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1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:03,360
(door opens)
2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,320
(man) Wakey wakings!
3
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,680
Where is the time machine?
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,840
This proves our theory
that black people are time travellers.
5
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:20,920
You truly are cretins.
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,880
The only reason you have risen through
the ranks of the KGB while I have not
7
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,000
is because you are men.
8
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:30,080
How dare you! The Communist Party
is an equal opportunities employer.
9
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:37,480
Enjoy your breakfast.
It will be the last you'll ever have.
10
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:54,840
♪ If you're not the one then
why does my soul feel glad today?
11
00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:04,200
♪ If you're not the one then why
does my hand fit yours this way?
12
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:08,800
Stop, stop, stop. Horace,
you're flat again, try a bit harder.
13
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,160
Being in a band
is supposed to be fun, Nick.
14
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,440
Yes, but being in a jazz band
is supposed to be torture.
15
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:19,480
Only then can you truly express
the pain and the anguish of the music.
16
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,640
It's a Daniel Bedingfield cover.
17
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,440
- You'd miss me if I wasn't here.
- Sorry, what?
18
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:24,080
Nothing.
19
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,560
- Hey!
- Baby!
20
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,360
(woman) My cocoa bean.
21
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,120
Here we go. Move, four eyes.
22
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,600
No time for talking.
Do not disturb us.
23
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,800
How was Pippa's funeral, baby?
24
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,920
So much fun! And something so funny
happened, you'll never guess what.
25
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,400
- The body fell out the coffin?
- No...
26
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,080
- The priest's clothes fell off.
- No! I got engaged!
27
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,000
- To me?
- No, silly. To Jonty. Pippa's husband.
28
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,240
It's what she would have wanted.
29
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:04,320
Oh, Jonty! He's such heaven. He's
an MP and he drives an Aston Martin.
30
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,840
That's quite enough.
31
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,880
Why don't you have your footman
put his clothes on and fetch our cases?
32
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,440
Bye, darling.
33
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,600
I'll dream about
your chocolate body every night.
34
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,120
So, Jonty, I thought
perhaps oysters for lunch.
35
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,800
Well... well, that was top-notch.
36
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,040
I mean, really first rate, well done.
37
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,120
You. Are. Welcome.
38
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,920
How was Bertie while I was away?
Did he behave?
39
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,560
I must say hello to the little chap.
40
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:46,200
Why don't you just stay in bed and
I'll say hello to your little chap?
41
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,520
My little chap needs a rest
and Bertie needs his lettuce.
42
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,840
I already gave him one. Two actually.
43
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,400
Two! He'll think it's Christmas.
44
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:55,360
JJ, wait!
45
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,600
Ahh, he's sleeping.
46
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,040
Lauren, did you forget
to feed my tortoise?
47
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,280
They make literally no noise.
48
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:17,200
If a cat wants feeding, he's all like,
‘meow' in your face but a tortoise,
49
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,640
nothing, cos if it had,
then I wouldn't have forgotten,
50
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,400
so really it's his own fault
that he starved to death.
51
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,640
Shit pet.
52
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,520
I.... I need to be alone.
53
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,480
I'll see you later
for round two, then, yeah?
54
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:34,000
No. I cannot be with someone
so unbelievably heartless!
55
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,080
We are talking about
a fucking tortoise here, right?
56
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,560
It's over, Lauren.
57
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,720
- (woman) We hate jazz!
- (man) We hate you!
58
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,800
- (woman) Jazz nonce!
- Grow up, you pigs!
59
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,520
Can you believe this shit?
Victoria's kicked me out
60
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,880
cos of her dickhead fiancé, Jonty.
What's he got that I haven't got?
61
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:04,320
Money, power, status, respect,
an Aston Martin. Victoria, obviously.
62
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,360
- We've got a kid together.
- Did I mention money?
63
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,360
What's going to happen to JJ?
64
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,400
A broken home could really
have an impact on him.
65
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,920
I think that your 32-year-old son
who doesn't even know you're his dad
66
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,040
will be just fine.
67
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,680
I'll prove it to her, man.
I'm better than that posh dickhead.
68
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:17,760
Yeah? How?
69
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,160
Willy wars, really?
Aren't you bigger than that?
