Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:04,080
(singing) We only said
goodbye with words
2
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,000
I died a hundred times
3
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,000
You go back to him
4
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:14,880
And I go back to
5
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:20,200
black
6
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,520
Thank you, thank you. Too kind.
7
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,840
You know, people say a jazz band
is a lot like an enamel stove
polish.
8
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,520
It's strong, it's
tough, and it's black.
9
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,200
Black Bear Enamel stove
polish, outshines 'em all.
10
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:41,800
(cymbal hit)
11
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,440
Before we leave you with one
last song, please give it up for
my incredible band.
12
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,480
We have the Sinatra of the
Sax, Mr Jason Sturridge.
13
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,920
The Barack of the Bone,
Mr Horace Cunningham.
14
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,960
The Titchmarsh of the
Trumpet, Mr Nick Wolton.
15
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:04,680
And finally, could the owner of
a green Daimler please move
their vehicle?
16
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,920
They're blocking the only
entrance to the hospital.
17
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,040
- What?
- Here's Shimmy Shimmy Ya
by the Ol' Dirty Bastard.
18
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,280
You dicks!
19
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:14,920
Or not.
20
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,160
You make me play behind a
curtain, you don't bother
introducing me.
21
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,880
No women allowed, alright?
22
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,160
Do you know what I had to do
just to get the manager to let
you onstage?
23
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,280
So wait, these guys choose not
to have any girlies in here?
24
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,040
Yes.
25
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:33,880
Why?
26
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,320
'Cause men are bullshit.
27
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,720
Cool, well, if you could pop
your balanced views on gender
politics to one side
28
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,200
and remember it's a paid gig.
29
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,520
Really? Well, as there's
money involved, I'll let it go.
30
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,760
But tomorrow night,
you introduce me.
31
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,880
Twenty shillings. How much
is that in real money?
32
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,240
Twenty? I only got ten.
33
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,760
I'll open it later-,
34
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,840
Look, it's the 1920s, alright?
Women get half pay.
35
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,960
I guess that does make sense, as
women are half the size of men.
36
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,640
And you're all just
cool with this?
37
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,200
We're stuck in the '20s.
38
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,040
It's no good railing against
the system, Lauren, alright?
39
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,400
It's a machine and you're
just a cog, I'm just a cog.
40
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:15,880
You're a massive cog.
41
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,240
Thank you, m'boy.
42
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,000
Look, we're a team, so
let's just bask in the reflected
glory of our collective efforts.
43
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,280
Why don't you bask in your arse?
44
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,520
Fuck this gig, and this
club, and the 1920s.
45
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:28,880
Don't worry, Lauren.
46
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,200
When I have my brilliant
business idea and become a
millionaire,
47
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,400
you're coming in on
it with me, 50/50.
48
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,960
Great. Meanwhile, I'll get
through this backward era by
getting off my face.
49
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,120
Er-,
50
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,200
Men only, remember?
51
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:42,480
So where we going?
52
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:43,520
We?
53
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,480
Um, we've got penises.
54
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:47,560
Bye.
55
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,280
Are you seriously leaving me?
56
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,680
You dicks!
57
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,640
You dicks with dicks!
58
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,520
'Scuse me miss?
59
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:02,600
I hope you don't mind me saying
but you was wonderful tonight.
60
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,560
I snuck a peek
behind the curtain.
61
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,840
Did the sight of a woman near a
drum make your cock spin off in
fury?
62
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:08,960
No, miss.
63
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,760
See, I'm a lady
too. May I?
64
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:16,880
Thanks.
65
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:17,680
Rose.
66
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:21,480
I just wanted to say
you're h-amazing.
67
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,600
I ain't never heard jazz before.
68
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,440
It was magical,
colourful, vibrant,
69
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,240
how the music gets all
in your bones an' that.
70
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,240
Right, well, good luck
with your life and that.
71
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,760
I drawed you a picture.
72
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:35,840
You can keep it.
73
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,040
I drawed one of you naked but I
think I'll hang onto that one.
74
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,760
Perhaps I'll come back tomorrow.
I'll bring friends!
75
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,040
You do that. All none of them.
76
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,880
Bye, Lauren, bye!
77
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,280
Bye!
78
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:51,720
Bye!
79
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:59,360
You go back to him
and I go back to
80
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:04,680
black
81
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,640
Thank you, thank you!
82
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,320
A lot of people say that a jazz
band is like an enamel stove
polish.
83
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,240
You know what, I'm not
doing that, I'm not.
84
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,000
We're gonna leave you
with one last song.
85
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,080
Who's on drums?
86
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,000
We're not taking requests.
87
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,840
Tell us who's on drums!
88
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,280
Yeah, who's on drums?
89
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:26,320
Here's an oldie to us.
90
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,640
I know who's on drums!
91
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,520
It's Lauren on drums
and she's a girl!
92
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,240
Lauren! Lauren! Lauren!
93
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,680
No, no. No girls here.
94
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,520
Thank you, Lauren-ce!
95
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,600
Thank you, Laurence!
96
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,280
Lauren! Lauren! Lauren!
97
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,720
(cheering)
98
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:04,680
Woo!
99
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,600
You were incredible!
100
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:11,280
So tiny yet so powerful,
like a virus or a full stop.
101
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,320
Don't you think, Nick?
102
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,080
Yeah, I mean, we probably
won't be asked back to the club
103
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,320
and you'll have to turn
tricks to make ends meet,
104
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,760
but as long as Lauren's happy.
105
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,800
It's my duty as a woman to
show my sisters the way.
106
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,760
I don't wanna say I'm
Emmeline Pankhurst but, guys,
107
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,440
I'm Emmeline fucking Pankhurst.
108
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,040
Girls, please, give me five
minutes and I'm all yours. Just
gonna get changed.
109
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,040
Best news ever! The manager
has lifted the she-ban.
110
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,280
Girls in the house, nuff
gyal inna de house!
111
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,520
You're welcome.
112
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,440
That is good news.
113
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:49,000
A toast to us guys, for giving
Lauren the opportunity to fight
the powers from within.
114
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,760
To us guys!
115
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,280
Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
116
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:54,880
Eyes.
117
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,680
Jazz pipes, jazz
hats, jazz slippers.
118
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,200
This market is gonna be huge,
so you should tap into it
straight away.
119
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,080
Jazz chairs, jazz
flasks, jazz envelopes.
120
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:12,360
So things with the word
jazz at the front of it?
121
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,240
Yes, sir.
122
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,600
Right, what are your
financial projections?
123
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,760
To project upwards.
124
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:20,800
I'm out.
125
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,520
(telephone rings)
126
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,720
That's for me.
127
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,760
Hello, Mayfair 731, or
some shit like that?
128
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,080
Oh, hello darling.
129
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,040
Isn't it strange how being in a
band is so attractive to women?
130
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:37,200
I guess as band leader you
must get loads of offers.
131
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,760
[JASON] Tonight? For you,
I can always make room.
132
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:42,480
Loads.
133
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,520
I'm sorry to bother you,
only I was at the club
134
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,520
and I heard the most terrific
news and I couldn't keep it to
meself!
135
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,240
Cripes, you won't believe it.
136
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,000
I didn't, I been pinching
meself all the way over here.
137
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,040
If only I could catch me breath!
138
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,560
Who is this woman and
why is she always here?
139
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:00,880
She works for me now.
140
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,400
And you pay her the full
going rate, do you?
141
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,520
She does it for love.
142
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,760
You wouldn't understand
because nobody likes you.
143
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:11,080
The Melody Maker newspaper wants
to do an h-interview with you!
144
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,520
Now we're cooking with gas!
When do they want us?
145
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,200
Oh god, no, they don't want
the band, just Miss Lauren.
146
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,280
They wanna do a h-exposé.
147
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,240
Who is the wild
woman on the drums?
