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1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,080
(singing) If you try to
tame her, you're in for a fight
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,520
Her bark can knock
you, so can her bite
3
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:13,080
Sugar leaves and
diamonds and pearls
4
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:17,240
Those are the things she likes
5
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,000
She's a cream cake
of icing and swirls
6
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,080
She's a real doozy
7
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,360
Makes my heart go woozy
8
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,000
She is my golden girl
9
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,680
Woo!
10
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,080
Brothers and sisters!
11
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,320
Nothing warms my
soul more heartedly
12
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:43,440
than to see us, the great great
great grandchildren of former
slaves,
13
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,920
sitting on the green hills of
England with the granddaughter
of a former slave owner,
14
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,320
eating caviar from an ice swan.
15
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,600
Amen.
- Amen!
16
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,200
Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
17
00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,320
You okay in there?
18
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,200
Peachy.
19
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,760
Lauren hates the countryside.
20
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,720
Anything natural and
wholesome creeps her out.
21
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,560
I don't like walking where
animals shit. Is that so weird?
22
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,960
Don't worry darling, we've
hunted almost everything to
extinction.
23
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,040
Ahh. No one staring, no
one throwing cabbages,
24
00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,200
no one asking, 'Where you
from?' and you saying,
'England,'
25
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,200
and them saying, 'No, but
where are you really from?'
26
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,880
Never been more
happy in my life.
27
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,240
It's a darling little
pad, isn't it?
28
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,720
I almost forget
we have it.
29
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,280
Come here, you.
30
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,800
(kissing)
31
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,040
I'm gonna hide. If you
find me, I'll let you-,
32
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,400
Guys, me and Victoria, we're
gonna go all the way.
33
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,560
What?
34
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:50,560
You mean you haven't-,
35
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,760
What was all that sex noise
going on night and day?
36
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,680
Sex isn't just
about penetration.
37
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,360
There's fingers, there's oral,
38
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,960
there's oral fingers-,
- Oral fingers?
39
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,240
Look, I'm just saying sex
is a full-body experience.
40
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,280
It's not just about
putting it in.
41
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,880
But it is mainly about that,
so I'm gonna put it in.
42
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,680
Coming, ready or not!
43
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,560
Make sure you
use a sheath!
44
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,600
Ha-ha! Sheath!
45
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,600
You mean condom!
46
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,080
It's a condom!
47
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:37,360
Boo!
48
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,400
Baby, where are you?
49
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,400
Ha!
50
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:56,800
Aha!
51
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:58,920
Aha!
52
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,720
That looks boring.
53
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,200
Mm-hmm.
54
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,400
Oh my gosh, the print is tiny.
You'll never finish it.
55
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:09,840
Let me help you.
56
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,480
She witnesses a murder, goes
into witness protection
57
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,960
and ends up changing the
fortunes of an inner city nun's
choir.
58
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,440
That is Sister Act.
59
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,960
Buenos dias, hermano y hermanes!
60
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,520
Ladies and gentlemen,
are you ready to play
61
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,000
mystery murder?
62
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,360
'Who the heck murdered Camilla,
63
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,160
a role-play adventure
by Horace Cunningham.'
64
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,960
These, my friends, are your
characters for the game.
65
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:47,320
All will fall under suspicion,
but only one of us can be the
murderer!
66
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,560
(dramatic chord)
67
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:53,120
'Raul the Argentinian
playboy, lingerie salesman
68
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,600
and heartbreaker with
a heart of gold.'
69
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,720
At your service, Señorita.
70
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,760
I came to England to escape the
mean streets of Buenos Aires
71
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,320
and grow my pantyhose business.
72
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,600
Soon I will stand accused,
73
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,880
but how could I murder any woman
when I live only to love them?
74
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,800
Is any of this
set outside?
75
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,880
- A bit.
- Pass.
76
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,200
Yeah, I'm not too sure
about these characters.
77
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,040
They seem a little
bit two-dimensional.
78
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,720
One's based on you.
79
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,240
Horace, mate, if you're
gonna do role-play games,
80
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,480
you've got to hot-seat
these characters.
81
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,760
What makes them tick, what
do they eat for breakfast?
82
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,920
It sounds absurd but that's
how people win BAFTAs.
83
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,480
(cuckoo sounds)
84
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,360
Oh my gosh, that cuckoo clock's
been going off all day.
85
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:37,440
It's driving me mental.
86
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,560
I'm no Bill Oddie, but I'd say
that that was a real-life
cuckoo.
87
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,440
What you on about?
88
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,080
Cuckoos are real. You
know that, right?
89
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:47,760
Yeah.
90
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:48,720
Found you!
91
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,120
Jason, if she wasn't in
here the last three times,
92
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,840
I'd go ahead and tick
this room off your list.
93
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,320
Baby?
94
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,120
Lauren, oh my God!
95
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,840
Overreaction.
96
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,600
Look, you're gonna think
I'm crazy but I swear I saw-,
97
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:22,600
Saw what?
98
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,680
(cuckoo sounds)
99
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,000
There it is again.
100
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,560
Did you know cuckoos were real?
101
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,800
I swear I'm gonna smash
its little head in.
102
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,040
Alright, you cuckoo twat.
103
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,840
We can do this the easy way,
104
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,920
where you come down and
let me bludgeon you to death,
105
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,960
or you can really take the
piss by making me climb up.
106
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,560
Come on, Jason, think.
107
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,560
Where would a woman hide?
108
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,840
(coughing)
109
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,720
Baby? Is that you?
110
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,240
No, no, no!
111
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,240
Who did you think you saw?
112
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,480
If I told you, you
wouldn't believe me.
113
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:22,440
Try me.
114
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,600
How did he get through
the time machine?
115
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,320
Has he been
here all along?
116
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:28,840
And why does he
look like a tramp?
117
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,240
I don't know, I don't
care, I'm just gonna run.
118
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,000
He's found you in a random
house in another century.
119
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,960
Wherever you go, he'll be there.
120
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,600
You need to face your demons.
121
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,040
Curtis ain't no demon. He's
a pound shop terminator.
122
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,200
Remember Dwaine Thomas? Remember
how we bullied you for years?
123
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,720
What is this, Desert
Island dicks?
124
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,600
You decided you had
enough of the beatings,
125
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,720
the taking of your tuck
shop money, the insults.
126
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,160
He stopped bullying you because
stood up for yourself.
127
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,480
No, he stopped when he got
paralysed from the waist down.
128
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,680
Exactly-, wait, what?
129
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,560
He was chasing me for my FIFA
stickers and got hit by a car.
130
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:58,720
Oh yeah.
131
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,840
Alright, well, run
like the wind.
132
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,520
Yeah, see you in London.
133
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,480
Remember me!
134
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,040
Argh!
135
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:07,920
What you saying?
136
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,400
Curtis! Hey mate.
137
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,560
You look... homeless.
138
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,720
Man's been in Paraguay, still.
139
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,840
Business? Pleasure?
140
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,400
Fuck camp.
141
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:21,920
Pleasure, then.
142
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,240
Where's your boy going?
143
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,880
To get a lottery ticket.
Tonight's a rollover.
144
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,960
What you gonna do, hit a girl?
145
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:34,240
Argh!
146
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,880
I am absolutely not hiding a
moment longer! Where is he?
147
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,760
Something's come up and
Jason's had to go back to
London.
148
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:40,800
Oh.
149
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,000
Well, I hope he's
a strong swimmer.
150
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,880
Dunwick Manor becomes an
island when the tide comes in.
151
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,280
Right, well, looks like I'm
gonna have to save the day,
again!
152
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,760
I'm just gonna wait for
that moth to fuck off.
153
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,200
Shit, shit, shit!
154
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,400
(coughing)
155
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,160
(screaming)
156
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,800
(laughter)
157
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,920
Aagh! Aagh! I've been murdered!
158
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,760
See? I made it look like the
murderer climbed in through the
window.
159
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,400
Tell-tale fibres
caught in the rug.
160
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,000
God, I'm good at this.
161
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,320
(choking)
162
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,200
Santa Maria della Misericordia!
163
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:39,600
Who would do this?
164
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,440
I hope it was not me!
165
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,240
Can we take this
seriously, please?
166
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,800
We're presenting the evidence in
twenty minutes so a bit of
focus, yeah?
167
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,280
What are you doing? This rug
is a priceless antique.
168
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,600
No it's not, I bought
it last month.
169
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,160
No, it will be if you took
better care of it, trust me.
170
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,760
It's my rug. I'll
do what I like.
171
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:58,920
Fine, blow it.
172
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,840
In 90 years this place will
probably be an Ikea anyway.
173
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,120
Death has been here tonight.
174
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,240
[CURTIS] Wha gwan, Jason?
175
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,040
Wha gwan, Curtis?
176
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,000
[CURTIS] Man's been looking for
you for a minute though, still.
177
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:18,680
You should've called, man.
178
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,600
I know I don't have my mobile
but you could've caught me on my
landline.
179
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,400
[CURTIS] (laughter)
180
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,200
How d'you find me?
181
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,960
[CURTIS] Come now Jason,
you know I'm a roadman.
182
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,280
[CURTIS] When I say I'm gonna
find you, I'm going to find you
though.
183
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,800
If this is about me and Eleasha,
we didn't even do what you think
we did,
184
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,320
but even if we did, maybe I can,
like, pay you or something?
185
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,080
Bruv!
186
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,760
Bruv, just let me
go, just let me go.
187
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,160
I promise you'll never see
me again, bruv, please.
188
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,120
Let you go,
just like that?
189
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:57,400
Blood, I've crossed oceans
of time to find you.
190
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,160
Roadman etiquette!
191
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,320
Roadman etiquette says you
can't stab a man in the back.
192
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,840
I don't wanna die, bruv!
193
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:11,080
I never got a chance to say
goodbye to my mum, see one last
sunset.
194
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,560
[CURTIS] (coughing)
- Me and Victoria didn't even
get to smash.
195
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:18,840
(thud)
196
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:20,720
Bruv?
197
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:23,880
Bruv?
198
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,000
Jason!
199
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,280
Jason!
200
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,520
Fucking bush, get off me!
201
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,960
Jason, where are you, you prick?
202
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,440
Holy shit!
203
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,160
He started coughing and
then he passed out.
204
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,800
I was gonna help him but he was
trying to kill me, so I thought
fuck him.
205
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,040
But then I didn't want anyone
else to help him, so I thought
I'd-,
206
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,600
Cover him with leaves?
Jason, that's insane.
207
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,360
I know. Help me
get him up, then.
208
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,440
No, I mean insanely good luck.
209
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,360
It's like Dwaine Thomas again.
210
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,600
You've just gotta wish
someone harm and poof!
211
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,480
So... Jason did good?
212
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,800
Nah, you should use wet leaves
so they don't blow away
213
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,200
and weigh him down
with a heavy log.
214
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,040
I would help but I don't wanna
touch anything that might have
slug jizz on it.
215
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,760
Oi oi, look lively! We
don't have much time.
216
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,840
Sorry bruv, I never
got to know you.
217
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:17,960
Argh!
218
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,920
That nutjob chased you
through time with a blade.
219
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,800
Now grow a pair and get your
shit together, d'ya hear me?
220
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,720
- Yes, alright, you're hurting
me man!
- D'you hear me?
221
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,400
Yes, jeez. Argh!
222
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,640
Why would you put
a handprint here?
223
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:32,880
Oh, I didn't.
224
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,640
No, no, it's really good.
Really real.
225
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,160
No, but I didn't.
226
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,240
Hey guys!
227
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,400
Hey Lauren.
228
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,400
I thought you weren't playing?
229
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,720
'Course I'm playing.
230
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,160
I'm pumped about playing!
231
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,040
Us all playing together,
in the distant past.
232
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,160
It's a great, fun,
normal thing to do.
233
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,800
Oh, here's your
character synopsis.
234
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,720
'Penelope Gout, the
beekeeping spinster.
235
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,840
Barren, bitter and boring,
236
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,240
though strangely popular
with children and foxes.'
237
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,960
Let me guess, you wrote
this part for me?
238
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,920
I added the bit about the foxes.
239
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,160
Great!
240
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:07,680
Love it.
241
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,960
Classic Horace.
242
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,240
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
243
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:15,760
You're smiling.
244
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:17,960
Have you been outside?
245
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,440
You know what I'm like
with all that nature and shit.
246
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,640
No thanks.
247
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,080
That's a Twiglet.
248
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,600
Yum. Awkward.
249
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:54,720
Victoria!
250
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:56,800
Oh my God!
251
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,320
Curtis killed my baby!
252
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,280
(laughter)
253
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,400
Fooled you!
254
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,560
- Who's Curtis?
- Baby!
255
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,040
I thought you were
swimming to London?
256
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,160
What? No.
257
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,400
Look, I did a bad thing and I'm
not supposed to say anything
258
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:13,880
but I think he might
be dead and-,
259
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,040
Did you beat him
with your truncheon?
260
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:16,920
What?
261
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,920
Did you tussle in the mud,
262
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,720
Detective Chocolate and the
killer locked in a deadly
embrace,
263
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,840
thigh slipping against
sweating thigh?
264
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,480
No, he just coughed
and fell over.
265
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,920
Take me! I'm ready.
266
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,160
- Sorry.
- What is it?
267
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,400
Nah, it's nothing,
it's fine, it's fine.
268
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,640
- I just need a minute, I'm
sorry.
- Okay.
269
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,320
Come on, Jason, focus.
270
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,320
You got this bruv,
yeah, you got this.
271
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,840
Gaahh! Yes, let's go!
272
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,720
(laughter)
273
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,080
Darling, whatever is the matter?
274
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,200
Shit! I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
275
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,960
It's not you, it's me.
276
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,600
- I can't do it, I'm sorry
babes.
- How mortifying for you.
277
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,360
It's just, I keep
seeing this man's face.
278
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,440
Oh, I see.
279
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,320
Would it help if I
wore a beard and spoke
280
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,600
(deeper voice) like this?
281
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,440
This don't feel good.
282
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,040
Probably cos it's made out of
horse pubes. Just take it off.
283
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,240
Not my moustache! Curtis.
284
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,520
Are we really just gonna
leave him to die?
285
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,640
It's fine.
286
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,160
It's like one of those
nature documentaries.
287
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,000
If Attenborough sees a dying
elephant, he doesn't intervene,
288
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,040
he just lets nature
take its course.
289
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,360
How are you so cool about this?
290
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,280
Because what's done
is done, Jase.
291
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,080
I don't live in the past.
292
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,800
I mean, I do, literally,
but you get my point.
293
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,040
Who's ever gonna find out?
294
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,400
(gong)
295
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,960
There has been a murder!
296
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,280
It was me!
297
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,120
In the game, you idiot!
298
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:27,040
I, Detective Wolton of Scotland
Yard, shall identify the
culprit.
299
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,320
What accent is that?
300
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:30,720
Scottish.
301
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,840
A young life has been
cruelly snuffed out.
302
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,040
Ah!
303
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,480
And it is my intention
to find that snuffer.
304
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,960
Was it you, fiery
Latino playboy Raul?
305
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,720
Or was it you, bitter
bee-botherer Penelope Gout?
306
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,760
Or was it you?
- I swear, I barely touched him.
307
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,360
- Say what?
- He just fell over.
Lauren, tell him.
308
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,800
Please, my friend, no
need to take the rap.
309
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,400
Perhaps it was I.
310
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,520
I killed for love, and
for love I must hang.
311
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,200
Sorry, why is everyone
confessing? We've just started
the game.
312
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,880
Yeah, why don't you shut up?
313
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,720
The point is, one of us is
responsible for a heinous crime
314
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,200
the likes of which has
never been seen before!
315
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,360
Oh my God! Is this-,
316
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,400
This is fucking twisted!
Was this you?
317
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,000
No. Well, maybe.
318
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,480
That's what we're
here to find out.
319
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,920
If you knew, why didn't you just
say instead of fucking with my
mind
320
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,520
on your moral high horse?
321
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,360
Are you okay? Is this acting?
322
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,720
Yeah, he's just getting
into character.
323
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,360
- He knows.
- Knows what?
324
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,200
Don't play dumb.
325
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,640
Alright Jason, this is too real.
326
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,560
Just give him a moment.
327
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,600
Not that I'm taking credit, but
that's the kinda magic that
happens
328
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,000
when you give your
character a back story.
329
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:54,600
I can't live like this.
330
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,120
I've gotta help him, even
if it means certain death.
331
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,480
What if he doesn't kill you?
332
00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,880
What if he cuts off your dick?
333
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,600
How you gonna live without
the only thing you care about?
334
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,800
My dick ain't my friend
no more, anyway.
335
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,040
Get out my way!
336
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,280
Don't throw your dick away
for some psycho badman.
337
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,240
Okay, if you don't want
me to know something
338
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,320
could you at least make an
effort not discuss it right
outside the room I'm in?
339
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,400
Hold on, as in Curtis, big knife
Curtis, 'I will find you'
Curtis?
340
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,040
How did he even-,
- We've done the hows
and whys. Move on!
341
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,680
The guy's a psycho and we're
better off with him-,
342
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,520
Gone?
343
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,720
Nah, he was here!
Curtis was right here!
344
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,240
You weighed him down with
a log like I said, right?
345
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,560
Why did you not weigh
him down like I said?
346
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,200
Wait, so you were
involved in this?
347
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,040
It was all her idea, bruv!
348
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,160
It was my idea to
sex his fiancée?
349
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,480
Look, I can't help who
I fall in love with!
350
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,960
Look, it's fine, alright?
351
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,640
It was probably foxes that took
him, or one of those spiky
fuckers.
352
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,800
A hedgehog?
353
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,000
Judging from the trail of blood
and the disturbance on the
forest floor,
354
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,600
this man was alive when he
dragged himself out of the
shallow grave
355
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,240
and towards the casa!
356
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,480
Oh shit, he's alive!
357
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,160
Well, good luck sorting out this
shit-storm you two have cooked
up.
358
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,840
What, so you're
just gonna leave?
359
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,040
It's your beef,
you deal with it.
360
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,920
If you need me, I'll
be on the parterre
361
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,800
eating kippers and picking
bluebells like a Jane fucking
Austen fantasy.
362
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,880
What makes you think
he won't get us all?
363
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,040
(woman screaming)
364
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,320
My baby!
365
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:35,880
Guys?
366
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,400
Do we really need to?
367
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,840
It's just, if he's already
killed her, there's not much we
can do.
368
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:41,640
Seriously?
369
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,760
We could wait 'til he goes away.
370
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,840
Nah, there's only one
thing we can do.
371
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:46,840
I don't want to hear this.
372
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,400
We have to kill him.
373
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,200
Well, this is desperate,
but Horace, any ideas?
374
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,320
Group suicide.
375
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:55,720
Jesus Christ.
376
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,400
I'm looking at a whole
cabinet of shotguns.
377
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,720
Surely 'talk to him' is
our first option. Surely.
378
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:01,760
No, I'm with Lauren.
379
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,800
Yeah, we can make it look
like a hunting accident.
380
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:04,920
Say we thought it was a deer.
381
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,800
A six-foot black
guy in a puffer?
382
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,000
A tall deer.
383
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,320
On its hind legs, in a puffer.
384
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,960
A puffer deer.
385
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,400
Look, it's been a long day,
yeah? I don't see you
brainstorming.
386
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,000
Brainstorming, is
that what this is?
387
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,400
Oh, shall we do another fifteen
minutes, then break for lunch?
388
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,560
I have hunted the wild
cougars of Patagonia.
389
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,600
Let me be the one
to fire the gun.
390
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,240
Oh my God, no one is
shooting guns at anyone.
391
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,120
Except maybe whoever took
this gun out the cabinet.
392
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,480
Why would he be in a cigar box?
393
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,080
Why would he not be, is
my response to that.
394
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,560
Dios mio, a clue!
395
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,400
Alright, we're gonna
need to split up.
396
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,800
Jason, you're with me.
Horace, you're-,
397
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,280
Shit, where's Horace?
398
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,400
He only answers to Raul now.
399
00:19:58,840 --> 00:19:59,160
(gunshot)
400
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,560
Raul!
401
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,960
Horace, thank God!
402
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,720
Hello darlings!
403
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,680
Sorry for that screaming
earlier, I simply could not bear
that sound any longer.
404
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,040
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! What a horror.
405
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,800
You killed him? Sweet!
406
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,360
Baby, I thought you were dead.
407
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,920
Bless you, my sweet
coffee liqueur.
408
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,200
I'm quite well.
409
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,040
Alas, your raggedy friend
is rather less so.
410
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,200
I wouldn't get too
close, darling!
411
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,640
He's riddled with tuberculosis.
412
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,160
I rather think he might die.
413
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,480
Ah, thank God. See, he
was gonna die anyways.
414
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,200
You still left a man
outside to die.
415
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,760
- Oh, that's more like it!
- Well, would you look at that?
416
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,120
[VICTORIA] Oh,
take me to prison!
417
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,240
Sweet, sweet bird.
418
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,000
Sorry man, I thought
this was what I wanted.
419
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,200
What's become of us?
420
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:06,560
(birds calling)
421
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,320
Eugh, gross, man! Its
fucking guts have gone on my
hand!
422
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,600
[VICTORIA] Oh yes,
Detective Chocolate!
423
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:22,320
I don't wanna die.
424
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:28,040
Hush, hermano mio,
Raul is with you now.
425
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,480
He will soothe your bubbly lungs
and hold your hand as death
comes,
426
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:38,200
which it must, for there is no
cure in this age for
tuberculosis.
427
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,600
Got it!
428
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:47,440
So Lady Camilla found the letter
revealing Raul's true identity,
429
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,000
so he killed her, obviously.
430
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,160
No, no, no. I
am innocente!
431
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,040
It was me. Some shit about
stolen honey or something.
432
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,840
[VICTORIA] In, now out!
433
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,400
[JASON] Guys, I put
it all the way in!
434
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,800
I hate this place.
31970
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