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1
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:11,360
All right, Lauren. Spend it wisely.
2
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,360
You know what?
You remind me of me at your age.
3
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,560
You were a 25-year-old black woman?
4
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,440
Get out of it.
5
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,840
Tit.
6
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,120
- All right, Lauren?
- All right, girls?
7
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,360
Lauren, as a woman, of sorts,
8
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,680
do you not mind getting them out
for the pleasure of men?
9
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,600
I don't get them out, you dick.
10
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,640
I'm security. Anyway, that place
is all side boob and feathers.
11
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,720
Side boob?
12
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,000
We have not travelled
through the infinite reaches of time
13
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,320
for side boob.
14
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,760
We are starting our residency
at the Blue Flamingo Club
15
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,440
supporting General Hands.
16
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,360
Remember when Dad first played us
some General Hands?
17
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,920
I do. You got a boner
and excused yourself to the bathroom.
18
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,320
Yeah. That is what is called
an emotional erection.
19
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,360
Guess you're feeling
pretty emotional right now?
20
00:00:58,440 --> 00:00:59,960
Damn right I am.
21
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,680
Uh, Nick.
22
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,600
What's going on?
23
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,880
Blue Flamingo's
a rock 'n' roll club now, innit?
24
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,080
Jazz is dead, mate.
25
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,720
No.
26
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,400
No.
27
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:22,600
No!
28
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:37,400
Oh, it's so good to have you back,
my little chocolate cupcake.
29
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,640
It's good to be back, my...
30
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,280
milk...
31
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,160
Your yard is different to last time.
It's a lot more, like...
32
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,920
What's a nice word for shit?
33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,280
Oh, it's not mine, darling.
An air raid smashed my house to bits.
34
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,000
Luckily my brother died,
so I got his.
35
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,360
- Oh, what a touch.
- I know.
36
00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,640
Oh, oh!
37
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,960
Uh, did you call us in here to watch?
38
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,640
Oh, so sorry, darlings.
Now, this is terribly awkward.
39
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,560
Hate to ask, but I am
practically on the breadline,
40
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:18,640
so if you're planning on staying,
I do rather need rentingtons.
41
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,680
- Rent?
- £1 a month each.
42
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,480
All right. Don't shit a brick.
43
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:30,400
I'll sort you out a payday loan
at a very reasonable 300% interest.
44
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,160
- Oh, thanks so much.
- Thank you, but, no, thanks.
45
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,520
- I don't want your titty money.
- Suit yourself.
46
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,960
- Good luck on the streets.
- I don't need luck.
47
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,120
Mother Jazz will feed me
from her brassy teat.
48
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,800
Oh, darlington, darlington.
49
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,520
A coloured chap cannot wander the
streets alone at this time of night.
50
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,800
Now, I tell you what,
you can stay here for nothing.
51
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,040
- Oh, right, thanks.
- In the garden.
52
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,440
What the fuck?
53
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,120
I see you found my jazz club.
54
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,960
- Your what?
- My jazz club.
55
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,840
We ran it for the boys in the war,
56
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,360
give the poor dears a last hurrah
before their certain deaths.
57
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,960
I've just had the most amazing idea.
58
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,480
Why don't we turn this place
into a jazz club?
59
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,040
Yes, darling,
that's exactly what it was.
60
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,520
You could clean it up
and it'll be right as rain.
61
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,160
I mean, we just need to clean it up
and it will be perfect.
62
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,680
Parfait.
63
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:51,160
Now, I left a small pillbox down here.
64
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,040
It's about yea big
and full of naughty salt.
65
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,120
(laughs)
66
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,840
So, if you find it,
will you let me know immediately?
67
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,360
Nothing like a cheeky toot
before bed.
68
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:06,920
If I build it, jazz will come.
69
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,240
You gonna get out of my way
or shall I just piss on your feet?
70
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,960
Munch it all up, darling.
I want you to stay strong.
71
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,600
Morning.
72
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,680
(Lauren) Shit. Sorry, dude.
73
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,320
- What for?
- Well, clearly they're banging.