148
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,680
Where did she learn to play
like the devil hisself?
149
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,240
What's her favourite meal?
150
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,800
Lauren, Sunday school, Ricicles.
So that's that done.
151
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,440
Ha, ha!
152
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,920
Who cares if they think
I'm the best thing about the
band?
153
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:35,440
We're a team, right?
154
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:40,680
So let's bask in the reflected
glory of our collective efforts.
155
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,400
To us. Wu-Tang forever!
156
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,760
Wu-Tang forever.
157
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,760
Wu-Tang forever!
158
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,280
Jesus Christ, it's already
gone to her head.
159
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,400
Bruv, who cares?
160
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,840
Our gigs are selling out. Let
her have her moment in the sun.
161
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,680
No, I know Lauren. There
is no moment in the sun.
162
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,840
She'll have all the sun and make
sure it shines out of her arse
only.
163
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,000
[LAUREN] Oi Rose, my backne
ain't gonna pop themselves!
164
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:15,840
It became clear I had a gift
when I tipped over my potty and
started beating out a perfect
2-3 clave.
165
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,080
Mum was so proud, she didn't
even care there was shit all
over the floor.
166
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,920
Quote-unquote Lauren
Wolton, jazz queen, 1926.
167
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,840
Right, so I figured, nobody
wants jazz slippers because
nobody wants jazz.
168
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,080
They want us.
169
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,520
And then I thought,
action figures. Dolls!
170
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,520
I couldn't afford to
make them from scratch,
171
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,800
but Hamleys said they'd adapt
the dolls they already had.
172
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,880
May I present, the Wu-Tang Clan.
173
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,520
I'll have a word
with my supplier.
174
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,680
Did you read Miss Lauren's
h-interview, Mr Horace?
175
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,440
Yes, I did. I loved the bit
where you say you wrote Bad and
Boujee.
176
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,360
Do read us more, Miss.
177
00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,760
This is a good bit.
178
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:06,800
I can use my new status to
educate men, make them
understand the basics of female
emancipation,
179
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,400
starting with my
brother who is a dick.
180
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:14,520
Do you ever, you know,
worry Mr Nick might-,
181
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,040
I dunno, I don't wanna
speak out of turn.
182
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,080
But might he, like,
want you out the band?
183
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,240
Why would he?
184
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,040
I just thought, what with him
saying you're full of yerself
and ought to be given the
heave-ho-,
185
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:26,840
He said that?
186
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,200
It's just talk, ain't it?
He wouldn't.
187
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:31,920
Would he?
188
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,080
Oh, don't listen to me
and my big flappin' gob!
189
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,280
Dad says it's a wonder all the
shit I talk don't dribble down
me lungs and choke me half to
death!
190
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,360
(laughter)
191
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,440
I didn't call a rehearsal.
192
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,360
Alright?
193
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,400
Who's this guy?
194
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,400
This is Hubert.
195
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,920
Hubert plays the trumpet,
don't you, Hubert?
196
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,240
Okay.
197
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,720
Does someone wanna tell
me what's going on?
198
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,720
I heard what you've been going
around saying about me.
199
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:07,840
I didn't say anything.
200
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,280
Hold on, are you replacing me?
201
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:12,520
It's my band!
202
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,720
I'm sorry, big bro, but we had a
band meeting and, well, this is
awkward.
203
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,120
I'm the captain now.
204
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:28,240
So what? You're just gonna
replace me with photonegative
me?
205
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,080
It's no good railing
against the system, bruv.
206
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,520
It's way bigger than us.
It's a machine.
207
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,640
Yeah, I get it.
208
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,040
I'm just a massive cog.
209
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:43,640
Bye.
210
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,960
Miss! I was just dusting 'em.
211
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:53,920
I get it.
212
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:58,200
You just wanna smell where I've
been, be how I am, touch what
I've touched.
213
00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,640
It's to be expected.
214
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,000
Is it very hard to play?
