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Dear Red Shoes, this isn't exactly a
letter.
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This isn't a letter.
3
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It's more like a confession of a
cathartic, life -changing, liberating
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experience I had recently.
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Like one of those dreams where you
suddenly realize that you can fly.
6
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Looking down from above, weightless,
exhilarated, brave.
7
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When the spell broke, I realized I
needed a little time back in my world to
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reflect upon what we had.
9
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And I gave myself a month.
10
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I went where I always go when I'm sad.
11
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I traveled out into the country to an
abandoned old castle.
12
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My uncle's the caretaker there.
13
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I used to spend the summers there when I
was a kid.
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It's big and dusty and haunted with
memories.
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First time we touched was here.
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First time we made love was here.
17
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When we first met I'd send him messages
and he'd send them back.
18
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,840
Training pigeons together was a part of
how we fell in love.
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00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,100
I never thought I'd fall in love.
20
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fall in love.
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And when I did, I just happened to be
with the least likely man on earth.
22
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Not that he isn't wonderful.
23
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It's that he's an artist.
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Not just an ordinary artist.
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His subjects are women.
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All of them young.
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All of them beautiful.
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And all of them naked.
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I told myself I'd get used to it.
30
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Even though I knew he wasn't sleeping
with them, it was still hard to take,
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seeing him that close to them, that
intimate.
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Call it jealousy.
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insecurity, whatever it was, it was
still hard to take.
34
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I even tried modeling for him.
35
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I've never done anything like it before.
36
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And I'd be lying if I didn't say it
excited me.
37
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I mean really excited me.
38
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The paint.
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on my body.
40
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Its warmth.
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The texture.
42
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The intimacy.
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To be that free.
44
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His eyes on my body.
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The paint.
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on my body.
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And I watched his concentration, his
focus,
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to
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be that free.
50
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It excited me.
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when I was with him, it was like we were
floating on a cloud in our
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own little world.
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Perfect.
54
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So perfect.
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Absolutely perfect.
56
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:11,150
And then I began to think, if it excited
me that much to be with him that way,
57
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what about them?
58
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The other women?
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imagination started running wild.
60
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,490
All I could see was him with those other
women.
61
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,810
It was him with those other women.
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00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,270
Jealousy.
63
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:40,670
Insecurity.
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I knew whatever it was, it would
eventually destroy what we had.
65
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Oh, wow. Please.
66
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:53,580
Everything. So I decided to leave.
67
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:07,200
There's nothing I can do to convince you
to stay.
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It's me.
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It's nothing to do with you.
70
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It's all in my head.
71
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Let me know that you're okay. I will.
72
00:12:34,410 --> 00:12:40,630
It's crazy what we do to ourselves,
projecting our worst nightmares, our
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fears.
74
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:44,070
And it filled me with sorrow.
75
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And it filled me with pain.
76
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And all I could think about was him.
77
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And he kept on calling.
78
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:01,990
The phone kept ringing.
79
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,830
But what could I say to him?
80
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:12,990
I hate phones and telegrams and faxes.
81
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,250
But what could I say to him?
82
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It had nothing to do with him.
83
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It was me.
84
00:13:38,390 --> 00:13:39,890
It was all in my head.
85
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The phone just kept on ringing.
86
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Come on, guys.
87
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What about all those lovers and generals
on the battlefield?
88
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Napoleon and Josephine?
89
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:00,750
Caesar and Cleopatra?
90
00:14:04,150 --> 00:14:05,250
Tarzan and Jane.
91
00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:14,110
Cleopatra lying awake at night in Egypt,
wondering if Caesar was being faithful
92
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to her, wondering how she measured up to
those other women.
93
00:14:34,570 --> 00:14:35,770
much I missed him.
94
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How much he meant to me.
95
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:56,950
Jealousy sucks.
96
00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,570
Insecurity sucks.
97
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,960
Son of a bitch. I missed him so much.
98
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Maybe if I send him one word at a time.
99
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,040
Stupid.
100
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Jealous.
101
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Insecure.
102
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,440
Weak.
103
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,260
I don't know what to do.
104
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,100
That image of you in the hallway that
day.
105
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,980
I'm still trying to understand why.
106
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,320
Can't paint.
107
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,400
Can't sleep.
108
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,360
Don't want to sleep.
109
00:15:57,420 --> 00:15:58,420
Can't sleep.
110
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:00,620
Don't want to sleep.
111
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Can't eat.
112
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:04,580
Don't want to eat.
113
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:06,220
Can't work.
114
00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:07,460
Can't sleep.
115
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:09,770
Don't want to work. Don't want to sleep.
116
00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:11,590
Can't paint.
117
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:13,290
Don't want to paint.
118
00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:19,990
Miss you.
119
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Love you.
120
00:16:23,090 --> 00:16:24,090
Want you.
121
00:16:27,330 --> 00:16:28,330
Need you.
122
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:29,550
Want you.
123
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:15,310
And we just kept sending the notes back
and forth.
124
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:26,849
The more notes we sent, the better I
felt.
125
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:29,890
Freer.
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00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:31,990
Calmer.
127
00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:33,890
More in love.
128
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:38,150
Completely in love.
129
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,470
Miss you.
130
00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,250
Love you.
131
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:49,190
Want you.
132
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:55,030
Miss
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you.
134
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:07,910
Need you.
135
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:10,430
Want you.
136
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:12,310
Miss you.
137
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:46,620
I can't live without you.
138
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,300
I need you.
139
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:55,180
I want you. I miss you. I want you. I
miss you.
140
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,320
Come home.
141
00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:57,950
Can't live without you.
142
00:18:58,210 --> 00:18:59,210
Please come home.
143
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:04,560
If you ever paint yourself into a
corner, into a place where you can't
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way out, my advice to you is to just
shut your eyes and jump.
145
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:13,060
You do that?
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00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:15,420
Jump up.
9726
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