of love resides a
bitter and twisted old witch.

Spurned by a lover when young, she has
resolved to punish every young man who

enters the kingdom with a deadly curse.

This week, the evil hag has had another
really evil idea.

If Dad and his princess wanted to know
how romantic our princes were, then why

not turn them all into... Man -sized
lovebirds!

One by one, our fine and noble princes
were transformed into giant, ugly

birdmen. To break the curse, they must
prove their love for the princess by

protecting her most precious possession,
her pet pooch, Theo.

Yeah, he's like a dog to me. He's more
like a baby. I feel like a single mum

looking after him, raising him by
myself.

Sometimes I dress him up and everything.

He has little converses. Yes.

Just like a single nun.

Anywho, on with the combo.

So the question is, how many bullets
would our princely birdman take, the

little thief?

The evil jester will shoot deadly
missiles directly at a portrait of the

princess's little doggy. Our prince's
devotion will be judged by how many

they take to their bird -like bodies.

Even though I might have different views
from other people, I think chivalry is

still very important.

And I think it's a guy's job to protect
a woman.

Do you get what I mean? So if they can't
even protect Theo, and I think Theo

means a lot to me, then how are they
going to do? Do you get what I mean? Say

we're in a dangerous situation or
something, then how would they do them

protecting me? Do you get what I mean?

Whichever birdly bodyguard takes the
most hits for Theo the dog will win the

greatest favour with Dad and Princess
Nisa.

With this fort in their bird -like
brains, the princes prepare themselves

the jester's onslaught of pain.

Pain is nothing. It doesn't mean
nothing. It's not even in my dictionary.

Faking man!

Put the pincers!

Take the balls for her!

Oh, dear.

Watch it! Look out!

Duck! No!

Oof, I bet that hurt.

Come on, stay stern and strong.

Oh, a ball to the face, taking it like a
prince.

Their ordeal was over.

Having the tiny jesters' giant balls
bang repeatedly into their princely

had been a true test of their devotion
for the princess.

But it can now be revealed that the
prince who performed the greatest of all

this task is Prince Kyle, who ate an
incredible 13 balls of princely pain.

Well, God called it ball. He's good
looking, yeah.

He was very, very heroic in defending
your dog.

Yeah. Very good. Very commendable. This
birdly contest had unearthed one

princely hero.

and exposed three princely cowards, all
of whom took a meager five hits for

the princess's pet pooch. They were
Cowardly Prince Luke, Spineless

Prince Charlie, and Yellow -Berryed
Prince Jamie.

Dad now had a difficult decision to
make. He could save two of them, meaning

one would be cast...

into the moat of rejection.

Well, Charlie didn't do too well.

In fact, he was pretty hopeless.

Well, he's too lanky, like, he's too
much of a prissy boy.

I mean, if there's, like, an apocalypse
-type situation, you want a guy who's

going to take control and he's, like,
the alpha male and he's going to be

right, I'm going to get us out of here,
I'm going to save us, blah, blah, blah,

to get, you know, to take control of the
situation, whereas Charlie seems like a

boy that's been more...

worried about his hair or, like, crying
in the corner about a broken nail or,

like, a bit of a bump on the nose, you
know?

I had high expectations for Jamie and,
unfortunately, he and Luke have not

really measured up.

Yeah. I mean, I don't think that Luke
can think much more outside of the gym.

But Jamie failed the last one, so what
makes you think that Jamie's still

insurgent? Why do you want him to stay
so much, like, so badly?

Well, I just get a...

gut reaction that I think that he
probably... Yeah, but then whenever I

gut reaction, it's not right to get by
me.

Well, I will consider it.

It was time for Dad to choose which of
these princes to lose.

I think Jamie's probably a little bit
more educated. He seems to be that much

more sharper.

At airport, I'm afraid Luke is going to
get the old medieval order of the chop.

Pretty gutted.

I thought I'd done a bit better than
that. I'd taken one on the head, but,

I thought I'd done better than that.

So once again, Prince Jamie the
Fortunate is spared.

Perhaps Dad sees in this clean -cut
young prince someone who will not make

same mistakes he made when he was a
young, hell -raising, hell's fiend.

Things that you do when you're younger,
you regret later.

So you, when you were younger, you
weren't like the Hells Angels, you got

tattoos, you did drugs, you went crazy,
do you get what I mean? Do you now,

you're very conservative and you're more
like a gentleman, you go hunting, do

you get what I mean?

Over the years, I became more
conservative, if you like, right? You

become part of a system or you can be
outside it. You can't tell me not to do

things when you did the same things when
you were younger, or if not worse,

probably.

Dad's dodgy past may well explain why he
wants a prince who will be able to

protect his princess from the evils of
the modern world.

Someone who can recognize danger when
they see it.

Someone who can survive the puddles of
trouble.

Okay, this particular test is to do with
streetwise intelligence.

This test will be an indication which
lads have got some awareness of what's

going on around them and which ones are
brain dead.

The princes find themselves on a woodly
path with an intriguing set of puddles.

To help steer them towards the right
path, a series of ghostly apparitions

appear before their princely eyes,
enticing them to step forward into one

puddles.

The first of these visions is two
incredibly buxom ladies.

One of them is a naturally bosomed woman
whose truthful breath will guide the

princes towards the puddle of safety.

The other has live, unnatural breasts
and will lead them into the

puddle of trouble.

As ever, watching with great interest.

Our dad and his princess Lisa.

Our princes must now look closely and
choose wisely.

The lady on the left, you look more
professional and like a professional

The girl on the left looks a bit smaller
and her face is more like the kind of

girl that would have a boob job.

She looks a bit like a waxwork model,
something like a Madame Tussauds. So I'd

say she's definitely the fakest.

That girl looks like she's got hair
extensions, but she's got fake hair, so

might have fake boobs.

After looking at the two girls, the girl
on the left, her hairs are a little bit

more longer, so I'm kind of swaying
towards the natural ones being on the

It's really hard.

The one on the right, the size of them,
they're quite huge, and they could get

away with being fake, but I think they
are natural.

The girl in the pink dress is quite big
anyway, so she's going to naturally have

bigger breasts.

This girl's got nicer shaped boobies.
They look more pert.

If I was a girl, I'd want her boobs.

Whereas this one's nice and natural.
She's got a nice natural look.

She's definitely, definitely the
realest.

The princes make their decisions and
stand by their puddles.

Prince Charlie and Prince Martin have
placed their trust in the bosoms of the

girl with the matching bra and dress.

Classy. Whilst Prince Jaime, Prince
Navid, and Prince Kyle believe the

of the Pink Lady are both good and true.

It was now time for each of them to step
forward and discover the truth.

So foolish and naive Prince Jamie,
Prince Kyle and Prince Naveed are the

to fall foul of the puddles of trouble.

Disappointed, pretty gutted to fall in
the first puddle. I doubt that the dad

going to be too impressed with that.

I thought that I was good at spotting
fake boobs, but obviously after this

challenge it shows that I'm not.

I chose to tickle the white because she
genuinely looked... Genuine. You know

what I mean? She didn't look fake.

Only Prince Martin and Prince Charlie
now remain as they step forward to face

Puddle Puzzle number two.

Once again, a ghostly apparition appears
before them. This time of two menacing

looking men.

One of them is a perfectly nice and
ordinary family man who will guide them

the good puddle. The other, is secretly
covered with troublesome tattoos of

Irish pop band The Cause and the face of
David Attenborough.

He is to be greatly avoided as he will
lead our princes towards the bad part.

Not many people with tattoos are hard.

But the tattoo of The Cause is a bit
confusing.

And the guy on the right is trying a bit
too hard to be hard. You can see it in

his eyes.

This guy looks very intimidating, and he
looks like he'd hung barbed wire or

something.

The guy on the left is very casual.

He's gone about his business in a very
discreet manner. This guy looks the

weirdest. I think this guy's got the
tattoo on his back because he doesn't

that scary. He looks like he could have
a pop band on his back.

Once more, our princes deliver their
verdict by standing in front of their

chosen puddle.

Prince Charlie believes the baldy tough
guy is really harmless and free of weird

tattoos. Whilst Prince Martin had chosen
to put his trust in the other gentle

gentleman. One of them is wrong.

It was now time to discover the terrible
tattooed truth.

And so it came to pass.

that Prince Martin was deceived by the
weirdy, beardy man.

And to prove his folly, the apparition
reveals his grisly gallery.

It was almost as if the inky faces of
the cause and David Attenborough were

laughing at this poor prince in the
puddle.

And so Prince Charlie is the last prince
standing.

His deeds upon the puddles means his
journey in this contest of love.