74
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:37,440
Nah, that's just some guy. Victoria's
broke, so she's renting out rooms.
75
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,520
Mate. Some fit black guy comes
out of her room with a tin of meat.
76
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,520
Does Victoria
share her meat with you?
77
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,960
No, but maybe she doesn't know
I'm into meat.
78
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,600
Look, me and Vic are solid.
79
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,560
Back together like Bey and Jay,
Snoop and Dre,
80
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,800
Meghan and that ginger guy.
81
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,080
All right. As long as you're cool
with her double dipping.
82
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,080
Shut up, man.
83
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,960
Just 'cause some guy the same age,
race and build as her boyfriend
84
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,600
comes out of her room...
85
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,880
Oh, shit.
86
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,600
There she is. Treacle cheeks.
87
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,560
Listen, I've been thinking
about the future of this place.
88
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,120
Feathers and side boobs are all right,
but they're a bit lame.
89
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,880
In a few years, it's gonna be all poles,
laps and 50 quid a dance.
90
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,000
Oh, yeah? How do you know that?
91
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,280
It's progress, isn't it?
92
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:32,400
You can't stop it, but you can
pre-empt it and get rich, both of us.
93
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,240
I like your ambition, love,
but this is a man's business.
94
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,680
What do women know
about stripping?
95
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,080
(laughs)
96
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:45,160
I'll show you what women know about
stripping, you colossal dick splash.
97
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,200
Oh, my gosh. What is this place?
98
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:53,920
This is London's newest jazz club.
99
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,160
- Is it?
- This is where I'll save jazz.
100
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,560
This stage will be graced
by the likes of Charlie Parker,
101
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,320
Dizzy Gillespie, John Coltrane
102
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,040
and the one and only General Hands.
103
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,520
Wow. Can I be a part of it?
104
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,320
- Yeah, of course. Pick a role.
- Uh... Uh... Janitor.
105
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,320
No. Head janitor.
106
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:19,960
How about assistant deputy manager?
107
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:24,920
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to
the Wu Tang Clan Jazz Band Land!
108
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000
Yeah!
109
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:30,520
Or... or... or welcome to
Nick's World Famous Jazz Club!
110
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,280
- Yeah, yeah!
- Or...
111
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,400
- It's not open for discussion.
- OK.
112
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:40,480
"Dear Mr General L Hands,
I am a huge fan."
113
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,920
(laughs) "Listen to me.
I sound like a 12-year-old girl."
114
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,040
"I'm not."
115
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,040
"I am Nick Walton
of Nick's World Famous Jazz Club,
116
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,800
and it would be a dream come true
if you played my jazz joint."
117
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:59,920
"I can guarantee you a pure,
unadulterated jazz experience,
118
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,880
including industry minimum fee."
119
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,680
"I can't wait to hear from you."
120
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,040
"Lots of love
from your biggest fan, Nick."
121
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,880
"PS: I've enclosed
a lock of my afro."
122
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,520
♪ I'll bring you flowers
in the pouring rain
123
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,440
♪ Living without you
is driving me insane
124
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,360
♪ I'll bring you flowers
I'll make your day
125
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,640
♪ Those tears you cry
I will dry them all away
126
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,320
Here, can you keep it down?
We're trying to play a game of whist.
127
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,720
Oh, God, I'm so sorry
for interrupting your game
128
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,440
by playing jazz in a jazz club.
129
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,600
How inconsiderate of me.
130
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,920
You know it's all rock 'n' roll now.
131
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,320
Only flashers and nonce cases
listen to jazz.
132
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,920
OK, we're gonna take a quick five.
133
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,120
No, no, no, no, no.
Please don't stop.
134
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,200
I've just found my cocaine.
Up the hatch.
135
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,960
I hate Len so much.
136
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,560
How's he gonna tell me
I don't know about strip clubs?
137
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,240
I've been watching Lil' Kim videos
since the early noughties.
138
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,840
Yeah, well, I hate Victoria.
139
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,720
I mean, how you gonna shack up
with some next breddah
140
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,160
when man's took a time machine,
141
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,520
a rassclaat time machine,
to be with you?
142
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,920
Look. A Singer with a singer.
143
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,400
(Nick) Yeah, nice one, Horace.
144
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,080
I hate this.
145
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,880
Where's all the beatniks,
the beboppers, the jazz heads?
146
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,400
Where's all the people?
147
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,080
Well, if you want bums on seats,
I could get you bums on seats.
148
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:08,040
- What kind of bums?
- Cash-laden, party-loving bums.
149
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,480
- All over your seats.
- All above board, right?
150
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,160
You want 'em or not?
151
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,200
- (man belches)
- (man 2) Better out than in.
152
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,120
I want bums on seats.
153
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,400
(thunder crashes)
154
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,480
(crackling)
155
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,440
(crackling intensifies)
156
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,360
All right, and fan up, breasts out.
157
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,880
Bang. Great, nice. I don't want any
breathing space between the norks.
158
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,760
And bang. Nice.
159
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,200
What's your thing? Snaky.
Beautiful. Off.
160
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,960
- Cheeks, breasts. Fab. Next.
- What the hell is this?
161
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,600
- Bums on seats, mon frère.
- Strippers?
162
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,120
Dancers, please.
You want a crowd, you'll get a crowd.
163
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,520
You can't make an omelette
without breaking some tits out.
164
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,440
Yeah, I don't think that's a saying.
165
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,080
Right, everybody off.
We're shutting this down.
166
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,720
- What is your problem?
- It's demeaning to jazz. And women.
167
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,360
This is not your average
low-rent strip club. Right, Horace?
168
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,040
Correct.
This is a feminist strip club.
169
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,440
All the girls will represent
a strong, female role model,
170
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,240
with... with tassels.
171
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,880
I want everybody out.
172
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,640
Fine. Well, you go and tell
the punters outside, then.
173
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,080
Gladly.
174
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,800
So, you gonna tell 'em
to piss off, then?
175
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,480
(Horace) So, she's the warrior,
Queen Boudicca,
176
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:41,920
and I've designed it so that
whenever she waves her sword,
177
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,200
her costume falls off.
178
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,400
It's very empowering.
179
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,320
Too much? Not enough?
180
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,320
Can someone help hold me boobs
while I put me bra on?
181
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,400
Wow. I've never seen you
not look at boobs before.
182
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,760
You even had a peek at my nana's
at the chapel of rest.
183
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:03,560
Yeah, out of respect.
Sorry, brother. I got it bad.
184
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,280
Why don't you talk to Victoria,
from the heart?
185
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,440
Ask her whether she's sleeping with him.
I mean, you need to know.
186
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,520
Yeah. You're right.
187
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,160
- Thanks, Horace.
- Yeah, that's all right.
188
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,680
- Excuse me.
- (Russian accent) I'm just cleaner.
189
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,240
I saw nothing suspicious.
190
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,040
No. You're not just a cleaner,
though, are you?
191
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,960
You're a... fashion icon.
192
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,760
I mean, just look at that tabard.
I love it!
193
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,480
- What is that?
- It's just...
194
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,200
- Is a camera?
- No, it's a pho...
195
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,280
Not a phone.
It's just a pack of cigarettes.
196
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,480
- But the flash.
- That's a torch.
197
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,760
So that you can... you can
light your cigarettes in the dark.
198
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,520
Bye.
199
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,040
Victoria, I need to know
what's going on with you and him.
200
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,920
- Sorry?
- Painting him, giving him your meat.
201
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,680
Sweetheart, this is you.
202
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,480
It's him or me.
203
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:16,280
Dear heart, JJ is my son.
204
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,800
Yeah. That's, like,
the oldest excuse in the book.
205
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,560
- Is it?
- Yeah, we've all used that one.
206
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,320
I would have thought
that the pictures
207
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,560
were a little bit of a giveaway.
208
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:30,360
- Wait, well, who's that?
- My husband. Hugo Rutherford-Ffyne.
209
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,560
- You're married?
- He died in the war.
210
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:37,080
Oh, that's such good news,
'cause I thought you and JJ were together,
211
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,400
like, banging each other and shit.
212
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:43,480
No, darling.
You're my only velvet cocoa pod.
213
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,680
Oh!
214
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,040
Oh, that's so hot,
you adopting a brown baby.
215
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,160
You're like Madonna or something.
216
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,520
♪ I'll bring you flowers
in the pouring rain
217
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,440
♪ Living without you
is driving me insane
218
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,040
♪ I'll bring you flowers
I'll make your day
219
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,960
♪ Those tears you cry
I will dry them all away, away
220
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,000
(man) Hey! Ooh, I like that!
221
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,360
(cheering and applause)
222
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,440
What a night.
223
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,680
It was incredible.
I mean, the place was packed.
224
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,840
And they were so into the jazz,
they barely even looked at the breasts.
225
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,920
Oh, I looked. I looked a lot.
226
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,120
I've been thinking,
these girls, they work hard, right?
227
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,240
Well, if you consider standing round
in big-arse pants hard work,
228
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,640
then, yeah, I suppose.
229
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,520
- And you're making a lot of money.
- Damn right.
230
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,240
Which is why me and the girls
have been thinking
231
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,800
we should become a co-op.
232
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,880
Like the one near my house
with the Big Issue guy outside?
233
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,080
No, no, no. That's the Co-op.
He's talking about a co-op.
234
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,200
Where everyone is treated equally
and gets their fair share,
235
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,560
including sick pay, holiday pay
and maternity leave.
236
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,720
That'll ruin us.
237
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,040
Well, if you don't agree,
238
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,480
then maybe the girls forget
how to get 'em out.
239
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,200
- All right, you got a deal.
- (cheering)
240
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,840
You better pull out all the stops
tomorrow night.
241
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,080
I want a tit-swinging extravaganza.
You got it?
242
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,400
A morally responsible
tit-swinging extravaganza.
243
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,920
- Got it.
- Yes!
244
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000
(lively jazz)
245
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,720
General Hands.
246
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,280
Hands.
247
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,200
General. General Hands, sir.
248
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,600
It's me. It's Nick. Nick Wolton.
I wrote to you.
249
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,640
Yeah, you did.
250
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,320
But I must have got
the wrong address.
251
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
Where you going?
252
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,000
Please, come in, play with us.
253
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:26,560
This ain't my scene, baby.
Hands don't play no titty bar.
254
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,880
Titty bar? No, it's a jazz club.
255
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,240
You see them things
bouncing around on the stage?
256
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:40,480
Thems is titties, and they in a bar,
so that makes this a titty bar.
257
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,200
Nasty!
258
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:46,200
No, please. Mr Hands, don't go.
259
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,400
Mr Hands,
give me one more chance, please!
260
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,360
Mr Hands!
261
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,760
Hands! Hands!
262
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,320
Hands! Hands!
263
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,960
Fine! What do you know?
264
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,200
I'm single-handedly
keeping jazz alive in Britain.
265
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,280
Fuck you, Hands!
266
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,160
Oh, come on.
267
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,640
Word's spread
about our pension scheme.
268
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,920
This lot have quit Len's club
to come and work for us.
269
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,160
They all want a piece
of Nick's World Famous Club.
270
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,600
Nick's World Famous Jazz Club.
271
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,800
(Lauren) Look.
272
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,760
I've got planning approval
from the council
273
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,680
to build three floors of private
dancing and discrete VIP rooms.
274
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,680
We'll dig down to create a nudist bar
in the basement
275
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,360
with a pool and a sex swing.
276
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,760
Lauren, remember in 2018 when
you went on that Women's March?
277
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,080
Yeah, that'll be then. This is now.
278
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,280
I'm still a woman,
279
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,280
and when I'm running
Nick's World Famous Super Club,
280
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,280
I'm gonna make sure
it's kept lady-friendly.
281
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,800
Trap two off the menu,
johnnies de rigueur,
282
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,920
creeps and paedos
logged and tagged.
283
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,520
Is there gonna be any jazz
playing in this club?
284
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,360
There'll be jazz mags.
Do they count?
285
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,120
This is my club,
this is my vision and you're...
286
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,520
and you're jizzing all over it.
287
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,160
(man) Janice, are you there?
288
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,680
They have technology
far more advanced than our own,
289
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:17,120
a curious device that is telephone,
can instantly take photograph,
290
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,680
yet also carries cigarette.
291
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,800
- Ah. King size?
- I cannot determine.
292
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,200
Intriguing. Bring me this device.
293
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,800
I need evidence.
Only then will I believe you.
294
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,440
(hangs up)
295
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,840
(Victoria sighs)
296
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,320
My first husband
gave me many things,
297
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,680
but carnal pleasure
was not one of them.
298
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,760
Oh, is that why you adopted JJ?
299
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,920
To fill the void
in your dry-arse marriage?
300
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,360
I've got a tiny, teeny confession
to make.
301
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,440
JJ was not adopted.
302
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,840
What? But how can two white people
have a brown baby?
303
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,680
Look. He's got six toes.
304
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:07,920
There's only one way
a baby of mine could have six toes.
305
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,680
Babes, I don't know
what you're talking about.
306
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,440
Hugo... is not his father.
307
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,400
Oh.
308
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,680
- Who was, then?
- Oh, my Nubian prince.
309
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,560
Now, JJ was born 32 years ago.
310
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,040
Not that long after you left.
311
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,760
Do you know why he's called JJ?
312
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,720
The second J stands for Junior.
313
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:46,320
And the first J stands for...
314
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,720
Jason.
315
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,000
That's my name.
316
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,720
You know, if I had a son,
I always thought I'd call him Jason Junior.
317
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,280
Man, we got bare stuff in common.
318
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,800
Night.
319
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:13,160
And one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, and one...
320
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Oh, my God! Len's here!
321
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,760
You took all my girls!
322
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,160
Not a single Bristol
left on my stage!
323
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,560
I didn't take. They came.
324
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,680
It ain't right for a son
to have to make his own mum
325
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,880
get her norks out on stage
just to keep his business afloat!
326
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,920
I trusted you, Lauren,
like you was family.
327
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,360
- Yeah, that's always a mistake.
- (Len) I've come for me girls!
328
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,520
Boys... nets.
329
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,040
(women scream)
330
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,720
Over my dead body.
331
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,680
- You what?
- You'll have to take me first.
332
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,440
Wait, why? Your brother rang,
said I could pick 'em up any time.
333
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,280
What?
334
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:03,040
Uh, yes. I didn't like the direction
my jazz club was heading in, so...
335
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:05,240
Fuck your club, you dick!
336
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,680
It's always men, pigs, oppressors.
337
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:13,440
I was gonna give these girls
a chance to earn some proper money,
338
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,160
branch out into phone sex,
high-end pornos.
339
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:21,240
I am sick of men
crushing women's hopes and dreams.
340
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,920
Time is up!
341
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,160
(yells)
342
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,920
Yeah! Yeah! You're all bad!
You're all bad!
343
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,200
Here, what's happened
to all the boobs?
344
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,560
They've taken a sabbatical.
We empowered them a bit too much.
345
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,640
- (tuts)
- Damn these pinching shoes, man.
346
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,320
Put 'em away. No one wants to see
your freaky six toes.
347
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,200
- Who has six toes?
- You have.
348
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,360
One, two...
349
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,920
- Three.
- Three, four...
350
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,080
- What comes after four?
- Three.
351
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,320
- We've had three, haven't we?
- Five.
352
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,520
- Five. Five.
- Good. Mm-hm.
353
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,080
- S...
- Six.
354
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,760
Six.
355
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:16,800
Six.
356
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,200
JJ was born
not long after you left.
357
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,240
J is for Jason, Jason, Jason.
358
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,520
J is for Junior, Junior,
Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior.
359
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,480
Only my baby boy has six toes,
six toes, six toes, six toes.
360
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,680
Six toes, six toes,
six toes, six toes.
361
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,640
Shit.
28130
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