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Welcome to Family Planning 101.
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In this elective, you're all going to
get married and have a baby.
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This is your baby.
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00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:16,500
Love it, cherish it, but don't scramble
it.
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This assignment will prepare you for the
future by taking you through all the
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joys and crises of marriage.
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Now I'm going to divide the class into
couples.
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I want to marry Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim,
Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim. Please,
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come up to the altar as I pronounce you
husband and wife.
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00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,620
Larry and Renee.
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00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,480
Andy and Carrie.
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00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,080
What are you doing?
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00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,940
I'm praying for Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim,
Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim.
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Tia and Michael.
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All right.
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00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:51,360
Tamara and Roger.
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00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,380
Roger? Tamara, Tamara.
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It worked.
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00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:01,680
How did this happen?
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00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,120
My prayers were stronger than yours.
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00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,580
So, what are you going to wear on our
honeymoon?
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00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,220
Nothing. Me too.
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00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:06,859
What did I do?
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00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,000
Guess who's coming to dinner?
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Sidney Poitier.
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00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:12,420
Terrence's parents.
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00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,940
Ooh, you meeting them for the first
time? Yeah.
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00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:18,720
But it's gonna be okay, right? They're
gonna like me. What's not to like?
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00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,320
Let me get my list.
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00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:21,720
Oh, Ray.
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At least it'll be fine. Just tell them
what a gentleman their son is, how young
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they look, and don't make that smacking
noise when you eat.
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What smacking noise?
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00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:33,780
You know, that dog lapping up water
sound.
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Lisa, the neighbors have complained.
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00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:45,388
Hi, Dad.
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Tamara and I just got married.
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Yeah. We had to.
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What?
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00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:53,470
Dad, it's just for class.
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One I wouldn't mind flunking.
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Don't touch me.
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Wedding night jitters, she'll get over
it.
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Hey, Mom, we got married today, too. And
you're a grandma.
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00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,900
Call me that again and I will eat your
baby.
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Okay, the first thing we have to do is
name the baby.
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I definitely want a girl. That's the
story of your life.
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Hey, your little girl can play with our
little boy.
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I don't think so. I was a little boy
once. I know how that mind works.
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00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,720
Can we just name these eggs and get it
over with?
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00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:40,720
How about Humpty Dumpty?
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What about Tallameca?
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It's Swahili for precious flower.
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That's cool. How'd you know that?
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I made it up.
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I name you Tallameca.
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Thank you, Kunta.
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00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:04,240
Okay, now we have to assign
responsibilities.
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00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:07,800
Changing the diapers, bathing the baby,
feeding the baby.
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00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,080
That's all you said.
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00:04:10,239 --> 00:04:11,380
What? You're the woman.
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Hey, you're the pig.
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00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:15,440
Dang, man, it's the 90s. Everything's 50
-50.
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Roger, that's really nice.
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Except for the breastfeeding. I do it,
but you're better equipped.
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00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,780
You know, I'm still a little nervous
about meeting your folks.
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Oh, don't be, honey. I mean, they're
going to love you just the way you are.
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00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,840
You're not going to wear that, though,
are you?
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00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:37,940
Well, what's wrong with this?
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00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,910
Well, it's just that, you know, my mom
and dad are God -fearing people. They're
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also a little afraid of cleavage.
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I'm sorry, honey, but can you try to
downplay those bad boys?
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00:04:55,770 --> 00:04:57,230
Now, you know that's impossible.
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00:04:57,450 --> 00:05:03,270
And just remember, I'm just a sweet
little innocent preacher son.
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Yeah, and I'm little Bo Peep.
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00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:15,540
Bray, are you sad?
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A little.
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Well, don't bring me down.
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Well, thanks for talking me off the
ledge.
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Right.
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00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,300
What's the matter?
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00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:29,520
You know, I see you and Terrence so in
love.
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00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,780
My daughter's married and has an egg.
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00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,060
I guess I'm just lonely.
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00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:37,380
Come on. Let me show you something.
What?
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00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,600
Your computer here got a great dating
system.
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00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,360
You can find a female on your email.
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00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:51,360
Why is that so impersonal? There's 43
,000 women in here. I like those odds.
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00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,440
Okay, now first we have to enter your
dating profile.
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00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,400
Okay, Ray, describe yourself.
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00:05:58,220 --> 00:05:59,460
Well... No, that ain't it.
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00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,260
Now, Ray, sell yourself.
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00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,520
Okay, let's see.
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00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,300
A nice, hardworking man.
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00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:12,590
Middle -aged? Um, nice, hard -bodied
man.
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00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:14,290
Late 20s.
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00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,750
Lisa?
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00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:16,990
Valiant -like.
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00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:19,970
Intellectual. That's the weed out of
Bimbo.
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00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:21,590
With a black belt.
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00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:24,730
Lisa, that is not true. Ooh, let me add
just one final.
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Black Fabio?
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of parenting.
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00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:44,520
Michael, where's the baby? You were
supposed to be taking care of him. I've
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00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,900
it under control. He's taking a little
nap.
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00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,120
The baby needs to be changed.
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00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,740
I cannot believe you. You are the worst
father.
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00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,800
It's an egg, Tia.
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It's not the only thing that's cracked.
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Oh, we need counseling.
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00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:07,120
Look at the crib I made for Tallameca in
shop class.
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little Nubian princess.
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00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:19,080
She's looking more and more like you
every day.
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00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,280
Yeah, but I gave her your butt.
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Roger.
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Come on.
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Darling, that bouillabaisse was
delicious.
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Thank you.
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00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,390
I hope it wasn't too much trouble.
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00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:06,150
Oh, I enjoy cooking and cleaning.
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00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:09,730
And most of all, reading my Bible from
cover to cover.
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00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:15,530
I told Terrence that the woman that
captured his heart must know the Lord.
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Got his own number.
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Amen to that.
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00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:21,710
Hallelujah.
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00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:25,850
I'm very blessed.
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He's so fresh.
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00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,080
I haven't seen you this happy since you
were a baby.
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00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:37,440
Oh, Mom, don't. Don't. Don't take out
the baby pictures, please.
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00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,179
Oh, I just happen to have them with me.
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00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,940
My baby has a baby?
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Ooh, let me see. Let me see.
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00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,280
Oh,
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00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,940
I mean, I'd be pleased to look.
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00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,540
Ten years and six months and naked as a
jaybird.
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00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,100
Mom, please.
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00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,860
And look at those little dimples right
on his body.
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00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:00,680
Yes.
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00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:17,550
How about dessert?
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00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:19,530
Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea. Great
idea.
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00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,890
Yeah. Anybody want some nice black
bottom pie?
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00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,450
Bonnie, I'm having a wonderful time.
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00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,410
It's nice, isn't it?
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00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,890
When I get home, I'm going to kiss my
computer.
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00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,230
Well, why don't you practice on me
first?
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Excuse me.
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00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,250
What? What's wrong?
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00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:42,690
You cut in line.
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00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:44,910
My wife was saving my place, so I parked
the car.
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00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:46,550
See, just a little misunderstanding.
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00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:51,770
Get your big burly butt to the end of
the line or you'll have to deal with
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00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,210
Who him?
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00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:58,070
And, Tabby, you don't want to get the
stallion angry because he has a black
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he'll snap your behind in two.
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00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:02,530
Tell him, baby.
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00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:07,230
Oh, I'm not really a stallion. No, what
she meant to say was I'm a pony for
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00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:08,230
peace.
158
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:13,770
Okay, we've been married for a year. The
best year of my life.
159
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,060
We're having a major crisis.
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00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:20,080
You've lost your job, we're homeless,
and we don't have enough money to eat.
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00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,540
Dang, they're really trying to break
your brother down.
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00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:26,700
So, what are we going to do?
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Don't worry. I'll become a Chippendale
dancer.
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00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:30,600
We can live off our tips.
165
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,820
Uh -oh, our baby's going to starve.
166
00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:36,660
No, no. I'll get two jobs.
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00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:38,600
I'll do anything for you in Salamica.
168
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,240
Roger, I've never seen this side of you.
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To know me is to love me.
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00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,050
Well, I think it's Tallamica's bedtime.
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00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:50,470
You're right.
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Rock -a -bye, baby, on the treetop.
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When the wind blows, the cradle will
rock.
174
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:09,610
When the bough breaks, the cradle will
fall.
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00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,160
to adjust to family life.
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00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,880
Thea, you are driving me crazy.
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00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,280
You think your life is more important
than mine. Look, you just take care of
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egg and I'll bring home the bacon.
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00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,620
You killed the baby.
180
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,060
But the egg was having an even stranger
effect on Roger and me.
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00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,480
Hi, sweetheart.
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00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:53,900
I got a present for you.
183
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,760
Roger? Well, I didn't know whether to
get you something practical or romantic,
184
00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,920
so I got you something cheap.
185
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,140
Want to go out to dinner tonight?
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00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:11,700
Sure. I'd love to.
187
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,760
I mean, no.
188
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,040
All right, yes. No. What time? Wait.
189
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,840
Roger, we definitely can't go out. This
is crazy.
190
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:26,680
Dang. Those hormonal changes can really
mess with your head.
191
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,400
So, Paula, I hope you like Chinese food.
192
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:34,920
Chinese food?
193
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,780
Well, we can go somewhere else. No,
it's... Just that my boyfriend went out
194
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:42,420
pick up Chinese food and picked up my
sister instead.
195
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,820
Well, sounds like you're better off
without him.
196
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:48,460
You're right.
197
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,000
See, every cloud has a silver lining.
198
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:54,300
You said cloud?
199
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,160
Yeah.
200
00:12:56,380 --> 00:13:00,020
I used to date a weatherman and he left
me for my aunt.
201
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,920
A lot of love in your family.
202
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,260
Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay.
203
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,640
Listen, I mean, we all carry emotional
baggage around.
204
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,980
Baggage? Did you say baggage?
205
00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:14,840
Uh, not necessarily.
206
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,780
I used to date a sky cat.
207
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,260
And he left you for your cousin.
208
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,840
How did you know?
209
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:26,720
I guess I'm psychic. I dated a psychic!
210
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:32,860
Honey,
211
00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:37,340
it's gonna be okay.
212
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,400
I just don't think I made a very good
first impression.
213
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:45,860
Don't worry. Listen, after church, we'll
all go out for some black bottom pie.
214
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,820
Terrence, I'm not laughing.
215
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,080
I have to do something to let your
parents know I'm a good Christian woman.
216
00:13:54,780 --> 00:13:55,780
It's going to be okay.
217
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,240
Oh, wait a minute, babe. You got some
linen on your pants.
218
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:03,600
Uh,
219
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,620
I was just, he had, oh, help me, Jesus.
220
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,980
blessed to be in the house of the Lord.
221
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,300
Amen. Amen.
222
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:14,980
Amen. Amen.
223
00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:16,260
Amen.
224
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:22,860
Have you ever been so discouraged that
you didn't know what to do?
225
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,480
Amen.
226
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,220
Not well.
227
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,580
Well, remember what Isaiah 40, 31 says.
228
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:37,960
They who wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength.
229
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,650
And they shall mount up with wings like
eagles.
230
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,310
The sister knows her Bible.
231
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,510
Hallelujah.
232
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:48,090
Hallelujah.
233
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:51,130
Hallelujah. Praise the Lord.
234
00:14:53,730 --> 00:14:57,470
If you start speaking in tongues, I'm
out of here.
235
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,730
I think about it, I feel terrible.
236
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:44,770
You feel terrible?
237
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,830
I had back -to -back dates with
Rosemary's Baby and the Demon Seed.
238
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:52,970
Oh, the black Fabio had a bad time?
239
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:56,290
How hard could it be to find a woman who
likes Chinese food?
240
00:16:56,530 --> 00:17:00,270
I love Chinese food. A good movie. Go
all the time. And enjoys a good laugh.
241
00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:03,610
What's so funny?
242
00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:05,150
You just described me.
243
00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:07,869
Yikes!
244
00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:14,589
You think you're having a bad day. Today
I destroyed an entire church.
245
00:17:14,890 --> 00:17:16,410
Now somebody try and top that.
246
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,869
Well, my marriage to Michael's on the
rocks.
247
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,150
Not even close.
248
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:24,170
I think I'm in love with Roger.
249
00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:44,590
Reverend and Mrs. Winningham, hello.
250
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:45,930
Oh, hello.
251
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:49,830
I'm sorry about what happened. I hope no
religious artifacts were destroyed.
252
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,190
Hey, Dad, I saved the bingo board.
253
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:54,210
Hey, honey.
254
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:58,390
Oh, I guess I was trying so hard to
impress you I wasn't acting like myself.
255
00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:02,950
Please don't hate me. Oh, we don't hate
you. We fear you, but we don't hate you.
256
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:08,190
I mean, I've been moved by the spirit
before, but this is the first time I
257
00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:09,190
leveled a building.
258
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:10,350
Oh, it's okay.
259
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:16,020
Sometimes a catastrophe brings people
closer to God. And thanks to you, our
260
00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:17,200
membership is way up.
261
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:19,760
Really?
262
00:18:20,020 --> 00:18:21,060
Oh, that's great.
263
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,540
Maybe I should join. No, no, no.
264
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:28,860
All right, class. It's time to pick up
your certificates of completion.
265
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,300
It's funny how marriage can change
people.
266
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:37,280
Tia and Michael almost broke up, but
were saved by their dramatic makeup
267
00:18:37,460 --> 00:18:38,460
Sorry for being a pig.
268
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,040
Sorry for being an egg.
269
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,220
As for Roger and me, we had a lot of
things to figure out.
270
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,800
Honey, our baby's gone.
271
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,620
It's so funny how quickly they grow up.
272
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:20,310
tell, Tallameca? Roger, the assignment's
over.
273
00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:22,130
Let's talk about something else.
274
00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:23,430
Oh, yeah, sure.
275
00:19:23,710 --> 00:19:25,390
It's time to get on with our lives.
276
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,590
So, how was your history test?
277
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:34,490
Oh, man, it was so rough. When I got my
grade, I cried like a baby.
278
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,550
Tallameca, I miss you.
279
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:44,490
You know, Roger, without the baby, we
don't seem to have very much in common.
280
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:47,630
Yeah, all we have is that raw hot...
281
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:53,650
In my mind, we did.
282
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:56,690
Roger, move your hand.
283
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:59,190
The one on my knee.
284
00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:03,030
You should be ashamed of yourself.
285
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,950
Roger, thank you.
286
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,469
For what?
287
00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:10,730
For being your old, annoying self.
288
00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:12,050
The spell's broken.
289
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,210
I'm free!
290
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,130
Wait, wait.
291
00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:17,930
It can't be over. Please don't say it's
over.
292
00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:24,090
Whenever I... hear Rockabye Baby, I'll
think of you.
293
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:00,919
going out tonight?
294
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,320
Huh? Just ask me one question.
295
00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:04,720
Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
296
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,980
No more psycho women for me, Lisa.
297
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,100
This time, I told the truth.
298
00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:11,460
And you got a date?
299
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:13,900
Yes, Lisa.
300
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,400
And I've already got a call from a nice,
intelligent woman. And I could tell by
301
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,660
talking to her that we have a lot in
common.
302
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,960
And she's picking me up.
22511
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