We'll continue on.

Charlie's not my usual type of guy, but
I think so far he's done really well.

Yeah, Charlie's been doing very well.

The fate of the other four princely
failures, however, is less certain.

Dad must send one to the moat. But who
will he choose?

Return soon for the answer, my friends,
as the story of my little princess

continues.

Welcome back to My Little Princess.

Previously, Dad and Princess Lisa
watched Prince Charlie conquer the

trouble. But now a decision must be made
as to which of the other princes he

will choose to lose.

Three of the lads, unfortunately, have
gone out on the first question.

I have to make a decision which one's
going to go.

Kyle is good -looking and he's clued in.

He's tall, dark, handsome, and he's
relatively witty.

Jamie is good -looking, presentable sort
of chap. If we were out to dinner,

Jamie would be socially acceptable. He
can speak about things. He's articulate.

I feel that Naveed doesn't have the same
sort of charisma.

My gut reaction at this point is that
Naveed should go.

I don't understand why I was saying the
visa guy when Jamie failed three times

in different tests and you've given him
enough chances.

You know, you talk about things that are
working on levels that we don't quite

understand and on instincts.

Yeah, well, that's what I don't
understand. Like, everything that you

it's like, oh, it's logical and... I
have to make a decision.

At the end of the day, it's your
decision. Don't forget that I have to go

date with them.

Trust me, I'm your dad. I'll make the
right decision.

The time for talk is over.

It was now time to throw a bad prince
off a big bridge.

It's quite a shame that I couldn't tell
the difference between real and fake

boobs. And I don't blame the king for
getting, you know, eliminating me.

The Veed, in particular, does not come
across as a streetwise person.

I think I'm streetwise, but...

Definitely, if there's a situation
including fake boobs, I would not be

get out of trouble.

So,

as

Prince Naveed lay in the lake, it was
time to learn more of the champion of

puddles. A curious -haired fellow, known
in these parts as Prince Charlie.

I've been single for about a year.

One, because of my image. I'm not every
girl's cup of tea.

And secondly, because I punch way above
my weight.

And I like girls that are out of my
league.

I hate girls with horrible feet as well.

I think a girl's feet shows a lot about
them, whether they take care of

themselves or not. Because when it's all
cracked to the back, it's a bit

disgusting.

They've got nice backs to feet.

That means they look after themselves
and they're good to go.

Ah, look who it is. It's the tiny jester
of the castle.

I wonder what devilry he has planned for
our princes this week.

The jester's wall of opportunity.

The jester's challenge to the four
remaining princes is this.

To run blindfolded towards a wall and
stop before they hit it.

This was an opportunity to impress Dad,
for whoever runs fastest and stops

nearest the wall will demonstrate their
great courage and skill.

I'm working as hard as I can to impress
Dad, because I think it would be great

if I could find a nice princess.

I look at some of the other guys, and
not really... They haven't really got

anything in their locker, to be honest.

I'd say more physicals on all of them.

I've got a bit of that one.

I think it's good having some
competition.

That means you've got to fight for the
prince there.

I really don't see anyone else as a
threat here at the moment. No one's

got a big personality, and I'm hoping
this girl will actually have a big

personality because I'll be the guy for
her.

The princes all believe they have
equipped themselves admirably in this

But unfortunately for them, the naughty
Jester has a cunning plan up his tiny

sleeve. To change the Wall of
Opportunity into... The Wall of

And so it came to pass that the Jester
invited the princes to try the challenge

once more.

Naturally, all eagerly grabbed the
chance.

to improve their performance and thus
impress Dad further.

But unbeknownst to them, this time the
devilish clown has magically moved his

wall forward.

So will the princes fall for the
jester's prank, or will their senses

to this new danger?

T 'was time to find out.

First to be fooled is Prince Charlie.

At the time, I didn't find it funny
because it did hurt.

Yeah, I would say I'm a practical joker,
but I don't like jokes being played on

me. It's probably given him a bit of a
bump on the nose, but I think he's

mentally more disorientated than
physically. I don't like moany, wimpy

The next prince to face the wall of
gullibility is Prince Martin.

I'm really impressed with Dad's sense of
humour.

Basically, it shows to me that he's a
bit of a boy, and he's kicked the box in

my eye.

You can see the funny side of it. Yeah.

Yeah, I think guys definitely will take
a joke and not put themselves too

seriously, so that's definitely a point
for Martha.

Hitting the wall next would be Prince
Kyle.

I know it's hard to think, but her mind
has been made up.

If I saw someone run into a wall, even
though it was me and I was the one

the pain, running into walls is
different, isn't it? It's kind of funny.

Carl's doing pretty well so far, and his
reaction to the wall was really good as

well. He's a good...

How do you feel a good sport good sport?

Yeah, it wasn't like Charlie he didn't
win to buy it picked himself up and When

he realized what had happened he could
see the funny side Finally it is

time to tickle the funny bone of Prince
Jamie

That's

the kind of friend that I would probably
pull myself though Maybe me and the dad

are more similar than I think.

Well, there you go. I told you that
Jamie's got some points.

I mean, you can see the funny side of
it. And probably my gut reaction towards

him and keeping him in was right.

I said my doubts, but I'll give you this
one. You did do well with this one.

Now it was the time for dad to choose
which of these princes to lose.

I think Charlie is a bit mamby -pamby,
hasn't got a particularly good sense of

humour, especially if a joke is played
on him.

For that reason, he hasn't got the right
sort of sense of humour for Lisa, and

he's going to have to go.

I'm really disappointed that I've got so
far both weeks and the princess hasn't

chosen me, but I've got a couple more
princesses to go and hopefully one of

will.

So with Prince Charlie gone, the math
was simple.

We are now down to the final three
princes in this contest of dadly

Kyle's very charismatic.

He's got his opinions, he knows what
he's doing, he knows where he's going.

I've been very impressed by his self
-confidence and everything else. A lot

people might not like that, but I
particularly do.

I think it came into me as the underdog.

The guys have obviously been here
longer.

I've had a lot to bring to the table, so
I'd be really happy if I won.

Well, Jamie, you know, he's stuck with
it despite having set back earlier on.

He's a bright lad, you know, he's
presentable, so I'm glad he's got this

it's now down to him to get through the
elimination.

I'm working as hard as I can to impress
the dad because I think it would be

great if I could find a nice princess
and I'm sure that if he thinks I'm the

right guy for his daughter, I trust his
judgement.

Martin has done very well. It shows he's
got a sense of humour. It shows he's a

supporting chap.

He's dark, he's handsome. It's a shame
he's not tall.

My confidence increased over the last
few days. A lot of big hitters have gone

out recently.

So I don't think there's anyone to stop
me now.

Any one of them would be a suitable
boyfriend for my daughter.

And now one of them's going to be
eliminated.

It's as simple as that. That's the test.

It was time for the penultimate princely
battle to begin.

It would be a deadly race for a rose.

Each prince has been gifted an enormous
hose, generous enough to propel

themselves across the lake of destiny,
towards the boat of belief, upon which

they will find dad, who will bequeath
unto just two of the princes a single

rose. Whichever prince fails to grab a
flower of romance from dad will be

to never cast eyes upon his little
princess.

The stakes could be no greater as they
wait for the sound of the tiny jester's

bugle.

Huzzah!

Yes, and they're off.

As the race to the rose begins, it is
immediately clear that Prince Kyle is a

natural -born hose handler.

His mighty aquatic shaft pushing him
closer and closer to dad.

Come on, boys!

Ah, the master of the hose.

Yes, sort of. What are these two idiots
doing?

Prince Jamie and Prince Martin appear as
if it is the first time either has held

such a powerful pipe in their hands.

Come on, look at the gap here. It's all
too easy for the master aquatic

swordsman, Prince Kyle, as he gracefully
guides his lovecraft to Dad and claims

the first of the roses.

So now just one rose remains, and
remarkably, it would appear that Prince

the Fortunate has finally got a grip of
his enormous one -eyed snake.

Come on, that's kind of it.

Leaving poor Prince Martin trailing in
his wake.

But good, good, yes.

And the other rose is away.

It is written in the stars that Prince
Jamie the Fortunate shall be the other

princely recipient of Dad's rose.

Meaning it's the end of the roader for
Prince Martin.

I was finishing second until Jamie got
in my way and sent me off in the wrong

direction.

I'm really gutted that I'm out again.

Obviously, it was fourth last time, my
third this time.

I'm kind of climbing the ladder a little
bit.

Next time, I'm going to be number one.

Victory, then, for Prince Kyle and
Prince Jamie the Fortunate, whose

ensures their fairy tale shall continue.