215
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,200
Give it a go.
216
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,480
I won't judge. Much.
217
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:13,720
Mine!
218
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,080
Sorry!
219
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,640
My dad was right when he said I
ought to have been drowned in a
toilet at birth.
220
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,760
I need you to go through
my fan mail for me.
221
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,480
I've got better things to do
than read about how much people
love me.
222
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,320
Jesus, Rose, you know I can't
stand the sound of paper being
torn.
223
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,360
Take it outside!
224
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,520
Yes miss. Sorry miss.
225
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:01,880
Ridiculous!
226
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,960
What you need to
do is let him know
227
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,600
that you're a strong white
independent woman that don't
need no man.
228
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,040
Mm-hmm.
229
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,480
Hey, Nick. How d'you
like my braid bar?
230
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,880
I'm starting it off as a pop-up,
but I eventually plan on
231
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,280
franchising and becoming
the new Nicky Clarke.
232
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,920
Before the actual Nicky Clarke.
233
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,360
- Did she make you do this?
- Lauren? Nah.
234
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,440
But she does own her image
rights so I have to give her 95%
of my profits.
235
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,080
Turn your head, gyal.
236
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,080
Betty with the good hair.
237
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,760
Alright bruv.
238
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:42,240
Quick word?
239
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,080
I have no secrets
from my friends.
240
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,040
Oh cool, so they know this
is your girlfriend's house
241
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,800
and that you're cheating on her
while she's away at her aunt's?
242
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,360
Shh, don't kill the vibe bruv!
243
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,200
I see Lauren has you in
one of her vests as well?
244
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,200
I like it.
245
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,480
Normally when you tell a girl
how incredible you look under
the black tie,
246
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,080
they gotta take a leap of faith.
247
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,000
But with this, they can
literally see the gun show.
248
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,520
Sorry about all of this bruv,
it's nothing personal.
249
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,360
Lauren's just got what it takes.
250
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,080
Don't worry about it.
251
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:11,480
What, ain't you angry?
252
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,120
You're not gonna kick off at me,
go all frothy at the mouth?
253
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,840
You don't even know the
monster you've unleashed.
254
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,320
Bruv, I beg you, don't
mess this up for us, yeah?
255
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,480
Some of us are having
a really good time.
256
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,760
A really good time.
257
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,120
(laughter)
258
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,600
I made your favourite, Mr Jason.
259
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,080
You've got something
on your mouth.
260
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,640
Oh no, it's just a dab o' rouge.
261
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,280
I thought-, I wanted to
make myself pretty for ya.
262
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,000
Oh, right.
263
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,080
You're a bit young for me.
264
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,840
Maybe you should save yourself
for a nice guy your own age.
265
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,360
I'm 35.
266
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,360
Is it?
267
00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:01,280
Nah, still, shouldn't you be
shaving Lauren's armpits or
peeling her a grape or
something?
268
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,280
Why are you ripping
Jason's head off?
269
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,000
Oh, Miss!
270
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,560
Did he try it on with you?
271
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,960
Oh no, don't take it personally,
it's just 'cos you're vaguely
female.
272
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,240
No shade.
273
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,520
Miss?
274
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,720
No, no, I can't.
275
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,600
You've already been
cruelly betrayed by your
brother.
276
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,360
Only, I was pressing Mr
Jason's jacket and I found-
277
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:38,920
No, I can't say.
278
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,280
Show me.
279
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:48,760
His Royal Highness Prince George
will be in attendance tonight at
the Carrington Club.
280
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,920
The actual royal prince!
281
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:55,760
I mean, I hate the Royal Family,
they're parasites, but the Royal
Family? Tonight?
282
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,200
I know! Isn't it astoundin'?
283
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,000
(screaming)
284
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,840
But why would mister
Jason hide the h-invite?
285
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,680
Unless-, he did say he
could put me in the band
286
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,040
and I said that was
for you to decide
287
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,240
and he said you didn't matter no
more than the shit on his shitty
shoe.