70
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,720
- I'm bigger than him.
- Right.
71
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,080
- And where are you planning to stay?
- In the jazz club.
72
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,280
- (Janice) All right, dickheads?
- No. Not you, too.
73
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,240
This is a house of jazz,
not house the homeless.
74
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,000
Me and JJ are over.
I accidentally killed his tortoise
75
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,080
and he thinks that makes him
a better person than me.
76
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,440
Him! Victoria! Dicks, the whole
white privileged lot of them.
77
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,240
You two need to learn
to play the game, like me.
78
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,440
You know, I've never
been stopped by the police.
79
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,320
No way!
80
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,000
Wearing glasses
and being relatively well-spoken
81
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,440
apparently makes me
less threatening to the dicks.
82
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,880
I've got ‘em right where I want ‘em.
83
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,720
Who's evicting me?
Jonty Ripperton who?
84
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,880
That's Victoria's fiancé.
85
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,960
Privileged dick!
86
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,480
Where's Horace? How come
they haven't kicked him out yet?
87
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,800
He said goodbye and left this note.
88
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,800
“Dear Nick, I feel like
you don't value me as a person
89
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,040
so I have decided to run away.
90
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,840
It's like that old saying
‘learn to appreciate what you have
91
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,160
before it runs away to Hyde Park'.
Love Horace.”
92
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,120
I guess we should go and get him.
93
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,720
Where do we even start?
He could be anywhere!
94
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,200
Maybe Hyde Park.
95
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,800
Yeah, he does like parks.
Good shout, you know.
96
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,640
Fork.
97
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:53,280
Janice, come back and be tortured...
please. Janice?
98
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,480
Flat. Nothing about me is bloody flat.
99
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:07,760
(man) Oi, oi. What we got ‘ere?
You lost? Can't find yer mummy?
100
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,840
All right stay cool, Horace.
First impressions count.
101
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,240
What's the matter with you, then?
102
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,600
Your mum abandon you at birth
cos you was ugly?
103
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,000
- D'ya know what I mean?
- (woman) ‘Ere, you're funny.
104
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,920
- Where's your crew?
- Don't have one. I'm a lone wolf.
105
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,520
Like a...
106
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,640
lone...
107
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:31,440
wolf.
108
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,960
(woman) You should hang wiv us.
109
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,320
I mean, we weren't looking for
a coloured fella but you ain't that bad.
110
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,080
You'll have to be initiated, mind.
111
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,960
Yeah. And it ain't easy.
112
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,360
♪ I don't want to run away but
I can't take it, I don't understand
113
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,760
♪ If I'm not made for you then why
does my heart tell me that I am?
114
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:57,520
♪ Is there any way that I can stay
in your arms?
115
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,480
Bloody hell, Horace, I never knew
black people woz so good at music!
116
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,560
Wicked and bat.
117
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,720
- (Janice) Horace!
- Horace!
118
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,800
You don't think
I'm a horrible person, do you?
119
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,600
- Define horrible.
- I do loads of nice things.
120
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,680
Are any of those nice things
for anyone but yourself?
121
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:15,760
Sometimes.
122
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:20,000
Like if JJ visits ‘down south'
then I make sure the garden's tidy.
123
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,680
Please! I'm your brother.
124
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,880
Horace!
125
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,360
(Jonty) ...certainly not
what we made such sacrifice for.
126
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,560
Ordinary, British people
want an end to immigration.
127
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,680
Once prosperous areas of London
are now worthless,
128
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,080
as the great and the good
are overwhelmed
129
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,560
by a tidal wave of West Indians.
130
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:43,920
Sorry, yeah, hi.
131
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,560
You're saying house prices are dropping
because immigrants are moving in?
132
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,720
(Jonty) Yes, a house on Clapham Common
sold for £1,000 last week.
133
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,700
Half of what it's actually worth.
134
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,840
The elderly owners were driven out
by the smelly, exotic foods,
135
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,560
the cheery parties and rhythmic music
of their Caribbean neighbours.
136
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,560
You don't know
what you're talking about, mate!
137
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,600
Yeah, how can you satisfy anyone
with your tiny dick?
138
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,960
(crowd murmurs)
139
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,560
Are either of you getting
the actual point this racist is making?
140
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,560
No, no, no. There is nothing racist
about politely asking you all
141
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,800
to go back to where you came from.
142
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:20,720
(crowd boos)
143
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,720
First of all, I was born here.
144
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,640
Secondly, maybe if you didn't sell them
into slavery, they'd already be home.
145
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,720
(crowd agrees)
146
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,680
Noble words, but I ask you,
147
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,240
how many immigrants
do you have on your doorstep?
148
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,240
None? Because while you defend them,
you don't actually want them
149
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,920
living in your back yard.
150
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:44,840
No! I do. All are welcome in my yard.
Even you.
151
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,360
(crowd agrees)
152
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,320
If you do come down my ends
153
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:51,480
I'll show you how a real man
with a real dick pleases a woman.
154
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,960
What is your obsession
with this man's sex technique?
155
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:54,840
That's Jonty, innit?
156
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,000
- The guy trying to repossess my club?
- Yeah.
157
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,360
Why didn't you say anything?
158
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,640
I wouldn't have said all that if I knew
he's the landlord. Come on.
159
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,920
(Jonty) Yes, off you pop, then.
160
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,360
This is our mole.
161
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,320
And what do we know about the mole?
162
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,040
They are brown.
163
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:22,840
They live underground, and when needs
must, they will come to the surface.
164
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,920
We know the Wu Tan Clan
are our time travellers.
165
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,760
Surely we should go after them?
166
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:34,080
Do not be foolish. We do not know
what their weaponry capabilities are.
167
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:38,440
They are highly intellectual beings
from future.
168
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,640
(Horace) Selecta, jump electa,
when the mic's my electa.
169
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,200
(Jason knocking) Horace, what you doing
in there? I need a piss, man.
170
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:48,520
We find Janice,
we find the time machine.
171
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:58,720
Don't look now, but there's a group
of West Indians behind us.
172
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,160
I know. They've been following us
since the park.
173
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,280
Hiya. Can we help you?
174
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,320
- You did say we could live wid yu.
- Did I?
175
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,360
When de white man ask if you'd ‘ave us
inna your backyard, yu say yes.
176
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,360
Yeah, I kind of got caught up
in the moment trying of proving a point.
177
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,880
- Don't listen to him. Come on in.
- Bless you, child.
178
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,240
(Lauren) Welcome. Welcome.
179
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,840
Thank you, thank you.
180
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,040
What's going on?
181
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:30,240
These people need a home
and who are we to shut them all out?
182
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,040
Who indeed.
183
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:37,600
Come on in. Make yourselves at home.
The Wi-Fi password is Rasta 29.
184
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,480
(Nick) Sorry, sorry.
185
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,000
Oh, for fuck's sake.
186
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,120
Please don't store your rum
so close to an open flame.
187
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,760
Basic health and safety, guys, c'mon.
188
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,200
(Lauren) All right, Nick Knack?
189
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,760
Sorry, when did we become
the Calais jungle?
190
00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,000
It's only been three days.
The neighbours are going to be livid.
191
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,440
Oh, do you think that's why
they're all selling up and moving out?
192
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,040
Where did they all come from?
Have they multiplied?
193
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,520
Egbert is a father!
194
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,800
(cheering)
195
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:11,440
Welcome, Nicholas!
196
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:14,560
(man) Stop!
197
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,720
I've taken the rubbish out.
198
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,240
I said I've taken the... Nothing?
Doesn't matter.
199
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,640
You've been here ages. How long
does it take to wash your balls?
200
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,120
Go away!
201
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,720
I told you, my club is out of bounds.
202
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,600
(loud music)
203
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,800
Victoria!
I can't find my bloody driving gloves.
204
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,440
- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
205
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,520
Good God! There's millions of them!
It's like a carnival!
206
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,600
What's he doing down there?
Is that my flannel?
207
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,160
Oh, bloody hell!
208
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,720
Oh, lucky, lucky towel.
209
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,560
So, what's going on, then?
What we doing?
210
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,680
We're going to have us a little fun.
211
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,160
- You in?
- Yeah, sweet.
212
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,880
I hope it's Monopoly.
213
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,520
Good afternoon, ladies. Lauren.
214
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,400
All right?
215
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,880
What a way dis young one nice!
216
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,360
Something smells delicious.
217
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,680
We're having cow foot.
You ever had cow foot?
218
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,480
Never. What is it?
219
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,560
Cow foot.
220
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,760
Perhaps I could help?
221
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,400
Ooooh, what a way ‘im sweeeeet!
222
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:17,560
- How do you know when it's ready?
- When it's soft and moist.
223
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,200
Tek dat nastiness inna da house!
224
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,920
And put that on the account
of Jonty Ripperton-Claque.
225
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,000
(knocking)
226
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:28,720
Hello?
227
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,560
(Jason) It's me, my fluffy marshmallow,
let me in.
228
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,840
Chocolatine. What are you doing here?
What if Jonty sees you?
229
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,560
You know, I didn't knock the door
with my hand.
230
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,600
Hello, old friend.
231
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,040
It's the girth more than anything.
232
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,280
You just get me.
233
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,440
Come on, babes, let me in.
234
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,520
- Are you mad?
- Tell me you don't want it.
235
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,040
- I'd die for it!
-That's it, I'm coming in.
236
00:13:59,120 --> 00:13:59,840
(Jonty) Now, look here...
237
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,000
- What's that noise?
- It's coming from my loins, baby.
238
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,080
It's Jonty!
239
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,120
(Jason screams)
240
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,760
Very simple.
You chaps will have to clear off.
241
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,360
You've had your fun.
This is private property
242
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,520
and we don't want your type here.
243
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,720
Sorry, I couldn't quite hear you.
Could you speak up?
244
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,320
Mr Riperton-Claque, Jonty, your honour.
245
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,720
I'm sure we can come
to some kind of arrangement.
246
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,360
We're both reasonable men.
I wear glasses.
247
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,760
You have until sundown
to clear the property.
248
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,800
Fine. Go ahead.
249
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,560
I am Nick of Nick's World Famous
Jazz Club and I ain't going nowhere.
250
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,520
(crowd) We shall not,
we shall not be moved.
251
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,160
We shall not, we shall not be moved.
252
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,400
No, no, no. Don't sit. No, no, no, no.
253
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,520
What don't you understand?
Private property.
254
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,480
You leave me no choice. Sundown!
255
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,200
You will be met with fire and fury
like the world has never seen.
256
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,400
We shall not, we shall not be moved.
257
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,440
(cheering)
258
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,320
(shouting)
259
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,080
Yeah, man!
260
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:13,800
You came here with nothing,
with the dream of being something.
261
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:21,240
I, too. I came here and I built
my jazz club from nothing!
262
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,560
Wait, the jazz club was already here.
263
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,720
You just dusted it off
and hung some bunting.
264
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,040
Hush your beak!
265
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:34,000
Brothers and sisters, it is time
to stand up and be counted
266
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,200
by any means necessary.
267
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,320
This is fun.
Have you always been naughty?
268
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,720
Nah, I was head girl
at a convent school in Woking.
269
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,440
My dad's an High Court judge.
270
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,400
- Why are we doing this, then?
- It's a jazz club. Jazz is for nonces.
271
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,440
Ahh...
272
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,800
If dem throw shit at us,
we a go throw shit right back at dem.
273
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,040
As Nicholas say,
‘by any means necessary'.
274
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,800
No, that's not really mine,
it's more Malcolm X's,
275
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,680
but if we could
focus our energy on Jonty!
276
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,560
Oi! No one throws stuff at us!
277
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,440
Petrol bomb?
278
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,240
That's very kind of you but no, thanks.
279
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,600
Suit ya self.
280
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:23,680
Shit!
281
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,400
Dem petrol fire!
Get out dere and mash dem up!
282
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,600
Protect the club!
Protect the club! Protect the... Shit!
283
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,680
(Horace) No, no, no, no, wait.
Stop, stop.
284
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,400
- Jase? Where are you going?
- Somewhere less fighty.
285
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,560
Stay here and do not let Jonty
get near my club!
286
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,200
Wait, everyone just calm down, okay?
287
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,880
There's just been
a big misunderstanding!
288
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,640
- Horace!
- Nick?
289
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,880
- What are you doing with them?
- You don't appreciate me!
290
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,800
Yes, I do! Look, I'm sorry. I just...
291
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,040
Is that a wig?
292
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,080
Yeah.
293
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,120
Ahh, Nick...
294
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,080
No, no!
295
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:16,840
No, no, no !
296
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,520
No, wait!
297
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,120
Janice?
298
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,480
(Janice) Come on.
299
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,200
Janice, wait!
It's hard to run in crepe soles.
300
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,640
We must go to the time machine!
301
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,480
The people I work for are bad men, Horace,
the Soviet secret police.
302
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,400
You're a spy?
303
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,280
We cannot let the KGB
find the time machine.
304
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,920
You must get back to the year
you belong before I destroy it.
305
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,160
Why do you have to destroy it?
306
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,040
Because if it falls into the hands
of the KGB
307
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,760
they will send assassins back in time
308
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,960
to kill the parents
of great world leaders
309
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,280
thus preventing their birth
and corrupting the course of history.
310
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,720
You mean they'll send... Terminators?
311
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,960
I suppose.
312
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,160
What will happen to you?
313
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,200
I will most likely
be tortured and killed.
314
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,920
Now come with me or you will
never return home to your time!
315
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,440
I can't leave without my friends.
316
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,920
The friends at whom
you threw petrol bombs?
317
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,000
Yeah.
318
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,400
Horace!
319
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,840
Okay, raise your hand if you think
it's time to go back to the future.
320
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,240
No, no, no. What about Victoria?
321
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,720
How many times does that woman
have to dump you?
322
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,680
- And JJ, my baby boy?
- He's 32!
323
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,120
- You've come for me!
- Er, no, I came for Lauren.
324
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:32,960
I've come to see if you're all right.
325
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,880
I got you wrong. I've seen what
you've done for these people in need.
326
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,760
You've shown them
such compassion and I've...
327
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,400
I've never wanted you more, Lauren.
328
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,600
- What are these?
- Just my house keys.
329
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,440
Wait. To seven houses?
330
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,760
Yeah? Is it against the law
to own seven houses?
331
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,200
They're all on this street.
332
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,360
They were going for cheap
so I thought I'd buy them.
333
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,520
All the owners moved out
at the same time?
334
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,080
They just didn't like the neighbourhood
anymore. How narrow-minded is that?
335
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,320
You only did this so people
would sell their houses for peanuts.
336
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,680
- Yeah. Brilliant, right?
- You are a horrible person.
337
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,160
You want me to be something I'm not...
338
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,280
A decent human being?
339
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,720
Exactly. Look, JJ,
340
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:20,120
these houses are going to make me
a millionaire. Take care, baby love.
341
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,400
All right, enough of the teary goodbyes.
Can we get the hell out of here?
342
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,720
- What about Horace?
- There's no time!
343
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,040
Hey, Horace,
we were just looking for you.
344
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,760
God, it's so good to see you guys!
I love you, Nick, you're the best.
345
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,920
Hello, there's a race riot happening!
Can we go already?
346
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,520
I want you to have this.
347
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,520
I got it in a promotional box of Coco Pops
when I was 10. To remember me by.
348
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,000
- Why?
- Cos I love you, innit?
349
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,280
Oh, you might need to reset that.
350
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,720
Goodbye, my love.
351
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,920
(lively music)
352
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,920
I love my life!
353
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,400
Get away from the time machine!
354
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:13,360
Never!
355
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,560
Dosvedanya, moya lyubov.
356
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:21,920
Janice!
357
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,240
Janice!
358
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,040
(Janice) Ow...
359
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,920
I'm sorry. I had to destroy it.
360
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:59,080
No, no, I understand.
I'm actually quite glad.
361
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,680
It means I get to stay here with you.
362
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,920
Wow... That's just how I imagined
my first kiss.
363
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:16,640
With a Soviet spy amongst the rubble
of a recently-destroyed time machine
364
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,880
in front of your friends?
365
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,800
Yeah.
366
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,440
What the actual fuck!
367
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,560
Guys, I think that was the time machine.
368
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,720
No shit, dickhead.
369
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,840
Think you're the only one
with a time machine? Muggin'.
370
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,040
Wait! Little girl!
371
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,240
- Horace?
- Yes, my love.
372
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,720
I prefer you with an afro.
373
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,840
As you wish.
29479
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