I beat them by a country mile.

I'd finished.

I was looking at my watch. I was
thinking, come on, boys, come on, let's

this final event done with. I think I
did really well in that task.

I was thrilled to get second place and
win a place in the final. There was

absolutely no team for me whatsoever.

Martin is without a doubt a very sore
loser.

Only one more trial stands between these
two princeliest of princes and a date

with Princess Lisa.

Which of them is destined to have what
they desire most of all?

A happy end.

Welcome back to My Little Princess.

Our story of love is nearly at a close.

Just two princes now remain.

Prince Kyle and Prince Jamie the
Fortress. They have been chucked.

Dunked.

Zapped.

Smashed. And splashed.

All with one purpose.

To impress Dad.

Jerry Calder.

Now this princely deadlock will be
decided in one final test of love.

But this time, it won't be Dad Jerry
deciding who stays and who goes. It will

the princess herself, Lisa.

Well, it's now come down to the final
two.

Jamie and Kyle, I've done my bit. I
think they are the right two.

And the final decision is now down to
Lisa.

They do have to have, like, something
about them, but it's not vital because

get bored of looks and looks fade as
well.

It's more important for me to find
someone that's, like, got good morals,

on the same wavelength, like, they can
intellectually stimulate me.

Judging by the way the dad is and the
way he looks, I think she'll be quite

blonde, quite made -up maybe, a bit of a
diva, I think,

possibly. So, one, I wouldn't want her
to be too big -headed.

And two, I just love the word authentic.
She's got to be real. She can't be like

a Pinocchio. She can't be really fake.

Both princes will sing a song of love to
Princess Lisa from behind the wall of a

garden of love.

Unable to see her princely serenaders,
she must therefore identify her prince

charming by whoever she thinks sings the
sweetest.

And so, with the heart of the princess
at stake, It was time for this final

battle of Thong to begin.

Dancing here beside you I want so much
to give you This love in my heart That

I'm feeling for you I'm so glad I found
you I'm not gonna

lose you Whatever it takes To be here
with you Take

it to the good times See it through the
bad times Whatever it takes Is what

I'm gonna do We can build this thing
together.

Standing strong forever.

Nothing's gonna stop us now.

And if this world runs out of lovers,
we'll still have each other.

Nothing's gonna stop us.

Nothing's gonna stop us now.

The princess, having heard both princely
voices, must now decide whose song

melteth her heart the most.

If I do miss out on the final, you know,
coming all this way and doing all the

challenges, I will be extremely gutted,
especially losing to Kyle. I don't

particularly like the guy, so I won't be
too happy if I lose against him at all.

I'm there to make friends.

I'm much more competitive.

I think it's something I can definitely
win.

It was time for Princess Lisa to finally
reveal the prince charming she has

chosen to enter her garden of love.

Of course, it's Prince Jamie the
Fortunate.

It was written in the stars that he of
all princes would win this contest of

love.

But for Princess Lisa, was this destiny
or was this merely another reptilian

conspiracy?

I chose Jamie because I really liked his
voice.

Like, I don't know, it sounded quite
husky.

Yeah, I just thought he'd be good
looking, both in his voice, really.

My initial reaction when the gate opened
was pleasantly surprised, to be honest.

Yeah, she's a nice -looking girl, so I
was pretty happy.

Prince Jamie may have defeated Prince
Kyle, but has he won the heart of

Lisa? First thing I thought when the
gate opened was, like, wow, that's a lot

make -up.

I was expecting someone tall and dark,
whereas he's blonde, so it's going to be

a few like Barbie and Ken.

And also, I don't think he's on the same
wavelength as me.

Oh, dear.

So it would appear that Prince Jamie the
Fortunate might not be the one true

love Princess Lisa was seeking.

But what of Dad?

Surely he was over the moon with her
choice of Prince Charming.

Jamie seems like a nice lad.

And Lisa's chosen him to go on a date
with. He's been one of my preferred lads

out of all of them in the set. And as
long as he treats her okay, as long as

Lisa's happy, then I'm happy.

Well, if things don't work out with
Princess Lisa, then perhaps the flowers

romance may blossom between Prince Jamie
and Dad.

Who will get to live happily ever after?
Well, that's another story.

Next week on My Little Princess.

Have you ever looked at another man's
penis and thought,

nice penis?

Oh my God!