288
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,440
Jason said that?
289
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,360
P'raps he was just
pullin' me leg.
290
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,720
Best press your vest
for tonight, Miss.
291
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,120
Really nice, everyone.
292
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:34,360
Now I know the thought of
Beyoncé having sex with Jay-Z in
their kitchen is disgusting
293
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:39,880
but please remember Drunk
in Love is a sensuous song.
294
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,280
I just can't believe we're
performing for Prince!
295
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:44,760
A prince.
296
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:45,840
Oh.
297
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:51,360
Right, before we go from the
top, Jason, you were a little
off on the second verse.
298
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,280
If I could just hear
when you come in?
299
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,040
Five, six, seven, eight.
300
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,600
Ooh, a little off.
301
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,040
And again. Five,
six, seven, eight.
302
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,000
It's not-
303
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,120
It's cool.
304
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:13,800
And again.
305
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,160
Are you listening?
306
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:18,640
Yeah.
307
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,560
And again.
308
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,040
Why do you think I threw
a stuffed badger at you?
309
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,800
I said, why do you think
I threw a badger at you?
310
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,080
I don't-, I don't know.
311
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,800
Were you rushing or
were you dragging?
312
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:39,440
Erm-,
313
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,600
Don't look at
Horace, look at me.
314
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,960
Were you rushing or
were you dragging?
315
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:44,640
I don't-,
316
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,080
Were you rushing or
were you dragging?!
317
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,360
I can't help but feel
this is from something.
318
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,200
We are playing for
Prince George.
319
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:57,040
Chances are, when he sees me,
he's gonna fall hard, and in
total love with me,
320
00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:03,680
but those chances are seriously
reduced if you go out there and
play like a turd!
321
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,080
Don't let her see
you cry, J-wizzle.
322
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,920
Look, Lauren, I'm
sorry about earlier.
323
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,920
I know I gotta get my,
shit together and-
324
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:15,920
Who's that?
325
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,680
Oh, this is Chester.
326
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,200
Chester plays for the
Philharmonic, how cool is that?
327
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,200
Wait, is that my-,
328
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,080
Am I out?
329
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,960
Don't make me the bad person
here Jason, don't you dare.
330
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,800
But the band, the
vests, the girls-,
331
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,080
What did I do?
332
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,400
I'm doing this for
us, mate, yeah?
333
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,960
This is why we were
sent to the past.
334
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,840
I'm gonna make history.
335
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,360
I'm gonna be the first
black Queen of England
336
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,760
and I can't let you
fuck that up for me!
337
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,680
Girls? Come on!
338
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,760
We didn't even get to
take a bath together.
339
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,040
[NICK] And so the monster grows.
340
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:58,840
What is this?
341
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,080
What is this shit on my head?
342
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,080
Why are you trying to undermine
me on the most important night
of my life?
343
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,880
It's how you always have it.
344
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,240
I love you, Horace,
but this is shit
345
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:15,040
and you are shit, and you will
never amount to shit, okay?
346
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,360
Right. It's always
good to get feedback.
347
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,880
Why are you always so nice?
No one's this nice.
348
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,080
My dad says people are only nice
when they're after something,
349
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,240
but what does he know?
350
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,920
He's banged up for stoving his
brother's head in with a brick
by accident.
351
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,720
You are so right. You're
the only one I can trust.
352
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,120
Okay, so this is how
we take her down.
353
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,040
I've been writing
my autobiography.
354
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,360
Well, it's actually quite cool.
355
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,080
It's like a loose collection of
vignettes, anecdotes, doodles.
356
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,080
Get to the point.
357
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,400
It also reveals the real Lauren.
358
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,880
Now if we can somehow photocopy
and distribute these chapters
outside the gig-,
359
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,680
Yeah, I'll just nip to Rymans.
360
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,400
Look, if you wanna beat Lauren,
you gotta think like Lauren.
361
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,200
She wouldn't piss about,
she'd hurt you physically.
362
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,200
That's why I say we
break her hands.
363
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,240
We're not breaking her hands.
364
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,720
I don't think you understand.
365
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,080
If we break her hands,
she can't play.
366
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,160
No, no, no. I get
the physics, Jason.
367
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,960
I'm just not comfortable
breaking my little sister's
hands.
368
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,080
Okay, we'll rock, paper,
scissors for it. One.
- Why are you counting?
369
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:17,880
- Two.
- I'm not playing.
370
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:18,680
Three!
371
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,480
Oh well, I've got that, so-,
372
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,080
I'm still breaking her hands.
373
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,280
Jason!
374
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,800
Hey guys. Ooh, what you making?
375
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,200
Are you making me a tree house?
376
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,080
Why aren't you
at the club?
377
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,040
Oh, I'm out.
378
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,040
See, she deserves to die!
379
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,600
I mean, suffer a slightly
life-changing injury.
380
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,440
No, wait, we've got
a bargaining chip.
381
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,080
There's no way she's gonna
replace Horace now,
382
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:43,720
which means to take him back,
she'll have to take us all back.
383
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:47,240
She already lined someone up
because she knew I'd betray her,
so-,
384
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,600
Fuck hands, go for kneecaps.
We'll hold her down.
385
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,360
Jason, don't go too Kathy Bates
in Misery, but that doesn't mean
to hold back, alright?
386
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,640
(doorbell rings)
387
00:19:58,360 --> 00:19:59,760
Telegram for Nicholas Wolton.
388
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,680
That's me.
389
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,400
I hate life. Stop. I am
going away forever. Stop.
390
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,000
Do not try to stop me.
Stop. Lauren.
391
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,520
Lauren? Hello?
392
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,120
Lauren!
393
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,680
Whoa. Lauren was gonna
play the Albert Hall.
394
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,360
That's, like, two
million people.
395
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,000
The pressure must've got to her.
396
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,680
She's cracked and paid the
ultimate price of fame.
397
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,800
(banging)
- What's that?
398
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:28,800
Should we open it?
399
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,520
Er, best not. It's
not our property.
400
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,520
I'm gonna open it.
401
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:33,840
Why have you still got a hammer?
402
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,360
Just because your sister's
suicidal, does not mean I
changed my mind about breaking
her hands.
403
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:45,840
Gentlemen.
404
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:52,240
[ANNOUNCER] And now taking the
stage for your edification,
London's newest jazz sensation.
405
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:57,200
[ROSE] Gawd bless you, ladies
and gents, we are the Wu-Tang
Clan!
406
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:06,360
The Wu-Tang Clan wowed the
Prince with hits such as
Fu-Gee-La, Gangsta's Paradise
and I've Got Five On It.
407
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,040
His Royal Highness was later
seen bestowing very personal
favours
408
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:14,240
on extraordinary
chanteuse-cum-drumeuse Rose
Bickerton.
409
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,400
Do we dare speculate that this
glottal-stopping cockney
guttersnipe
410
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,840
might become the first
commoner Duchess of Kent?
411
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:21,840
Bitch.
412
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:27,200
Albert Hall, Palladium,
Winter Gardens.
413
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,880
None of them places
would take us.
414
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,240
Nothing sells black music
like white people.
415
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,600
We've still got my braid
bar business to fall back on.
416
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,200
We are going home, Horace.
417
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,760
Home, the future, where
your shift at Halfords awaits.
418
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,080
You know what, even if no one
remembers how I nearly changed
the world,
419
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,520
at least they'll remember I
changed the 'men only' rule in
this place.
420
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:48,880
About that-,
421
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,880
Wow, thank you. Too kind.
422
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:57,080
You know, a lot of people say a
jazz band is a lot like a Gamble
and Smith male purse.
423
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:02,360
Reliable, well put-together,
and also available in black.
424
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:03,640
(cymbal hit)
425
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:08,360
You dicks. You dicks with dicks!
32775
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof