Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,999 --> 00:00:08,792
Jazz is dead, bruv.
No one wants a brass band.
2
00:00:08,999 --> 00:00:10,626
Jazz quartet.
3
00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:13,167
What do you know? You can't even
turn up to rehearsals on time.
4
00:00:13,459 --> 00:00:16,083
Er, I was helping my
grandmother. She had a fall.
5
00:00:16,459 --> 00:00:19,083
You do know we performed at both
of your grandmothers' funerals?
6
00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:22,334
Yeah, and we also had
walkouts. At a funeral.
7
00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,167
Oi, Whiplash, talk to
your brother please.
8
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:25,125
We could replace him.
9
00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:27,834
I know a sick trumpet player and
he can get us some paid gigs.
10
00:00:28,042 --> 00:00:30,042
He just got out of prison
but he's really nice.
11
00:00:30,292 --> 00:00:31,959
We just won't be able to
perform near schools.
12
00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,626
You'd rather perform with a
paedo than your own brother?
13
00:00:34,876 --> 00:00:37,876
We should reinvent ourselves.
New image, new name.
14
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,626
What about The Wu-Tang Clan?
15
00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:42,876
Like the group The Wu-Tang Clan?
16
00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:46,250
Why are you so scared to try
something new, hit up a new
demographic?
17
00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:49,792
I'm guessing this demographic
is fit, young females?
18
00:00:49,999 --> 00:00:53,292
Yeah, nothing woos the bitches
like a four-piece brass band.
19
00:00:53,584 --> 00:00:55,542
Jazz quartet.
20
00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:58,999
And it's not about the money,
nor is it about the bitch-,
women.
21
00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:00,709
It's about the music.
22
00:01:00,918 --> 00:01:06,334
Now can we please, please, just
have one normal, uninterrupted
rehearsal?
23
00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:08,542
Guys!
24
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,417
I think I've found
a time machine.
25
00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:27,417
Why are we following
Homeless Pete?
26
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:29,167
He knows where the
time machine is.
27
00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:32,876
The same Homeless Pete that
likes to masturbate in front of
Debenhams?
28
00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:33,500
Yeah.
29
00:01:33,751 --> 00:01:35,584
Cool, just checking.
30
00:01:36,042 --> 00:01:38,209
He also thinks pigeons
will inherit the earth.
31
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:39,459
'Course he does.
32
00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:43,083
So this is the time machine?
33
00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:47,792
He says yeah.
34
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,834
It's not just a piss-filled lift
in a run-down block of flats?
35
00:01:54,709 --> 00:01:55,542
He says nah.
36
00:01:56,709 --> 00:02:00,292
And he's not thought about using
this time machine to improve his
own situation?
37
00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:04,500
Like maybe going back to a time
when he was less addicted to
heroin?
38
00:02:08,584 --> 00:02:09,417
He says sometimes.
39
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:10,584
- Sometimes?
- Mm-hmm.
40
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,709
Well, in we pop.
41
00:02:13,042 --> 00:02:14,209
Into the shit Delorean.
42
00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:17,042
Actually, this is disgusting.
43
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,918
This better be chocolate.
44
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,292
Yes, alright!
Horace, move!
45
00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:26,167
This is so lame.
46
00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:27,584
(lift beeps)
47
00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:32,876
Ah, hey guys.
48
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,334
Depending on what year we go
back to, remember Snickers will
be called Marathon
49
00:02:36,626 --> 00:02:38,751
and Starburst will be
called Opal Fruits.
50
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:40,500
Thank you.
51
00:02:42,042 --> 00:02:44,167
Okay, I'm really not
liking this now.
52
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,542
Bruv, you gotta stop whining.
53
00:02:53,334 --> 00:02:55,042
Oh my God.
54
00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:59,292
Oh yeah, we've travelled
two floors vertically.
55
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:00,250
Science.
56
00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:01,626
Bruv, I beg you, shut up.
57
00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,667
Ey, wha gwan Jason?
58
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,167
W-Wha gwan big man?
59
00:03:06,459 --> 00:03:08,709
What, the lift broken, yeah?
60
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,042
It does that sometimes, still.
61
00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,667
So what, you're not gonna
introduce me to your bredrins,
nah?
62
00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,667
Everyone, this is Curtis.
63
00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:19,667
Hiya.
64
00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:23,876
Knowing Jason, and judging
by your facial expression,
65
00:03:24,125 --> 00:03:26,459
I'm guessing Jason slept
with your girlfriend?
66
00:03:27,751 --> 00:03:28,667
Fiancée.
67
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:30,542
Close enough.
68
00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:33,125
Right, shall we leave
you two to it?
69
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:34,334
What, you're not
gonna back me up?
70
00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:35,751
I just wanna talk, fam.
71
00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:38,459
- See, he just wants to talk,
fam.
- He doesn't just wanna
talk, fam.
72
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:39,417
Yeah,
73
00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:40,834
I don't just wanna talk, fam!
74
00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:43,042
(screaming)
75
00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:45,500
Ey fam, I don't care
where you are, y'know!
76
00:03:45,751 --> 00:03:48,584
Man will find you and rile
(ph) you up bruv, I swear!
77
00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:50,209
Dickhead!
78
00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:51,876
What's the
matter with you?
79
00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:54,667
What was I supposed to do, not
sleep with her? Have you seen
Eleasha?
80
00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:56,999
Firstly, I have. She
looks like a foot.
81
00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:59,292
Secondly, his
wife-to-be, really?
82
00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,918
Look, I know I messed up,
I'm sorry, alright! But-,
83
00:04:02,167 --> 00:04:02,876
I love her.
84
00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:05,083
What about the girl from
Claire's Accessories?
85
00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:06,125
I love her too.
86
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:07,918
Yeah? What's her name?
87
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,876
Look, I know what this
might sound like, but-,
88
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,042
I do actually think
her name's Claire.
89
00:04:14,292 --> 00:04:16,167
- Guys?
- And your actual
girlfriend T'Shana?
90
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:17,918
She too is the love of my life.
91
00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,125
- Guys?
- Where's Homeless Pete?
92
00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:20,876
Guys, what the hell is that?
93
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,042
What the fuck?
94
00:04:29,542 --> 00:04:32,626
(beeping)
95
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,334
(laughter)
96
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:44,834
(lift bell rings)
97
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:50,834
Aargghh!
98
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:58,250
(horse whinnies)
99
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,500
(car horn sounds)
100
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,834
Welcome... to Jurassic Park.
101
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:21,751
Who would've thought a guy who
shits in bins is a Time Lord?
102
00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:23,292
So is this, like, slavery times?
103
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,500
Nah, it must be later.
104
00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:25,709
How do you know?
105
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:28,042
It looks more Downton
than Django.
106
00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:30,500
Alright, let's just stick
together and avoid any
plantations.
107
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,209
Imagine all the
things we could do.
108
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,876
Invest in stocks and shares and
get filthy rich in the present
day.
109
00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,918
I was gonna say burn a
witch, but we could do that.
110
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:39,959
Yeah, we could do that.
111
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,667
We can't just go venturing out.
112
00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:43,125
It doesn't matter
what time we're in,
113
00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:46,209
any time before the mid-'80s
isn't good for black people.
114
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,125
Bruv, how can you not wanna
explore? We owe it to ourselves!
115
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,250
People like us never
get to time travel.
116
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:55,584
It's what white people do,
like skiing, or brunch.
117
00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:58,918
Anyone got a fiver? I'm
gonna buy a house.
118
00:06:02,584 --> 00:06:03,334
Fuck!
119
00:06:08,209 --> 00:06:10,334
Look at you perving at
all the ye olde ladies.
120
00:06:10,626 --> 00:06:12,584
I'm just appreciating when
women dressed like women,
121
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:15,083
and not like twelve-year-old
schoolboys.
122
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,292
That reminds me, I must
buy some black pudding.
123
00:06:19,918 --> 00:06:22,792
Would it mess with the future if
I smacked that woman in the face
right now?
124
00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:23,709
(laughter)
125
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,500
No, seriously,
she's right.
126
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:28,083
Time, space, ripple
effects and all that.
127
00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:29,167
What would happen?
128
00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:30,083
Oh!
129
00:06:30,876 --> 00:06:32,999
Homeless Pete gave
me some rules.
130
00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:34,834
Don't kill anyone.
131
00:06:35,042 --> 00:06:36,584
That's not even specific
to time travel.
132
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:40,125
Don't impregnate, get
impregnated. Don't touch any
animals.
133
00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,417
Have fun and try to blend in.
134
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:43,959
Try to blend in?
135
00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,500
Am I the only one noticing that?
136
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:52,834
Alright?
137
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:55,042
Aarghh!
138
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,500
(bell rings)
139
00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:08,709
Why are we in a suit shop?
140
00:07:08,918 --> 00:07:10,999
Because I didn't
see a Foot Locker.
141
00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:13,918
Good afternoon.
142
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,542
How may I eat you-, help you?
143
00:07:18,876 --> 00:07:21,417
I'll just get the
cannibal-, er, manager.
144
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,542
I will just eat the manager.
145
00:07:30,042 --> 00:07:30,876
She's alright.
146
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,083
Going by the day's events, don't
you think you have enough
girlfriends?
147
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,626
Alright, then you
go talk to her.
148
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:37,167
Well, obviously I can't.
149
00:07:37,459 --> 00:07:37,751
Why not?
150
00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:40,417
Because she's about 90
years older than me.
151
00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:40,999
What?
152
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,751
Yes, I could go outside,
and yes, I could chat her up.
153
00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,626
But what if I fell for
her, and she for I?
154
00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:49,667
And we had this whirlwind love
affair where we couldn't be
without one another.
155
00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:54,876
And at the peak of everything,
she decides to come back with me
to the 21st century.
156
00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:59,918
But as we return to the
present day, I'd turn to her
157
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:03,083
only to see that she'd become
the age she would be in that
time.
158
00:08:04,292 --> 00:08:06,834
And I would have the girl
of my dreams as an old woman,
159
00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:09,667
dying in my arms.
160
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,959
Bruv, I just said to
get her phone number.
161
00:08:14,334 --> 00:08:15,292
Ahem!
162
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:17,292
- Hello.
- Hello.
163
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,667
Hail thee, good morrow,
how doth thou?
164
00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:23,292
Alright?
165
00:08:23,918 --> 00:08:24,542
Ask them.
166
00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:26,417
- Ask them!
- Yes, very well, Ralph.
167
00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:27,500
- Ask us what?
- We were just wondering-,
168
00:08:27,751 --> 00:08:28,459
Yes, Ralph!
169
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,042
Are you a jazz band?
170
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,626
What makes you think
we're a jazz band?
171
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:32,626
Quartet.
172
00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:35,709
Well, four coloured chaps in
London. What else could you be?
173
00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:37,083
You're also carrying
instruments.
174
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,876
Oh, so you are.
175
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:43,417
Now call it fate, but Ralph and
I are hosting a sick-makingly
glorious birthday party.
176
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,042
We're twins.
Non-identical.
177
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:46,959
I was born first.
178
00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,876
- So Victoria and I are having
a party-,
- Yes, Ralph!
179
00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:52,876
And daddy promised us
a Negro jazz band.
180
00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,459
You really shouldn't
use that word.
181
00:08:54,709 --> 00:08:57,042
Oh, sorry. A Negro jazz quartet.
182
00:08:57,292 --> 00:08:59,250
Quite a shame, the band
we hired cancelled.
183
00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:01,626
One of the poor
fellows got polio.
184
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,999
Typical, isn't it? All bad
things seem to happen to me.
185
00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:06,209
How much we talking?
186
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,626
You'll be paid fabulously.
187
00:09:07,876 --> 00:09:09,709
So please, please, please
say you're a jazz quartet!
188
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:11,751
We are a jazz quartet.
189
00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:16,500
Sorry, we'd love to but
unfortunately we've got to get
home.
190
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,751
- We'll be there.
- Wondrous!
191
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:20,959
It is rather a formal affair.
192
00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:26,751
Yes, so no curious native
trousers or, um, spongy foot
sheaths.
193
00:09:27,209 --> 00:09:28,125
I can't wait!
194
00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,959
Please don't let us down,
otherwise Ralph and I will howl
with shame
195
00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:33,792
and take our lives in a
tragic double suicide.
196
00:09:34,209 --> 00:09:35,667
(nervous laughter)
197
00:09:37,918 --> 00:09:39,167
See you chaps later!
198
00:09:39,876 --> 00:09:41,083
Fare thee well!
199
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,125
Chaps.
200
00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:50,459
Okay, look.
201
00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:55,125
All I'm saying is that
when people time travel, it's to
prevent a natural disaster
202
00:09:55,417 --> 00:09:57,792
or to save mankind
from extinction.
203
00:09:58,042 --> 00:10:00,417
Not to perform as a
'Negro jazz quartet'.
204
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:01,626
You are shitting me?
205
00:10:01,876 --> 00:10:03,250
This is what you
wanted, a paid gig.
206
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:06,083
Bruv, there's, like, one other
jazz band, and they've got the
plague.
207
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:06,626
Polio.
208
00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:09,125
Whatever, the point is he's
going to die. How amazing is
that?
209
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:13,042
I don't know how else to
reiterate that we should just go
back to the lift.
210
00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:15,876
What if it's one of those
one-way time machines?
211
00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,042
Then we'll find an
alternative way home.
212
00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:20,417
- Which is?
- I don't know. A scientist.
213
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,709
Okay, what you gonna say to him?
214
00:10:22,918 --> 00:10:25,751
Well, I'm gonna tell him
or her that I wanna go home.
215
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,876
- To?
- The 21st...century.
216
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:30,542
How you gonna get there?
217
00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:32,542
Time machine.
218
00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:34,167
Cool. Good luck with that, yeah?
219
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,500
Leave him, he's just
scared, as usual.
220
00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:39,417
You know what? I'm gonna
go home. Excuse me.
221
00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:42,125
No, no, no. Homeless Pete said
we should all stick together.
222
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:44,876
You're seriously saying you're
going to time travel back alone?
223
00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,792
The man who's afraid
to watch The X-Files?
224
00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:49,918
Okay, they are stories
based on actual events.
225
00:10:50,334 --> 00:10:51,667
Okay, cool.
226
00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:52,709
Here's the gig address.
227
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,959
I give it ten minutes before you
brick it and come running back
to us.
228
00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:58,459
Good luck performing
without lead trumpet.
229
00:10:59,042 --> 00:11:01,167
Let us know when you
get home safe, yeah?
230
00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:05,334
WhatsApp's not working but
hopefully normal texts are going
through.
231
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,792
Anyone pay for
these suits?
232
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,167
Yeah, wouldn't it be jokes if us
accidentally teefin' these suits
233
00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:13,918
starts the stereotype that
all black people are thieves?
234
00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:21,500
I didn't realise black
people were thieves.
235
00:11:23,459 --> 00:11:24,918
I'll have to
warn everyone.
236
00:11:29,584 --> 00:11:31,751
Stupid 1920s London.
237
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,459
Ooh, I'm smug because I've
recently given women the vote.
Dicks!
238
00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:46,334
Oh, what is the code?
239
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:57,042
Homeless Pete?
240
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,292
Thank God, I could
bloody kiss you!
241
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,250
I won't cos I think I've
got a cold coming on
242
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:03,417
and, well, you're a tramp.
243
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,834
Look, I need the
code to get home.
244
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,834
So what I need from
you is for you-,
245
00:12:09,999 --> 00:12:11,125
Homeless Pete? Where the-,
246
00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:12,292
Homeless Pete!
247
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:15,334
Pete!
248
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:26,876
Excuse me, are you
John Logie Baird?
249
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:28,417
Aye, that's me.
250
00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:30,292
Okay.
251
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,292
Okay, I know this sounds weird,
but I think I've been led here
for a reason.
252
00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:39,792
I was chasing this
mystical tramp, and then seeing
you
253
00:12:39,999 --> 00:12:44,083
and knowing who you are because,
well, I was really good at
history,
254
00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:46,167
I got a B.
255
00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,999
Anyway, I know you
invented the television.
256
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,167
Well, you will.
257
00:12:50,459 --> 00:12:52,876
Who... told you that?
258
00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:56,834
I know you will invent
the television because-,
259
00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,876
I'm from the future.
260
00:13:01,042 --> 00:13:03,834
I'm from the future and I
need you to help me get back.
261
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:09,876
Right. Well, you'd
best come in then.
262
00:13:11,042 --> 00:13:12,876
Oh, thank you!
Thank you so much!
263
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,876
Ah, you're welcome. In you come.
264
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,417
(music plays)
265
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:29,334
Drink! Drink! Drink!
266
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:30,876
(cheering)
267
00:13:32,999 --> 00:13:34,792
Someone's got an admirer.
268
00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:35,584
What?
269
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:38,584
I'm guessing he's gonna be
pretty pissed off when he finds
out you're a girl.
270
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,959
Yeah, well I'm guessing
Victoria's gonna be pretty
pissed
271
00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:42,626
when she finds out
you're a girl.
272
00:13:42,876 --> 00:13:45,334
- Good comeback.
- Yeah, well your mum's
a good comeback.
273
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,876
Homeless Pete said to be careful
who you get off with in the past
in case it's your nan.
274
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,999
Yeah, well I don't
think Ralph's her nan.
275
00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:52,667
Homeless Pete said
you never know.
276
00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:55,417
(cockney accent) Cheer'o,
I'm a cockerney!
277
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:59,667
Gor bless you all, fine
gentlemen. (laughter)
278
00:13:59,999 --> 00:14:02,999
I'm joking, that's
not my real accent.
279
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,292
So pleased you made it.
280
00:14:05,584 --> 00:14:07,959
Look at you chaps
all dressed up.
281
00:14:08,209 --> 00:14:09,751
Where's the tall, drippy one?
282
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:12,250
He's on his way.
283
00:14:12,542 --> 00:14:13,209
Are you sure?
284
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,918
I shall be skull-crushingly
angry if I don't get my jazz.
285
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,334
A toast!
286
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:21,584
Hurrah to us, to you, and to
a bloody marvellous evening!
287
00:14:21,834 --> 00:14:24,083
Oh God, I love fun!
288
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:26,542
We're going to hear the
best jazz of all time!
289
00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:28,334
Who wants some cocaine?
290
00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:30,042
(cheering)
291
00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:33,876
Nick's okay, right?
292
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,626
- Yeah.
- He's fine.
293
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,834
(choking)
294
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,417
Please! I don't know what
you're talking about!
295
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:43,626
Who sent you?
296
00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:44,626
No one!
297
00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:46,834
I told you, I'm from the future.
298
00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:51,042
Just reach into my pocket, my
driving licence has my date of
birth on it.
299
00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,709
Oh no, wait. I must've
left them in my jeans.
300
00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:54,292
Your what?
301
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:55,167
Jeans!
302
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,584
They're like trousers but
fashioned from a cotton twill
textile.
303
00:14:57,834 --> 00:14:58,876
Shut your geggie!
304
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:01,751
Yes! Yes!
305
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,834
That's a telephone
from the future.
306
00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:06,250
I mean, that's not the
latest model, I need an upgrade,
307
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:08,876
but it's like a TV
but small and-,
308
00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,542
Shhh.
309
00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:19,250
I am sick of them Englishmen
coming round here, trying to
steal my ideas.
310
00:15:20,125 --> 00:15:22,918
Only this time, they sent
one of their exotic minions
311
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:27,167
to get his chocolatey
fingers on my inventions.
312
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:28,876
Chocolatey fingers? No!
313
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:31,834
I'm gonna be needing
some answers, laddy.
314
00:15:32,042 --> 00:15:33,876
Right now!
315
00:15:34,626 --> 00:15:35,667
Ah, pish.
316
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:37,459
Refill!
317
00:15:45,042 --> 00:15:46,167
Chocolatey fingers.
318
00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:48,542
Chocolatey fingers.
319
00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,042
Chocolatey fingers!
320
00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:56,459
Shit, shit, fuck!
321
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:05,167
Shit!
322
00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:07,083
Argh!
323
00:16:08,918 --> 00:16:11,792
Run, run, as fast as you can.
324
00:16:11,999 --> 00:16:15,042
You can't catch me, I'm
the Gingerbread Man.
325
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:16,834
Argh!
326
00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:20,250
Don't be dead, please
don't be dead.
327
00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:21,751
Don't be dead, don't be dead.
328
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:24,167
Shit, I've killed telly,
I've killed telly.
329
00:16:26,459 --> 00:16:27,167
Sorry!
330
00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:30,500
We want jazz!
We want jazz!
331
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,667
You said he'd be back.
332
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,918
Maybe he's gone black
to the future.
333
00:16:35,417 --> 00:16:37,417
It's a Back to the Future joke.
- Yeah, I got that.
334
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:40,042
Look, he wouldn't have got back
in that time machine by himself.
335
00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:41,125
So where is he?
336
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,167
- What if he's dead?
- He's not dead.
337
00:16:46,417 --> 00:16:47,334
Could he be?
338
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:50,542
Look!
339
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,584
Ralph and I gifted each
other these shoes.
340
00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:54,918
They make a sound when we dance.
341
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:55,918
Look!
342
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,876
(shoes clicking)
343
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:00,167
Look!
344
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:02,626
I'm running!
345
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,876
Do come on, we're terribly
tired of waiting.
346
00:17:10,626 --> 00:17:12,876
- We want jazz!
- Now!
347
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,834
Right, chocolate fingers.
348
00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:20,834
Okay, alright.
349
00:17:21,042 --> 00:17:22,584
Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate-,
350
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,751
Oh fuck, alright.
351
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:34,334
Oh, chocolate! Okay!
352
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:37,999
That's not chocolate.
353
00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:41,083
Okay, alright.
354
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:43,292
That one, that one-,
355
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:45,876
Please!
356
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:47,500
Gah!
357
00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:58,083
Ah! Ah, yes!
358
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,125
(beeping)
359
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:09,999
(lift beeps)
360
00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:16,876
Hello.
361
00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:17,918
Hi.
362
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,626
- What's that chap saying?
We can't hear you, man!
363
00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:23,876
Hello everyone.
364
00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:27,667
I know you all came to
hear our jazz quartet play
tonight.
365
00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:29,667
(applause)
366
00:18:29,999 --> 00:18:31,751
Unfortunately that's
not gonna happen.
367
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:33,751
- For crying out loud!
- Outrageous!
368
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:36,125
We're basically missing
our trumpet player.
369
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:37,542
He might be dead.
370
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:40,667
And it's weird, because the
last thing he said to us was,
371
00:18:40,876 --> 00:18:43,125
'Good luck performing
without me.'
372
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:45,876
- Excuse me.
- And in a way, he was right.
373
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,125
It's like we've got
a limb missing.
374
00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:51,542
What are we without him?
375
00:18:52,918 --> 00:18:55,584
What is a quartet without
its fourth member?
376
00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:01,417
It's a trio.
377
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,125
Thank you for coming out
tonight, we are The Wu-Tang
Clan!
378
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,626
- One, two, one-two-three!
- Wait, wait, wait!
379
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:11,751
He's alive!
380
00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:14,876
So, what, you were just going
to perform without me?
381
00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,918
Bruv, I wanted to look
for you, but Lau-,
382
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,042
Even though you thought
I might be dead?
383
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,500
Paid gig.
384
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:22,918
- Jazz, jazz, jazz!
385
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,999
- Just play the goddamn jazz!
386
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:35,250
Hello 1920s London!
387
00:19:37,417 --> 00:19:38,959
One-two-three, uh!
388
00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:41,167
(singing) My baby
don't mess around
389
00:19:41,459 --> 00:19:45,542
because she loves me so
and this I know for sure
390
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:49,626
Uh! But does she really wanna
391
00:19:49,876 --> 00:19:54,417
but can't stand to see
me walk out the door
392
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:58,999
Hey ya
393
00:19:59,876 --> 00:20:02,626
Hey ya
394
00:20:03,751 --> 00:20:07,667
Hey ya
395
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,918
Hey ya
396
00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:12,667
Okay, shake it
397
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,125
Shake it
398
00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:15,667
Shake it
399
00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:18,125
Shake it, shake it
400
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:21,417
Shake it like a
Polaroid picture!
401
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:28,626
Such a giddy-making delight of a
night, all thanks to you
gentlemen.
402
00:20:28,876 --> 00:20:31,584
Now, who would like a dance
with the birthday girl?
403
00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:34,125
I thought you'd never ask.
404
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:38,042
And what about the birthday boy?
405
00:20:38,999 --> 00:20:40,417
Oh, I'm not-,
406
00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:42,083
No, I don't-,
407
00:20:42,459 --> 00:20:43,876
Oh no, I was talking to that-,
408
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:47,083
This one-, particular
one of you.
409
00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:48,083
Would you?
410
00:20:49,292 --> 00:20:50,500
Yeah, go on then.
411
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:57,542
(clicking)
412
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:00,709
Are you wearing tap shoes?
413
00:21:00,918 --> 00:21:02,751
Yes, aren't they wizard!
414
00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:06,876
Alright?
415
00:21:08,209 --> 00:21:08,876
Yeah.
416
00:21:09,792 --> 00:21:11,584
Yeah, it's just, time travel,
417
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,542
Victoria and Ralph
needing a band,
418
00:21:13,792 --> 00:21:16,125
having the perfect sound
for the perfect gig.
419
00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:20,083
Fate, I guess it's a real thing.
420
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:21,167
Maybe.
421
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:24,500
Maybe we've not
gone back in time.
422
00:21:24,999 --> 00:21:27,542
Maybe we're part of an
overlapping multiple universe
423
00:21:27,792 --> 00:21:30,876
and now is just a parallel
version of where we're meant to
be.
424
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:34,751
Maybe.
425
00:21:35,584 --> 00:21:38,417
If we leave now, we could
still get home for Newsnight.
426
00:21:38,667 --> 00:21:39,500
Well-,
427
00:21:40,334 --> 00:21:42,709
I don't see any reason for
us to leave just yet.
428
00:21:52,918 --> 00:21:54,125
(lift bell rings)
429
00:21:57,042 --> 00:21:57,918
What you sayin'?
430
00:21:58,292 --> 00:22:00,667
Aargghh!
31076
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof