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Dexter:
The horror...
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Of the landmarks in the home
of my parents.
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My memory will forever rest
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in the room that belongs
to my sister Dee Dee.
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I looked with large eyes
to my future.
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My invention was no longer
a lazy bird with folded wings.
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Sliced bread was possible.
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I baked the bread...
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[Ding]
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And now the moment of truth
is here.
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My bread slicer!
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But wait, wait!
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It was just here!
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How could it be?
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I just had it.
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I could hardly perceive
its capture.
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Thoughts of sandwich meat
flitted by me.
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No, no! Don't!
Come back!
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Toast ran free.
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No! Please!
Don't be like this!
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Its whereabouts
was a mystery.
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I was haunted
by hours of suspense,
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only to realize the obvious--
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Dee Dee.
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Instead of proceeding at once
to her room,
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I made an excursion
back to the lab.
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Recalling my slicer
from her chambers
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would be no simple task,
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for her room to me
was more frightening
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than the deepest bush
of Africa.
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You see, for years
I have had immense fear
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of the female germ...
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The cootie.
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I knew it would be flogging
the current of sweetness,
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so I took precautions.
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It was a benevolent society
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with no structure
or foundation.
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I did not share
their flattering humor.
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I thought
they might be daughters
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of generations
of Molly mobby dolls,
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and by their movements,
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I saw they were preparing
to strike a blow.
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One of the creatures
began to approach me.
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Its fierce muscular structure
reminded me
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of the anatomy charts I drew up
with Dr. Gray.
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Though I did not know what crime
I had committed,
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I knew it wanted to beat me.
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For 3 days, I took cover under
a wicker wastebasket.
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It was quiet.
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I listened to the wind outside.
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Strangely, I felt proud
of the marks
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I had left in the shag rug.
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I believed they were the first
footprints made by a boy
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in Dee Dee's room.
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The hope chest!
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It most certainly contained
my treasured slicer.
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If I could breeze through
the narrows without mishap,
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I might be able to get closer
to the hope chest.
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I flew fast
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but only to be reminded of that
which I feared from the start--
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the cooties.
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I took much satisfaction
in shooting them
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as I would a tiger.
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After all,
the cooties are the tigers
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of a little girl's room.
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Aah!
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Escape was impossible.
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They drew upon me
in a semicircle
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but kept outside
of an 8-foot radius,
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which in self-defense would have
been the death lock.
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By great good fortune,
however,
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a band of bubble gum tape
was at my feet,
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and by the merest accident--
a flaw in the wind to favor me--
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the trap, to stick these
little buggers together...
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Worked.
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On approaching the hope chest,
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my mouth became dry.
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[Click]
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I opened the lock.
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My muscles tightened.
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My recovery was realized.
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I need no longer endure
the many tortures of this room.
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Why am I breathing so hard?
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I knew the sound at once.
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I ran for hundreds of miles
to get back to the door.
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Salvation!
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Whew!
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My suffering
has come to an end.
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Hi, Dexter!
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The horror...
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The horror...
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The horror...
5975
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